Okay guys, I've been trying to write this for three weeks. I almost had it done but blogger wouldn't save my latest efforts and then they were lost the next day. I am not good at condensing things...I love the details. So I'm just posting this AS IS for now...pictures out of order and everything. I am too busy to sit down and make this how I want it. Maybe once things settle down. Aria is a great baby but she does have a fussy period every night at about 9 or 10, and I just have no time for anything but survival right now! Doing good but BUSY!!!!!! Part One:
Awful picture but I didn't want to forget the peanut pillow that was supposed to speed things up.
Finally a quiet moment to sit down and get this story written down. Let's back up to 39 weeks. I wasn't feeling so cranky anymore. In fact, I was feeling pretty good. Most of my braxton hicks contractions had stopped, and at times I felt a little "too good". Was I going to go overdue? Last time with Ella, I started climbing stairs (40 times up and down) on Sunday, running/skipping/trampoline jumping on Wednesday, then went into labor Thursday (picking up my mom mid-day) and then having the baby in the early hours of Friday morning (1 a.m. with Ella.)Since my mom was again flying in on a Thursday, exactly 3 days before my due date (just like with Ella) I decided that it would be ideal (although somewhat unlikely?) To have this scenario repeat itself. On Monday I started climbing stairs. I made it through to the halfway point and did NOT want to do anymore. I was tired. Samuel encouraged me to stop. So I did. I didn't know how much it was helping anyway. I had read that it helped baby get in a better birthing position (I didn't want back labor. In fact, I had a LOT of anxiety the last two weeks of my pregnancy, anticipating everything that could go wrong, based on the difficulties I had experienced in both Kalia and Annie's deliveries, mainly due to the epidural wearing off while being on Pitocin (and in Kalia's case, also having back labor to go with that.) I was so full of fear, I couldn't even feel joyful about the impending arrival of my sweet baby girl. I got a blessing from my father-in-law at about 37 weeks, and he blessed me that the birth would go well. At 39 weeks, I got an blessing from Samuel, which was really special to me and is written down elsewhere, but one thing that stuck out to me was that he told me that I would be able to "bridge the gap" between my body and my mind (fear of pain and anxiety) and would be able to overcome this state because of the strength of my Spirit. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it made perfect sense to me, and that was absolutely granted to me and most of the anxiety completely disappeared after that. It was such a relief and blessing. If you remember, Ella's labor was so easy and fast. I got to the hospital dilated to a 7 after totally manageable pain, and then the last hour was very painful, but I was trying to hold her in and not push while I waited for the doctor. My body took over and knew just what to do, and it was amazing and I felt fantastic afterwards. The "pushing" part was the biggest difference, as I was able to experience all-natural pushing without any drugs to numb me. I felt strong and again, it went so fast. I was really kind of hoping it would go just like this again, only faster. But the anxiety was creeping in, as both my older sister and sister-in-law had had harder labors and deliveries (their most recent babies) because of the baby being in a less-than-ideal position. So the fear had grown that I wouldn't have another easy delivery.I decided to spend my last two weeks doing a little labor prep, and preparing for some pain management. I kept telling myself that it was OKAY to get an epidural! But in the back of my mind, I knew that there was no guarantee I would be free of pain, since both my other epidurals had only worked for a certain amount of time and then they would wear off, and no amount of booster buttons could bring them back. I knew there would be pain, either way. I was using a mediation I had downloaded off the internet from a hypnobirthing website. It doesn't ACTUALLY hypnotize you, but it teaches deep relaxation to deal with the pain- to welcome it, embrace it, appreciate what it's doing, instead of fighting it, tensing up, and hating it. And I can tell you there is ABSOLUTE TRUTH in what they teach. Relaxation can literally cut the pain in half, and I found that out for sure with this delivery of baby #4.I listened to the relaxation meditation several times, and had it on my phone. My mother-in-law, who has had natural births, including one home birth, also used what she knew to help me "practice" one night, while she tried to twist and squeeze my ankle or wrist to inflict pain (she didn't do it hard enough, but it was still good practice) while I tried to breathe deep and relax right through it. I think I even was able to do what the mediation was telling me to, that when pain hit, my body would actually relax FURTHER in response. I did discover that I was still tensing up in my shoulders and neck, despite my best efforts, but I learned in these practice sessions that if someone would touch or rub the spots I was tensing, I could relax them that way, by turning my attention there.Okay, so this is all background. On Tuesday I felt really icky. Like, sick, nauseated, didn't want to eat, just wanted to lay in bed all day. I actually wondered if I might have a stomach virus. But it went away. Wednesday I felt much better, but now it was the day before my mom was supposed to arrive, and I hadn't been having hardly any contractions. I had a Dr. appointment for Thursday morning (again, just like with my last baby). Last time I had dilated to 2-3 cm, and I got my membranes stripped, and had the baby 12 hours later. So I knew that this time, if I wanted to have my membranes stripped, I needed to be dilated further than a 1. (I had been to a 1.5 at my 38.5 week appointment.) To try one last effort to have contractions and get dilated, I went outside and jumped on the trampoline (vigorously) with Kalia, Annie and Ella. They loved it. I posted a picture on Instagram of these shenanigans, and got a good laugh out of some people I think.Well, Thursday rolls around. I woke up at 5 a.m. with contractions. But the bad part...they were in my BACK. Just what I DIDN'T want. BACK LABOR. I had to wake Samuel up at 6 a.m. to help me. Luckily I had learned a new trick to cope with back labor (and it also sometimes encourages baby to turn) and that was to have him squeeze my hips together HARD on contractions to provide more space for turning and it actually relieved most of the pain of the contractions. We found that the best way for him to do this was for me to be on all fours and him to stand behind me/over me and squeeze really hard with his legs. I know that sounds weird but it was EXTREMELY helpful, as these early contractions hurt MUCH more than my early contractions had with Ella. I also knew that labor was going to be longer because baby's head wasn't hitting the cervix quite right, so dilating was going to take longer. My anxiety was okay though, since the pain was bearable (with Samuel's help). The contractions stayed all morning, about 7-10 minutes apart. I decided to have Samuel drive me to my doctor's appointment, even though I could get there in 10 minutes on my own. No use risking the contractions picking up. Plus, what if something weird happened and then sent me straight to the hospital? So he took me in, and they told me I was 3 cm dilated. I have been having contractions for about 6 hours that morning, so I was pleased to hear that. Once again, my membranes were stripped, and I was quite sure the baby was coming that day, hopefully not until my mom arrived. Since we were so close to Costco, we decided to stop in and pick up a few things that we needed. I laughed about this coincidence too, because last time with Ella I had gone to my dr appt, picked up my mom at the airport, and then we went to Costco as well, for the same reason.We got home and I was able to have a short nap (another thing I did before baby #3) and then we went and got my mom at the airport. This time she was able to fly into the airport 5 minutes from my house. LOVED that. Samuel was home that day because Thursday is his day off from school. He was supposed to go meet up with a study group (who had paid a special tutor to come get them ready for finals) but we decided he better stay home since he would be over an hour away during that time. It worked out nicely that this all happened on his day off. Now that my mom was here, I knew we could get things speeding up a bit. So I got out my Doterra Clary Sage oil. I had bought a small sample size on ebay, just for this occasion. Clary Sage acts like Pitocin- that's the easiest way to sum it up. It gets labor going. Just inhaling it, or also rubbing it on the insides of your ankles. So I did both those things throughout the afternoon, and my mom was pretty surprised when it started working, and my labor picked right up. The contractions went from 6-10 minutes apart (which they had been doing all day) to 5 minutes, then 4, then 3, then 2 minutes apart! This happened from 4-7 p.m. I still wasn't super rushed. Samuel got in the shower, then I had a shower while my mom got ready, we called Samuel's parents over, etc. I knew it wasn't going as fast as last time, so no hurry. Baby must have turned slightly, because while the pressure in my back was still there, it wasn't as bad. (I had really been praying and begging for her to turn and get in a better position so it could go fast at the end.) Well, when they got to 2-3 minutes apart, I decided it was time to go to the hospital (I had been standing and walking around for the last few hours, I'm sure that helped. I also kept taking a whiff of the oil, and putting it on my ankles if contractions weren't as close together as before.) My mom and mother-in-law got in one car, and Samuel and I got in the other. I laid down on my side in the front seat on a bunch of pillows. The hospital was only 10 minutes away this time, and during the drive, I only had two contractions. I was surprised. This was the first time they had slowed down all afternoon. We checked in through the emergency room, and the nurses commented that I was like the 20th maternity person to come in that day. Somebody made a joke about the full moon. I think there is really something to that. And so do they. But anyway, I decided to walk up to the 3rd floor (where triage was) instead of getting in a wheelchair. A nurse came and wheeled up another lady in labor, but she was only 28 weeks a long and looking very sad, hoping that her contractions could be stopped. Oh, and it was 7:24 p.m. when I checked in there. When we got to triage, my contractions were even a little slower. They had slowed to about 6 minutes apart. Again, I was surprised and kind of disappointed. I wondered if maybe I was going to get sent home? I changed into my gown, had Samuel squeeze my hips again when a contraction hurt in my back (not on all 4's this time) and then this cute nurse (Christy) came in to check me. She said I was dilated to a 6. And then....WARM GUSH. My water broke. She was surprised and said she had barely touched it. Well, it was official, I was being admitted. I waited (a bit anxiously) for my first contraction without a bag of waters (I've heard they are a lot harder). My water had never broken this early in labor before. But it was like my contractions stopped completely for awhile! This was really confusing. The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. Samuel immediately answered, "Yes." and I said, "Maybe." I still don't know why he said yes so quick, but it did take off any imaginary pressure I might have felt to go all natural again (he was beyond impressed and praised me like crazy after last time. It would have been nice to impress him like that again. But not imperative.) The nurse was monitoring my contractions at this point, and said they were coming regularly at 6 minutes apart, but that was still slow enough for me to decide YES on the epidural.I'm glad I did that when I did, because they had to start an IV drip so that I could be hydrated enough to not have a serious drop in blood pressure once the epidural was in. She started that, and they moved me up to a room, where we waited for the anesthesiologist, whom she assured me was a "favorite" of the nurses to work with. I took that as a good sign. It was probably about 8:30 when the anesthesiologist came in. He was older, very friendly, very calm, very patient (took some time to explain and demonstrate things in detail to a very curious Samuel) and then he listened patiently to me as I explained my epidural woes, and how they wear off and we can't get the pain relief back. He said the same thing that all the anesthesiologists say when I tell them this. They say, "That's really strange". Like they've never heard of it or really don't know why that would happen. But since I liked him so much, I expressed great confidence that he was about to give me the best epidural ever. And he did. Well-- for awhile.For the first time, I could wiggle my toes and feet and lift my legs (a little) throughout the whole labor. I actually liked not having the dead-leg feeling. I could still feel some pressure during contractions, a little more on the right side, but after rolling me over a few times throughout the next hour, I felt really comfortable, and VERY happy that I had chosen to get an epidural. I did get the shakes for a bit, but they went away, and later on I did get nauseated (like I always do) but this time they offered me Zofran for the nausea, and at first I was going to try to push through without it, but then I was like, "Why not?" Why be nauseated if I don't have to be? It worked really good. Anyway, the nurse put in my catheter, and we called for the mothers to come in and join us. So the long night began. I honestly thought it wouldn't take that long to get from a 6 cm to 10 cm, especially based on last time, but that was not the case. I know epidurals slow things down, and I know that laying down slows things down. But I was pretty surprised when the nurse checked me again at 9:00ish and said I was STILL at a 6. She reported to my doctor, who was going to spend the night in the hospital, thanks to me being a VBAC patient, she was required to be there the entire time. (Sorry Dr! I felt a little bad but I got over it.) She kindly asked how I'd feel about "a little pitocin" but I kindly responded "not unless absolutely necessary". I can't remember if I told her my reason why (cause it hurt too much if/when the epi wore off) but she didn't push me AT ALL and let me must go back to laboring comfortably. They brought me a "peanut pillow" - basically an enormous rubber ball that was peanut-shaped- and btw, my friend told me it helped her dilate SUPER fast after epidural. But anyway, I did not dilate fast even though I had that thing between my legs the rest of the night. It was just going slowly. So. SLOWLY.There was a large couch and a reclining chair in the room, which was nice since there was lots of waiting to do. There wasn't much anyone could do to make me comfortable. I was already comfortable. So everyone just sat around and waited. Samuel did homework. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. Samuel's sister arrived after she got off work, about 11 p.m. She was so thankful she hadn't missed the birth- she hasn't been able to see one before (although she's had many of her own.) In fact, she told me later that she was praying really hard that she wouldn't miss it...and then she apologized that in answering her prayer, it had made my labor go on a long time. :) It was sweet.I was only dilating about half a centimeter per hour. The nurse didn't seem concerned at all about how slow it was going, and was very patient. My doctor seemed to be the same. The nurse would come check me, find a little progress, and say she'd be back in two more hours. That was a little discouraging and I started to worry again that I was going to have to have a C-section. When the nurse would check me, she kept telling me that the head was really high. That was Kalia's problem, she couldn't drop into the pelvis because of her position. I don't know what time it was at, sometime before midnight I guess, but the nurse had checked me and I wasn't to a 10 yet, and baby's head was still really high. She suggested I try to push a bit, because "sometime for a 4th-time mom, just a few pushes will move that baby right into place." I was up for it, although I was still quite numb, and they helped me lift my legs, and I tried really REALLY hard to push. But I could not feel anything and I instantly flashed back to pushing for 3 hours with Kalia, and how exhausted I was each time. (It was three separate hours, I had to stop and rest after each hour of pushing. And Kalia didn't budge, so it was SUPER discouraging.) This time was the same- the pushing was ineffective, I knew it right away, and immediately I said that I was done with that. I suggested we just wait and let the contractions do their thing and I would push again later. (Baby was at -1 station when we tried that pushing stunt.) The nurse was fine with waiting, the baby's heart rate was doing fantastic and there were no signs of distress or infection (luckily) so we were able to just keep waiting. My "team" as they shall hereafter be known started nodding off, understandably. I was trying really hard to sleep. I was really tired. But I couldn't. At about midnight, I started feeling contractions on the right side of my belly. This was not good news. I had experienced this twice before. I was really hoping this wouldn't happen. Sure enough, they started getting stronger and stronger, and started to radiate into my back. My nurse happened to come in, and I let her know I was feeling pain. She suggested I push my booster button, wait 15 minutes, and see if it helped. So I pushed it, and she came back 15 minutes later and I told her that it hadn't helped at all. She suggested trying one more time, which I did, and there was no improvement. In fact, it was getting worse. I was to a 9.5 at this point, and the baby's head was still too high. She thought it would be another two hours. I was dejected at this point. She didn't think it was a good idea to call the anesthesiologist back in at this point, or I could be totally numb when it was time to push. I had to agree. I did not want to be totally numb for pushing. It was time for some pain management.My "Team" jumped to life. My MIL and SIL especially were pretty excited to have something to do. :) My SIL started massaging my lower back and counting through contractions. I had her rubbing Doterra Deep Blue on there to help with the pain (helped a TON, LOVE that stuff!) and Samuel would massage my neck a little to help me from tensing up there, and my MIL worked on my feet and added more Clary Sage to keep the contractions efficient. After awhile, Samuel took over the massage of the lower back while his sister started watching the monitor for contractions and rubbing my arm and counting through the contractions and encouraging me. It was really nice. At this point I decided to turn my meditation on my phone and listen to that as well. This really had me feeling relaxed. Oh and I had them out some roman chamomile oil on my belly where most of the pain was. I didn't even feel the next contraction but my SIL said I had one. I guess it was the chamomile? Anyway, at this point I was so relaxed that I fell asleep. Can you believe that? Almost dilated to a 10 and my epidural wearing off and I fell asleep. I don't know how long I was out but I think it was about 30 minutes. I woke up, my team was sleeping on the couch again, and I was not feeling any contractions at all. I was like...uh...what the heck?? But about 15 minutes later I started feeling them, and also that pressure in the booty
that I had been waiting for that said the head was FINALLY down low enough and it was time to push. I waited for a few more contractions before I alerted anyone. Yep...it was time. I called in the nurse, and the team woke up and started getting excited. The nurse checked me,, confirmed that the head had come down, and told me to give one push to see if she should call the doctor. I have one push and she said yes...definitely time to call the Dr. And I remember looking at Samuel and saying, "YESSSSS!!!"
The Dr came in and got ready as did the pediatric nurses. The Dr took my bed and tilted it up so I was way up a an angle with gravity to help me out. I loved that. The Team helped me pull my legs up and my Dr asked if I would know when the next contraction was. I said yes, it was coming now. So she told me to push! I took a deep breath, pushed a total of three times (one contraction) and that baby was OUT!! That was the HUGEST surprise ever. I was thinking it would take much longer. They put her right on my chest and I just started crying. I was so happy it was over, and all the pain was done. The Dr went to clamp the cord and I stopped her just in time. I wanted the baby to get that good blood with stem cells. And so we saw it drain. I couldn't see the baby's face, because she was on her back, on my chest, but I could feel her warm little body. And she looked so small. Sidenote: Samuel told me that when she came out and he saw her face, a huge shock wave of love and recognition ripped through him, that this was his baby, and he loved her instantly. He said it was a very intense experience and one he hasn't really had in that way before.
So they let me hold my naked little
baby for a long time. I loved it. The placenta delivery was so fast, in fact my mom said it tore away
Immediately and there was a massive gush of blood that worried her but the Dr wasn't worried about.
My last Sunday at church with a baby in my belly. 4 days before she was born.
Slow Thursday labor. Trying to get a good honest shot of the belly but selfie's don't really accomplish this.
Took this "last belly pic" just a few minutes before leaving to the hospital. My mom looked at it right after and said, "That makes you look much bigger than in real life!" Oh well. We decided she looked cute and skinny so it's a keeper.
Breathing through my two contractions on the way to the hospital...car seat ready to go in the back.
They let me hold her on my belly for a good 20-26 minutes before they took her to wash her and weigh her. 8 lbs 5 oz, 20 inches long!
Samuel said he had an electrifying jolt of love and connection for his fourth daughter, as soon as he saw her puffy little face. :)
