3 Things to Consider When Selecting Details for Your Story

Last week, I read Dibs! by Laura Gehl. This picture book is about Julian’s attempts to deal with his toddler brother, Clancy. The next three paragraphs contain several plot spoilers so consider this a warning.  If this bother's you, skip down to "Do they help set a mood?"

Julian’s solution to having a little brother is to call dibs on the things he most wants. These include a solar system plate, an astronaut costume and star cookies.

When you are working with a limited word count, you have to carefully choose each detail. Most fiction picture books are 500 words or less so no word can be wasted. Some flash fiction is almost as short so, again, every word has to count. Here are three things to consider about the details in your own writing.

Do they help build a theme? One of several themes in Dibs! is outer space. When Clancy, the little brother, starts calling dibs, he claims the neighborhood bakery, the source of the star cookies, the White House, and NASA. Eventually, Julian dons the astronaut costume and heads into space to rescue his brother. Earlier in the story, he could have called dibs on a cowboy plate, gingerbread cookies, and a toy hard hat, but the details Gehl chose built up the space theme.  Doesn't sound like something that will work in your story?  This isn’t the only reason to choose specific details.

Do they help set a mood? If you read horror or other books with spooky scenes, keep your eyes open for setting details that have been chosen to set that eerie tone or an ominous mood. The approach to a house where someone has disappeared may include skeletal trees, dead flower beds, and outbuildings with dark windows that look like eye sockets. Set a more upbeat story in a similar place, and you would use a different set of details such as lush evergreens, winter gardens that include holly bushes full of cheerful red berries, and windows that sparkle in the winter light.  Don't see this working for your story either?  Not to worry.

Do these details show what is important to your character? Last but not least, you might decide to include a detail because you are describing something that is important to your character. Your protagonist may wear her grandmother’s wedding ring. If she is a photographer, she is going to notice light and contrast where a costume designer would notice the fit and fabric of clothing.

Whether you are writing something that is only 500 words or you have the 85,000 words typical of a cozy, paying attention to the details you include can help you strengthen your theme, reveal something about your character, or set the tone or mood for a scene.

Don’t panic if your details aren’t this carefully chosen. Although you can spot these kinds of details in published work, remember that the pieces you are reading have been rewritten multiple times.  You can always smooth out your details in a rewrite.

--SueBE

Sue Bradford Edwards' is the author of over 25 books for young readers.  To find out more about her writing, visit her blog, One Writer's Journey.  

Sue is also the instructor for  Research: Prepping to Write Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins  July 6th, 2020) and Writing Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins July 6, 2010). 

Read More »

3 comments details, Dibs!, Laura Gehl, mood, picture books, rewriting, setting, story details, Sue Bradford Edwards, theme, tone

The devil is in the details

One of my first college essay assignments was to describe my bedroom, and I described the heck out of it. I gave almost every item a prominent role, as if I were describing a display of the Crown Jewels at the Tower of London. The amount of minutia bogged down the writing, and I earned a "B" on the paper. A low "B."

After complaining about the grade to my mom, I took the time to read the instructor's comments to try to understand what I did wrong. The answer was simple - I focused on everything, which means nothing stood out to create a clear visual in the eyes of the reader.

Ideally, I should have summarized parts of the room as a whole, and given details when they were interesting enough to create a visual that helps establish a mood, evoke an emotion, provide character insight, or move the story forward. The good news is that writers don't need to include a lot of details to be effective.

The office was in perfect order except for several manila folders strewn all over the mahogany desk, and Mr. Jenkins' dead body on the floor.

In this scene, I don’t need more details about the office. I’ve summarized that by using the phrase perfect order. We can all see an office like that in our minds, and they are all different, but we have the general idea. I also debated whether or not to include the word mahogany. In this case, I used it because I didn't want to give the impression that this was a cheap metal desk like the ones found in millions of cubicles.

The word mahogany also conveys the idea that the office belongs to someone with power. I don’t need to say a large, polished mahogany desk, and I don’t need to tell how many drawers are in the desk. That fact doesn’t matter, unless the top, right-hand drawer contains the gun used to kill Mr. Jenkins, but for this scene, it doesn’t. Readers also don't need to know the color of a lamp shade, or that the couch was leather.

Summarizing the whole and zeroing in on an item or image that exemplifies or stands out helps create a visual in the readers' minds.

Her pale clothes and skin were equally wrinkled (summary), an interesting contrast to the polished, six-carat diamond on the third finger of her left hand (specific).

My final tip is to make sure you see the images in your own mind, and that they come through clearly with as little detail as possible. Members of my critique group are great at catching my mistakes by asking questions I can’t always answer. My silence means I’m not sure I’ve seen something clearly enough to determine which details are important, and need to rewrite to evoke the right mood or emotion, give character insight, or move the story forward.

Every writer should be so lucky to have first readers like these. I only wish they had been there when I wrote that college essay.

Mary

Mary Horner is a freelance writer and editor, and the author of Strengthen Your Nonfiction Writing. She teaches communications at St. Louis and St. Charles Community Colleges.

Read More »

7 comments character insight, details, evoke a mood, evoke an emotion

Setting: Using Detail to Make Your Place, and Your Story, Real

A hot geyser in Rotorua (Pixabay)

Just a few days ago, I read a blog post by Sophie Masson about using real-world settings to inspire your fiction. Not surprisingly, the author had just been someplace exotic. In this case, she had visited New Zealand’s Rotorua where geothermal activity assures constant geysers, steam and bubbling pools of mud. The combination creates an atmosphere that is haunting, otherworldly, and more than a bit mysterious. Reading her descriptions, it was easy to pick up on the details that had captured her imagination. Sights, smells and sounds abounded.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have to set your story some place exotic to bring it to life. Whether you set the story in your home town or the city where you went to college, the key to bringing it to life is in the details. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Employ as many senses as possible. Often we tell how a place looks. We discuss color and describe buildings and streets. But go beyond sight – that’s the easiest sense to incorporate. Include the sounds of street cars, street vendors calling out to passersby, or the local birds. Incorporate the smells of food cooking or flowers blooming. For a sense of touch, go beyond textures to include the sense of motion.

Be sure to include what gives your setting its sense of place. In my hometown, the water, though technically drinkable, always reeks of rotten eggs. When I was in Albuquerque, I was impressed with how big the sky is and the fact that you can see the distant shadows cast by banks of clouds. Myrtle Beach? The constant sound of the surf caught my attention.

Match the setting details to the tone of your story. Winter’s Bone by Daniel Woodrell maintains a note of hope but the overall tone is grim. Not only did he set the story in one of Missouri’s poorest areas, he set it in grim, grey winter. Consider the difference it will make if you set your story about rebirth in the spring vs the fall.

Your setting doesn’t have to be exotic to feel real. Simply bring details forward and use them to net your reader into just the right place and time for your particular story.

--SueBE

Sue Bradford Edwards is the instructor for our course, Writing Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults. The next section of this class begins on October 3rd.

Read More »

2 comments details, hooking the reader, setting, Sue Bradford Edwards, writing the senses

Don't Forget the Details (in life and in writing)

I visited our local Starbucks a few days ago. I don't stop often anymore, and when I do, I go through the drive through. At one time, I stopped every morning, knew the Barista's by name, and would have told you all the reasons Starbucks brought joy and sunshine to my life. Since that time, there has been turnover, price increases, and things have gotten less personal. I do however still look forward to my little cup of joy. This time of year that cup is cold and includes a dollop of whip cream at the top. We stopped to celebrate the end of another successful school year. Our two school age children and myself were excited to partake in a cool, delicious, sweet, treat.

"Here is the first mini smore's creme," he said as he handed the beverage out the drive through window.

"Looks like I'll need napkins please. It's dripping." I said with a smile (still hopeful).

"Oh, um...hang on...I'll get you - oh, just give it to me and I'll wipe it off," he said impatiently.

I complied.

"Here is the second one and I wiped this one off," he said, handing me two drinks and two straws.

"Thank you. I appreciate it. It's less mess for the kiddos," I said with a smile. (After all, I saw the woman who handed the drinks to him. It wasn't his fault at all. Although...I'm sure there's got to be something in their training about quality and presentation.)

"And here's the last one," the young man said as he handed me a drink that had slush dripping down the side, onto his hand, and down his arm.

"Well, looks like I'll be needing those napkins after all," I said as I raised my eyebrows in disbelief.

"Here." He hands me a stack of napkins and I'm on my way.

I shook my head and veered into a parking spot where I wiped off my drink using the entirety of 3
napkins. I felt satisfied that things were clean and I took a sip of my still delicious beverage. I was frustrated, but still enjoying the moment. You would think by spending over $15 on 3 drinks you might not have to do some of the customer service yourself, but oh well...(and yes, I even left a tip on top of the $15).

A few miles down the road, my daughter starts laughing. She knows how annoyed I get at sticky or drippy beverages and as my frapuccino warmed with the heat from my hands, the mess under the lid dripped and I had a chocolatey sweet mess on the front of my shirt. It WAS funny because we were going home and I have a wardrobe of clean clothes. I laughed, she laughed, and in my head I started thinking about how attention to detail could have greatly improved my experience. Details matter in life as much as they do in writing.

A clean beverage feels worth more than one dripping with soda or coffee. A tremendous clap of thunder followed by lightening bright enough to make it look like noon has a totally different feel than "a storm." When I write, I try to include as much detail in my first draft, but find myself adding, re-adding, and adding again during the proofing process. Details simply make things better.

When do you add the details to your work? What details matter most to you? Do you have an example of a time when you might want less detail? Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments on this post. We love to hear from you!

Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 7, Breccan 2, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.


You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at:http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/ and http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

Read More »

1 comment customer service, details, impressions, making an impact, setting the tone

How Well Do You Know Your Characters?

My swimmer will see the world
differently than your detective.
But how?

Last fall, I attended a revision workshop led by The Muffin’s very own Darcy Pattison. One of the things that Darcy emphasized was that we not only include plenty of details in our writing, but that we include the right details in our writing.

As I picked through my manuscript, something hit me. Yes, I had enough detail for the reader to experience the setting, but I hadn’t chosen the details that my character would most likely notice. I’m a very visual person with an acute sense of smell and am easily distracted by sound, thus I had sight, smell and sound covered.

What was missing were the kinesthetic details, details that focus on movement and how things feel to the touch. My character is a swimmer who is always being told by his teachers to be still. Clearly, I needed to work motion details into my story, because these are the kinds of things that my character would notice.

As I started working attention to motion into my story, I realized that my character may not see the world in black and white, but he would definitely see it in terms of constricting stillness vs glorious motion. That’s just how he’s wired.

Another character that I’ve been working with is a flashy girl who lives in a circus. She does everything with a certain flash and pizzazz so that is how she divides things – allowed to use her pizzazz vs not allowed to use her pizzazz.

A character who can speak to wolves notices more to do with scent and sound than do her fellow humans.

The character who is an incarnation of Persephone is still giving me fits. Obviously, she’s going to be tuned into plants and the natural cycle, but I’m not sure how it will color her perceptions of those around her.

Do you know your characters well enough to know how they see the world? What details would they notice that you would overlook? What is their good vs their bad? Remember, you are answering this for your character. If her answers too closely resemble your own, you might have a bit more work to do.

–SueBE

Read more of SueBE's writing at her blog.

Read More »

2 comments characterization, Darcy Pattison, details, revision, sensory details

What Color is Your Writing World?

Earlier this week, while I proofread a few chapters from my current WIP, a scary thought raced through my mind.

'It's so....white.'

Translated, it's completely vanilla and filled with cream-colored references. Even the main female character is decked out in white in almost every scene. (And no, she is not a doctor, and trust me, she's no angel.)

Now, I'm not saying the writing is bad, it's just lacking color in these chapters.

Kind of disappointing coming from a writer with "Mango Crush" on her office walls.

But the revelation reminded me of an exercise I would use with freshman English students who struggled to bring color to their writing.

Perhaps I'd asked them to describe the sun, bring it to life through color. What would I get? Yellow. Plain ol' yellow.

I would ask them to describe the shade of yellow. Is it the color of butter? Of a buttercup along a country road? The yellow of a middle-of-July sunflower? Post-it note yellow?

"Just yellow," students would reply.

The next day, they would be in for a surprise. Paint samples littered a tabletop. (Thank you, locally-owned hardware store.)

"Show me what kind of yellow."

Once they saw the connection between a concrete example and word choice, their writing improved.

I don't want my writing to be 'just yellow' - or just plain ol' white - for that matter. I want vibrant words to run down the pages.

After a trip to the lumber yard, Eros Pink, Adriatic Sea, and Jargon Jade complete the scenes, along with a tinge of Crescent Moon White.

by LuAnn Schindler. Read more of LuAnn's work at her website. 

Read More »

6 comments adding color, color descriptions, description, details, LuAnn Schindler, sensory details

Details Can Make or Break Your Writing

Great novels are full of details that draw the reader into the story.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the details we use in our writing. Last spring, I attended a retreat and had a manuscript critiqued by an editor who told me that my setting was good but could be better. “You need detail to pull your reader in.”

So as I read, I’ve been paying attention to details, especially as they relate to setting. In The Shattering, Karen Healey propelled me up the New Zealand Coast from beach to deserted town. I found myself sorting through racks of stained glass and watching the progress on a rehabbed Victorian mansion in Lisa Kleypas’ Rainshadow Road. Vanessa Diffenbaugh had me sorting through blooms to put together just the right arrangement and wondering the fragrant stalls of the flower market in The Language of Flowers.

The details in each of these settings made what I was reading tangible and touchable. If I ever found myself in one of these places, I would instantly recognize it.

But beware giving details about a place you’ve never been and something you’ve never experienced. An inaccurate detail will yank your reader out of the story and make them question everything else in the book.

Recently, I read a novel about a character on a lengthy trip. As she travels, she eats things she’s never had before. The author describes the character sitting and sipping her Blizzard.

Wait a minute. I know this takes place in the summer but how long has she been sitting there? Either the author has never had a Blizzard or she meant to indicate that more than a few minutes had gone by. Whichever one it is, this one trivial detail pulled me out of the story.

Be careful writing about a food you’ve never had or a place you’ve never been. Sensory details are tough when you’ve never had that particular experience. Is a lion cub’s fur soft or coarse? What does an orange grove in the warm sunshine smell like?

Before you write something like this down, check it out or talk to someone who has experienced it, because an inaccurate detail will pull a reader out of your story twice as fast as an accurate detail draws them in.

–SueBE

SueBE blogs at One Writer's Journey.

Read More »

4 comments details, research, setting