Voodoocult - Voodoocult (1995)

It's pretty ironic that Philip Boa's Voodoocult increased in quality once he switched to a lower-key lineup on the project's self-titled sophomore album, and yet that is exactly what happened. Gone from the roster were the huge names of Chuck Schuldiner, Mille Petrozza and Dave Lombardo, but bassist Dave Ball and Cro-Mags guitar player Gabbay Aubalarach would remain for the time being, and Boa was able to recruit a few more into his fold: most impressive, Jim Martin of Faith No More, whose steady, simple thrashing tone is all over this damned album, for better or worse. Also joining here was drummer Markus Freiwald, who has played in Despair and Sodom to name a few. He might not hit like Lombardo, but Dave was not even remotely impressive on Jesus Killing Machine, so one could honestly consider Freiwald an improvement.

Essentially, Voodoocult bordered on the status of an 'actual band' here, and less a circus of stars that was likely being exploited to sell a few records. But there's still a major hurdle: the ridiculous and inconsistent songwriting. And an astronomical hurdle: Philip Boa himself. His vocals are a little less grating and acidic here, but he's instead subdued and lazy sounding, and the lyrics and titles have only marginally improved to fare like "Welcome to a New Season of Deathwish", "Death of a Kung Fu Fighter" and "King of the Beautiful Cockroach". It almost feels as if to accommodate Jim Martin, he decided to make the material stranger and more 'artsy'. But there are some decent riffs, like the meaty industrial thrash of "I Close My Eyes Before I Bleed to Death" in which Boa at least sings the chorus with an ethereal aesthetic, or "Welcome to A New Season of Deathwish", where Martin and Aubalarach shine off on some groovy thrash.

But these moments are few, and vastly outnumbered by the crap that clings to the arse of this man's ambitions. Tracks like "The Stranger" and "Egomania" are ridden with bad rock grooves and worse vocals, and there are some vapid, disposable straight metal razors like "Exorcized by a Kiss" and the bonus track "Electrified Scum". Voodoocult experiments a lot more than its predecessor, with Boa clearly attempting to incorporate sleaze metal and industrial akin to what bands like Mind Bomb and KMFDM were doing successfully. The projct still sucked, and remained a waste of time and talent for the guest musicians, but it almost felt like there were an actual direction here beyond 'let's get some famous friends and make a band'. It is not an experience I'd recommend to anyone, but it's certainly impinges on the tastes less than the stunningly awful debut.

Verdict: Fail [2.25/10] (I celebrate the coronation of my own tristesse)

Voodoocult - Jesus Killing Machine (1994)

I'm sure many metalheads have fantasized what it might be like to an assemble an all-star band of their own choosing. Why, for my own such dream outfit, I'd grab the Stützer brothers (Artillery) for guitar, Martin van Drunen for vocals, Ron Royce (Coroner) on bass, and Peter Wildoer (Darkane) for drums, and let Fenriz write the lyrics while I consigned myself to the mere cowbell. Well, for German alt rocker Philip Boa, this dream became a reality, not once, but twice, through his Voodoocult project. Somehow, by way of cash bribes, solid friendship, or sorcery, Boa was able to assemble a cast of metal heroes to record Jesus Killing Machine, an album of thrash and heavy metal centered around his own lyrics.

As it turns out, Voodoocult is a fucking travesty, and one of the worst albums I've heard in all of German thrash? How, do you ask? I haven't the faintest idea what went wrong. Boa has hired himself the talents of Dave Lombardo (Slayer), Waldemar Sorychta (Grip Inc., Despair), Mille Petrozza (Kreator), Chuck Schuldiner (Death) and the lesser known Gabby Abularch of the crossover outfit the Cro-Mags, and written an album that drizzles with mediocrity. Actually, I do not deign to give it even that much credit. Jesus Killing Machine is pure shit, about as shit as album can get before mutating into compost. I would never in my life thought that this much talent could be gathered in one place and produce so little of merit. So I blame it all on Philip Boa, because he let what might have been a metallic miracle slip through his fingers like yesterday's rain.

I'll be clear: the fault here lies not with the individual performances or the production of the debut, but in the sheer execution. These songs suck. The vocals. The lyrics. The riffs. Rarely before have I heard such a vapid stockpile of ineffectual guitars, much less on a thrash metal recording. The album is split down the middle between dull thrashers like "Killer Patrol" and "Metallized Kids" (yes....metallized kids!) and more power/heavy fare like "Death Don't Dance With Me", "Albert is a Headbanger" and "Born Bad and Sliced!". Word for word, in fact, this might just have the worst slew of song titles I've ever beheld. But aside from the hard biting of "Hellatio", there is not a single riff here worth a dime, and the abilities of all constituents are under utilized: David Lombardo playing dull, hammering drum beats? Check. Chuck Schuldiner almost entirely out to lunch? Check. Mille Petrozza's fiery axe passion? Void.

What's worse, is that Philip Boa's lyrics are so asinine here, streaming silly imagery at the worst of times and repeating himself horribly at the best ("Death Don't Dance With Me"), that it almost feels that he's making a mockery of the project. Is he some wealthy land tycoon, able to hurl money into something like this and not take it seriously? I don't know. I would like to think the man loves thrash metal, but the nasal, airy whining of his pipes was not up to task, or he was fully fucking drunk during the writing phase. Most of these songs could be improvised by even the most layman of metal musicians, so it seems rather a waste to drag such names into its stolid abyss of value. What's worse, Boa got away with it...again...a few years later!

Verdict: Epic Fail [1.25/10] (sucks and scraps the dirt and scum)