Evil Alien Conquerors

I recently saw this film at a Northwest Film Center presentation, and it was SHEER BRILLIANCE. I admit, I did not enjoy myself the whole way through (some jokes were a bit overdone) but I must admit, a good portion of the movie was goddamn hilarious just from the simplicity of it all. My personal favorite was the constant agonizing over nudies (they had... NUDIES!) or the crazed devotion to Smirnoff Ice.

If you're in the dark as to the plot, the basic storyline is that two alien warriors (Evil Alien Conquerors, in fact) are sent to Earth to behead the entire human race. They can blend in easily because their race is completely identical to the humans (some would say that this is a low budget technique to save money on costumes) and the beheading won't be that hard because the two conquerors have giant swords. But when they get to Earth they figure out that they only have two and a half days to behead all of humanity, and their swords have become tiny. Oh, and we can't forget that if every human isn't beheaded within two and a half days a giant will be sent to eat the failed conquerors, and then behead mankind himself.

Speaking as someone who loathed such witless films as DUMB AND DUMBERER, Chris Mathieson's film EVIL ALIEN CONQUERORS was never an obvious choice. But Mathieson's reputation as a writer of minor cult material (The BILL AND TEDs 1 & 2, MOM AND DAD SAVE THE WORLD) gave this, frequently slated, vehicle some curiosity value. Two gormlessly arrogant aliens, 'Du-ug' and 'My-ik' from the planet Kabijj arrive on Earth with a mission to behead the population within 48 hours. Unfortunately the deadly swords they've brought meant for the job are reduced to the size of cocktail sticks on arrival. While they think up alternate plans to enslave humanity, they become temporary lodgers with slacker Kenny. Now awaiting in terror the arrival of their alien enforcer Croker they are strangely drawn by the discovery of two odd mono-browed women at the laundrette, and the attractions of hairy feet..

CONQUERORS demands a particular sense of humour to enjoy it thoroughly which undoubtedly splits audiences down the middle (my girlfriend for instance told me never to play it in her presence again) but I found it continuously amusing, with few flat moments. Despite the ramshackle nature of it all, there's a lot here that's just naive and plumb-weird enough to stay in the mind. This while it comes nowhere near the grim, unfunny commercialism of a DUMB AND DUMBERER. The difference is that the off the wall naivity of CONQUERORS is a saving grace, not a lumbering handicap. Mathieson clearly wrote out what *he* thought was ludicrous on a micro budget. The cast play the result through straight, with never a distracting wink-wink made to an waiting audience, who at first might expect some recognition of such a personal joke. Du-Ug's continuous threats of "you will die in agony!!" to all who annoy him; the weird vocal play between the two aliens and their jump suit uniforms; the arrival of the much feared Croker, always shouting "I am the Mighty Croker!!" but unable to understand how feeble he really is, in the fast food restaurant ("we've got another one" says the bored til girl); the Lynchian mono-browed women, the balloon flying device, the My-ik's obsession with Smirnoff Ice; it all adds up to a package which is by no means terrible IMHO, if not side splitting, but quotably crackpot enough in a Saturday NIGHT LIVE sort of way to warrant seeking out as a real oddity.

I have watched this movie twice this week and it is friggin' awesome! The only thing about it that I had a hang up about was that the story was kind of a rip off of the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. That didn't stop me from laughing my ass off every few minutes. The story kind of fizzles out at the end and you kind wish it would end sooner. However, even with the flawed ending it is still worth it for KROGER!!! If you are looking for a silly comedy for a bored night of drinking or consuming other mind-altering substances, this movie is for you! Chris Parnell and Diedrich Bader are priceless. Bader seems to be on the brink of laughter on every ridiculous line. Smirnoff Ice.

I stumbled upon the 2003 comedy "Evil Alien Conquerors" here in 2021. I had never heard about it, nor did I know what it was about. But still, I opted to sit down to watch the movie.

It was a blast to see Diedrich Bader, Chris Parnell and Tyler Labine in this movie, and they really were nicely cast for the roles in the movie. But the movie also had the likes of Elden Henson and Tori Spelling on the cast list.

Now, it should be said that "Evil Alien Conquerors" is a truly unique movie, and it is one that might not sit well with just everyone in the audience, as it can be something of an acquired taste. I definitely enjoyed the movie and the comedy here as written by writers Chris Matheson and Ryan Rowe. So I was rather entertained by this off-beat comedy.

The storyline told in "Evil Alien Conquerors" is extraordinary. It is about two otherworldly visitors that has come to Earth to take over the world, but failing to do so miserably as they are sidetracked by alcoholic beverage, friendship and love.

I was enjoying this movie quite a bit and it was a rather nice surprise to stumble upon this movie. It is without a doubt a movie that I would recommend you sit down to watch, if you haven't already seen it. Now, keep in mind that this is not your typical average comedy though.

My rating of the 2003 comedy "Evil Alien Conquerors" lands on a six out of ten stars.

...but I can't. It's hilarious. It's stupid. It's disgusting. It's a guilty pleasure. I have seen many stupid movies, but wow, this was stupid. But I loved it, even if I try to hide it. It takes place when 2 aliens are sent to Earth to behead every human beings. The ways they try to behead all humans are hysterical, and the aliens IQ is not very good... And the fact that their swords shrunk to the size of an ant. They try to fulfill their mission before the mighty Croker comes to Earth to kill them, and all that stuff. Croker yelling all this stupid stuff is great, Kenny is hilarious, and My-ik and Du-ug's addiction to Smirnoff Ice is great. Could of gone without the women with hairy feet and unibrows, but it all adds up to be a pretty hysterical film. Croker is really the comic relief of the film. Throw in some irrogent cows, some nudies, some roommates who like to have sex, and a strange exercise machine, you got yourself one fun ride that is so funny you'd hate to admit you love it. But admit it, it is the first step of realizing you have a racism movie problem. NUDIES!