Bunny

“We are currently in an environmental crisis, as islands of floating garbage pile up in our garbage. Reclaim and recycle with Repurposed Cocks .com.

Go carbon neutral using discarded dildos as neck rests on planes, foot rollers for arthritis, blackjacks for self defense, dog chews, or very short bungy cords. Repel rubber bullets.

Uh, note to self, test this first.

Use them as dog toys for fetching or stuff into cribs for baby bumpers that double as teethers-

(You should wash them first.)”
― Jenny Lawson, Broken

“When hairless cats curl up into a ball, their excess belly skins looks a lot like a lady garden. So, we can have the best of both worlds by adopting unwanted hairless cats and using them for photoshoots of... vaginas, quote unquote. So that we can make a Pornhub that doesn't exploit young women.

We'll call it Bald Pusses. And technically, we can't get sued for lying.”
― Jenny Lawson, Broken

“There are dicks stuck in my car holes, and everyone at the post office thinks I buy tiny dildos in bulk!'

'Right,' Victor said, 'because that's the real issue here.'

'Yeah, and now the people at the post office probably think I have, like, a tiny vagina. And now every time I see them, I'm gonna want to defend my vagina and be like, "I know you didn't ask out loud, but I can assure you that my vagina is much roomier than you'd think.”
― Jenny Lawson, Broken

“Here's a question: what do people like even better than cocaine? Fried food.

And what do they like even more than fried food? Sticks.

You know what's never been thought of? Fried cocaine on a stick.

Y'all, we are gonna be zillionaires.”
― Jenny Lawson, Broken