TERI MERI AISI DOSTI

EPISODE 13
Written by

Syed Zain Raza

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SCENE 1 (A) – INT. WARDEN OFFICE, BOYS HOSTEL – MORNING

Zaid aur Imran baat karte huye jaarahe hote hain tabhi unki
nazar Ismail parti hai joh ghusse se apna saamaan pack kar raha
hota hai. Imran aur Zaid office ke andar jaate hain.

ZAID
Aray Ismail sir, yeh saamaan kyun
pack kar rahe hain? Chutti leke
Mian Channu jaarahe hain kya?

Ismail chup chaap packing karta rehta hai.

IMRAN
Kya baat hai Ismail sir? Aapki
smile kahan ghayab hai?

Ghusse se samaan pack karte karte Ismail bolta hai.

ISMAIL
Nokri se nikaaldiya hai mujhe.
Shaam tak daftar khaali karne ka
kaha hai. Isliye samaan pack kar
raha hoon.

Imran aur Zaid shock se ek doosre ko dekhte hain.

IMRAN
Kya? Lekin kyun?

ISMAIL
Kyunke mujhe bara shoq hai naiki
karne ka.

ZAID
Kya kisi zarooratmand ko apni
nokri deke jaarahe hain?

ISMAIL
Nahin. Mera dimaagh kharaab hai.
Isliye maine apne paaon pe
kulhaari maari hai.

IMRAN
Waise aapke paaon se toh kulhaari
ko zyada nuqsaan hua hoga.

Ismail ghusse se Imran ko dekhta hai.

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IMRAN
Joke maara Ismail sir.

ISMAIL
Main maaroon?

IMRAN
(Darr ke) Nahin. Aap rakho.

Ismail ghusse se packing karta rehta hai.

ZAID
Aray Ismail sir ab ghusse se
samaan hee samait-te rahenge ya
kuch bataayenge bhi?

Ismail rukjaata hai aur un donon ko dekhta hai.

ISMAIL
Aaj subah meri principal sahab se
meeting thi. Sab kuch sahi tha.
Phir achanak maine dekha ke
principal sahab ke gaal pe ek
macchar betha hua hai.

ZAID
Phir?

ISMAIL
Phir kya? Main baat karta raha aur
intizaar karta raha ke ab macchar
urega, ab urega. Wo ura hee nahin.

IMRAN
Aray yaar yeh kahani aapki hai ya
macchar ki?

ISMAIL
Sabar karlo. Khair… toh macchar
kuch dair mein nahin ura. Toh…

CUT TO:

SCENE 2 – INT. PRINCIPAL OFFICE – MORNING

Slow motion with intense music in the background. Ismail

Principal ko thappar maarta hai. Principal hairat se usko
dekhraha hota hai.
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CUT TO:

SCENE 1 (B) – INT. WARDEN OFFICE, BOYS HOSTEL – MORNING

Ismail Zaid aur Imran ko kahani sunaaraha hota hai.

ZAID
(Shock se) Chalo. Chipkaadiya?

IMRAN
Matlab Ismail sir… seedha
Principal ke gaal pe chamba? Koi
lottery wottery nikli hai kya?

ISMAIL
Aray yaar maine kaha na gaal pe
macchar tha.

ZAID
Chamaat maarke sab yehi kehte hain
Ismail sir.

ISMAIL
Yaar meri matt maari gayi thi.
Maine socha kaheen dengue ka
macchar hua toh Principal sahab ko
dengue na hojaaye.

IMRAN
Toh aapne socha ke macchar kaate
isse behtar aap hee chepdein?

ISMAIL
Yaar matlab naiki ka zamaana hee
nahin hai. Isse toh acha hota
buddhe ko dengue hee hone deta.

ZAID
Waise Ismail sir MashaAllah haath
acha khaasa bhaari hai aapka.
Principal sir ke muu pe toh
landsliding hogayi hogi.

ISMAIL
Ab joh bhi hai. Mujhe shaam tak
yahan se nikalne ka kaha hai.

IMRAN
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Aray aise kaise nikalne ka kehdiya

yaar? Yeh bhi koi baat hui?

ISMAIL
(Ghusse se) Mujhe nahin pata.
Bhaar mein jaaye yeh college aur
bhaar mein jaaye yeh nokri.

Ismail wahan se jaake kuch kaam karne lagta hai.

ZAID
(Ahista se Imran ko) Bharam toh
aise derahe hain jaise khud nokri
chorhi ho.

SCENE 3 – INT. CANTEEN – LATE MORNING

Maira aur Sonia bethi hui baat kar rahi hoti hain.

SONIA
Kuch bataaya Imran aur Zaid ne ke
itni emergency mein kyun bulaaya?

MAIRA
Donon kabhi insaanon ki tarah baat
karlein toh qayamat nahin
aajaayegi? Bas message kardiya ke
chay minute mein situation room
mein mil.

SONIA
Chay minute kyun?

MAIRA
Jaisa ke maine kaha. Donon kabhi
insaanon ki tarah baat karlein toh
qayamat nahin aajaayegi?

Sonia hassti hai tabhi Imran aur Zaid baray dukh se aate hain.
Maira haath ke ishaare se poochti hai kya hua.

ZAID
Yaar. Scene bara off hogaya Mars.

MAIRA
Kya hua? (Pareshani se) Haww. Immu
ki Afreen phuppo?

SONIA
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Inalillahe wa innailehi…

IMRAN
Aray yaar kya hogaya hai? (Sonia
se) Aur tum kya inalilla parhna
shuruh hogayeen.

SONIA
Mujhe laga khaala…

IMRAN
Haan aur sabse pehle tumhari
fateha ka hee toh wait karengi wo.
Theek hain yaar Afreen phuppo. Bas
BP low rehta hai bechariyon ka.

MAIRA
Aray phir hua kya hai? Dono aisi
ghamgeen shakal banaake aaye thay
toh agla insaan yehi sochega na ke
kisi ki maut ki khabar hee hogi.

ZAID
Yaar aur bhi masle hain duniya
mein Immu ke rishtedaron ke
ilaava.

MAIRA
Kya hua?

IMRAN
Ismail sir ko Principal ne nokri
se nikaaldiya.

MAIRA
(Shocked) Kya? Lekin kyun?

SCENE 4 – EXT. BOYS HOSTEL – LATE MORNING

Ismail hostel ke kuch larkon se khara baat kar raha hota hai.

ISMAIL
Kaha suna maaf doston. Agar mujhse
koi ghalti hui ho toh tahay dil se
sabse maafi maangta hoon.

GUY
Ismail sir (rote huye) kitne din
ke mehmaan hain aap?
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ISMAIL
Bas aaj shaam chala jaaunga.

GUY
Itni jaldi? (Rote huye) yeh konsi
bemaari hai jisme sirf shaam tak
ka waqt mila hai?

Baaki ek do larke usko dilaasa derahe hote hain.

GUY 2
Chup hoja Shakeel dil bara kar.

ISMAIL
Oho konsi bemaari? Nokri se
jaaraha hoon main. Duniya se
nahin. (Baaki larkon ko ghusse se
dekhke) Aur tum log kya usko
dilaase derahe ho? (naqal utaarte
huye) “dil bara kar”.

SCENE 5 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – AFTERNOON

Imran, Zaid, Maira, aur Sonia baat kar rahe hote hain.

MAIRA
Yeh toh bohot bura hua yaar.
Bechare Ismail sir. Is mehngaayi
mein bina nokri ke karenge kya?

SONIA
Haan. Itne hatte katte aadmi ko
toh koi bheek bhi nahi dega. Ulta
log mazdoori ka mashvara dedenge.

Zaid aur Imran ajeeb tarah Sonia ko dekhte hain.

IMRAN
Chalo. Isne toh unke liye poori
career planning ki hui hai.

Zaid aur Maira hasste hain.

MAIRA
Principal sir se baat nahin
karsakte?

ZAID
Kisi ki sunte hain wo?
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SONIA
Agar kuch aisa hojaaye jisse
Ismail sir Principal ke saamne
hero banjaayen. Toh shayad wo unko
unki job waapis dedenge.

IMRAN
Aray lekin aisa hoga kya? Aur
Ismail sir konse Superman hain joh
jalti hui building se principal ko
bachaake unke saamne hero
banjaayenge.

MAIRA
(Sochte huye) Jalti building se
toh nahin lekin… kisi aur cheez se
toh bacha sakte hain.

ZAID
Kya matlab?

MAIRA
Aray yaar wohi joh har doosri film
mein hota hai. Hero heroine ka
jhagra hota hai, ghunde heroine ko
cherrte hain, hero jaake usko
ghundon se bachaata hai aur dono
ka jhagra khatam hojaata hai.

IMRAN
Kin ghundon ke itne bure din aaye
hain joh Principal ko cherrenge?

MAIRA
Aray yaar waise nahin.

IMRAN
Phir?

MAIRA
Principal sir jaate hain jogging
pe. achanak mobile chor aajata
hai. Gunpoint pe unka mobile
cheenne lagta ha. Aur tabhi hoti
hai humaare hero Ismail sir ki
dhamaakedar entry. Ismail sir
ghunde ko do thappar maarke
giraadete hain aur Principal ka
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mobile bachaake unki nazron mein

hero banjaate hain.

Zaid aur Imran ko idea acha lagta hai.

ZAID
Idea toh acha hai. Lekin kaam
karega?

SONIA
Hundred percent karega.

SCENE 6 – INT. WARDEN’S OFFICE, BOYS HOSTEL – AFTERNOON

Ismail apni cheezein pack karke suitcase mein rakhraha hota hai.
Tabhi Ismail dekhta hai toh saamne Imran, Maira, Zaid, aur Sonia
hote hain.

ISMAIL
Tum sab yahan kya lene aaye ho?

ZAID
Ismail sir… hum lete nahin dete
hain.

Imran Zaid ko ajeeb tarah dekhta hai.

ZAID
(Explaining) Matlab… idea yaar.

ISMAIL
Mujhe koi idea nahin chahiye. Kuch
dair mein waise hee mujhe nikalna
hai.

IMRAN
Aray aise kaise Ismail sir. Itni
asaani se humse peecha nahin
choothega aapka.

ISMAIL
Kya matlab?

MAIRA
Matlab yeh ke aapki job bachaane
ka ek plan leke aaye hain.

ISMAIL
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(Haath jorrke) Mujhe koi plan

nahin chahiye. Pehle bhi yeh (Zaid
ko dekhke) Zaid ne mujhe mobile ka
ek plan becha tha. Yeh kehke ke ek
baar sim leloon toh kabhi bill
nahin aayega.

Zaid sharminda hojaata hai.

ISMAIL (CONT’D)
Ek saal tak Manghupir ke chay
logon ka bill aaya tha mere naam
pe.

IMRAN
Kya yaar Zee?

ZAID
(Topic change karte huye) Aray yeh
sab puraani baatein chorhein yaar.
Kaam ki baat sunlein.

ISMAIL
Kya?

MONTAGE. Chaaron Ismail ko plan samjhaarahe hote hain.

CUT TO:

ISMAIL
Tum log paagal toh nahin hogaye
ho? Konsi ghatia film se laaye ho
yeh idea? Yeh sab karne se behtar
hai main chup chaap yahan se izzat
se chala jaaun.

ZAID
Aray Ismail sir jaana toh waise
bhi hai hee na? Toh yeh karke
dekhlein. Zyada se zyada kya hoga?
Plan fail hojaayega na? Hone dein.
Par kal ko aap yeh toh nahin
sochenge ke kaash us din un
aqalmand naujawanon ki baat sunli
hoti toh shayad nokri bachjaati.

Ismail ko baat theek lagti hai.

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ISMAIL
Kya yeh plan waaqeyi kaam karsakta
hai?

MAIRA
Bilkul karsakta hai Ismail sir.
Bas aap maanjaayen.

IMRAN
Kya kehte hain phir? Try karein?

Ismail sochta hai aur phir haan mein sar hilaata hai. Chaaron
khush hojaate hain.

ISMAIL
Lekin karna kya hai?

ZAID
Wo hum bataate hain.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – EVENING

Principal ko playground mein aate dikhaaya jaata hai.

IMRAN (V.O)
Principal sir shaam ko exact chay
bajkar paanch minute pe playground
aate hain.

CUT TO:

Principal bench ke paas khara hokar ajeeb si exercise karta hai.

ZAID (V.O)
Uske baad aath minute bench ke
paas kharay hokar… ajeeb
kapaalbhaati type kuch karte hain.

CUT TO:

Principal ek taang par kharay hokar ajeeb si breathing exercise

karta hai.

SONIA (V.O)
Phir nau minute Principal sir ek
taang par kharay hokar saans andar
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bahar karne ki exercise karte

hain.

CUT TO:

Principal ko jogging karte huye dikhaaya jaata hai.

MAIRA (V.O)
Uske baad aadhe ghante Principal
sir jogging karte hain. Aadhe
ghante mein jogging toh dus hee
minute hoti hai…

CUT TO:

Principal ko juice peete aur apne phone par kuch karte dikhaaya
jaata hai.

MAIRA (V.O)
(CONT’D) … baaki waqt ya toh
kaheen ruk kar juice peete hain ya
whatsapp pe koi siyasi video apne
doston ko forward karte hain. Usi
time hum attack karenge!

CUT TO:

SCENE 8 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – EVENING

Ismail, Imran, Zaid, Maira, aur Sonia playground mein saath

kharey hote hain.

MAIRA
Main aur Sonia doosri side pe
jaake chuprahe hain (Imran ko
dekhke) Tum aur Zaid please inko
ek baar phir saara plan samjhaado.

Maira aur Sonia jaake doosri side pe bench ke peeche bethjaati

hain. Imran aur Zaid Ismail ko dekhte hain.

ISMAIL
Kya hua?

INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC BEGINS. This part is parodying coach scenes

from sports films.

ZAID
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(Filmy style se) Dus minute. Dus

minute hain tumhaare paas.

IMRAN
(Filmy style se) In dus minute
mein tumhe kya karna hai yeh main
tumhe nahin bataaunga.

ZAID
(Filmy style se) Balke tum khud…

ISMAIL
(Ghusse se) Yaar bata bhi do kya
karna hai!

Music suddenly stops. Imran aur Zaid ghabraajate hain.

ZAID
Acha acha bataarahe hain. Jaise
hee Principal sir aayenge unke
peeche ek naqli mobile chor aayega
jo unka mobile cheenne ki koshish
karega. Aapne bas mobile chor ko
thora sa maarna hai aur phir
Principal sir ka mobile usse
cheenkar unhe waapis dena hai.

Ismail nervously sunraha hota hai.

ISMAIL
P… paani hai kisi ke paas?

IMRAN
(Uktaake) Yaar paani de inko!

Zaid paani ki bottle deta hai aur Ismail paani peene lagta hai.

ZAID
Aray koi bari baat nahin hai yeh
Ismail sir. Humaare aap pe poora
bharosa hai!

Tabhi achanak Principal nazar aata hai. Maira aur Sonia un dono
ko ishaara karti hain.

IMRAN
Ismail sir ready hojaayen!

Zaid aur Ismail aake darakht ke peeche kharay hojaate hain.

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ISMAIL
Kuch garbar toh nahin hogi na?

IMRAN
Aray kya garbar hogi? Aapne hero
ki tarah jaake bachaana hai
Principal sir ko. Aur phir koi
tight si line chipkaadejiyega
Mithun type.

ZAID
Haan! Jaise (filmy hero style)
“Ismail sirf dilon ki chori hone
deta hai mobilon ki nahin!”

IMRAN
Nahin nahin… mere paas behtar hai.
Mobile waapis deke full bharam se
kahiyega (filmy style) “Is chor ko
aapka mobile lene ke liye mere
network se guzarna parega"

Ismail un dono ko ajeeb tarah dekhta hai.

ZAID
Kya hua aise kya dekhrahe hain?

ISMAIL
Yehi ke nokri ki majboori insaan
se kya kya karaati hai.

IMRAN
Acha acha saamne dehaan dein!

Maira aur Sonia un dono ko ishaara karte hain.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – EVENING

Principal jogging kar raha hota hai tabhi peeche chehre par mask
pehne ek chor uske peeche peeche aane lagta hai.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – EVENING

Ismail, Zaid, aur Imran ko darakht ke paas dikhaaya jaata hai.

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ZAID
Jaayen Ismail sir! Best of luck!

Ismail nervously jaane lagta hai. Maira aur Sonia bhi

anticipation se sab dekhrahi hoti hain.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – EVENING

Achanak chor Principal ko rokleta hai. Ismail jaane ke liye

tayyar khara hota hai.

CHOR
Chal mobile de!

PRINCIPAL
Tere abba rakhvaake gaye thay mere
paas?

CHOR
Hushyaari nahin mobile de jaldi!

PRINCIPAL
Deta hoon!

Ismail jaane ke liye bilkul ready khara hota hai. Tabhi

principal apni jaib mein haath daalta hai aur apna haath bahar
nikaalke chor ke gale mein maarta hai aur phir usko laat maarke
neeche giraadeta hai. Imran, Zaid, Maira, Sonia, Ismail sab
hairat se dekhrahe hote hain. Chor darr ke cheekhne lagta hai.

CHOR
Bachaao! Bachaao!

PRINCIPAL
Tujhe mujhse kaun bachaayega? Aa
beta deta hoon tujhe mobile!

Principal chor ko maarne lagta hai aur chor cheekhein maar raha
hota hai. Imran, Zaid, Maira, Sonia, Ismail moqa dekhte hee
wahan se ek ek karke bhaagjaate hain.

CHOR
Yaar maaf kardo mujhe!

Principal chor ko maarta rehta hai.

SCENE 12 – EXT. POOL AREA – EVENING

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Imran, Zaid, Maira, aur Sonia behadd dukhi bethe hote hain.

MAIRA
Poore plan ka pachka kardiya yaar
Principal ne.

SONIA
Wo chor ki acting karne waala tha
kaun waise?

IMRAN
Ek arts ka student tha yaar.
Unattis taanke aaye hain bechaare
ko.

ZAID
Yaar main toh yeh sochraha hoon ke
Ismail sir ne is Bruce Lee ke
naana se panga kiya tha. Kya
litaake maara hai yaar chor ko.

IMRAN
Haan. Ismail sir ki bachat hogayi
joh sirf nokri hee gayi hai. Warna
Principal sir ka yeh roop dekhke
toh darr hee lag gaya.

MAIRA
Bechare Ismail sir. Itne khush
hogaye thay plan sunke. Ab phir se
kitne mayoos hogaye honge.

ZAID
Pata nahin unki jaga kaun naya
Warden aayega.

IMRAN
Koi bhi aajaye par humaare dilon
ke Warden humesha Ismail sir hee
rahenge.

ZAID
Main toh yeh sochraha hoon ke joh
agla aayega usse yeh poora boys
hostel ka tabbar control kaise
hoga.

Is baat par Maira kuch sochne lagti hai.

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MAIRA
Kya kaha tumne?

IMRAN
Yehi ke jo naya aayega usse sab…

MAIRA
Sab control kaise hoga!

Maira muskuraati hai.

ZAID
Kya hua?

MAIRA
Idea!

CUT TO:

SCENE 13 – INT. WARDEN’S ROOM, BOYS HOSTEL – EVENING

Ismail behadd dukh se apna kuch samaan pack kar raha hota hai.
Tabhi Sonia wahan bhaagi hui aati hai.

SONIA
Ismail sir!

ISMAIL
Kya hua?

SONIA
Jaldi bahar aayen! Bahar bohot
masla hogaya hai. Imran aur Zaid…
dono buri tarah larr rahe hain.

ISMAIL
Ek toh jaate jaate bhi sukoon se
nahin rehne denge mujhe!

Ismail ghusse se bahar nikalta hai.

SCENE 14 – EXT. BOYS HOSTEL – EVENING

Imran aur Zaid larrne ke liye ready kharay hote hain. Maira
saamne dekhrahi hoti hai. Sonia usko ishaara karti hai ke Ismail
aaraha hai.

MAIRA
(Imran aur Zaid ko) GO!
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Jaise hee Ismail aata hai Imran aur Zaid larrne lagte hain.

ZAID
Saale mere joote internet pe
bechta hai?

Zaid aur Imran ek doosre ko maarne lagte hain.

IMRAN
Aur tunay jo mere phuppa ko unki
vespa se dhakka dediya tha?

ZAID
(Ghabraake) Abe ye baat kahan se
aagayi?

Donon guttham guttha hokar larne lagte hain. Principal bhi

bhaaga hua wahan aata hai.

PRINCIPAL
Aray kya horaha hai yeh sab!!

Ismail jaakar dono ko alag karta hai.

IMRAN
Main isko chorhunga nahin! Mere
phuppa ki pindliaan aaj tak iski
waja se sooji hui hain!

ZAID
Aur bech mere joote internet pe!

ISMAIL
Oho kya hogaya hai? (Daant’te
huye) paagal hogaye ho kya dono?
Itni si baaton pe maara maari kar
rahe ho.

Maira aur Sonia sab dekhrahi hoti hain. Wo dekhti hain Principal
bhi ghaur se sab dekhraha hai.

ISMAIL
Chalo haath milaao dono! Foran!

Imran aur Zaid ghusse ka drama kar rahe hote hain.

IMRAN
Isse haath milaane se behtar hai
main gutter mein haath daaldoon!
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ZAID
Isse haath milaane se behtar hai
main apna haath kaatdoon!

Maira un dono ko aankhein dikhaati hai ke bohot overacting

horahi hai.

ISMAIL
(Ghusse se) Maine kaha haath
milaao!

ZAID
Acha theek hai.

Zaid aur Imran haath milaate hain.

ISMAIL
Ab gale milo!

Imran aur Zaid gale milte hain.

ISMAIL
Shabash! Aur khabardaar joh dobara
aisi harkat karte nazar aaye.
Chalo jaao ab dono.

Imran aur Zaid wahan se jaane lagte hain. Sonia aur Maira khush
hoti hain – they can see the plan worked. Principal Ismail ke
paas jaata hai.

ISMAIL
Sorry sir. Zara in logon ka masla
suljhaane mein lag gaya tha. Bas
samaan pack karke nikal hee raha
tha main.

PRINCIPAL
Umm… Ismail… uh… rukjaao. Is
college ko tumhaari zaroorat hai.

Sab log sunkar bohot khush hojaate hain. Ismail bhi behadd khush
hojaata hai.

ISMAIL
Bohot shukriya sir.

PRINCIPAL
Shayad main us waqt ghusse mein
ghalat faisla karliya tha. (Ismail
 19

se ahista se) aur agli baar koi

macchar dekho toh maarne ke
bajaaye mujhe bataadena.

Ismail hassta hai.

SCENE 15 – EXT. PLAYGROUND – MORNING

CREDITS ROLL ON THE SIDE. Maira aur Zaid football ki practice

kar rahe hote hain aur Imran goalkeeper hota hai.

IMRAN
Yaar aapas mein hee khelna hai toh
mujhe yahan kya dahi lene khara
kiya hai?

Maira aur Zaid ball ko kick karte hain tabhi Ismail wahan aata
hai. Sab usko dekhkar rukjaate hain aur Ismail bhi ball ko kick
karta hua aane lagta hai.

ZAID
Oye hoye apne Ismail sir toh poore
Maradona nikle!

Ismail khushi khushi ball ko dribble karta hua aane lagta hai.

MAIRA
Yeh cheez Ronaldo!

Ismail ball ko kick karta hai – ball net mein jaane ke bajaaye
side pe chali jaati hai. Sab hairat se dekhne lagte hain. Tabhi
achanak sabki nazar parti hai ke Principal wahan se guzar raha
hai aur ball zor se jaake uske sar pe lagti hai. PRINCIPAL FALLS
DOWN UNCONSCIOUS. Imran, Maira, Ismail, aur Zaid bhaagte huye
wahan jaate hain Sab log hairat se Ismail ko dekhte hain joh
mujrim ki tarah khara hota hai.

ZAID
(Ismail se) Is baar bhi macchar ko
hee maara hoga?

Chaaron hassne lagte hain.

THE END