Bonk! - I'm Not Unusual (Ensign)

You know what time of year it is when the Singles Page starts filling up with David Bowie impersonators called Bonk: wingeing about how their girlfriends think they're a bit kooky but that's really because they don't understand them. His real name's probably Lance or Norman or something. [Actually, it's Barry] (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 6, 1983)

Haircut One Hundred - Love Plus One (Arista)

The band who'll have us all slipping into chunky knits and brogues before you can say Captain Mark Phillips. This is a fine follow-up to "Favourite Shirt" which, as soon as people become friends with the sound, will be an even bigger hit. It's a nifty mover with plenty of interesting details. And who could resist a lyric like "Where does it lead from here?/Is it down to the lake I fear?" They've been watching too many late-night thrillers. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 7, 1982)

Thomas Dolby - I Scare Myself (Parlophone)

Thomas Dolby, man or maniac? Nobody's been able to make up their minds about this oddball. Having Magnus Pyke in an early video did nothing to help his cause, but the superb 'Hyperactive' did much to lay the ghost. 'I Scare Myself' is a real gem. Snazzy and light, it swings along with Tom tinkling away on piano. This should give him a really big hit at last - and there's not a single synth in sight. (Paul Bursche, No 1, March 24, 1984)

Master Dolby leaves the lab, stops his quest for the perfect eighties synthesis of man and machine (so far a no-score draw), and delivers his most warming 45 to date. To do so he's made a nearly inch perfect copy of the Dan Hicks original, but nevertheless "I Scare Myself" is so hot with swooning acoustic guitars and delicately muted brass that I'll forgive him for that. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, March 24, 1984)

Clipped off his fine album The Flat Earth, this is something RATHER special. Written by the extremely eccentric songwriter Dan Hicks (ideal for Tom really), it's a stunning song performed with delicate restraint and sung in a way that brings tears to the eyes of grown men (and women). Touches of The Wild West and today's technology have created a haunting atmosphere. Fab. Single of the fortnight. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, March 29, 1984)

Eurythmics - This Is The House (RCA)

The sooner the Eurythmics realise that a sharp song is worth a million clever effects, the sooner they'll stop being an 'interesting' and start being a 'good' band. This crochets obscure words with slices from Bowie and Grace Jones. Interested? Didn't think so. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Simple Minds - Promised You A Miracle (Virgin)

The one that might just break the Minds. It's a brassy performance with Jim Kerr in formidable form, a hip-swivelling dance beat and a jumbo helping of 'atmosphere'. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

David Essex - Sweethearts (Mercury)

A sweetheart from the early '70s, the early '80s find Mr. E. in a sorry state. This is a dull thump of a song which recycles every lyrical cliche in the canon. Pass quickly. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Orchestral Manouvres In The Dark - Genetic Engineering (Virgin)

Well worth the wait. OMD's knack of coming up with exhilarating singles has not been affected by their year off. Nobody can resist a plea on behalf of all those created, innocent bambinos and when you marry such sentiments to a great tune, even your goosebumps get goosebumps. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, February 17, 1983)

Men At Work - Down Under (Epic)

Superbly crafted reworking of The Boomtown Rats' "House On Fire" rhythm topped off with hippy flutes and sung by an Australian so indebted to Sting he even nicks his fake Jamaican accent. Comes complete with a neat little storyline, custom-made for a video, that affectionately lampoons the homeland and indulges in all manner of tortuous rhymes ("language" and "sandwich" being one of the better ones). It's great. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 6, 1983)

The best Australians stay at home and make great films. The second best come to London and become witty media people. The worst Australians bow to the buck and become second rate West coast rock bands. I rest my case. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, January 8, 1983)

XTC - Senses Working Overtime (Virgin)

When will the world put a comforting arm around XTC? They've certainly kept their part of the bargain by dealing out cartloads of invigorating music. This is no exception: a great, metallic sound full of lean energy and Andy Partridge's barking vocals. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 7, 1982)

Thompson Twins - You Take Me Up (Arista)

This has more hooks than your average angling club, but the melody doesn't really cut it. The rhythm sounds like the sort of song the slaves would have sung in the old days on the American railroads - and that's what Tom intends as he tells us how his girl makes him forget about his mundane lifestyle and job I understand, Tom. Being rich must be such a pain. (Paul Bursche, No 1, March 24, 1984)

There's something fantastically annoying about Thompson Twins' records. They always
sound as if they should have been left in the oven a few minutes longer. The songs never quite set; the production's of ten underdone; the vocals are half baked. This is no exception despite a jaunty harmonica that gives the number a decidedly folksy feel. None of what I've said, of course, will stop it being a monster hit. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, March 29, 1984)

Orange Juice - Felicity/In A Nutshell (Postcard/Polydor)

Well, it's better than their last, unhappy effort "Love (L.O.V.E.)", but Edwyn should really look to his vocals. They let down the songs, the playing and the production, and that's not right. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 7, 1982)

Men At Work - Down Under (Epic)

Superbly crafted reworking of The Boomtown Rats' "House On Fire" rhythm topped off with hippy flutes and sung by an Australian so indebted to Sting he even nicks his fake Jamaican accent. Comes complete with a neat little storyline, custom-made for a video, that affectionately lampoons the homeland and indulges in all manner of tortuous rhymes ("language" and "sandwich" being one of the better ones). It's great. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 6, 1983)

The Stranglers - European Female (Epic)

Lilting melodic stuff given soft but firm propulsion by a foursome who've always shown scant regard for females of any nationality. They've somehow mastered the subtle art of appearing all sweetness and light while somehow remaining distinctly untrustworthy. A hit? I fear not. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 6, 1983)

China Crisis - Wishful Thinking (Virgin)

Listening to this late on a lazy afternoon, I must confess it sounds quite pleasant. But by the time it reaches Top Of The Pops - and pray God it won't - this new China Crisis single will sound as wet and weedy as 80 per cent of the rest of the charts. Even Elton John's not still trying to write "Your Song". (Paul Simper, No 1, January 7, 1984)

Light and airy pop with a dimple in its cheek. It's quite pleasant but it's already beginning to sound dangerously dated. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 5, 1984)

Tracey Thorn - Goodbye Joe (Cherry Red)

Wonderful acoustic version of a slightly world-weary song from one of my all-time favourite LPs, Strange Boutique by The Monochrome Set, which came out about 2 1/2 years ago. Everything But The Girl chanteuse Thorn provides all vocals and instruments and artfully assumes the kind of breathy, mysterious tone of the '50s solo girl singers she doubtless greatly admires. This'll catch on and the whole of '83 will be flooded with bare-footed types in jumpers and slacks strumming away on bar-stools. You just wait. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, January 6, 1983)

Thomas Dolby - Radio Silence (Venice In Peril)

A perky performance that trampolines on elastic drums, bubbling synthesisers (Depeche Mode's producer Daniel Miller lends a hand here) and some extra vocals from Akiko Yano (everyone has to have a Japanese on their record at the moment). Tasty! (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Chas Jankel - Glad To Know You (A&M)

A round of applause for Chas. He's number one in the American disco charts . . . and deservedly so. Chas might not have the most powerful larynx but he more than compensates with fiendishly tight dance rhythms and salty words courtesy of Ian Dury. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Talk Talk - Talk Talk (EMI)

They're a mite too close to Duran Duran for comfort. They share the same label and the same producer (Colin Thurston) who has given them a similarly smooth and well-sprung sound. Try again, boys. Try again, boys. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Spandau Ballet - Instinction (Chrysalis)

Or how wizard producer Trevor Horn saved the Spans from the dumper. The band's last few singles were justifiable flops. They junked toe-tapping tunes in favour of self-conscious whimpers. But Horn has put them back on course. He's turned this track (originally on the Diamond LP) inside out and added all those magical ingredients like synthesised drum cracks and chattering percussion. The real follow-up to "Chant No. 1". (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)

Kim Wilde - View From A Bridge (RAK)

The Wilde family come up trumps again. Dad's written a spry story, Ricki (why this silly new spelling?) has peppered his production with some Trevor Horn tactics while Kim supplies those wonderfully subdued and smokey vocals. Have you ever noticed how clever the Wilde intros are? This is one of the best yet. Put that needle back to the start .. . (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, April 15, 1982)