Winter Blessings and Beauties, Day 25: Marking the Midpoint Between Samhain and Yule

I have been posting daily Winter Blessings and Beauties now since the day after Samhain, 1st November. By my calculations, that means today we are halfway between Samhain and Yule, and more than a quarter of the way through the period between Samhain and Imbolc. From the perspective of writing a daily blogpost on winter, the first 25 days have gone by really fast! The days continue to shorten, the nights grow colder, and Yule grows ever closer. 

Apparently 25th November is St Catherine's Day, or to use its old name, Catterntide. Jacqueline Durban has written a wonderful blogpost giving a traditional recipe for making Cattern Cakes here. If you would like to mark the occasion, the Cattern Cakes sound like a wonderful way to do so!

Winter Blessings and Beauties: Day 25

Mark the Midpoint Between Samhain and Yule

At the midpoint between Samhain and Yule, take time to pause and sense the shifting energies. Samhain is the onset of winter and Yule its midpoint, when the sun reaches its nadir and pauses, before beginning to grow in strength again - just a little each day. can you sense a difference in the pulse of life? Does the air smell different? How is the soft animal of your body reacting to the shortening days and frosty nights?

Take a moment to recognise and give thanks for the patterns of the ever changing year. Take in a good breath of cold winter air, and raise a toast to winter (hot spiced apple juice, maybe?). Or celebrate by baking a batch of Cattern Cakes!   

Winter Blessings and Beauties, Day 1: Looking Forward to Winter

 

The Welsh name for Samhain is Nos Calan Gaeaf, which means Winter's Eve. That makes today, 1st November, the Celtic first day of winter. Of course, there are several different definitions of the first day of winter. Some people count it as the day the clocks turn back from British Summer Time to GMT. Meteorological Winter begins on 1st December and runs through to the end of February. Astronomical Winter begins at the Winter Solstice and ends at the Spring Equinox (this year 21st December 2020 - 20th March 2021). But it seems to me, if as Pagans we follow a calendar rooted in the rhythms of the Earth, it makes sense to name winter as that period between the day after Samhain (when days have grown short and cold and vegetation dies back) through to Imbolc (when the days noticeably begin to lengthen and the first snowdrops and catkins emerge). Winter is part of the constant change we see around us in the natural world, another station on the turning wheel.

It saddens me that too often it seems winter is seen as something to be endured, a miserable period of cold dark days we have to hunker down and get through in order to get to the brighter days of spring and summer. That's a bit sad really isn't it? Surely there are as many pleasures to be found in winter as any other season. To think otherwise is a failure of the imagination. This year I am determined to really connect with winter and consciously appreciate all its unique and special treasures - not least because this year with the Coronavirus pandemic it seems likely that there will be extra winter challenges to negotiate, such as lockdowns and restrictions on socialising. My hope is that seeking out and appreciating the special blessings of winter will offset the difficulties imposed by the Pandemic. 

Want to join me in this adventure? I plan to post something every day on this topic, right through to Imbolc at the beginning of February - assuming I can be that disciplined! I hope to include seasonal ritual ideas, meditations, craft ideas, journalling prompts, recipes... and no doubt other stuff I haven't even thought of yet! 

To start with, here is my Winter Blessing and Beauty for today:

Winter Blessings and Beauties: Day 1

In your journal, make a list of things you are looking forward to this winter. it will serve as a reminder of all the pleasurable things, big and small, that you can promise yourself lie ahead in the next few months. Here are some ideas to get you started

• Which special occasions will be coming up for you between now and Imbolc? Make a list of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and festivals, trips etc
• What seasonal foods do you particularly enjoy during the winter? Hot chocolate? Roast chestnuts? Mince pies? Mulled wine? Home made marmalade? Sloe gin?
• What special things do you enjoy doing during winter? Going for a brisk walk through the frosty woods? Soaking in a long hot bath and then snuggling into your cosy PJs and woolly slippers? Wrapping Christmas presents for your loved ones? Curling up by the fire with a good book?

Celebrating Samhain - and Hallowe'en - in Lockdown

Note: To be clear, for the purposes of this post when I write about Hallowe'en, I mean the secular, spooky, fancy dress, witches-pumpkins-spiders-bats-ghosts-and-ghoulies fun and games which occurs on 31st October. When I write about Samhain, I'm referring to the Pagan festival which occurs on the same date but which marks the Pagan New Year, a time when the veils between the worlds thin and we honour our ancestors, celebrate the dark half of the year and practise divination etc (pumpkins optional).

As life began to return to something more closely resembling 'normality' over the summer I began to think there was no need for further posts on 'How to Celebrate [Festivals] in Lockdown'. For that reason there was no such post for the Autumn Equinox/Mabon. Yet it seems I was a bit premature in my optimism. Many areas of England are now in Category 3 Lockdown, and here in Wales the whole country is currently on a 17-day 'firebreak' lockdown which will cover the weeks either side of Samhain. It's not really surprising, given the British Government's woefully inept response to the Pandemic. So here we are again, and we are likely to find ourselves back here again in the future before this is all over. So let's take a look at some things we could do to celebrate Hallowe'en and Samhain - or both - even if we're restricted by lockdown measures.

Ideas for Celebrating Hallowe'en at Home

I have seen people complaining on social media that 'Hallowe'en is cancelled this year!'. I imagine they mean that children can't go trick or treating as they normally would, but Hallowe'en is about far more than trick or treating, even if that is the current cliché. You may not be able to go door-to-door trick or treating with the kids this year, but don't worry - there is still plenty of Hallowe'en fun to be had. Here are some ideas of Hallowe'en activities you can enjoy together, if you are in a lockdown area:

• Throw a Hallowe'en party for the family. Decorate the house with spooky things - you can keep the kids busy beforehand drawing and cutting out spiders, bats, ghosts, etc to hang up. Prepare some spooky food - cut sandwiches into ghost or skull shapes and decorate them, turn a pot of hummus into 'frog spawn' by adding a few drops of green food colouring, use icing to decorate chocolate cake, cookies or brownies with piped white 'spiderweb' icing - or make traditional fare like pumpkin soup and apple pie. Dim the lights, light a few candles and tell each other spooky stories. Or if that's too scary put on a DVD of a classic kids Hallowe'en movie like Hocus Pocus.
• One year I kept my friend's kids busy all day making a life-sized witch figure (a bit like a Bonfire Night Guy). We used a couple of old pairs of tights stuffed with newspaper for her arms, legs and head. A pillow-case stuffed with newspaper formed her body. Then we dressed her up in a fine witchy costume cobbled together from my black clothes and a pair of my boots. We made a mask for her face and a witch's hat out of black card. Then we sat her on the toilet in the downstairs cloakroom and had great fun listening to the shrieks of the unsuspecting adult members of the household as they returned from work and walked in on 'Winnie' unawares! 
• The whole family could have a fancy dress competition. Make sure you have enough prizes for everyone. You may need to invent a few categories like 'Best Witch', 'Best Monster', 'Cleverest Idea', 'Creepiest Mask' etc to ensure everyone wins something, but if you do it will ensure no squabbles erupt! If you can't be with extended family and friends, you could check in with them via Zoom or Skype and admire each others costumes to extend the fun.
• Have a ghost story writing competition and read them to each other by firelight. Smaller children could draw or paint pictures of pumpkins or black cats (or dinosaurs if they prefer!). Finish the evening with all the lights on and big comforting mugs of cocoa to settle everyone down before bedtime!
• Try some traditional Hallowe'en party games like apple bobbing.
• Make a special Hallowe'en playlist (suggestions to get you started: 'Thriller' by Michael Jackson, 'The Monster Mash' by Bobby 'Boris' Pickett and the Crypt Kickers, the theme song from The Addams Family, 'The Time Warp' from the Rocky Horror Show, 'Ghostbusters' by Ray Parker Jr) and have a Hallowe'en disco for the whole family. You could have themed dances too - 'Dance to this one like a zombie!' 'How would a witch/werewolf/mummy dance?'
• Carve pumpkins together (obviously younger children will need close supervision and probably a lot of help!). To get the most out of your pumpkin, don't forget to read this!

Ideas for celebrating Samhain in the countryside or at the beach/park

• The weather is less likely to be kind at this time of year, but if you can get out for a walk, it's a great opportunity to get in touch with nature at a time of year when there is much change to observe. What bird or animal species are in your area? Some species are going into hibernation, or growing a winter pelt or plumage. Some, such as deer, are in their breeding season. Plants are going to seed or dying back. Now is a good time to familiarise yourself with how trees look without their leaves. Many have distinctive shapes that make identification possible even when you only have bare branches to go by.
• Gather fallen leaves, twigs, nuts, seedpods, stones, flowers etc to make into a mandala as an offering to the Spirits of the Land - there's a great article about making and working with mandalas in nature here. Or take some home to decorate your altar and honour the trees as they prepare for their winter slumber.
• At the beach, write messages to your ancestors in the sand at the shoreline, and let the water carry them away as the incoming waves slowly dissolve the words.
• If you would like to forage some wild foods for a seasonal feast at this time of year, look out for apples, sloes and bullaces (wild plums), sweet chestnuts, hazelnuts, walnuts, or beechnuts.

Ideas for celebrating Samhain in your garden

• Create a shrine to your Ancestors in a corner of the garden (a spot in the west, direction of the setting sun and the Celtic otherworld would be most appropriate). This could be as simple as a cairn (pile of stones) with each stone representing a different Ancestor, or as elaborate as you care to make it. As the sun sets, use it as a focus point for a ritual to honour your Ancestors and Beloved Dead. Create sacred space in your preferred way, then light a tealight for each person you wish to honour and remember, saying "[their name], be welcome this night!" aloud as you do so. Spend as much time as you need with them, telling them what you want them to know and listening for any answers or messages. When you are finished, pour a libation to them. Then thank and bid farewell to each of them in turn, extinguishing their tealight as you do so. Devoke/open your sacred space.
• The second Full Moon of the month - making it a Blue Moon - falls on Samhain this year. This would be a great time to practise your scrying! Within sacred space, take a dark coloured bowl and half fill it with water. Under the light of the full moon, gaze into the bowl allowing your gaze to become soft. Breathe slowly and deeply, keeping your gaze soft and your mind receptive. After a little while you may see images in the water, or they may seem to form in your mind's eye. Don't try to control or force the images, just let them come. When you are ready, set down the bowl and write down what you have seen in your journal, in as much detail as possible. Devoke/open your sacred space.
• If you are able to have a bonfire in your garden, use it to celebrate the Pagan New Year. Gather fallen leaves and write on them with a marker pen the things that you wish to shed and leave behind in the old year. Feed them one at a time into the flames, to be transformed. Have a small dish of sunflower or pumpkin seeds ready. Eat a seed for each of the things you wish for in the coming year and state your intention to make them a reality (e.g. "I will enrol on the astrology course I want to do", "I will create a productive vegetable patch to help feed my family"). Say 'So Shall It Be' to seal your intention. Now celebrate - raise a glass of celebratory mead or mulled wine, toast marshmallows round the fire, sing songs.
• Keep an eye out for shooting stars if the night sky is clear, as the Southern Taurids Meteor Shower will be peaking towards the end of the month. Don't forget to make a wish if you see one!

Ideas for celebrating Samhain in your home

• Create an altar to honour your Ancestors and Beloved Dead. Place photos, mementos, family heirlooms etc on it and use it as a focus for communing with them at Samhain.
• Prepare a feast of the food most loved by your Ancestors and Beloved Dead, and sit down to share it with them. It may be a strange mixture of dishes (for example, my own Feast for the Ancestors typically includes custard tarts for my Granddad, Stilton cheese for my Grandpa, ice cream for my Nanna, grapes for my Gan (Gran), a cup of tea for my Cousin Enid and friend Ivy, and a saucer of tinned tuna for the cats who are no longer with us). Yet strangely, it brings back so many happy memories that it is delicious. While you eat, tell their stories (even if you are alone) and relive the sweet times you shared together. Any uneaten food at the end of the evening can be left overnight for the spirits and then placed outside as an offering to the local wildlife. 
• There are online Samhain rituals on 29th October here, or 30th October here, or you can join the famous annual Spiral Dance in San Francisco which is happening online on 31st October this year here. 
• Samhain is a wonderful time for divination. Use your preferred method, or try something different - tarot, runes, scrying, dowsing, tasseomancy, the I-Ching.  If you read the tarot, there is an excellent Samhain tarot spread here. If you have friends who also enjoy divination, you could swap readings for each other via the phone or online.

A magical and blessed Samhain to you all.  

ThriftWitch: Getting The Most Out Of Your Pumpkin This Samhain

Oh yes, it's that time of year again. Whether you call it Samhain or Halloween, the shops are full of pumpkins just waiting to be carved into spooky Jack o'Lanterns. But is that all you normally do with yours? The young daughter of a friend of mine expressed shock when she heard me talking about cooking pumpkin recently. "But you can't eat them!" She declared. "They're poisonous, aren't they?" I was even more shocked than her; surely children know pumpkins are edible? Well evidently not. Presumably for some people they are just a Halloween decoration. What a waste! My inner ThriftWitch has decided this just won't do. So here is my list of suggestions, both culinary and magical, for getting the best possible value and most use out of your pumpkin this year.

Firstly, if you do want it as a Samhain/Halloween decoration, don't carve it too soon. Pumpkins really don't last very long once their protective tough outer layer has been cut, so for best results don't carve them more than 24 hours ahead of time. My friend's husband carved her a beautiful Jack o'Lantern that was a work of art - but unfortunately he did it a week before Samhain and it had turned to mush by the time it was needed. 

Keep all the flesh for your favourite recipes. Pumpkin pie is of course the classic dish, though I have to confess at this stage I'm not a fan (heresy, I know). But if you'd like to make a pumpkin pie just Google recipes and I'm sure you'll find something to tempt you. Personally, I usually make Pumpkin Soup, but you could also try converting the flesh into many other sweet or savoury dishes, or even chutney or pickle. If you like the soup idea, though you could try this:

Moonroot's Pumpkin Soup  
Scoop out the flesh of a pumpkin. Separate out the seeds and put to one side. Chop the flesh into chunks, drizzle with oil, sprinkle with salt and chilli powder and roast at 180°C until it's soft and a little caramelised. Meanwhile, chop and fry an onion and a couple of cloves of garlic until soft. Sprinkle in some ground cumin and paprika, and perhaps some finely chopped ginger, saute for another 5 minutes and remove from the heat. When the pumpkin is cooked, add to the onion mixture, and pour in a tin of chopped tomatoes, a squirt of tomato puree and enough vegetable stock to cover. Simmer for 10 minutes to allow the flavours to blend, then whizz in a food processor to a smooth consistency. Check seasoning and adjust to taste. Just before serving stir in chopped fresh coriander leaves and a swirl of single cream or natural yogurt if liked. Enjoy!

What about the pumpkin seeds? Well they are delicious roasted, and it couldn't be simpler. 

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds
Just clean off as much of the stringy flesh as you can, give them a rinse and spread them out on a baking tray. Drizzle them with a little oil and soy sauce (give them a quick stir to ensure they're evenly coated, then spread them back out evenly). Roast for about 10 mins at 180°C. Allow to cool and enjoy with a nice cool glass of something.

Pumpkin Magic

What about magically? You could keep back a few of the washed, uncooked seeds and use a marker pen to inscribe them with runes to use for divination. Or choose a rune to symbolise what you want to draw into your life, inscribe it on a seed/some seeds and plant them in spring to 'grow' your desired outcome. Alternatively, you could inscribe what you want to be rid of on a spare seed or two and chuck them in the fire to burn it away!  And of course you can enchant your soup - or other pumpkin recipes - by murmuring spells and incantations over them as they cook, stirring in your wishes as you go. 

If you like you can also save a few seeds simply to try and grow next year's pumpkin. They do need a bit of room to sprawl, but if you can fit one in, try sowing the seed indoors in April, placing the flower pot or seed tray in a warm spot such as the airing cupboard. When it's germinated, keep it on a sunny windowsill and plant out when all danger of frost is past.  

Finally, when your Samhain ritual or Halloween party is over, put your carved pumpkin out in the garden. There are plenty of critters who will be glad of the chance to nibble it, and if you put it in an out of the way spot when the critters have finished it will decompose quickly, returning its goodness to the soil.

Samhain Blessings! 

Harvests - The Good, The Bad and The Wonderful

We are almost at the Autumn Equinox, that magical point at which day and night stand equally balanced before tipping into the dark half of the year. That is one reason Pagans mark this time of year with ritual. Another reason is that we are slap bang in the middle of the harvest season, which begins at Lammas or Lughnasadh and goes on until Samhain. Lammas is celebrated in high summer, at the beginning of August when the grain harvest usually begins. Samhain comes at the end of October, when farming communities traditionally brought their livestock down from the hills into more sheltered pastures and culled old or weak members of the herd. The culled animals would provide meat for a celebratory feast and this would also be salted down or cured to provide food through the coming winter months.

Autumn Equinox, or Mabon as some like to call it, is a time for harvesting the abundant fruit and nuts available as summer gives way to autumn. Apples, pears, late plums and damsons, squashes and pumpkins, blackberries, autumn-fruiting raspberries, quinces, hazelnuts, elderberries, haws, and sloes... The summer crops of potatoes and onions should be dug by now and safely stored somewhere cool, dark and dry. Then there are mushrooms to be foraged and the last of summer's bounty to be stored away in jams, jellies, pickles, cordials, wines, syrups and chutneys. And of course, seeds of flowers, vegetables and fruit can be saved for sowing next spring.

Unfortunately the fruit and vegetable harvest at Halfway Up a Hill is rather meager this year. The vegetable patch has been somewhat neglected as I no longer have as much time to devote to it, and much of the fruit harvest is disappointing due to the terrible weather we've had this summer negatively affecting pollination rates. There are no damsons at all and my usually reliable cooking apple has only three fruits, comparing miserably with the fine harvest we had last year. Even the elderberry crop is sparse. Defying all expectations though, the tomatoes have done pretty well and continue to produce, and there is an extremely heavy crop of haws in the hedgerows.

Our modern estrangement from the natural world to an extent insulates us from the extremes of food shortage that we could expect from such a cold, wet summer. Food  prices may increase, but there will still be plenty to choose from at the local supermarket, greengrocer or market stall. We are so lucky in the Western world, and we so often take that for granted.

But we are also lucky to have the wonderful human spirit of altruism, generosity and the instinct to share in times of plenty - in times of scarcity, too. Just this week I have been gifted with some homegrown runner beans, a big fragrant bunch of sweetpeas, a pretty oriental fan and a jar of redcurrant and blackberry jelly by different people. In the last year I have been given rhubarb, plants, vouchers, magazines, a vintage radio for restoration, cucumbers, fabric, kitchenware, a computer that needs fixing, yarn, a large amount of firewood and items of clothing by friends, family and neighbours; they have also gifted me freely with advice, expertise and various skills that I lack when I've needed help. I myself have passed on books, surplus eggs, incense, my old car, toiletries, magazines, perfume and homemade jam. I have borrowed a wall-paper steamer/stripper, a router, a tile-cutter, a mitre saw, and have lent out a bagful of DVDs, my carpet-shampooer, a dehumidifier, my pressure-washer and books. And I have done lots of liftsharing!

Since T left, money is a constant issue. I receive alimony, but it decreases each year and will end altogether in a couple of year's time. I am now working, but I don't seem to earn enough to manage without the alimony. And as we find ourselves in the middle of a recession with no end in sight - no matter what the politicians say - the cost of living increases almost daily. Money - or lack of it - is now a permanent worry at the back of my mind.

But in this time of balance between summer and winter, light and dark, abundance and scarcity, I breathe and choose to remember that it is true that the best things in life are free. I choose to remember that I am part of a community of friends, family and neighbours who look out for each other, share what they have and help when they can, just because that's what we humans do for each other. I choose to remember that co-operation is more important than competition. I choose to remember that abundance and money are not the same thing. And most of all I choose to give thanks for the harvest of my many blessings, which are priceless.

La Dia de los Muertos

  

Our final day in San Francisco was La Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead (2nd November). In the UK, it is 'All Souls Day' and passes by pretty much unnoticed, but in Mexico and amongst some Mexican Americans in the US it is the occasion for a big celebration.

In San Francisco, in the Mexican Mission district of the city, the weeks leading up to the date see shops and houses decorated with altars to the dead, intricately-cut tissue paper bunting depicting skulls, skeletons, flowers etc., and decorated sugar skulls and 'pain de muertos' or 'bread of the dead' are for sale in bakeries. Marigolds are another traditional decoration at this time of year, and along with all the Hallowe'en pumpkins, witches, ghosts, etc, the Dead are a definite presence within the city.

The Day of the Dead skeletons are usually depicted dressed in clothes and/or carrying the tools of their trade. Traditional ones would be dressed as farm workers for example, or fancily-decked out Victorian ladies, but I also saw more modern ones such as the skeleton dressed as a career woman with power-dressing suit and briefcase, or a skateboarding skeleton complete with backwards-facing baseball cap. The point is that the Dead are like us - they are us, and we shouldn't be afraid of them, or of death, nor should we take life too seriously. I must say I like the idea of continuing a relationship with our Beloved Dead after they have left us, and in many ways the Day of the Dead celebrations are like a big party to which the ancestors and the living are both invited to hang out with each other.

There is a big parade through the streets of the Mission District on the evening of la Dia de los Muertos, so that evening, IB, Deborah and I and several of her friends painted our faces to look like skulls, and carrying a lit votive candle each, made our way to the gathering point for the parade.

There were already many people assembled, and some of the costumes were amazing, putting my own skull-bedecked T-shirt and jeans ensemble to shame. As well as all the people dressed as the dead like us, there were drummers, Aztec dancers, stiltwalkers and an amazing covered wagon pulled by a team of cyclists, with a kind of 'ringmaster' figure perched on top calling through a megaphone for people to 'bring out your dead!'.

We followed the parade from its start on Bryant Street, turned onto 24th Street (which was thronging with onlookers) and followed it for several blocks before leaving the crowds and cutting down Balmy Alley to the quieter part of the celebrations, where beautiful altars to the Dead had been set out in Garfield Park.

The park was a mixture of people, some in 'Dead' costumes, others conventionally dressed, wandering thoughtfully amongst the altars. Yet at the same time, in a nearby part of the park a brightly-floodlit kid's baseball game was taking place complete with picnicking families. It was, for me, the perfect juxtaposition of the living and the dead; a reminder that life and death are inextricably linked. The dead are always with us. And life goes on.

P.S. Beautiful photos of some of the costumes and altars may be found here.

Dancing, The Dead, and Baseball

Continuing our adventures in San Francisco...

We ventured further afield on Thursday, crossing to the East Bay on the BART system to visit Berkeley. Berkeley, which describes itself as a small place with a big reputation, is probably best known as a centre of liberal politics and political upheaval, especially back in the 60's and 70's. At its heart literally and metaphorically, is the university campus.

We found it an interesting place to walk around and explore (IB was delighted to visit another branch of Amoeba Records, whilst I could have spent weeks in the wonderful bookshops!). Berkeley is a strange mix of the achingly trendy and the tragically dispossessed (many homeless people).

We had a quiet couple of days then, mostly in the neighbourhood where we're staying as we wanted to conserve our energy for the Spiral Dance on Saturday night.

It was held in the Kezar Pavillion in Haight-Ashbury. We caught the bus - I was nervous about missing our stop, but we did fine! The venue had been beautifully decorated with amazing altars - once again I took lots of photos - and was filled with hundreds of people, many in fabulous costumes. I was really looking forward to experiencing a ritual on such a grand scale.

And it was a grand scale, with many, many people sharing the priestessing, a choir, dancers, stilt walkers (and white-clothed 'Graces' scattered throughout who did a wonderful job as greeters cum information points cum guides cum ushers). It was spectacular, both visually striking and theatrical. On the downside, I found this cut down on the possibility for fully participating as it creates something of a performers/spectators dynamic. For example the choir were both talented and polished in their performance, but most of the chants and songs they used were so elaborate (with so many verses) that people tended to listen rather than join in. My personal preference would be for simple chants that the choir could lead, but which the community as a whole could really join in with. But that's just me!

The invocations of elements, deities, the dead and descendants were beautiful and moving. The main part of the ritual was a Trance to the Isle of the Dead, where we were reunited with our Beloved Dead, and this was done wonderfully. We then began the Spiral Dance, an amazing feat of organization when dealing with so many people (we guesstimated about 600-800). The Graces really came into their own here, supervising the joining of people to the snaking line until at last everyone was dancing the spiral, laughing, singing, smiling, crying. I think there were actually two separate spirals weaving around each other, and I was just blown away by the sheer number of faces passing in front of me. What an experience! The dance culminated in a huge cone of power, after which we devoked and priestesses came around with baskets of baked goodies to share ('May you never hunger!'). I have to say the cookie I received was very welcome by then!

We bravely caught the bus home again instead of hailing a taxi, and this in itself was an experience - the bus was crammed with Hallowe'en revellers in high spirits wearing every costume imaginable including vampires, zombies, mermaids, cats, nurses, skunks, devils, medusas etc etc.

The next day was Samhain (Hallowe'en), which we celebrated in a much quieter yet no less enjoyable way, with a quiet 'Dinner for the Dead'. This was an absolutely delicious meal cooked for us and the neighbours by Deborah, at which we set a place for our ancestors and Beloved Dead and ate by candlelight.

Later, we watched the latest game in the finals of the baseball World Series (makes me giggle every time I hear 'World Series', given that only the Americans play it...). Despite having no understanding of baseball whatsoever, I found myself getting more and more interested in the outcome. This is mainly because the final games were between the teams of our lovely host city (The San Francisco Giants - hooray, hooray!!) and their opponents (The Texas Rangers, with George W. Bush sitting prominently supporting them - boo! boo!).  The Giants won that evening, leaving them with just one more game to win to secure the title...

The next day (yesterday) was spent mostly in the neighbourhood shopping for souvenirs, although Deborah also took us out for a drive to see some of the city's best-kept secrets (including what is allegedly the REAL twistiest street in town - Vermont, as opposed to the more famous Lombard). I have to say, despite living in a hilly part of the world like Wales, some of the hills in San Francisco are truly daunting!

Later, with bated breath and fervently whispered prayers, we watched the baseball match - and San Francisco won! This is the first time in over 50 years the Giants have won the World Series, and the city just exploded in celebration! At first we listened to the sounds of jubilation erupting all around us, but then we just had to jump in the car and drive round the city (honking the horn and shouting 'Go Giants!, naturally). And so did everyone else. The whole city was out on the streets, honking horns, playing drums, tootling vuvuzelas, letting off fireworks, singing, dancing, shouting, waving flags and banners, and embracing total strangers. Quite a sight to behold. We think it's very considerate of San Francisco to win the baseball before we have to go home!

Today is La Dia de Los Muertes, the Day of the Dead. Tonight we will join those celebrations for our final night in the city. And tomorrow we will travel home... it will be nice to be home, but what an amazing trip it's been. We will be sorry when it's over.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

(The title of this post being part nod to the Tammy Wynette song, part acknowledgement that this is Big Stuff and hence deserving of capital letters.)

I feel a little tightness in my chest even now as I say it. Divorce. My divorce is finalised. I am divorced.

Don't get me wrong - I am glad it is finally over, able to see it as a new beginning, and perhaps a good thing for both of us. Yet still there is a sadness, a grieving for what has been lost.

I grew up with parents who had a stable, loving marriage, and that was what I expected for myself, and what in fact I thought I had. T and I were together for a total of 23 years and 2 months before he dropped his bombshell and left. I realised the other day that it was just over half my life. And as I had absolutely no clue about his infidelity until that fateful day, no wonder it knocked me sideways.

Yet in the intervening months I have begun to look more closely at the fault lines in the relationship, the ones I hadn't even noticed or hadn't considered problematic. Yes, we loved each other but there were also fundamental differences in the way we approached life, and what we thought was important. For me one crucial difference was that T hated to talk about his feelings and his unhappy childhood, even to me. In the early stages of our relationship I thought that eventually he would feel safe enough with me to share those things. Over the years that failed to happen and I began to tell myself that was just the type of person he was. I now believe if he had been able to talk about his feelings more openly we may have been able to negotiate a course around the obstacles that eventually derailed the relationship. But that is all academic now. What's done is done, and no doubt T has his own version of what went wrong and why. There are after all two sides to every story and no one person holds full responsibility for what happens.

Yet still... 23 years. A huge chunk of my life was spent with T and most of that time was good. That is what I grieve for, and plan to release - or at least begin to release - at this time of Samhain. A time of ending and new beginnings, a time when we enter fully into the dark half of the year, a time to turn inward, meditating on what has been and dreaming of what will be.

I can feel myself changing. I believe I am becoming more fully myself. I am accepting this end and grieving for it. But also knowing that each end is a beginning, I am moving forward into the next stage of my life, eager to see where this new road will lead me...

Hallowe'en in Essex

I had a wonderful Hallowe'en weekend in Essex visiting my dear friends Kevin & Ann.

We carved pumpkins and planned treats for trick or treaters...

We walked Sancha the labrador puppy in the woods, fields and by the lake, enjoying brilliant autumn leaf colours under sweeping Essex skies...

Charlotte baked yummy gingerbread pumpkins and 'spiderweb' cupcakes for us...

10-year-old Mikey went trick or treating (dressed as a Jedi knight!) and came back with plenty of sweeties to share around...

We snuggled up in the lounge to watch Hocus Pocus and drink mulled wine as a constant stream of trick-or-treaters in fabulous costumes called by...
I learned how to play Chinese chequers...

Ann kept us well-fed with her delicious cooking (I have brought home her recipe for roast parsnip soup!)...

And we talked, talked, talked, about good times past and those yet to come...

Samhain

This is my Samhain altar.

I am going to be away visiting friends in Essex for Samhain itself (sadly missing the Carmarthenshire Pagan Community ritual as a result), yet it just wouldn't be right not to have an altar dedicated to my Beloved Dead at this time of year. A bit like not having Christmas decorations I suppose!

I wrote last year about the form my personal Samhain ritual normally takes, so I won't repeat myself. But I will suggest you take a look at this video, of the Bay Area Reclaiming community's Samhain Spiral Dance ritual. This event has been held annually since 1979, and now attracts hundreds of participants (including this year, my friends Georgia, Anne-Marie & Will). I just can't imagine attending a ritual that big - the energy must be amazing. Perhaps one day I shall be able to attend. Or perhaps one day, there will be a Spiral Dance in the UK. Oh well, I can dream...



Samhain Blessings to you.

Open All Hours

I have been thinking about opening an Etsy shop for a while now, through which to sell my masks and other craft items. Now it seems a better idea than ever, as an independent income has become a pressing concern of late.



So... [drumroll]... I hereby announce the (not so) grand opening of my Etsy shop. I will be adding more items over the next few days, so please stop by and have a look. Any constructive criticism gratefully received!



And if you should need a mask for Samhain (or any other occasion!) - well, now you know where to come. Have a nice day!

Liminal

Last night as I went out at twilight to shut away the chickens and geese, I was stopped in my tracks, delighted. After the rain we had at the weekend, the stream was flowing strongly. The sound of tumbling water mingled with the resonance of birds passionately singing the day down into night. It was a beautiful, enchanting music in the fading light.

As I came back up the hill I became aware that the birds had fallen silent, hushed by the oncoming darkness of night - but for a tawny owl who was beginning her watch with some soft, quavering hoots.

It was only a few minutes, yet in that time the switch was made from day to night. And I didn't notice exactly when it happened, only that it had.

That was the liminal time, the inbetween time, the time when it is neither day or night. A time of magic when anything can happen, the time between time.

In folklore and fairy tale, the liminal times and places - Samhain, midnight, dawn, threshholds literal and metaphorical are where the magic happens. In permaculture, it is understood that the edges (between say, woodland and field, or water and earth) are the richest in biodiversity. There is magic, tangible magic in the inbetween places.

Tonight I will listen more closely, pay attention and see if I can perceive the imperceivable. And if I can, perhaps one day I may slip through the crack between here and there.

If I do - what will I find?

Hallowe'en Sweet Treat Award

Wow! I've been given a Hallowe'en Sweet Treat Award by The Cottage Smallholder for my Samhain post. Thank you!! I'm very excited as this is my first blogging award!

[clears throat and speaks tearfully into microphone] I'd like to thank everyone who supported me - my Agent, my Mum and Dad, Blogspot.com, Gerald Gardner, Samantha from 'Bewitched', the Goddess, God....[fill in the tearstained waffle of your choice here] ;-)

Actually what I'd really like to do is pass on the award to some other bloggers who've written about Hallowe'en/Samhain.

I pass the award to: Hope Springs at Spring Dawn, Reya at The Gold Puppy, Miss R at Tales of Inglewood and Deborah Oak at Roots Down, Branches Up.

This award was created by Anni at http://www.hootin--anni.blogspot.com/

Samhain

Although we Pagans and Witches celebrate many festivals throughout the year, Hallowe'en (which most of us call by its old Celtic name of Samhain) is the one that most people know about. Although of course, their concept of witches and what they get up to on Hallowe'en is pretty far removed from ours!

Whilst I enjoy seeing all the Hallowe'en trappings in the shops, carving pumpkin lanterns and handing out sweets to trick-or-treating children, all of that has about as much relevance to the true meaning of Samhain as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has to the true meaning of Christmas.

For me, Samhain is about acknowledging our entry into the 'dark' part of the year (don't be spooked, I mean literal darkness, i.e. shorter daylight hours!), a time for introspection and rest.

It is also the festival at which I remember and honour my ancestors and my Beloved Dead - in my tradition we tend to use the term 'ancestors' to mean those who have gone before us, and 'Beloved Dead' to mean those ancestors and loved ones we actually knew from this lifetime who have passed away into death.

Each Samhain I create an altar to my ancestors and Beloved Dead. As well as being decorated in autumn colours, with fallen leaves, probably a carved pumpkin or two and plenty of candles, the altar will have photos of my Beloved Dead; sadly, there are usually more of these each year, but I suppose that's part of life and growing older. I also put out trinkets and mementos I have of them: Grandpa's cuff link box, Granddad's bronze Buddha statuette, Gan's ring, Thomas the cat's collar and name tag. And some years I put out little offerings of their favourite foods for my Beloved Dead - ice cream for my Nanna, a cup of tea for cousin Enid, tuna for my cat Julie. Doing this is part of remembering them, who they were, what they enjoyed in life, the times we shared together. Sometimes there are no treats or mementos - for our son Peter, who was stillborn, I have only an ultrasound photo. Yet the love is still there and he is remembered each year with the others.

The altar becomes a focal point for my ritual, which is usually fairly simple and involves creating sacred space, honouring my ancestors and then inviting in any of my Beloved Dead who would like to be there. Pagans usually say 'the veil between the worlds [of life and death] is thin at Samhain' and so this is thought to be a good time to contact the spirits of the departed. I sit and talk to my loved ones, tell them what is going on, how I miss them, what memories I carry of our times together. This is usually an emotional time, but I find it really helps with the grief process.

I like remembering and honouring my ancestors and Beloved Dead at this time of year. We are, after all, stitches in a tapestry which stretches backwards and forwards through time. It is good to acknowledge our place in the warp and weft, the threads we are part of and those we interlink with, if only for a brief time. Glimpses of the grand over all pattern are simultaneously humbling and inspiring.

And I'll also carve pumpkins, buy sweets for the trick-or-treaters, tell ghost stories by the fire, wear fancy dress for your Hallowe'en party and buy cute little witch ornaments. Because I love Hallowe'en and all its funny-spooky trappings too.

That's who I am and some of the things I enjoy in this life. And if I'm lucky, one day I'll be someone's Beloved Dead, remembered with a place on their altar and an invitation to visit for chocolate and time together at Samhain.