Kissing Up to the Teacher

What are some easy, low-cost, low time intensive ways to kiss up to my kids' teachers? I know it's important to have a positive relationship with them, but I am maxed out with my life and don't have time to volunteer, chat after class, etc.

- Needing to compensate in California

Melissa Says:


I work at doing something tangible every month to thank the teachers in addition to the phone calls. September it is usually a nice red apple and some homemade caramel for dipping. October something chocolatey... November we write Thank you notes (which probably are more appreciated than all the goodies combined),  you get the idea. Here are a few of my favorite simple ideas, stolen from other bloggers of course. :) I like these because they are clever and cheap,     and this blogger  made cute printable tags.  The last thing I do is try to send in a batch of glue sticks or a few boxes of kleenex at random times.  It is amazing how quickly 20 pre-K kids can blow through 100 gluesticks!  ( I totally stock up in August--- like, I buy hundreds when they are cheap!) 


Sally Says:
I struggle with this too. Give lots of compliments. I email them a compliment when I see something I like (a particular assignment, or a comment from my child about class). I also sometimes email the principal to tell her how great the teacher is, how great the year is going--I'm pretty sure that email gets forwarded on to the teacher, or the principal mentions it. I guess I'm the email compliment mom.

Kristen Says:
I think a simple thank you card is about as good as it gets.  A message left on their voicemail telling them how much Suzy loved the field trip and how grateful you are for all their hard work is awesome too.  As a teacher, it seems you get a lot of communication when things aren't going so well and when there are complaints.  One other thing, make sure your child smells good.  Seriously, teeth should be brushed (at every age), and if they wet the bed, take the time for a proper bath or shower.  It is hard to kneel next to a child and answer their important questions when they stink of urine or bad breath.

Robin Says:
I like Sally's idea of emailing the principal - but I would forward a copy of the email to the teacher. If money isn't an issue I like giving Starbucks Gift Cards. You can give $5 for just one cup or $20 - depending on how much you are trying to ingratiate yourself.

Marriage Falling Apart

"I'm going through a really difficult separation, but I've only told a few people. The problem is that none of my other friends know and I feel like I'm lying to them when they ask what's new or how I'm doing. I don't know if things will work out with my husband, but in case they do, I don't want to create any perceptions or judgements with our couple friends that might make things awkward should we get back together. Should I tell them anyway?"

Hurt and Worried in Idaho

Kristen says:

I went through a similar thing and told very few people.  In hindsight, I wish I'd told a few more people, because I could have used the support.  I am, however, so grateful that I didn't share details, because it has made it easier for me, my children, and my ex to move forward.  I admire your desire not to foster negative judgment from others, but it is okay to tell a few friends who you know you can trust.  You are not lying to anyone, and it is nobody else's business. I told one friend everything, details and all, and she still invited both me and my ex over for dinner several times.  I appreciated her not shunning him as I tried to make some important decisions.  If you have a friend like that you will want them by your side.  If you want something to tell more casual friends try practicing what you think the perfect response is.  When people said something awkward or when someone figured out things weren't quite right, I said, "Bill and I are separated right now and trying to figure things out".  If they wanted more details (and I was surprised how many people openly asked for details) I simply said, "We've decided to keep the details private.  It's better for us and for our kids".  Also, your church leader can be a help, as well as a professional counselor. 

Good luck to you. 

Robin Says:

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have a friend who is recently divorced. She needed to tell lots of people about it in order to cope. I think her openness helped those around her be aware of her needs and get more involved with helping her. Not everyone would handle it this way but it worked for her and she has a large network of friends to support her in a very difficult time. Most people will ask out of concern for you. You can tell them what you need without telling them all the painful details.






Melissa Says:


I love the idea of keeping other peoples names safe. I think that is what you are doing and while it might be really difficult right now, I doubt you will regret it.






Sally Says:


What a difficult situation. You definitely need a good friend you can talk to. You need a lot of support, but your reasons for hesitating are understandable. With your other friends, maybe you could just tell them "husband and I are going through a rough patch at the moment, I'd rather not talk about it, but I've been better". Something like that. You don't owe an explanation to anyone, but it can be exhausting to try to keep a happy face and keep up appearances when you are going through something so hard.

How Messy Is Too Messy?

How do I keep my house clean throughout the day with a 1.5 year old? Is it even worth it? Somehow things (balls, hair dryers, tupperware, cars, toys) just end up strewn around the house. I do damage control but it doesn't really get cleaned up until he goes to bed. I am torn between having a clean house and spending time playing with my son. Am I being too one sided if my house is a bit messy during the day? Is it OK to let him make a mess for fun? I want to teach him to clean up toys before moving onto a new activity, but is he too young?

Thanks bossy ladies:)Erin in Florida

Robin Says

My rule is "If it smells clean it is clean". So I usually let it get messy and use what ever fresh scent I can find (Scentsy is great for this and I like Pima Cotton combined with Spring Clean). You still have to step over piles of stuff, can't find what you need, and might trip and stumble in the dark. But if it smells good, I'm ok.

I think a little mess is fine. And I think leaving a mess while you do something else is fine. Messes don't bug me. However, if you are bothered by them you probably will be happier if they are picked up and you will be doing your child a big favor to teach him how to clean up after himself. I wish I had done that better.

Melissa Says:

My kids are 3,5,7,9, and 11. I can hardly remember life before toys spread from Hell to Breakfast. I still haven't mastered teaching my kids to clean one thing up before launching into another activity, but they are pro's at the 15 minute clean the house. We make it a point to clean up a few times a day (before lunch, before naps, before dinner and before bedtime.) I think it also helps to have the "put away" be manageable--- back when I insisted the board books be categorized by author it was much more painful for all of us, boy have I let go of some control issues! A basket in every room for a quick gather is really helpful.( But, I hold to the idea that separating toys (ie: cars in a basket, blocks, pretend food) is a good skill to develop!)

Kristen Says:

You asked several questions, but I want to start with the last. Your 1.5 year old is at a perfect age to teach him to clean up before playing with something else. This might mean every now and then during the day you sing a "clean-up" song with him and make a game out of putting the toys away. Make sure you have an easy way to clean-up (toy box, toy cubby, etc). On to the other questions, of course it's okay to let your house be a little cluttered/messy. In fact, with children of any age it is expected (and if you are spending the non-cleaning time with your kiddos then I think it is something to be complimented). Clutter is very different than dirty, and can generally be tidied up in a short time frame. I would schedule your deeper cleaning chores so each day you have one or two things to do, leaving you with ample play-time with your son. Enjoy him because the time flies and soon he'll be out on his own and you will long for the days of cars, Tupperware, and a happy child running around.

Sally Says:Are you sure you're asking the right people? I don't think any of us bossy sisters are legendary for our incredible housekeeping skills. However, we do have happy kids. I agree with my sisters that this is a good time to teach "putting away" skills. At the same time, I will always pick enjoying my children over having a spotless house. I think getting the toys put away once or twice a day is fantastic.

And yes, it is definitely okay to let him make a mess just for fun. That is learning time for him. Tupperware is apparently fascinating for all toddlers, as are pots and pans and anything else that is not officially a toy. And when you are ready for the mess to be gone, you can put on some great music and he can "help" and show you his sweet dance moves while you finish putting it all away. I bet your house is a warm and welcoming place with lots of love, Erin!


Emily Says:
Keeping a clean house has always been a challenge for me because I love a clean house and I hate to spend my time cleaning. I've noticed that if I try to keep the house looking spic-and-span throughout the entire day, it makes me GRUMPY! It ends up consuming all of my time, and I get nothing else done, and everything any one else does just undoes all my cleaning. Argh!
I'm more inclined to think this way:1. It's temporary, he'll grow up and his messes will change--being more contained to the "toy room." Plus when you ask him to put his toys away he'll be better at doing it. I've found that to be true with my 3 and 5 yr old who are older now.2. If I keep the house clean (clean kitchen, tidy family room, etc.) then toys don't bother me. Picking them up is quick.3. I do a quick pick up twice a day: Once after toddler is down for a nap (s/he can help for a minute or two before nap) so that I can enjoy it for an hour or so, and again when toddler has gone to bed for the night so that husband and I can enjoy it (OR--maybe right before spouse gets home from work and dinner begins? But honestly, that is a hard and busy time of day for me...). But even then I don't always do it. Sometimes it is just more important to do other things instead (like take a nap, or email my sisters).


The good thing is that I know that fundamentally I am not a messy gross person, and so a messy house only stays messy for a little while, and it will always get cleaned and picked up. I (and my spouse) can handle a mess for only so long.