Macro Monday - 8/31/09

I'm not so sure that the new editing in blogger 

is going to work for me.

But leaving this as is for now.  

I've been so bad about posting lately...  

But hope to do better from now on!

Out of the Mouthes of Babes / The Bible

Judas Asparagus
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that..

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eatin'.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
> One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
> One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Honey Do

Do any of you know the kind of husband
who just can't seem to get around to doing anything
on his "Honey Do" list?
You know...the guy that has to be hounded and hounded,
to do the simplest little thing?

Well - I'm not married to one of those guys!



Hubby got me a Gazelle, and set it up in Big J's old room.
I've been trying my darnedest to get on it every day.
There's a little TV in the room, along with a DVD player,
so I can watch a show while I'm walking.




Yesterday, I mentioned something that I saw on a show
that I had been watching.
I said that I hadn't been able to hear really well,
because the sound was turned down so low.
He asked why I hadn't turned the sound up.
I told him that I didn't want to break my stride
(and this is sort of laughable cause I'm only up to
about 11 minutes at a time)!

Last night I'm walking, and I look down to make sure that George
hasn't moved behind me
(cause he sure doesn't need another knock on the head)
and this is what I saw...


... my sweet husband had velcroed the remote to the Gazelle.
That man is sooooooooooooo
good to me!

Just What the Doctor Ordered!

The Full Plate Diet
By Stuart A. Seale, M.D.
Teresa Sherard, M.D.
Diana Fleming, Ph.D., LDN

Coming out in January 2010
160 Pages
110 Color Photo's
$19.95
Hardcover
ISBN 978-1-885167-71-2

MY REVIEW:

I was delighted to receive an ARC.
The Full Plate Diet
is a simple to follow eating plan, that stresses adding
more fiber to our daily diets.

It explains...
The Full Plate Diet, concept.
How to get started.
The health benefits and nutritional value
of a slew of fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, and legumes.

It includes...
Recipes.
A Readiness Assessment.
Fast Food Ratings.
Tips on "eating at the office, on the road, and at restaurants".

This book could not have arrived at a better time.
I'd going to take the plunge, and put
The Full Plate Diet
on my plate!

To learn more, go HERE.

I'm Taking The Challenge!

Okay everyone - I'm making it public..
I'm Joining Raving Robynn's 30 day Throw Down!

30 days to healthier eating.
30 days to a new outlook.
30 days to a better ME!

Want to join in?

Head on over to

Robynn's Ravings.


Besides trying to eat healthier, I'm going one more step.
I pledge right here, right now...to exercise each and every day.
My sweet husband just got me a Gazelle, and by golly, I'm gonna use the sucker.
It may, at the beginning, be only 9 or 10 minutes at a time,
but I'm gonna do it.

I'll be posting each day, from September 1st, to September 30th,
to let you know how I'm doing.
Please pray for me - cause I'm gonna need the help.

Thank you Robynn, for throw'n this down!

Live While You're Alive

LIVE WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Waylon and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: ' Tried everything twice...loved it both times!'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath... And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

Remember: Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. You are worth it!

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

Lost time can never be found! So make sure .. you find time to love unconditionally.

'Enjoy what's good in your life, without always thinking of how it could be better.'

Strange Phenomenon

This is soooooooooooo weird.
I'm not sure if this is just a phenomenon in my home,
or if it has plagued others too?

Here's the thing. It seems that my dishwasher
(whose name is Delilah)
only allows me to load her.
Strange huh?
I'm serious about this.
I have 2 other intelligent adults, who live in my house,
but they can't put dishes inside of Delilah.

They can take them out of the cupboards...pile food on them..
stack them on the counter tops...
and even rinse them and put them in the sink.
BUT
It seems that they are unable to place them in the dishwasher!

Did Delilah bite them?
Did she shock them once or twice...or maybe sling insults at them?
It's a mystery to me!

My New Layout

I am sooooooo excited about my new layout.

I don't want to take the time to write any posts,

cause I just want to sit and look at it.

Thanks so much to Sweedy for designing it for me!!!

Mermaid or Whale?

I got this email yesterday and I liked it so much, I've decided to post it.

To all my lady friends,......Whale it is!!

Recently, in a large city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:

THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,Good gosh, look how smart I am........

So - I'm going along with the above
and choosing to be a Whale as opposed to a Mermaid!
I'm not saying that I shouldn't lose any weight - far from it - I need to lose a LOT of weight. I need to exercise. I need to live a healthier life. BUT - I don't need to be stick thin. I don't need to look like a movie star. I don't need to be any younger. I don't need to be looked upon as washed up with one foot in the grave.
How about all of you...Whale or Mermaid?

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I'm in a Funk

Yep - I'm not sure what is what anymore.
Nothing major...
just worried about my health, my sanity, my husband,
my kids, my grand kids, the state of the union, starving children in Africa, world peace, ...
just little things like that.

Can't think of anything witty or insightful to impart upon you.
Can't decided what to have for breakfast (and it's already close to 11:30).
Don't feel like cleaning, or cooking, or doing the laundry.

I need a new toothbrush.

Why haven't I won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes yet?

I can't get a gastric bypass, or lap band surgery, because 5 years ago, I didn't have any doctors appointments, that included a "weigh in". Apparently that year, I only went to the chiropractors and the ear nose and throat guys. I find this hard to believe, but it's true. I have to have a 5 year weight history for the *@#%insurance company to approve the surgery.

I need a pedicure.

I want to go to Colorado, Wyoming, Alabama, and Florida. It's been too long since I've seen some of my kids and grand kids. Missing them makes my chest ache.

Big S cleaned my carpets yesterday...that was nice of him.

I still don't have 100 followers - so I'm thinking of calling it quits, and going ahead and picking a winner...but maybe I'll wait just a few more days.

Got a good deal on some Christmas presents at World Market yesterday.

I need to go upstairs, but that would require going upstairs.

Steve got me a Gazelle...maybe I'll go "walk" on it while watching some insidious sitcom.

I made a really good dinner on Tuesday night. Steph's chicken, green beans, and baked potatoes. Maybe I'll have leftovers for breakfast.

Somebody stop me, before I bore us all to death.

Meme-O-Rama: Crazy 8's or 8X8

I'm so far behind,
that I can't even remember when I was tagged for this..
but I guess "better late than never"!

Musings of a Fat Chick tagged me.
The rules are that I have to tag the person who tagged me, complete a list of 8's, and then tag 8 other people (and let them know I tagged them).
So heeeeer goes - 64 totally useless things about me:

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. My daughter's wedding.
2. Being thin (ha like that's really going to happen).
3. Going to Upstate NY for my daughters reception.
4. Seeing my kids and grand kids.
5.Steve's retirement - LOL - That's never going to happen!
6. Winning more books online.
7.Reading the books that I've won online.
8.Writing my own book, and seeing it online!

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1.Blogged
2.Read blogs
3.Entered contests on blogs
4.Wasted time on Facebook
5.Took the dogs out several times
6.Finished two more books
7.Made a great dinner
8.More Facebook time (Yeah - I know, I need a life!)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Lose Weight!
2. Feel comfortable in airports.
3. Read faster.
4. See my children and grand children more often.
5. Be out of debt.
6. Have lots of property.
7. Have a large home and an animal rescue on above property.
8. Be with my husband more.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. Corner Gas
2. CSI(Vegas)
3. Waiting for God
4. As Time Goes By
5. Last of the Summer Wine
6. The Closer
7. Burn Notice
8.The Lie

8 Favorite Fruit:

1. Watermelon
2. Cherries
3. Blackberries
4. Strawberries
5. Bananas
6. Raspberries
7. Apples
8. Grapefruit

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:

1. Ireland
2. England
3. Belgium
4. Australia
5. Alaska
6. Israel
7. Scotland
8. The Netherlands
9. Down memory lane

8 Places I've Lived:

1. St. Petersburg, FL
2. Dunedin, FL
3. St. Petersburg, FL
4.Gainesville, Fl
5. Jacksonville, FL
6. Lakeland, FL
7. Louisiana
8. I don't have a 8th place...does this mean that I need to move?

So who would like to be tagged?
Let me know,
cause I don't have the energy to try to catch anybody today,
in order to tag them.
Cause I'm in a FUNK.
That rhymes with skunk.
And skunks are stinky - which is how I feel.
Wonder if they ever got that Ape Skunk
(the one the size of Kong)
over at Queenie's?

Computering Poem - in bad taste!

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer 'yes.'
He told me to get off my fanny,
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse
I wiped and shined the topside..
That really did the trick....
I was just admiring my good work.
I didn't mean to 'click.
But click, I did, and oops - I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into it -
I was into it all night. Nothing's changed except my mouse.
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess.......
While I sit here on my hiney.

Author Unknown

Out of the Mouthes of Babes

The husband called me this morning, to relate a text he received from our eldest daughter.
Seems her son, Little C, was talking with our son, Big J.

Little C - "Gee Big J, you're going to be an adult on your birthday, so you should really start thinking about finding a wife!"

Big J - "Why?"

Little C - "Cause a wife will do all kinds of things for you...like even shave your back!"

Oldest daughter must have been laughing really hard, because the text was so full of typos.

It made for a lovely start (for the husband) to a usually dreaded Monday Morning!

So Cool

I haven't posted a photo recently, so decided to show you this one.
This is a shot of a handy dandy shopping cart sanitizer.
It's in front of my little "neighborhood" grocery store,
where you can get everything from fresh sushi
to 25 lb. bags of chicken scratch feed.
Honest folks, I'm not make'n this up!
They also have fresh flowers, a small deli/bakery, and a lovely gift and card section.
The prices are higher than WalMart, but they do have good specials, and gosh, they are only 3 minutes from my house.

It's a family owned store, and you can't beat the service.
When I haven't been able to find an item
(that I've previously purchase from my beloved Publix)
they have offered to order it for me.
If you can't find something in the store,
instead of telling you where it is,
they will walk with you and show you where it is,
or offer to go get the item for you.
The baggers are mostly kids from the local high school,
and they are all polite and helpful.

I should frequent the store more often,
but always tend to head for WalMart and Target,
so that I can do "one stop shopping".
(Which actually means that I buy more stuff than I really need!)

What about you? Where do you prefer to shop?
Do you have a good local grocery store or farmers market?

Another day I'm going to tell you about the family owned an operated drug store,
that's across the street from the grocery store.
Bet you can't wait to hear all about it!
LOL

If you are new to my blog go
HERE
to enter my current giveaway.

I Have the Greatest Girls in the World

It's so wonderful to have daughters, who are also your friends!
It's so heartwarming, to get sweet little emails from them.
It's so great, to have them call - just to say hello...to ask for your advice..to share something silly, or special.

It's also great when they
SEND
GIFTS!

See these little valance curtains? They hang in my laundry room. They were given to me by my DIL (She also gave me a matching rug, and dish towels).

One day recently this little hanger with hooks (that match the curtains, etc.), showed up in the mail. How cute is that?

Several weeks ago, I got two packages. See that bowl in the picture above?
It's a Rachel Ray "Garbage" Bowl.
I've been wanting one for ages.
Then a few days later...A DVD arrives.
The BBC Version of Jane Austen's Persuasion!
Then day before yesterday, another box arrives.
This one had the cutest little stuffed pug, 3 little pigs, and a couple of books.

I'm a lucky lady. I've got daughters whom I love dearly, and who love me too.
And they share their love in soooooooooooo many ways.
Thanks Girls!

Contest - Update

It's My Birthday and I Need 100 Followers / Update

(OK...I don't really Need 100 followers - but I'd sure LOVE TO HAVE 100 Followers)

My number of followers is slowly creeping upward.
I'm now at 65 and I thank you all. for that.
As promised, I've received a new Melaleuca order,
so I'm going to "up the anti", a little.
Here is what some lucky winner will receive,
when I hit the magic number - 100 Followers!

Go HERE to enter.

I started off the giveaway with 1 bottle each of :
Melaleuca Sun Valley (Sole to Soul )
Foot Spray
Foot Scrub
&
Foot Lotion

Now the giveaway is for all of the Melaleuca products you see here.
I've added:
Renew Intensive Skin Therapy Lotion
20 pack of Clear Defense Moisturizing Hand Sanitizing Wipes
Nicole Miller (Of New York) Mini Nail Color Collection
&
Nicole Miller (Of New York) Lash Primer
Total retail value of this prize package
Over $70.00

Go forth, and enter!

A Different Way of Look'n at Things

Larry's Proverbs

From the mouth of Larry "The Cable Guy"

1.A day without sunshine is like night.

2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.