Anger management

For staff in schools

www.educationsupport.org.uk
Introduction
Much attention is given to the need for
school staff to manage student behaviour and
anger. This resource will cover this, but also
how to deal with your own anger and that of
colleagues’. There is also information on what
school leaders can do to support staff.

What is anger and why is

this important in schools?

Teaching and supporting children whilst working As schools can be high pressure environments,
in a very busy, often resource constrained, managing anger in all its forms is something that
environment while managing large workloads, school staff may find themselves having to do on
staff room dynamics and student behaviour is a a regular basis.
big ask of even the most passionate and skilled
school workforce. It often requires very high levels When not well managed, or if experienced very
of patience and tolerance. It’s very normal when frequently, chronic anger can have very negative
these things run out! affect on our physical and mental health. It can
also have a negative impact on our career and
Anger is one of many normal human emotions. relationships.
It acts as a messenger, telling us when we feel
attacked, frustrated or that we are being unfairly If you explode with anger, you
treated or ignored. It’s a standard part of being are not getting the chance to
human and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
properly express the message
Understanding our anger can help us recognise
when we don’t feel safe or happy, and inspire us to that sits behind your anger.
make changes so our overall wellbeing improves.
This can lead to stress, depression and other mental
health problems. It can also increase your risk of
Teachers are human and will experience the
heart disease, high blood pressure and insomnia,
feelings that lead to anger. This is ok. These
and cause challenges at work and at home.
experiences can help us to grow as people and
understand more about who we are. As we grow
Recognising what makes you angry, the signs of
we better understand what we need to be mentally
anger, and knowing how to manage it, is all part of
well, and how to help others experiencing anger.
looking after yourself and being the best possible
member of school staff.
Recognising and managing
expressions of anger:

Anger management means finding a healthy

way to understand and express the feelings Spotting the signs
that lead to anger. It doesn’t mean you must
never feel angry or you must suppress your Spotting when you may be getting angry
anger - both are impossible! is an important part of effective anger
management. These will likely include a
What are we aiming for? physical response so paying attention to
your body is important - look out for:
Being able to recognise the following…

 Knots in your stomach
...What makes you angry

 Clenching your hands or jaw
...When you’re experiencing anger

 Feeling clammy or flushed
...How to manage it in the moment

 Breathing faster
...What emotions have led to the anger

 Headaches
Learning to recognise these things can help you
to feel better, more in control and have better 
 Pacing or needing to walk around
quality personal and professional relationship

 “Seeing red”

When is anger a problem? 

 Having trouble concentrating

Anger can cause problems if it leads to 

 Pounding heart
the following:

 Tensing your shoulders
 You regularly express your anger through
unhelpful or destructive behaviour, for example
verbal abuse or physical violence

 ou find it very difficult to compromise and

Y
view different opinions as a personal challenge

 our anger is having a negative effect on your

Y
overall mental and physical health

 our anger is causing a break down in personal

Y
or professional relationships

 nger becomes your only emotion, blocking

A
out your ability to feel other emotions

 ou haven’t developed ways to effectively

Y
communicate the emotions that cause
your anger
Responding to anger in the moment:

If you’re able to spot the signs that your temper  If you’re feeling tense in your head or shoulders
is rising you may be able to manage it in the can you do some stretches or give yourself
moment. This is often about knowing when anger a gentle massage? Just 15 seconds will likely
is rising, and disrupting it to prevent an explosion. change how you are feeling.
There are lots of techniques to help with this. It’s
 ery slowly count to 10: this focuses on the mind
V
important to find which works best for you. Some
and helps bring everything back under control.
that are known to be helpful include:
Then do it again (or count to 100)
 ake deep breaths: in for 4, out for 6. Breathe
T
 se your senses: sight, smell, sound, touch and
U
from your tummy: let air in.
taste can relieve anger if you focus on something
 ocus on your body: noticing the physical signs
F that ticks one of those boxes - a cup of tea is a
of anger will actually help to calm the emotions. cliche for a reason!

 If possible, change your scene quickly: go for a  isualise a place or time when you have felt
V
quick walk round the block, or excuse yourself calmer, or happier.
and take five minutes to move around. Just
 evelop a mantra you can use e.g. ‘You’re ok.
D
change location.
You’re safe and incontrol’

Some questions to ask yourself to help manage anger in the moment:

How important is this

issue to me? Can I better
influence the situation by Will how I express my
engaging differently? anger ruin my day? Or other
people’s? Do I want that?

Is my response
proportionate to the
situation?

Is there anything I can Is taking action worth my

control about the situation? If time? Or can I direct my
not, will expressions of anger energy elsewhere?
change anything?
Longer term anger management

There are a number of approaches to anger  umping to conclusions / deciding what people
J
management that can help you to keep a check think even if they are saying something different
on your expressions of anger. These include:
 laming others for everything that goes wrong
B

Understand your triggers. If you know what makes  aving a lack of flexibility and nuance in
H
you feel angry, this may help you to manage situations of tension - thinking things SHOULD
unwanted responses. This could be busy times of be a certain way and refusing to accept
day, workload stress, receiving negative feedback, deviation from this
or particularly places, people of even times of day.
Look at your routine and ask yourself if there are Understand what emotions are causing your
common themes that make your blood boil. anger. Often anger and conflict mask deeper
Can you find ways to mitigate them or switch things such as hurt, upset, shame, anxiety or
up your routine? humiliation. It can also be a reflection of what
you experienced in childhood or a symptom
of experiencing trauma, depression or chronic
Definition of a trigger: stress. If you think that your anger is a problem it
Anger triggers are like any emotional trigger. It's a may well be helpful to talk to someone, including
sensitive area in your emotions that gets stirred up a professional, about why you are getting angry,
by a certain situation, person, topic etc. how you’re expressing it, and to understand the
reasons behind it.

Recognise what Recognise if you need help. It’s ok if you come

comes from ourselves. to the conclusion that you need help from a
Sometimes anger may come from the stories we professional – it’s not uncommon or something
tell ourselves about events, rather than the events to feel ashamed of. Anger management classes
themselves. We may bring past experiences, may allow you to meet others facing the same
current frustrations or assumptions to an challenges – the comradery may be helpful,
interaction. We all do this all the time! But if our and might help you feel less alone. Group or
aim is to manage our expressions of anger, then it individual therapy may help you to understand
can be helpful to make an effort to identify it. yourself, and why you express your anger the way
you do, better. It may also provide a safe place to
Here are some common habits we can all bring to practice new skills for expressing anger.
the table during fraught interactions. We have also
included some questions to ask yourself that may
help you reframe things. If you need some support in identifying
your triggers and understanding the
 aking sweeping generalisations / assumptions
M
feelings behind your anger call Education
- ‘she ALWAYS does x’, ‘he NEVER does y’.
Support’s free and confidential helpline:
These assumptions can often as a barrier
08000 562 561. Our qualified counsellors
to identifying solutions, because we see the
are here to help.
problem as the whole person rather than
something they may have done.
Self-care. Long term anger management can be
part of a wider self-care and wellbeing approach. Questions you can to ask
We always advocate for teachers and education to reframe situations to
staff to make time for activities that make you feel reduce anger:
like you! You’re a human being and your passions
can energise you. They can help to stave off  Is my response proportionate to the issue?
burnout, exhaustion and frustration that may lead
 Is there evidence to support my assumptions?
to big or surprising expressions of anger. You can
(especially regarding other people’s intentions)
read more about avoiding burnout here and you
can read about the building blocks of good mental  hat would I say to a friend who was thinking
W
health here. or doing these things?

 oes it have to be the way I see it, or can

D
both perspectives be true?

Finding ways to address issues

Are there issues you’d like to raise with colleagues  se humour when appropriate to relieve
U
but worry that you’ll get angry? We’ve got ten tips
7 tension. Try being light hearted when you
to consider before you do: feel anger coming on to lighten the mood
and retain perspective. Don’t use sarcasm
You may also want to have a look at our guide to
as that can be misconstrued.
boundary setting and saying no in schools.

Choose your words carefully. Preparation

 ocus on the relationship - maintaining your
F 8
1 relationships with colleagues should be the
is key. Spend some time identifying, your
feelings and choose language that your
priority, not winning the argument.
colleague will be more likely to understand.
This will help them to understand your
Respect other people’s rights to have their
2 own opinions - it’s how these are expressed
perspective.

that is key.
 ocus on finding a solution to the issue,
F
9 rather than dwelling on what has made you
Focus on the current issue and moment -
3 don’t be dragged into past resentments or
angry. Articulate the desire for a solution out
loud e.g. ‘how can we make sure this doesn’t
future hypothetical issues.
happen again?’

Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is

4 impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to 10
 cknowledge that sometimes, even if you
A
take care and time to ensure you express
forgive. Remember: no one’s perfect.
your frustration in a calm and considered
way, you won’t always get people to see your
Take a break from the conversation if you
5 feel it’s getting out of control. Say something
perspective. Being able to accept this is a
helpful skill for any high pressure workplace.
like “I’d like to revisit this conversation when
things are less heated.”

 now that sometimes you have to let

K
6 things go. You can’t win them all.
Managing and responding to
colleagues’ anger at school

Anger from colleagues at work can be hard to  void non-verbal behaviours that could be
A
handle. Especially when you’re already dealing misconstrued by someone who is angry - e.g.
with a busy day, the needs of pupils, and a huge standing up to leave, mid conversation or
to-do list. When a colleague is angry towards you inadvertently blocking an exit.
it can be difficult to know how to respond. It can
 o your best to stay calm - even if you have
D
be easy to find ourselves responding in kind.
your own difficult feelings, if you can stay
Then situations can escalate.
calm it may stop an escalation. Try to focus on
something external – such as evening out your
Try to recognise the difference between
breaths or watching a ticking clock – to focus
someone letting off steam and a pattern of
on something other than the anger in the room.
difficult and unpleasant behaviour directly
specifically towards you (bullying).  isten as much as possible - without
L
judgement, if possible. Giving people
Here are some suggestions for managing and permission to be angry can provide validation
responding to colleagues’ anger at school and help calm things down.

 ffer them space - if you think continuing

O
During conflict: the conversation may be making things worse,
 herever possible, acknowledge the anger
W offer your colleague time and space. It may
and emotions your colleague is experiencing. help you too.
This is much easier if the anger isn’t
 e empathetic - if a colleague is taking out
B
being directed towards you, but in both
their frustration on you, try to find the root
circumstances helping a person feel validated
of the anger by asking simple and direct
will assist in reaching resolution.
questions, be patient, and take responsibility for
any mistakes you’ve made.

 all out inappropriate behaviour immediately

C
(or as soon as you feel comfortable and safe
doing so). Whilst listening, engaging and being
empathetic is important, you should never
feel like you have to put up with inappropriate
behaviour when a colleague is angry.
Dealing with a persistently
angry colleague:
Find a safe space to address any inappropriate
behaviour and give honest feedback to your
colleague. You may wish to involve HR or
managers in this process although an informal,
relaxed conversation may be all that is needed,
once the episode has passed, to resolve the issues.

 here appropriate (e.g. if you are their line

W
manager or they’ve asked you for peer support),
help your colleague identify their triggers or what
is going on for them. This is something you can
try when you’re both feeling calm, away from any
heated situation. Identifying someone’s triggers  sk for all staff to be given training on anger
A
for anger can help you both think about ways management and conflict resolution, so that
you can avoid triggering situations, and plan how everyone working in a school has a better
to handle them and how to communicate when understanding of these important skills.
they do arise. Try not to be judgemental, or
accusatory. While it can be useful to give specific Overall principles:
examples of when you remember them getting
 ind a balance between self-reflection and not
F
angry, be aware that this is probably upsetting
blaming yourself too much. It’s important to be
for them to think about.
able to see what or how behaviours of yours may
Some questions you might want to ask, include: have led to anger from another person, but not
to take all the responsibility for what followed or
 hat happens to make them angry? This may
W
their anger.
identify if it’s one consistent trigger or a range
of triggers.  et and maintain your boundaries, both in
S
terms of behaviours you think are unacceptable,
 hat do they feel in their body? Physical
W
and what support you are able to offer. You
sensations can often appear, giving them an
don’t have to put up with any behaviour that
indication that they may be getting angry.
makes you feel unsafe or seriously affects your
 hat emotions are they feeling aside from
W own wellbeing.
anger? While anger can be a primary emotion,
 ook after yourself. Spend time relaxing and
L
often it serves as a secondary emotion
doing things that energise you and bring you joy.
covering over feelings of hurt, anger, anxiety,
It will help you to build patience, perspective and
stress, or loneliness.
resilience in the long run.
 ow do they interpret what has happened?
H
 e honest if someone in your team has
B
 hat do they need to help them manage their
W unpredictable anger issues and you don’t feel
anger going forward? safe or comfortable at work. Bottling it up won’t
solve the issue. Talk to the other people in your
 o they have a support network?
D
team or your manager.

 upport colleagues to seek professional help.

S  tand up for yourself - don’t be afraid to call
S
For example, you could help them arrange to out the bad behaviour when it happens and
see their GP, or help research anger remember that no one should be treated
management courses. badly at work.
Remember:
 hat most people act aggressively at work
T  ot to take all the blame but do engage in
N
because they feel hurt, ashamed or threatened regular self-reflection

 o ask yourself whether the issue really is

T  ry not to escalate the situation until you’ve tried
T
about you or whether you are misinterpreting to solve it informally and with the help of other
the situation peers if helpful and appropriate

 on’t suffer unnecessarily - if a colleague’s anger

D
Everyone has the right to feel safe is having a negative impact on you, address it
and secure at work, however busy through appropriate channels
an environment you’re working in.

What school leaders can do:

School leaders should support staff to look after Not feeling validated or
themselves and the relationships they have with
listened to is a key trigger for
colleagues. Both can support anger and conflict
resolution in the workplace. This can be done in anger, especially when people
the following ways: are under stress too.
 ncourage and support wellbeing activities and
E
 ake sure school staff have tasks and
M
initiatives for staff. Recognise the role of personal
expectations that are appropriate for their role
wellbeing in helping staff manage difficult or
and experience. Recognise if you feel you are
stressful emotions and experiences.
asking too much of people.
 cknowledge that anger is a normal part of being
A
 ome school leaders recommend a whole
S
a teacher, working in a school, and life in general.
school approach to anger and anger
Talk about anger, and personal experiences of it if
management strategies.
you feel comfortable doing so. This will help staff
understand that anger is normal.

 rovide opportunities for staff to engage

P
in reflective practice, anger management
and conflict resolution training or personal
development sessions.
 nsuring staff are listened to in different
E
ways across the school and their experiences
taken into account when planning, timetabling,
organising workloads and making school
wide decisions.
More information and
support for individuals and schools

A
 nger management tips for teachers NHS anger management
(with a focus on students too)
 upportline - confidential emotional support
S
B
 ritish Association for Anger Management including for anger / anger management
- offers support to range of audiences
W
 hole school strategies to anger
including the education sector on anger and
and anger management
conflict management and resolution

Mind anger resource - what help is available

Sources:

1. h
 ttps://study.com/academy/lesson/anger-
5. https://www.forbes.com/sites/
management-strategies-for-teachers.html
melodywilding/2016/06/01/5-ways-to-
2. h
 ttps://www.education.udel.edu/wp-content/ stay-cool-when-work-is-making-you-
uploads/2013/01/Anger-3.22.06.pdf angry/?sh=5bb6e6e57865

3. h
 ttps://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/ 6. h
 ttps://www.managers.org.uk/knowledge-and-
types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/ insights/listicle/dealing-with-anger-problems-at-
about-anger/ work-count-to-10/

4. h
 ttps://www.helpguide.org/articles/ 7. https://hbr.org/2014/10/how-to-deal-with-a-
relationships-communication/anger- mean-colleague
management.htm#