The Hills Have Eyes

My husband did not make it past the first hour of this movie. I had to watch the rest alone. It is psychologically terrifying...one of those movies that takes hold of you, makes you scream at the screen, and leaves you with a disturbed feeling for hours after the final credits roll. There was nothing profound about the premise, and nothing Oscar-worthy about the acting, but it was an all-around great horror film. The special effects were good...lots of gore and violence. It's suspenseful, dark, and is guaranteed to leave you with a creepy feeling that won't let you go to sleep right after watching it. I watched three hours of SEINFELD reruns, and had nightmares anyway. That's the way it should be! ;)

A remake of Wes Craven's 1977 version, 'The Hills Have Eyes' left me feeling utterly unimpressed and, while I have not seen the original, if it is anything like this then I wonder why they even bothered . The plot revolves around a family lost in the desert and end up being picked off one-by-one by mutants, and it was basically one huge disappointment with only a few half-hearted scares, instead relying on excessive violence, blood, and gore to gain a reaction from the audience. In fact, the only real chill I got was in the ten minutes of trailers in the beginning when more intriguing flicks such as 'The Omen', 'The Dark' and 'An American Haunting' were advertised.

I am no conservative when it comes to violence in horror/action films since most sensible people understand it is just fiction yet nevertheless this film just left a bad taste in my mouth. Rather than using a sharp plot and clever camera work to deliver the chills, this was just a case of 'look how many gory ways we can kill people! Look at how we can splash blood around'. There was even a gratuitous rape scene that left me sickened, rather than terrified, that the scriptwriter could stoop to such depths to try to shock us. And there was even the typical predictable ending to gear us up for a possible sequel (though hopefully no Hollywood studio will sanction that).

The result was a flick that is clearly just intended to appeal to lads in their late teens and twenties who still get a kick out of seeing blood and guts flying around. For real horror fans, I'd advise waiting for the more promising horror/chiller flicks to be released through the year. Or, if you are really desperate for the mutants, check out 'The X-Files' episode 'Home', which does the whole concept in a more intelligent, frightening manner.

The Hills Have Eyes? More like the hills have some deformed degenerates who like to call you "Daddy" in the middle of the night!

Jokes aside, this came as a surprise! To tell you the truth, I never had high regard for campy horrors; to me, they are just okay for passing time, nothing more. Therefore, it goes without saying; that I didn't have many expectations, to begin with. Yet here I'm, mulling over what I just saw and also feeling quite ecstatic following my time with the film.

Unlike some of its contemporaries, there is a palpable tension here that they were able to uphold until the end credits started rolling! And trust me, it gets pretty dark in the middle, not to mention, the usage of practical effects and prosthetics took it to a whole new level! Well, all the performances do indeed come off, as you might predict, a bit cheesy, but I have to say I freaking cherished how they handled the character arc of "Doug" (Aaron Stanford).

P. S. That scene towards the ending; when the Camera tries to focus on Doug (Through the campfire) who's coming back to the RV, with blood all over his body and his face, and with him holding his little girl with one hand and the dog leash with the other; that shot, I thought was a great way to ascertain the badassery he had shown earlier!

Doug, my man! I will remember you!

The movie is thrilling, with great monster moments of terror. I felt uncomfortable, but that was intended. A great re-invention of Wes Cravens 80s flick. Not sure it would be PC in 2021, but still a fun watch.

Shocking. Disturbing. At times hard to watch. All words to describe the horror of being forced to watch Michael Moore take his shirt off. But these terms also accurately describe this brutally vicious upgrade on Wes Craven's 1977 low-budget horror classic.

What would you do if you were traveling through the desert and became stranded amongst a group of genetically-mutated freaks who were intent on killing you? You'd probably die. Granted, I would kick all sorts of genetically-mutated butt (not an easy accomplishment when said butt has a foot growing out of it kicking right back), but the average human would be in some major trouble, just like the Carter family.

The father looks like he could handle himself in a fair fight, after all he is a detective, but what are three girls, a boy, a cell phone-selling geek, and a pizza place (maybe two of you will get that lame joke) going to do against a bunch of unnaturally strong psychos? How will they survive? Will it be through might or strategy? You'll have to watch the movie to find out. And if you're squeamish then you'll most likely find yourself cringing in your seat and watching with your hands over your eyes. The Hills Have Eyes is a movie that knows exactly what it needs to do to satisfy its target audience, and it does it well.

Case in point... I'm not very vocal during movies. I usually don't clap and scream and hoot and holler like most the dorks sitting around me, but there were a couple of scenes where I literally said aloud, "Ooooooooooh, crap!" Of course, one of those instances was during a trailer for Phat Girlz, but one scene of violence left my mouth hanging open for about 30 seconds. Then I realized that my mouth was agape like some buffoon, so I quickly closed it.

It takes a lot to shock and disturb me these days, so congrats go to The Hills Have Eyes for accomplishing that. It comes at you fast and hard and isn't interested in sugar-coating the violence it's about to serve up. The intensity level starts high and never gives you an opportunity to take a bathroom break. I highly recommend you address any and all bladder issues before the movie begins.

For me, the main drawback of the movie was the "hero." You can argue that he was more of a "regular guy" and not a typical macho hero, but I felt he transitioned a little too quickly from a gun-hating wuss to an ax-wielding killing machine. My hat's off to the dog though; that canine rocked! Easily the coolest dog in a movie since the German Shepherd in The Lost Boys.

"I like horror movies, Johnny, but I liked to be creeped out more than being subjected to a lot of gore. Would I like this?" It's very doubtful. I'll make this as blunt as possible: this is a movie that contains severed body parts, brutal shootings, axes to the head, a person biting off a bird's head and drinking its blood, and disturbing violence to helpless women.

If that description turns you off then you know to save your money. However, if that fits your style then the movie will succeed in giving you exactly what you want. But I have to say that if you think this sounds like fun for the entire family then I'll have to decline any invitations to sit down with you for a family dinner.