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Father Mulcahy: [singing] A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck. If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in heck.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee, Mom, I wanna go home.

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Oh, the surgeons in the Army, they say we're mighty bright. We work on soldiers through the day and nurses through the night.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.

Col. Sherman T. Potter: Friendships in the army, they say are mighty rare. So I spend all my free time carousing with my mare.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.

Nurses: The surgeons in the army, their brains they are profound. But we'll take chopper pilots, they'll get you off the ground.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.

Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: The corporals in the army, ya say we're really green. But if it weren't for us guys you'd be in the latrine.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.

Klinger: Oh, some guys like the Army. I think that it's a mess. If it's so damn terrific, how come I wear a dress?

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: The nurses in the army, they haven't tied the knot. But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott.

Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go. But they won't let me go. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.