Derek Landy Quotes

“They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“Kindness suits you."

"Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.”
― Derek Landy

“It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“Peace means nothing without freedom.”
― Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked

“Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby.
"Can it do any tricks yet?"
"I'm still working on it. Want to hold her?"
"God, no," Fletcher said laughing. "I'd drop it."
"It's not an it, it's my baby sister. Go on, hold her. You won't make a mess of it, i swear. Only an idiot could drop a baby."
"You always say I am an idiot."
"But you're a special kind of idiot. Here."
She passed Alice into his arms, and he stood there, rigid, a look of intense concentration on his face.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“He stood there, looking at her. She glared back, opened her mouth to continue the conversation, but he suddenly turned, walked away, like he'd just remembered that she may look and sound and talk like Valkyrie Cain, but she wasn't Valkyrie Cain.

And she never would be.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

“It always surprised Valkyrie whenever she realized just how close the weird and the wonderful, and the fierce and the frightening, lived to the rest pf the non-magical, mortal world.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“be brave”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“You don't treat me like a child."
He smiled. "Of course I do, but you seem to have this ridiculous notion that being treated like a child means to be treated with less respect than an adult.”
― Derek Landy, The Faceless Ones

“Skulduggery: It would be a tad redudant to encourage you to hurry up, wouldn't it? Whatever you do, do not fall over. Falling over, I think, would be the wrong move to make at this moment
Valkyrie: Hate...
Skulduggery: Yes?
Valkyrie: Hate... You...
Skulduggery: Breathe some more air, the lack of oxygen is making you delirious.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Sanguine: You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'
Valkyrie: Knock yourself out
Sanguine: Thanks
Valkyrie: No, really, run head first into a wall and knock yourself out”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Kenspeckle: Have you eaten?
Valkyrie: One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast
Kenspeckle: I meant, have you eaten sensibly?
Valkyrie: I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn't miss my mouth once”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Tanith: How did Skulduggery sound?
Valkyrie: Angry and worried; He's only OK when I'm attacked by people he knows. He'd never even heard of this Sangunie guy”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Scapegrace: Back then, I was full of ideas, I was going to renovate the whole front of the pub,, and extend out to the west, maybe get in a music system a little dancefloor. In the end, I decided not to. Too expensive, you know. And, like, nobody wanted to dance so.
Skulduggery: Vaurien, if you're trying to kill us, there are quicker ways than telling us your life story
Valkryie: Less painful too.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Valkyrie: Guild doesn't like me
Skulduggery: That's true
Valkyrie: He doesn't like you either
Skulduggery: Now that is mystifying.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Skulduggery: I don't know what they are, but there are dozens of them, relatively small, moving as a pack
Valkyrie: They might be kittens
Skulduggery: They're stalking us
Valkyrie: They might be shy
Skulduggery: I don't think they're kittens
Valkyrie: Puppies then?”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“[...} What did I tell you about wandering off? Why don't you ever do anything I say? If I didn't know any better, I would swear that you feel a compulsion to disobey authoriy figures."

"That can't be what it is," she said.

"Well, that's what it seems like."

"But I don't view you as an authority figure."

"Oh, not this again.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“What about you?" he asked, his words not much more than a mumble. "Regrets?"

"Many," Skuduggery said.

Tesseract's breath rattled in his chest. "That's the goo thing about living. You get to make up for past mistakes."

"Or make brand-new ones.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“You're late," he said.

"I'm beautiful."

"You're always beautiful."

"I'm always late, too.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“Omen nodded. "I can do that."
Colleen pressed the stop button and the tram slowed. Before she stepped off, she turned to him and said, "Help us, Omen-one-Kenobi. You're our only hope.
And then she was gone.
He'd been star Wars-ed.”
― Derek Landy, Bedlam

“Valkyrie: "Not everyone sees things the way you do."
Kenspeckle: "And what have I always told you about other people?"
Valkyrie: (grinning) "They're idiots.”
― Derek Landy

“We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse”
― Derek Landy, Last Stand of Dead Men

“I've had years to see the funny side.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“Six sorcerers were killed in a Dublin bar,” said Skulduggery, “three nights ago. The one witness we found who would talk said that a big man in a metal mask took them apart, and afterwards he spoke with a pathetic little zombie who cowered and wailed. That was you, am I right?”
“No,”Scapegrace said. He pointed at Thrasher, who was grabbing a lamp post and pulling himself up off the ground. “It was him.”
“Oh,” Thrasher said.
“We’ve let you wander around,” Skulduggery said, “because we reasoned you’re not that big a threat. We didn’t think you’d be too eager to recruit more members, not after your little horde went crazy the last time. But now you have proven yourselves to be a nuisance the world could do without.”
“Spare my master!” Thrasher wailed. “End my life, but leave my master alone! I beg of you!”
“I agree with him,” Scapegrace said.
Thrasher jumped between Skulduggery and Scapegrace. “Master, run! I’ll hold them off!”
“You couldn’t hold off a sneeze,” Scapegrace muttered.
“But I’ll die trying!”
Thrasher lunged at Skulduggery, who pushed him towards Valkyrie, who stepped sideways and tripped him as he passed.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“Bet you never thought I’d save your skin.”
“What?”
“Just makin’ small talk. Got to distract myself from the pain, y’know? Life has a funny way of workin’ out, don’t it? Take your friend, for example. The sword-lady.”
“Tanith?”
“First time we met, we were tryin’ to kill each other, remember that? But every time subsequent to that there’s been a kind of a frisson between us.”
“A what?”
“Frisson. It’s French for … To be honest I don’t really know what it’s French for, but I know what it means in American. A sort of electrical undercurrent of emotion.”
“I know what frisson means, but I really don’t think Tanith would share your view.”
“You’re a kid. You don’t know the ways of menfolk and womenkind. All those threats she fires my way? That there is the mark of flirtation.”
“Oh, dear God,” Valkyrie said, the colour draining from her face. “You fancy Tanith.”
“I don’t fancy her, I—”
“You have a crush on Tanith. That is disgusting.”
“What? Why would it be disgustin’?”
“Because you’re a hired killer.”
“That don’t make it disgustin’, just makes it … unusual. Does she talk about me?
“Somebody shoot me.”
“What does she say? I’m a formidable foe, right? Does she say anythin’ in a kind of a more … wistful voice?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Does she ever say, ‘If only he were good …’?”
“Stop your talking. Stop it right now. Stop it. She has a boyfriend.”
His face fell. “Someone I know?” he asked morosely.
“He may have punched you a few times, yes.”
“She’s not … She’s not datin’ the skeleton, is she? How would that be even possible, let alone … nice? He’s got no skin, or lips, or … or nothin’. And he talks. Good God, he talks and he never shuts up.”
“It’s not Skulduggery.”
“Well then, who else could it …? It’s not the ugly fella, is it? It couldn’t be the ugly fella.”
“Don’t call him ugly.”
“It is him! But he’s all scars! I mean, I know I ain’t got no eyes, but once you get past that, you got my face. And my face is all right. Better’n his. His is a mess, like he was dropped head first into a blender as a kid. Seriously? She’s with him?”
“Seriously, and you’re not going to break them up. Not because you won’t try, but because you won’t be able to. Look, are you ready yet? Can we move now?”
“I’m ready,” he snapped. “But this conversation stays between us, understand? My romancin’ ain’t gonna work if she knows it’s comin’.”
“Believe me, I never want to speak to anyone about this ever again.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“Traitor.” Nero Muttered.
Temper looked over his shoulder. “You say something, buddy?”
Nero scowled. “You betrayed us.”
“How’d you figure that?”
“You pretended to be one of us.”
“I was undercover, jackass. Pretending to be one of you is what undercover means. I can’t betray you if I was never one of you to begin with.”
“You said you were my friend.”
“If it makes you feel better, you still hold a special place in my heart.”
“Shut up.”
“Need a hug?”
“Shut. Up.”
Temper grinned.”
― Derek Landy, Resurrection

“Skulduggery took a small spool of thread from his pocket and started wrapping it around the door handles.
"That'll hold?" Valkyrie asked sceptically.
"This is Resolute Thread. The more pressure applied, the stronger it gets. It's very rare. They say it was made from the stomach lining of an emperor dragon, over 2000 years ago."
"Was it?"
"No, it's just really strong thread.”
― Derek Landy

“Thick, basically. Just thick. Dumb as a bag of hammers. Not too bright there, Valkyrie."
"You can really stop complimenting me now."
Skulduggery pulled her gently into a hug, and patted her back. "You brainless moron. You simple-minded cretin. You're a half-wit. A dimwit. An imbecile. You're as sharp as a marble. Thick as a ditch. not the sharpest knife, nor the brightest crayon, and not the brightest bulb. you just fell off the turnip truck. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
She laughed. "Please stop talking.”
― Derek Landy, Armageddon Outta Here

“The Sparrow flies South for the Winter”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer