“Daniel’s way of dealing with fear is anger…and bowling.”

The inevitable Devil’s Minion confrontation at the bowling alley fic.

Murderbot realizes that Gurathin accidentally transferred some of his own memories when he was restoring Murderbot’s. As it experiences moments from Gurathin’s life (in order to tag them to delete, of course) it chats with him over the feed, debates the finer points of Sanctuary Moon’s subtext, and definitely doesn’t discover anything about itself.

“Melissa King?” Robby tried for a reassuring smile. “My name is Michael Robinavitch. I represent an organization called the Watchers Council. Destiny has chosen you—the one girl in all the world to stand against vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness.”

“Gosh,” said Mel.

Lestat has been blessed by a fertility goddess and is pregnant with Louis’ baby.

Armand and Daniel are very normal about this.

“Actually,” says Armand, “I haven’t had the pleasure.”

“Of…?” says Louis, at the same time Daniel says, with much more force and much less discretion, “You haven’t fucked Lestat?”

Armand and Louis both make faces at him that he for sure deserves, but that’s not the point right now. “I mean,” he clarifies, at a volume that’s lower but perhaps not by much, “you haven’t topped Lestat?”

Or: Lestat bottoms for everyone, the fic.

“What would happen if I said we actually did that? We didn’t shoot [Daniel’s turning], but me and Eric decided to play the scene…” —Assad Zaman

Louis had told Daniel the truth about what happens to a person’s dæmon when they’re turned into a vampire. Daniel had thought he understood.

Then he woke up in the Dubai penthouse, the taste of Armand’s blood still in his mouth, and realized he didn’t understand at all.

(A His Dark Materials fusion.)

Armand has a disturbing nightmare. He and Daniel have sex about it.

He should have left when he had the chance. But he wanted to see how it ended.

His mistake. Because the story wasn’t done with him.

All at once it was grabbing him by the throat.

(A version of Daniel’s turning featuring visions, sex, and sexy visions.)

I’ve lost my mind, Daniel thinks, still lavishing kisses to the chest of the creature that killed him. He says the next part out loud: “I fucking hate you. And you hate me. So something is making us do this.”

“I don’t hate you,” Armand pants. “You mean nothing to me. Don’t stop.”

(Is It Vampire Pon Farr or Are We Fucking Soulmates?: The Daniel and Armand Story.)

“You!” said the Doctor, stepping out of the TARDIS and fixing the Doctor with a heated stare.

“Me?” asked the Doctor, sitting up and accidentally slopping a bit of mojito onto his hand.

“Are you getting better?” demanded the Doctor, studying him intently.

“…Yes?”

“Well,” said the Doctor, clutching the door of the TARDIS tightly, “do it faster!”

“I think I’m just…out of practice,” the Doctor admitted.

“Then find someone who makes you feel safe,” Rose said, “to practice with.”

Crowley fantasized that when (if) Aziraphale came crawling back, he would slam the door in his face. Yet when Aziraphale shows up on his doorstep, reeking of sulfur and faintly smoking, all he says is “Crowley, please—” before Crowley’s got an arm looped around his back, helping him in.

“Would you care to do the honors?” the Metatron asks.

Aziraphale persuades Crowley to accompany him to Heaven, to be Forgiven.

Things get…weirder before they get better.

Friendly result, noun. A match that is to be considered non-competitive, so that the result (win, lose, or draw) will not affect the standings. . . . Some rules may be changed or experimented with, and less experienced players are allowed to play.

Or: Colin and Isaac make out on the couch.

Jamie flopped into the wet grass beside Roy. “Oh, nice,” he said brightly. “Can see a lot of stars all the way out here. See?” His hand brushed Roy’s side as he raised a finger to point. “There’s Perseus.”

“Oh, I think I’m going to enjoy talking to you,” Bonnet’s wife says, laughing. “From you I’ll get the unvarnished truth, won’t I, Mr. Hands?”

Gracefully scooping up the tea tray, she winks.

“Yeah,” Izzy at last grinds out. “No varnish on me.”

The game is this: Stede will sit in Ed’s lap with Ed’s cock inside him, and read aloud from a book of poetry. They’ll both try not to move, or come. But Ed is a cheater and really—there’s no way to lose.

Every year, a person is chosen—supposedly at random—to be sacrificed to the Kraken, to quell the sea’s worst storms and to stop the taking of ships. After his engagement falls apart, Stede is not surprised when his father arranges for this year’s sacrifice to be him. The surprise comes later: when the Kraken claims but does not devour him. Instead, it whisks him away to its secret sea cave, where Stede discovers that there is much more to the creature than he was led to believe—and that they have a deeper connection than he could have ever dreamed.

Or: OFMD x Beauty and the Beast x The Little Mermaid x a bodice-ripper

The historical record states that Stede Bonnet was hanged. This is incorrect.

He was, however, hung. Extremely well.

Or: The crew hears a rumor, fucks around, and finds out.