The Spanish Cow

Dona Luisa Arroya is the Spanish cow. An oafish gaudy unlikeable middle aged woman adorned with jewellery. Given to her by her late husband, a despot in the small South American country of Santa Cruz.

Dona Luisa is in Nice, being rude to all those around her, including her young pretty companion Consuela. She also recognises Simon Templar.

When someone attempts to rob Dona Luisa, the Saint is on hand to come to her rescue. A lot of people are after her jewellery. Her brother in law Gilberto Arroyo is one of them. He wants the jewellery to help finance a coup against the new democratic government of Santa Cruz. Take revenge for the death of his brother.

Then there are the representatives of the new government, Diego Ramirez who view the jewellery as the proceeds of crime. They want them back.

Simon Templar finds himself suspected of attempting to rob the jewels for himself. Dona Luisa almost gives him the combination to the safe. Colonel Latignant of the south of France police is keeping tabs on the Saint.

There is a lot going on, plenty of double crosses and you just get the feeling that Simon Templar is one step ahead of them all.

Back on familiar ground here,Simon is on the French Riviera,well,some stock footage and the back lot at Pinewood probably! Anyway,he comes to the rescue of Dona Luisa and her travelling companion,Consuela from two robbers after her jewels,all that is left from her dead husband,deposed as the leader of a small South American country. This forms the centre of the plot,does she give the jewels to fund her late husband's brother attempt to start a revolt to win back the throne and power or to the new regime to help poor people of her country?

This fairly simple story has enough twists and turns to make it very entertaining and as always,Simon has everything well in hand even when it looks like he doesn't! Nice counterpoint is seen in Simon's urbane charm and then his subtle insulting and threatening of the would be power dictator, words always formed a good factor of the Saint's character.

After a mildly amusing opening, "The Spanish Cow" settles into a convoluted jewel robbery plot.

This episode is repulsive in many ways, not the least being the accents. The French police talk like Inspector Clouseau, and no one can do that like Peter Sellers. Then there's Gary Raymond, who always struck me as (if I may employ a British term), "wet."

Then we have the politics. One side gives lip service to Democracy, while the other side wants to undermine Democracy. I find both sides repellant. I have no use for autocracy and "democracy" is little more than mob rule wearing a coat and tie. I think the American system got it right, and that's an intellectual decision rather than a patriotic one.

Besides, after the promising opening, the whole thing is rather dull.

Obviously, this isn't one of my favorite episodes.