Write On Con 2013

2013 Y'all

I know some of you might remember me being kind of depressed about WriteOnCon last year, and I'm not saying that having another year with no agent is awesome or anything, but I'm trying to go in with a better attitude this time. I've already had one partial request for RUNNING FROM RUBY RIDGE, which is great, but I'm also just trying to enjoy helping other writers. That's why I started this old blog in the first place, anyway.

For now, I would really appreciate if all of you would visit my threads, and give me feedback on what I've shared. You've got:

The Query Letter for RUNNING FROM RUBY RIDGE

The first 250 words of RUNNING FROM RUBY RIDGE

The first five pages of RUNNING FROM RUBY RIDGE

and my Intro Post, which mostly just leads back here and to some other cool query related stuff.

Otherwise, I think all you writers should get involved too! Go sign up. Jump into the forums, and get involved.

And feel free to link to anything you've put up over there in the comments here. I would love to visit all of you as well!

Write On Con 2012

2012 Suckas

Okay. I've kind of been dreading doing this post for a while now. Some of you who know me well have heard my bitching. I know, I'm sorry, I've been really whiny lately, but I've been sick. That's no excuse? Fair enough.

So what have I been crying about? Well, I've been attending Write On Con for three years. Three. Years. I've had some great successes in the past. Winning a query contest, earning a full request based on my first 250. So you might wonder what's getting me down.

Well, I've been attending Write On Con for so long, and blogging about publishing and query letters, and writing, and all that for so long now, the Con kind of just serves as a reminder of everything I haven't accomplished. I have plenty of friends who got on to the writing/publishing corner of the internet a lot later than me, and already have books published. I'm not jealous, I swear, I love my friend's success, I'm just ... tired. I'm tired of working so hard for my dreams, and having so little to show for it.

But you know what? My friends, my dear, close writing confidants, are right. I've learned so much, and come so far, it isn't right to be so hard on myself. There are plenty of reasons to be excited. I've had more than five agents read my full manuscript, and not one of them called me a hack. I've had published authors read my work, and both compliment my writing and spend their own precious time giving me invaluable advice. I've made friendships--nay, partnerships--that will last a life's age (that's Tolkien for lifetime, deal with it). I've finished (nearly) two epic manuscripts, and started two others. I've met, IRL no less, some of my very favorite authors.

So I need to keep my chin up, keep my eyes on the path in front of me, and quit doubting myself. After working a query tomorrow and Friday, I'll be going back on hiatus, but I do really appreciate all of your support.

If you'd like to read more, you can find the first five pages of WARRIOR-MONKS (which I've never put online before): here (the formatting is shite, due to being in a forum, so please bear with me).

The first 250 words are here, but you will have already seen them if you read that first post.

I'm also taking part in a sort of query workshop with my query, here, even though the older version has actually garnered a pretty good deal of success in the past, just because I want to be an active part of the Con, because helping other writers really is a passion of mine.

I also wrote a brief tutorial if you need help coding your signature, here.

BTW, if you read these posts, please comment, and rate the posts, because that will help more people see them, which will help me get more feedback.

Other than that, you should really participate in Write On Con. Even if you don't need the help, others do. I know plenty of published authors who frequent the forums because they love to pay it forward as much as I do.

YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.

I love and need you all like Oxygen (this is stolen from Bethany-with love and jade), dear friends and readers, and I promise to keep chasing my dreams if you will.

Solidarity, beaches.

Mark Rubinkowski's Current Query Critiqued

Sorry that post went up so late yesterday. I stayed home sick from work. Ugh. I'm still not feeling that well. So if you're waiting on email from me ... that's probably why. Anyway, let's get to work. My feedback will be in red.

Here's Mark's query:

Super heroes used to exist. They protected society from the threats of super villains and mad scientists. People used to look to them for safety. One day, seventeen years ago, everything changed. The heroes accused the rest of the world of being lazy and deemed it undeserving of their protection. This has some cool things going for it, but I would suggest that this is essentially synopsis territory, and you want to hook us with something better. Something we can feel. Usually, a character.

Sixteen-year-old Mark Novak lives in Springfield, Illinois, which is run by an demented man. Like this. I like how you open with Mark's age, which is important for a YA novel (Mark doesn't include his housekeeping in this query, but I know it's YA from WriteOnCon). However, you could still stand to tell us more about who Mark is - try to think, what kind of person was he before this story started? And also, I would suggest you don't give your protagonist the same first name as you. It hints at author insertion. He is an ordinary boy whose favorite class in school is History of the Superhero this is where you might sprinkle in some of the info from your first paragraph. After you introduce us to your character, then you can introduce us to your world. And a world where superheroes used to exist sounds like a pretty cool one. and has a huge crush on a new girl. The option for romance in a YA novel is always a good one, but you don't want to introduce things from left field like this. Try to make sure things progress logically from one to another. So after mentioning the class, you can mention why such a class exists, thus building your world. One walk into the woods with his friends changes his destiny forever.

Mark and his friends start to develop powers after a chance encounter with a hidden base in the forest. Even though they barely understand what is happening, they will be forced to face down threats from science gone horribly wrong and the consequences a few acts of standing up for ones self can cause. This isn't bad, but it gets muddied by over-wordiness, especially near the end. Try to me more concise. Along the way, they begin to uncover the answers behind the disappearance of the heroes and that they may not be the heroes everyone thought they would be. Mark and his friends are faced with a choice. Use their powers and save their failing city or standby and let things take their natural course. This isn't bad either, but you need to raise the stakes. Right now, it seems like an easy choice. You need to make it clearer why letting things take their natural choice might actually be a viable option.

Okay, to summarize - I get the feeling this is an early draft, and if so, that's good. Queries are hard to write, and this is in much better shape than probably the first hundred drafts I ever wrote.

That being said, you need to focus your writing. Try to be as concise as possible, and try to make sure that things progress logically from one to another. For example, mentioning the crush right after the class, and then never coming back to it, doesn't make much sense. If the crush doesn't become some kind of romance in the manuscript, it might not be worth mentioning in the query.

Other than that, always try to be as specific as possible. You've got some cool sounding things going on here, but they're also pretty vague.

That's it.

What you you all think? Spending any time in the WriteOnCon forums?

Adam Russell Stephens' Current Query Critiqued

All right. Let's get right down to business. For those who haven't seen me do this before, my thoughts, feedback, embarrassing anecdotes, parenthetical asides, and corny jokes will be in red. Intro and outro will be bold. Adam's query will just be regular old text. I would say black, but I can't remember if my blog style forces it into some other color, like old-crone-grey, or doo-doo-brown.

Anyway. Before I get to critiquing what Adam has shared with us already, I want to talk about query letters, and the standard structure I generally suggest when people ask me to help them with their query. However, before I even get to that, I want to point out that there are no ultimate rules. For an example of an excellent, incredibly short query (by my friend Josin L. McQuein) that broke all the standard expectations, but still worked, please see this post, at Query Shark. Seriously, read that query; it will blow your mind.

Now I'm not saying you should break the rules, just showing that it can be done.

Anyway, so assuming you want to write a regular old query letter, this is how it works: One page or less, 250 words is generally a good guideline. Usually 3 paragraphs. First is your opening hook and pitch. You need to get across a strong sense of character right away, and if you can sprinkle in some backstory, in a nice, organic way, that's great. Second, you want to introduce the conflict. If you can sprinkle in setting and stakes, great. Finally, you need to give us an idea of what choices your character has to make in order to overcome the conflict.

So that's: Character. Conflict. Choice. The three Cs.

I'm not saying this query doesn't do that, in fact it does have all the basics, but I think it's missing other things. We'll get to that in a moment.

Before I get to the actual feedback, I want to point you to one more post. My own query (which isn't anywhere near perfect, and it still a WIP), won a contest at WriteOnCon last year, and I posted the analysis of it by Literary Agent Joanna Stampfel-Volpe, which you can find: right here. She does a great job of explaining what works, and why.

Anyway, to the query:

Dear Agent,

My name is Adam Stephens, the author of a 45,000-word YA novel entitled IMPERFECT SYMMETRY.

You can skip all this. Your name needs to go at the end, with the rest of your contact info. Housekeeping like word count and genre can go up front like this, and some agents prefer it that way, but I advise people to get right to what matters: the story.

IMPERFECT SYMMETRY tells the story of 17-year-old Adam Smith, who lives a double life. Your first sentence really needs more punch than this. The first sentence is the most important one. It's good you've included his age, but we need a better sense of character. You get right to some great stuff in the next sentence, but if you can incorporate his duality into the opening, it would make for a much stronger hook. And "lives a double life" is a bit cliche. On the internet, where he has spent a substantial amount of his summer, Adam is openly gay and, as a result, has developed a suitable relationship. What is a suitable relationship? I have a suitable relationship with my boss, because even though I can't stand him, he still signs my paycheck. The people I actually care about? Our relationships better be more than just suitable. I think I know what you mean, but you need to reword it. Is it loving? Caring? Exciting? All of the above? At home, the son of a chaplain at a private Christian boarding school, Adam appears Appears? To who? I think you can use a different (better) verb here. more conservative, his orientation a deeply buried secret he hopes no one suspects. Adam’s secret is well-kept until the day his online boyfriend—who lives in Scotland—shows up Shows up, or enrolls? You need to make this clear, because the way it's written here it sounds random, and comes out of left field. I know from your blog that he enrolls, so you need to just say that in the query, although it still seems pretty random, I think it can work if you just make it clear. at Pisgah Heights Academy, Move this up to where you first mention his dad is the chaplain, and you won't have to repeat these ideas. the school where Adam attends and where his father works as chaplain. Suddenly, he must choose between his church His Faith? Is Adam a Christian, or does he fake it for his dad's sake? and his boyfriend, his heart’s truth or his secret’s lie This is vague. I like the language of it, but I don't understand what it means. What is the lie of his secret? Just the fact that he's hiding it? Ultimately, Adam also knows whatever decision he makes will no longer simply impact his life, but the lives of everyone else around him. This is pretty good. A nice sense of the stakes, even though it might be considered obvious. Only, Adam isn’t entirely sure his heart, scathed by past burns, Get specific here. What past burns? Where's mom? can take another plunge into the fire.

The full manuscript is available upon request. Thanks for your consideration.

Okay. So I think the strength of your premise may be enough to garner some requests even if you don't change this query, but if you do want to tighten it up some, I would try to start with something like this:

17 year-old attacking-midfielder Adam Smith has to juggle more than just soccer balls. He spent his summer on the internet, falling in love with his Scottish boyfriend, but at home he must hide his sexual orientation, because his father is the Chaplain of the Christian boarding school he attends: Pisgah Heights Academy. His relationship isn't just a lie to be kept secret, to dad it's a sin.

So obviously that's really cheesy, and you probably wouldn't want to write it that way, but it's just an example of how you can squeeze more of the important information right into the first line or two, in order to pack more punch, and hook the agent right away.

The last thing I would say is that this query comes off as dry, and lacking voice. This is a YA novel, so try to write the query using the language that Adam Smith would. The only caveat to that is that the voice and tone of the query needs to match the style the novel is written in. If this story ends in tragedy, and therefore the writing in the book is a bit more formal, then this query's voice might be good. If the story is funny, or more lighthearted, then you will want to inject that into your query.

So that's it. What do you guys think? Can anyone write a better opening hook than I did? Come on, mine was pretty bad, surely one of you dear readers can do better.

Please leave your feedback in the comments, and feel free to disagree with me!

WriteOnCon Query Contest

So, I promised to write about my query win this morning and I will not disappoint! There is actually a pretty funny story about this whole thing so I will share that quickly before I share the query and Joanna's awesome critique of it.

I had posted my query in the WriteOnCon query critique forum here. On last Thursday night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself because people were not liking it so I sent an email to several of the writers I look up to and consider friends, asking them to chime in on the forum. A couple replied saying things like "of course, a little busy right now but will take a look as soon as I can", or something similar.

Then I got this email from Elana Johnson. Pretty much all it said was "DUDE!" and then it linked me to this. Needless to say I was pretty excited and especially happy to see that all those nay-sayers were wrong. Then I thought about it.

Those people weren't wrong. They were only trying to help and this is all so subjective anyway. So I thanked them for their feedback and went on my way. The moral of this story is that you must believe in yourself. That and don't believe every single critique you get. Only you will know what really resonates.

So here's Joanna's critique of my query, which you can also find on the amazing Coffey. Tea. And Literary. Blog.

Dear Ms. Stampfel-Volpe,

15 Year old Lee Ruccio is a reluctant juvenile delinquent. Great opening line. Makes me wonder what Lee is all about. He obviously gets into trouble, but it seems like he doesn't want to. The last thing he expected to find at reform school in the bitter wilderness of northern Idaho was magic. Reform school tells me he got busted for some of that trouble, and then Matthew adds another layer to this story...magic. And it feels natural. One thing that frustrates me in a query is when the paranormal/supernatural element in a query doesn't come into play until the last line. I'm left scratching my head. But Matthew is laying out the story perfectly, defining the character first, then the setting. But after the death of his mother, and estrangement from his useless, high-society, drunk-whenever-he’s-home father, Lee’s guardians ship him off to Rocky Mountain Academy and that’s exactly what he discovers. Just enough backstory for me to GET it.

Despite having to earn the right to attend classes after months of hard labor and being placed on restriction after getting caught alone in the woods with a female student, Oooooo! Rocky Mountain Academy redeems itself when Lee finally learns of the mysterious curriculum. The classes have names like “The Way of Unifying With Life Energy” and “The Eight Principles of Yong.” In them Lee and his new friends (and enemies) study everything from East Asian Calligraphy and Meditation to Aikido and Kenjutsu. Woah--now this academy sounds awesome and unique. Plus, I love anything involving martial arts, so sweet.

Permission to kick ass is pretty awesome when you’re fifteen and convinced it’s you against the world. Yes it is! At this point I'm pretty pumped...the first paragraph was great, so I'm down with a line like this. However, I can say, if this were an opening line, it wouldn't have packed as strong a punch (ha).

Through these disciplines Lee and his fellow students learn to manipulate their Chi for things like healing, telekinesis and imbuing their weapons with rockin’ powers. And it’s a good thing Lee mostly stayed awake during class because the Master of the School is sending a team of students on a mission to investigate an abandoned silver mine. While underground, they are attacked by Earth Elementals, creatures of mud and rock with brute strength and cunning logic equal to a raging hippopatamus, and their new-found friendship and magical talents are put to the test. Earth Elementals sound awesome, but now I'm more curious about why their teachers would send them into such a dangerous scenario....something is afoot!

Actually kicking ass is pretty critical when your life’s in danger and it truly is you (and your friends) against the world.

Before reform school, Lee never in a million years thought he’d be battling subterranean monsters using Eastern mysticism. Then again, he never thought he’d make an actual friend, earn the praise of a teacher, or fall in love either. My only revision suggestion for this query has to do with these last two lines/paragraphs. It feels like two conclusions, when you need only one. At this point you had me hooked, so it's a small thing, I don't think it would make any agent who was interested say "ya know what? never mind." So don't worry! My suggestion is to keep the second one...it wraps up the whole concept better, and the first one feels more like a repeat of above. But of course you'd have to tweak it so the transition from the previous paragraph worked.

Either way, I am so impressed! This story sounds fun, unique, and ripe for the market now. I'm looking forward to reading those first 10 pages and sharing them with Sara. Thanks for participating, Matthew!

Cheers-JV

I'm not going to break down every point she made, except to say wow! What an astute analysis. It is interesting to see that agents are human. For example her response to the mention of Aikido and Kenjutsu is pretty awesome, but I'm guessing that not every agent out there is as young and hip as Joanna, and therefore probably not into martial arts. The other thing here is that Aikido is pretty well known, but Kenjutsu is not, for Joanna to even know what those things are is probably unique to this situation. Agents are pretty smart though, so I could be wrong about that.

I also totally agree with her point about that permission line. It is the best bit of voice in the query, and it would sound cool as an opening hook ... but, it wouldn't make sense without the setup. I feel like that would leave readers going huh?

As far as her analysis about revising the end she is absolutely right. In fact this is one of the main points I struggle with in the book. I won't go into great detail but the idea is that the main conflict is what occurs within Lee's heart as he struggles to grow into a normal human being and leave all his bitterness and grief behind. The actual physical conflict with the creatures is sort of a sub-plot. That is really oversimplifying it, but I'm sure you all will understand.

So what do you guys think? Is that not some amazing feedback to get from such an awesome agent? I sent her my first 10 pages on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to sharing with you all about that.

Thoughts? Questions? Please share them in the comments section!

Current Query Part II

So, since today WriteOnCon really does actually start I'll keep this short. Here is the query Lady LiLa sent back to me:

Hey Matt! You are SO close with this! Hopefully we helped a little...

Dear Lady LiLa, HA.

The last thing Lee (insert last name here) expected to discover in the bitter wilderness of northern Idaho was magic. But after the death of his mother, and estrangement from his useless, high-society, drunk-whenever-he's-home father, Lee is shipped off to Rocky Mountain Academy and that's exactly what he finds.

Despite having to earn the right to attend classes after months of hard labor and being placed on restriction after getting caught alone in the woods with a female student, Rocky Mountain Academy redeems itself when Lee finally learns of the mysterious curriculum. The classes have names like "The Eight Principles of Yong" and "The Way of Unifying With Life Energy." In them Lee and his new friends (and enemies) study everything from East Asian Calligraphy and Meditation to Aikido and Kenjutsu.

Permission to actually kick ass is pretty awesome when you're fifteen and convinced it's you against the world.

Through these disciplines Lee and his fellow students learn to use their talents to harness their Chi for things like healing, telekinesis and imbuing their weapons with rockin' powers. And it's a good thing Lee stayed awake during class because the master of the school is sending a team of students on a mission to investigate an abandoned silver mine. While underground, they are attacked by Stone Golem Earth Elementals, (need a description here), and their newfound friendship and magical skills are put to the test.

Before reform school, Lee never in a million years thought he'd be battling subterranean monsters using Eastern mysticism. Then again he never thought he'd make an actual friend either.

Insert bio/reason you're querying here.

So as you can see they tightened up the plot descriptions drastically, which is AWESOME. This is way better than what I sent them, but I'm sure you'll all agree it's still not QUITE right. Tomorrow you'll see a few more changes I made to inject a little more voice and emphasize some of the changes they helped me make, and tomorrow's version, which is the current one, is the best I have so far but it still isn't perfect.

We can discuss that tomorrow.

LiLa and I also discussed a couple of other things about queries. We agreed that actually writing one in first person and leaving it that way is not an option, though we didn't consider writing it in first and then changing it - which I think is brilliant. I also asked them whether referring to the genre as YA Rural Fantasy would be a good idea, and while they thought the joke was pretty funny they weren't sure whether agents would get it. I see their point and probably won't do it ... except when I query Nathan Bransford because he liked it: see?

Current Query Part I

WriteOnCon begins today! Let's bask in that for a moment.

Yes. So it's an awesome free online writing/publishing conference put together by the most amazing writers on the planet and to include countless industry professionals droppin knowledge free of charge.

So because of this and the fact that I have a stupid day job with which I earn money to pay the bills I have very little time for blogging this week. But ... in spite of my inherent laziness I will try to share something worthwhile with you all: My Current Query.

Yes I am in the middle of a re-write and yes the plot COULD change enough that the query will have to follow but it's not likely. Therefore I do still try to keep my query up to date and since I won assistance with it from Lady LiLa on Lisa and Laura Write last week I wanted to share the awesome advice they give me with you all.

So today I will share the query I sent them. Tomorrow I will share the one they sent me back and then Wednesday I will share the one that I wrote, based on their advice, and submitted to the Joanna Stampfel-Volpe contest on WriteOnCon.

So here's the first version:

Dear Lady LiLa,

Fifteen year old Lee is a reluctant juvenile delinquent who arrives at reform school fearing abuse or worse but soon discovers magic and mysticism beneath the hard-knock surface.

After the death of his mother, and estrangement from his useless, high-society, drunk-when-ever-he's-home father, Lee's aunt and uncle ship him off to Rocky Mountain Academy, a reform school in the bitter wilderness of northern Idaho.

He is forced to work in the Wood Corral; the right to attend classes being earned only after months of labor. He gets caught alone in the woods with a female student, which is of course strictly forbidden. He is placed on restriction and given work assignments. Finally lessons begin and the students become excited by the mysterious curriculum. The classes have names like "The Eight Principles of Yong" and "The Way of Unifying With Life Energy". In them Lee and his new friends (and enemies) study everything from East Asian Calligraphy and Meditation to Aikido and Kenjutsu.

Permission to actually kick ass is pretty awesome when you're fifteen and convinced it's you against the world.

Through these disciplines they learn to use their talents to harness the energy the Chinese know as Chi for things like healing, telekinesis and imbuing their weapons with rockin powers. They bring this unique new form of magic with them into the mountains of Montana when the Master of the School asks them to investigate an abandoned silver mine. In the mine they are attacked by Stone Golem Earth Elementals and forced to band together, using their newfound skills to defend themselves and survive the creatures' onslaught.

As you can see this isn't terrible but it doesn't really pop either. Those of you who know me will recognize how far this has come since the old days and those of you who are new readers can check the posts labeled Queries/Rejections to learn more.

When I sent it to Lisa and Laura I pointed out that what I felt it was missing the most was voice. The story is now being re-written into first person so the personality of the MC really comes across hard in the very beginning and I wanted to inject that into the query more. Writing a query in first person is a no-no but I really liked Jen's suggestion from last Friday about writing it in first person and then switching it over.

We'll see where my query goes throughout the week.

WriteOnCon

I don't have time to write much today and since my long ass posts this week scared many of you away I won't force it. I need to finish up Stephanie's guest post for tomorrow so make sure to come back for that.

In the meantime all I will point out today is that WriteOnCon registration has begun. If you're interested in a free online Writing Conference with several awesome Published Authors and Industry Professionals please visit WriteOnCon.com and register today!