A Child Bride update, Leisure Suits and the Dykes of Tomorrow

A random sampling of fun today.

I was thrilled to get an update after yesterday's post about Jessica. Just in case you've forgotten her, here is Jessica, the child bride, modeling for Dress Ups!

What I didn't know yesterday was this:
"I totally forgot to tell you that they fired
me from the modeling gig because they said the look I was giving had gotten too seductive and it was starting to look like kiddie porn." I'm a little afraid that they could even begin to assess something like that!

This poor boy was forced to endure this outfit for a NINE HOUR FLIGHT.

"I was 14 years old and was visiting my friend in the Netherlands, who lived in Bilthoven, a small town not far from Utrecht. For reasons that still aren't quite clear (something about good impressions) my parents thought I should wear a three-piece suit for the nine hour flight to Amsterdam. I'm not sure what my friend's parents thought when they first saw me. Maybe they thought every teenager in Canada wears suits all the time." (via)

Oh, Canada. But on the other hand, let me just say how amazing this kid's parents were to let him travel to the Netherlands by himself.

This young one finds the divine, or the divine joke, in the 70s fashion foisted upon him by his parents.

"Now is as good a time as any to mention one of the funniest style jokes God ever played on the U.S. when He convinced people to think Leisure Suits were cool. Here is an extremely embarrassing picture of myself and my parents. Wow, my mom and I are in matching suits that she made. That’s awful." (via)

Finally,while trolling the interwebs, I came across something that I am simply in awe of, and a little jealous for the cache of amazing photos it already holds.

Let me preface by saying that here in Northampton, Massachusetts, we are proud to claim ownership of the title the National Equirer once gave us.

That's right--we live in LESBIANVILLE, USA.

Dykes of Tomorrow is a bit like a family photo journey through our hometown. Let's visit, shall we?

Here's Carly.

"I don't know what my mother was thinking dressing me in this 3 piece suit, but I really rocked it don't you think?!" (via)

And I think I may have gone to elementary school with Lizzy.

"I HATED pink. I despised it and refused to wear the color in addition to any manner of clothing I considered to be "girly." My mother, however, wanted to have our portrait taken and was distressed that I would look like a boy so the only way she would allow me to wear my sneakers and jeans was if I would wear this pink sweater monogrammed so elegantly with my initials.
I started a club called the Tomboy Club, and there were very strict rules against wearing pink or being a "girly girl." Applicants to the club had to do things like crawl through the mud, hang upside down and run really fast." (via)

The Tomboy Club sounds much cooler than the club I started. The Garfield Club, however, did have membership cards for Tara, the one other member, and I. Club activities largely consisted of being able to copy images of Garfield from the funnies each day. Needless to say, membership never really grew and the club disbanded after Tara and I could not agree whether or not to include Opie in our pictures.

Finally, here's Lisa.

"This was a school pic they made me wear a dress for and I wasn't happy about it. The photographer kept telling me to smile and I thought I WAS smiling! But I really hated getting dressed up for these things."
Really, Lisa? I never would have guessed that from the look on your face.

Thanks again to Dykes of Tomorrow for these great pics.

See you tomorrow! (And as always, send your submissions to myparentsmademewearthis at gmail dot com)

Flashdance, a supermodel, and a Child Bride

Today's offering is so rich, I am tempted to spread it over the course of two days. And I am almost at a loss for words. Instead, in the spirit of the holidays, I've decided you all deserve this little gift. A present from me to you. Most remarkable about today is that our little "Jessica" smiles through it all.

It's really the hat that is the problem here. And is that a farmscape or a clothesline pictured?

Apparently, Jessica didn't like the rain. But still looked adorable in her striped engineer pants and yellow slicker. It's later that things started to get bad...
Oh dear.
"Fourth grade. Dead Center in a striped shirt. Who thought that was a good idea?" Apparently, many parents since 8 out of 21 children, plus their teacher, were wearing stripes or plaid. Then there's the girl next to Jessica, who is either jealous, surprised, or smelled something yucko.
In kindergarten, Jessica's school tried something unorthodox. The relaxed, outdoor school photo. Some observations: First of all, this class had FOUR teachers. Wow! My favorite is the one in the front row, trying to look casual, sitting sitways on the dirt in her mom jeans.

Some statistics-eight children in jumpers or overalls, four little girls in collared dresses, and three pairs of red mary janes. And talk about diversity-this class has a black child AND ethnically Asian kid. Whoa!

Jessica looks pretty contented in her floral dress and green tights (bottom left), but the boy next to her looks quite concerned. But if anyone had something to be upset about, I think it's the girl in the brown shoes, red suspenders, and grey suit with a skirt so short, it can't be comfy to sit on that rock.

Some of Jessica's "favorites" come later in her youth.

"Flashdance had just come out and I cut the neck out of my sweatshirt." (Didn't we all?) "My mom said no school pics unless I put a turtleneck under it." Way to be a square, Mom.

While these photos don't go chronologically over the course of Jessica's life, it was impossible not to save our last three for last. First, our Tiny Dancer.

"Yep, that's me all the way on the left. I hated every minute of ballet, but I LOVED dressing my brother in that costume." Family reunions are fun at Jessica's house.

Even Jessica calls these final two her "personal grande finale." Does every little girl dream of modeling? Dolce & Gabbana anyone? Marc Jacobs? Perhaps a gig with Karl Lagerfield? (Okay, I never did, but maybe some do.)

Unfortunately, Jessica's modeling gigs were more like an American Girl Doll come to life.

This Mae West outfit, called "PARTY TIME" included "The Works!" with a boa, hat, skirts, and a leotard for mix-n-match fun. What scariest to me is that the age range is 6-12. Really? A 12-year-old here? And the skirt seems to be a bit sheer. Does the mix-n-match fun include a slip?

Finally, I must confess my own creeped-out feelings about the child-bride. Maybe it goes back to my great-grandmother's whole arranged marriage from Hungary, or maybe it's just that little girls in wedding dresses looks wrong. It's wrong I tell you!

Jessica makes a solemn bride here, honoring the seriousness of the occasion--again with the sheer skirt! This set came with the ring and the bouquet. Too bad it didn't also include a blow-up spouse. Okay, that sounds even worse when I'm talking about a child bride outfit. You know what I mean! Stop that!!

Until tomorrow--and keep those submissions coming... my parents made me wear this at gmail dot com.