Ironic Quotes

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
― Blaise Pascal, Pensées

“I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. ”
― William Faulkner

“What is your advice to young writers?”
“Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.”
― Charles Bukowski, Hot Water Music

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but don't three lefts make a right? Two wrongs don't make a right, but don't two negatives make a positive?”
― Andrew Clements, Things Not Seen

“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked...
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'
Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.
'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

“I thought that it was more likely the opposite. I must have shut grief out. Found it in books. Cried over fiction instead of the truth. The truth was unconfined, unadorned. There was no poetic language to it, no yellow butterflies, no epic floods. There wasn't a town trapped underwater or generations of men with the same name destined to make the same mistakes. The truth was vast enough to drown in.”
― Nina LaCour, We Are Okay

“...it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould. It’s an artist’s right to rebel against the world’s stupidity.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

“People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

“Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed.
"Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking.
"More or less," Arriane said”
― Lauren Kate, Torment

“Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.”
― Seanan McGuire, Rosemary and Rue

“And a beautiful world we live in, when it is possible, and when many other such things are possible, and not only possible, but done-- done, see you!-- under that sky there, every day.”
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

“If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“My mother was an angel,” I blurted. “A guardian angel.”
Kaidan began to chuckle.
“What's so funny?” I asked.
“You. You're a walking contradiction. Horns and a halo. I don't believe it.”
― Wendy Higgins, Sweet Evil

“sometimes when everything seems at
its worst
when all conspires
and gnaws
and the hours, days, weeks
years
seem wasted –
stretched there upon my bed
in the dark
looking upward at the ceiling
i get what many will consider an
obnoxious thought:
it’s still nice to be
Bukowski.”
― Charles Bukowski, You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense

“For other people, I can't speak - but, personally, I haven't gotten wise on anything. Certainly, I've been through this and that; and when it happens again, I say to myself, Here it is again. But that doesn't seem to help me. In my opinion, I, personally, have gotten steadily sillier and sillier - and that's a fact.”
― Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man

“-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."

-"It was stupid.”
― Lloyd Alexander, Westmark

“But she was seventeen now and not actually dumb. She knew that you could love somebody more than anything and still not love the person all that much, if you were busy with other things.”
― Jonathan Franzen, Freedom

“Never ask an elf for help; they might decide your better off dead, eh?”
― Christopher Paolini, Eldest

“He looks like the good boy he's never been.”
― Holly Black, Red Glove

“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
― Demetri Martin

“The most dangerous irony is, people are angry with others because of their own incompetence.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“He stirred my soul in the most subtle way and the story between us wrote itself.”
― Nikki rowe

“And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!”
― Susan Kay, Phantom

“We were talking about the prince,' Sansa said, her voice soft as a kiss.
Arya knew which prince she meant: Joffrey, of course. The tall, handsome one. Sansa got to sit with him at the feast. Arya had to sit with the little fat one. Naturally.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

“Most of the time-- 99 percent of the time-- you just don't know how and why the threads are looped together, and that's okay. Do a good thing and something bad happens. Do a bad thing and something good happens. Do nothing and everything explodes.”
― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

“Dora can marry anyone she likes when she’s old enough, and I can say with absolute certainty that it won’t be anyone at this table.”
― MsKingBean89, All the Young Dudes

“It seems ironic that while they continue their pleas for privacy, Prince Harry ‘breaches’ Royal Family’s privacy in his Bombshell memoir. That can undermine his own future right to privacy.”
― Mouloud Benzadi

“Fate has a twisted sense of humor.”
― Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Midnight Predator

“The idea that God works in mysterious ways is rubbish. There’s nothing mysterious about his ways. They’re premeditated and slightly conniving, and they place you in an impossible situation.”
― Melina Marchetta, Saving Francesca