Saturday Snapshots #99: The Answers

Turns out there are quite a lot of pictures on the internet featuring Debbie Harry holding a camera. Others have featured here before, but I can't believe it's taken me 99 weeks to find this one.

I think it was a draw this week between Alyson and Lynchie. I'm sure Lynchie will tell me if that's not the case. Thank you for playing, as always.


10. Dustbin wagon brings the fire extinguisher - with an arrogant chat-up line.

There used to be a kid at our school who was particularly scruffy, so everybody called him "Dennis" because that's what it said in the front of the dustbin wagons.

Water, man, that's what puts out fires.

Dennis Waterman - I Could Be So Good For You

I never tire of watching this video. Especially the bit when he uses his charms on the policewoman. Ah, different times.

Oh, by the way. He may have sung the theme tune, but he didn't write it.

9. Wild stallions on Ms. Sod.

Too easy.

The Osmonds - Crazy Horses

8. Anarchist hippy dream of Greasy Yorke.

Sandy was the heroine of Grease.

Thom is a son of Yorke.

Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair)

"I was born too late into a world that doesn't care..."

This song might not sound very cool to you, but the lyrics are more relevant than ever.

7. Neckline that goes well with socks. What new parents say to nursery.

V-neck, bobby socks.

Bobby Vee - Take Good Care Of My Baby

The vocal performance here is astonishing.

6. Beautiful chick.

Babybird - You're Gorgeous

5. Take a sad song and make it better - past time for tara.

The lyrics are from Hey Jude, written about this chap, apparently.

Julian Lennon - Too Late For Goodbyes

4. Cheers barman in our own country.

Woody was the barman in Cheers, obviously.

Woody Guthrie - This Land Is Your Land

3. Like 4; like Sinatra too (almost).

#4. Woody Guthrie, was a folksinger.

Sinatra was, of course, Frank.

That was a tough one. Congrats to Back From The Beach. I couldn't even find it on youtube, so I had to upload it myself.

Phranc - Folksinger

2. Downhill nun meets Fred Astaire.

Sister Sledge - He's The Greatest Dancer

1. Pop Sr. appalled by fly-tipping in the woods.

Still sends shivers down my spine, this song.



Next week: Saturday Snapshots #100. In case you couldn't work that out for yourself.

Hot 100 #45

45s. For most of us, our entry into record collecting. Long gone now, except as collector's items and special editions. But there was something very special about the 45. If you were going to go to the effort to put one song on the turntable, then you were damn well going to give that song your attention. That's something today's youth has lost, and I'd argue the songs they cherish might never mean as much to them because of that loss.

Alyson was the only one of you brave enough to mention former Golden Earring member Jaap Eggermont's Stars On 45 by name...

...although Charity Chic went one worse by reminding us of Rotherham's answer to Stars On 45... Jive Bunny! Let's hope that's the last time they ever get mentioned on this blog.

A slightly more worthy suggestion came from The Swede, in honour of Jez...

Status Quo - Forty Five Hundred Times

The Swede then returned later with a couple more...

Gang of Four - 5.45

Bon Iver - ___ 45 ___

And then came Martin, who's obviously now using the same lyrics search engine I do, because he almost filled up the entire comment's box with this lot...

Gomez's "Bubble Gum Years" Whiskey bottle and a 45, my dear
Fountains of Wayne: "Number 45 Sunblock" (I'm not sure if Martin actually listened to that one - but it's not a real song.)
Neil Sedaka and "Our Last Song Together": Scratchy worn out 45's, an echo on the radio
The Hollies, "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress": A pair of 45s made me open my eyes
Blondie's "Bermuda Triangle Blues" begins Flight 45, last seen alive on the runway
Elbow's "Jesus is a Rochdale Girl" has Jesus is a Rochdale girl, and 45 CDs
Meatloaf and "Rock and Roll Hero": Stacks of scratched up 45's and taught myself how to sing
Barry bleedin' Manilow (!) and "The Old Songs" includes if all those plans I made don't melt the lady's heart, I'll put on the old 45's (Oy! Less of the 'bleeding'!)
Saint Etienne's "Home": Life seems so good, they're like the 45's when I dream I'm dreaming of you" (Can't find that anywhere on youtube.)
Bill Haley (and many others) and "Peppermint Twist": Well, meet me baby down at 45th Street, where the Peppermint Twisters meet" (Couldn't find that anywhere either so I linked to the version by Joey Dee & The Starliters.)
Repeat offenders Saint Etienne with "Teenage Winter": They'll never buy a Gibb Brothers record again, their old 45s gathering dust (Possibly my favourite SE song, that.)
Aussie proggers The Church and "The Time Being" includes I use a .45 to give them some stick 

I'm going to stop there, I think. I'm getting obsessed.

That's one word for it.

Lynchie was up next, with these...

"Youth of Eglington" by Black Uhuru includes the line "The youth of Brixton they have their 45 Smith and Wesson pistol pistol"

Van Morrison - "Wild Children" opens with
"We were the War Children
Born 1945
When all the soldiers came marching home
Love looks in their eye..." 

and FINALLY! 

Mary Chapin Carpenter - "John Doe No. 24" (a beautiful song) starts with
"I was standing on this sidewalk
In 1945 in Jacksonville, Illinois
When asked what my name was there came no reply..." 

John Medd joined in the fun, offering...

Wreckless Eric - 33s & 45s

Then came Rigid Digit, linking us back to the band mentioned in our opening paragraph...

Sometimes the world is crying out for some 1970s Dutch Rock with slight Bob Dylan undertones (albeit very rarely) 

Golden Earring - Another 45 Miles

While Jim In Dubai returned us to Stars On 45... albeit more credible, tongue-in-cheek, references...

Blokes on 45 - Orange Juice 

Squabs on Forty Fab - Squeeze 

BAR's on 45 - BA Robertson (Couldn't find that one either.)

Rigid Digit added to this list with...

Chas & Dave - Stars Over 45 

Starturn on 45 (Pints) 

Ivor Biggun - Bras On 45

Jim also offered 900 Number by The 45 King - "Annoying dance tune from the late 80's", which I'm not even going to listen to given that description.

And to conclude your suggestions, back to Alyson...

45 R.P.M by The Poppy Fields otherwise known as the Alarm.

Now, you may have noticed I've missed out some of your suggestions there. That's because, two years ago, on the event of my 45th birthday, I actually compiled My Top Ten 45 Songs. And here they are...

10. Babybird - 45 & Fat

9.  Dallas Wayne - Old 45s

8. The Tall Boy - 45s & Books

7. Readers' Wives - I Love You More Than 45s

6. Todd Snider - Forty Five Miles

5. The All New Adventures Of Us - 45 Forever

4. The Gaslight Anthem - 45

3. Shrag - Forty Five 45s

2. Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha

1. Elvis Costello - 45

With that in mind, you might expect Elvis to be crowned this week's winner too.

Except that Martin was decent enough to remind us all of this... and it just kind of fit my mood today.

Let me know, let me know, let me know

About all the old 45s

And the paperback rooms

And it's scattered all the photographs

Of summers and suns

Phew. I need I lie down after that. Can't even think about 44 now. I'll have to leave that up to you...

My Top Ten Songs / Not Songs

Something a little bit different this week - the battle of the song titles! One song says it is, the other song says it's NOT. Which will win? Well, I'll name my winners... feel free to disagree!


10. Sting - Fragile vs. Bachman Turner Overdrive - Not Fragile

No contest. BTO blow Sting out of the water. Serves him right for being so bloody fragile. And tantric.

9. Kacey Musgraves - Miserable vs. Frightened Rabbit - Not Miserable

I like the way this Top Ten throws together some unusual couplings. I'm sure Kacey will understand why this one must go to the Rabbit.

8. Kirsty MacColl - My Way Home vs. Nanci Griffiths - Not My Way Home

Two very classy ladies... but Kirsty obviously takes the crown.

7. Dodgy - Good Enough vs. Babybird - Not Good Enough

Dodgy bring the pop smarts... Babybird brings the heartbreak. Heartbreak wins this time.

6. Amy Winehouse - Addicted vs. The Streets - Not Addicted

She was. He isn't.

I'm gonna call this one a draw.

5. Magnetic Fields - My Only Friend vs. Teardrop Explodes - Not My Only Friend

Another draw. Too bloody amazing tunes... I'd forgotten both of them.

4. Blur - For Tomorrow vs. Courteeners - Not For Tomorrow

One of Blur's finest moments clearly takes this battle. Don't worry, the Courteeners will get another chance at victory in a moment.

3. Joe Jackson - Nineteen Forever vs. The Courteeners - Not Nineteen Forever

On their second attempt, the Courteeners clearly realise that 19 is a bit of a rubbish age and so leave Joe behind in his permanent adolescence.

2. Bruce Springsteen - Fade Away vs. Buddy Holly - Not Fade Away

Yes, I know there are other songs called Fade Away... but they're not on The River.

Yes, I know there are other versions of Not Fade Away... but they wouldn't have beaten Bruce!

1. Beck - Where It's At vs. Del Amitri - Not Where It's At

Beck may have two turntables and a microphone, but Del Amitri win this one by refusing to be cool... a bit like this blog.





Any other suggestions gratefully received. Or not.

My Top Ten Car Theft Songs



Car theft is no laughing matter, as anyone who's ever had their car stolen will tell you. Doesn't stop people writing songs about it though...

Here's ten of the best.


10. Babybird - Too Handsome To Be Homeless

We are not cool
We are not crazy
We steal cars
Because we're lazy

Well, that's one explanation.

9. Alice Cooper - Steal That Car

Vincent, on the other hand, just has no shame.

It just ain't fair I was put in that position
Somebody left their keys in the ignition
I saw the unlocked door and made my decision
I just can't help myself

8. Teenage Fanclub - Don't Look Back

Could there possibly be a sweeter lyric about car theft than this?

 

I'd steal a car to drive you home

7. Kirsty MacColl - Bad

I want a brief encounter in a stolen car

A hand on my buttock in a Spanish bar

We need more pop songs that feature the word "buttock". I'm tempted to compile a Top Ten.

6. Big Star - In The Street

Steal your car, and bring it down

Pick me up, we'll drive around

Wish we had

A joint so bad

They don't write 'em like that anymore.

Don't drive stoned, kids.

5. Elvis Presley - In The Ghetto

He buys a gun

Steals a car

Tries to run

But he don't get far...

...and the hearts of a million Elvis fans crack open.

Or, if you prefer, try Blue Suede Shoes...

Well, you can burn my house

Steal my car

Drink my liquor

From an old fruit jar

Well do anything that you want to do

But uh-uh, honey lay off of my shoes!

4. Beth Orton - Stolen Car

Forgotten how good this was. For a while there, Beth was the natural heir to Joni's crown.

One drink too many and a joke gone too far

I see a face drive like a stolen car

Gets harder to hide when you're hitching a ride

Harder to hide what you really saw

3. Bruce Springsteen - Stolen Car

Regular readers might have exected this to be Number One. So did I. Then I remembered the two songs below. Still, this is bloody marvellous. Question though, Bruce fans... do you prefer the album version above... or the piano-heavy re-interpretation / original from Tracks? I'm torn. I reckon that version actually sounds more like Bruce, whereas the version included on The River is Bruce doing Dylan.

And I'm driving a stolen car

Down on Eldridge Avenue

Each night I wait to get caught

But I never do...

Got to recommend the Patty Griffin version too.

2. Pulp - Joyriders

For the second time this week, Jarvis almost makes it to Number One... story of his life, I guess, considering Common People may well be the best Number Two ever. This song  is perfection: makes you wonder what could be better, doesn't it?

We can't help it, we're so thick we can't think,

Can't think of anything but shit, sleep and drink.

Oh, and we like women;

"Up the women" we say,

And if we get lucky,

We might even meet some one day.

Mister, we just want your car,

'Cause we're taking a girl to the reservoir.

Oh, all the papers say,

It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

(Oh, and I'm very sorry, but I just couldn't find room for Roxette's Joyride. I know you were expecting it!)

1. Billy Bragg & Johnny Marr - Greetings To The New Brunette

Shirley stole today's top prize - Billy and Johnny were so good together, it makes you wonder if they'd have lasted longer and been even more cherished than Johnny and that other bloke. If only they'd made more music together...

The people from your church agree

It's not much of a career

Trying the handles of parked cars

Whoops - there goes another year!

Whoops - there goes another pint of beer!

Here we are in our summer years

Living on ice cream and chocolates kisses

Would the leaves fall from the trees

If I was your old man

And you was my missus?

What's in the tape deck of your stolen car?

My Top Ten 45 Songs

Today I am 45.

"It's only a number."

Yes. But it is a number I have both dreaded and looked forward to. Dreaded for all the obvious reasons (I am drowning in mid-life crisis angst, but you don't want to know about that); looked forward to because I knew it would give me the chance to write this post. And also because, obviously, it's cool to have revolved around the sun as many times as a 7 inch single spins in a minute. Not that I own any 7 inch singles any more, nor a turntable to spin them on. Sigh...

A few years back, JC, The Vinyl Villain, one of my blogging heroes, marked his own 45th birthday with an epic selection of his 45 favourites 45s. I knew I couldn't compete with that. As should have become painfully obvious by now, I can only count to ten. And so, here are ten songs that focus on the number 45. Special thanks to John Medd for posting about the sleeve of the first Generation X single from 1977 (above). I'd never seen it before, but it was just the image I needed for this post.

Oh, and just for JC: here's Orange Juice with Blokes On 45 to start us off... (Sorry it didn't make the ten, JC - I love Edwyn, but this isn't one of his strongest efforts, despite the cool title.)


10. Babybird - 45 & Fat

Well, that's a nice way to start, isn't it? Thanks for the kind words on my birthday, Babybird.

Still, as this song appears to be Stephen Jones' love song to C-O-C-A C-O-L-A, maybe if he didn't drink so much of that, he wouldn't have to worry about his weight. I mean, come on, Stephen - sugar is the hidden killer for men our age...*

(*Says the man who consumed a whole bag of Bitsa Wipsa with his coffee yesterday.)

9.  Dallas Wayne - Old 45s

A word of warning to all you vinyl junkies out there...

"Old 45s will kill you - like a bullet to the brain!"

Because...

"It's just a piece of plastic
In a paper sleeve
But in each groove
Lives me and you
And the love that now is
History,.."

8. The Tall Boy - 45s & Books

Here's one that came from the blogosphere... I've no idea when or where, and google won't tell me anything else about the artist. Cool song though.

And while we're on the subject of 45s and books, I should drop a mention to Deacon Blue here... although they were only interested in paperbacks (with torn out pages). 

7. Readers' Wives - I Love You More Than 45s

Readers' Wives, on the other hand, are a band I do know something about. A few years back, at the height of my previous blog's popularity, the band sent me a copy of their album to review. I loved it and we got chatting. At the same time I was also writing a few comics so I sent them some copies of those. For a while, we talked about me writing a comic about their band. It never really got off the ground and the band have now split up, though lead singer Niall James Holohan is still recording and perfoming... I must check out what he's doing these days.

6. Todd Snider - Forty Five Miles

One of Americana's finest, this is from his 2000 album Happy To Be Here. Which seems like a pretty apt thought for today. I should take that on board.

And there's Another 45 Miles right here, from Golden Earring.

5. The All New Adventures Of Us - 45 Forever

Another one that was gifted to me by the blogosphere many moons ago... so I'm gifting it back. A lovely little tune by a band stuck on my wants list for far too long now. I must track down some more of their stuff.

I've got two boxes
Paved with rockets
Where all my best friends sit
When they smile, I take their jackets
And give them a spin...

4. The Gaslight Anthem - 45

"I'll see you on the flipside."

There's an expression you don't hear used very often these days.

3. Shrag - Forty Five 45s

Ah, Shrag. Whatever became of you?

Oh. You split up. Never mind. It was good while it lasted.

You want to hang out
Talk about music
You play that record
Over and over
Judging by my tastes
I would really like it
And you would lend it to me

Tell me you met them
Not in a fan way
Said they were nice guys
Not too pretentious
You knew them for ages
Before they were famous
And how they hadn't changed...

But I don't care what you say
I liked them first anyway...

2. Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha

Because everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

1. Elvis Costello - 45

Written and recorded in 2001 when Elvis was going through the same terrible thing I'm going through now. It's his autobiography in 7". Brilliant.

I could quote the whole song, but here's a few selected highlights...

Every scratch, every click, every heartbeat
Every breath that I held for you
Forty five

Bass and treble heal every hurt
There's a rebel in a nylon shirt
But the words are a mystery, I've heard
'Til you turn it down to thirty three and a third
'Cause it helps with the elocution
Corporations turn revolutions
Forty five

Bells are chiming and tears are falling
It creeps up on you without a warning
Forty five

I heard something peculiar said:
"Perhaps he's got a shot and now he's dead"
Forty five

Sorry, can't stick around to chat. Have to go and "celebrate" encroaching middle age...

My Top Ten Songs About What Men Are...

Some time ago, I put together a Top Ten Songs About Bad Women. It's been awhile coming, but here's ten about bad blokes... or what makes us bad.


10. Curve - Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

And we won't be happy till we kill each other, apparently. Always good to start cheerfully...

9. Rosemary Clooney & Marlene Dietrich - (Men Are) Good For Nothing

Rosemary and Marlene haven't met a good man yet...

He will swear he's seeking
Your love for ever more
And then he comes home reeking
Of perfume you never wore

You'll maybe wanna shoot him
But he isn't worth the shot
And you can bet the other woman
Has found out he's not so hot

8. Jefferson Airplane - Milk Train

You know that old "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" guff? Here's what Grace Slick makes of that...

Some men just talk me dry
Some men are just liquid in the mind.
Some men are absolutely rigid
Some men are easy feeling but they're hard to find.

7. Babybird - All Men Are Evil

Not really sure what Stephen Jones is getting at it, but it's typically bitter.

6. Neil Diamond - Men Are So Easy

When Neil Diamond speaks, I listen...

A boy becomes a man
And in the time he learns to stand
He finds a way to build a wall
To hide behind if he should fall
He grows to be a man
And show the world that he can stand
Not knowing fear
Or even pain while
Underneath when you look deep
A boy remains

5. Beulah - A Good Man Is Easy To Kill

Yeah, we've all met a few blokes like this...

When they drilled holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head
Did you think you could fly?

4. Aztec Camera - How Men Are

Why should it take the tears of a woman to see how men are?

P.E.R.S.P.E.C.T.I.V.E.

3. Nick Lowe - All Men Are Liars

Nick is of the opinion that our words are worth no more than worn out tyres. Furthermore, he has something to add about Rick Astley...

Well, do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit, it was ghastly.
He said I'm never gonna give you up or let you down.
Well I'm here to tell ya that Dick's a clown.
Though he was just a boy when he made that vow,
I'd bet it all that he knows by now:

All men are liars...

Dar Williams does a great of this too, but I couldn't find it on youtube.

2. Jimmy Webb - What Does A Woman See In A Man?

So what does the godlike genius of Jimmy Webb reckon about men...?

He stinks to high heaven, half covered with hair
And grunts just like some old orang-utan
While she smells of clean skin and a trace of jasmine
And speaks like a first rate librarian

His stomach hangs out, there's a hump on his back
He eats like Conan the Barbarian
While she keeps herself trim, and her posture is prim
Her manners are quite cosmopolitan

He laughs like a donkey and farts in the bed
And flips cigarettes in the can
But she always acts nice, with no visible vice
Tell me, what does a woman see in a man?

And that's just the beginning!

1. Grand Popo FC - Men Are Not Nice Guys

Leave it to those crazy French to sum up the biggest problems with blokes...

Drinks, finks, football and drugs,Business suits and newspapers, arguments, work, cable TV.Laziness, cars, lungs, size... don't you know what girls say sometimes?Men are not nice guys

...although we can probably think of a few bigger ones, if we try.



Then again, nice guys finish last, don't they? And all the good girls love a bad boy. Really, none of us can win...

My Top Ten Shopping Songs

Much is being written about the precariously uncertain fate of HMV, and while I'm not the regular customer I once was (partly due to other outlets, partly due to the lack of choice and other issues I have with our only remaining high street music chain) I would be sorry to see it go. Why, I was in there only the other day (before the news was announced), buying the Jake Bugg CD.

Anyway, in tribute, here's ten songs about shops and shopping...

10. Franz Ferdinand - Shopping For Blood

The FF boys channel Iggy Pop. Lovely stuff.

9. Athlete - Second Hand Stores

Maybe this is all we'll be left with soon...

8. Helen Love - Junk Shop Discotheque

Cos my record collection is your summer injection,
Of garage, beat, bubblegum, disco, and soul

7. Dean Friedman - Shopping Bag Ladies

A song that's more about the ladies than the shopping... but what a song! Even the ropey live recording can't rob it of its beauty.

6. Babybird - Cornershop

Another soon-to-extinct institution? They'll all be Tesco Directs and Sainsbury's Locals soon.

5. The Jam - Shopping

As I flit from shop window to window
I'm trying to pick up a friendly bargain
But it's not like the adverts all make out
And there's no one to greet you as a friend

4. The Clash - Lost In The Supermarket

Of course, supermarkets will never replace record shops, caring only about the pile-it-high-sell-it-cheap Top 40 and their bottom line. They have as much interest in music as I have in over 60s naked sky-diving.Still, if HMV does go under, perhaps the independent record shops will strike back...?

3. The Smiths - Shoplifters of the World Unite

 Now, Moz, that's hardly helpful, is it? Even if the owners of Nipper the Dog are one of the many record companies you've fallen foul of over the years.

See also Carter USM - A Nation of Shoplifters.

Well, never mind, never mind.

2. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Shop Around

As a young man, I used to shop around... just as Smokey suggests. Long, pleasurable Saturday afternoons spent wandering around Leeds, popping into all the record shops (and comic shops!), both chain and indie, looking for a bargain. I imagine a similar afternoon would be finished much more quickly these days...

I've always loved this song, but watching the video makes me love it all the more.

1. The Freshies - I'm In Love With A Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore's Checkout Desk

Well, it was the only record I could think of about big chain record shops... even if it does namedrop HMV's former rival.

RIP, Frank Sidebottom.



Those were my shopping songs... which one is your must-buy?

My Top Ten Knitwear Songs

Because the nights are drawing in and everywhere you go, the doom-mongers are saying "it's gonna snow next week"... so we all need some quality knitwear to keep us warm.

Special mention, of course, to The Cardigans, who sadly don't appear to have ever written a song extolling the virtues of their woolly (or polyester) namesakes.


10. Malcolm Middleton - Red Travellin' Socks

Malcolm grows to hate his red socks because they take him away from the one he loves. Knitwear with a mind of its own - scary. (Or maybe his excuses are getting more desperate.)

9. Nick Heyward - Blue Hat For A Blue Day

I met Nick Heyward once. He was a thoroughly decent bloke. (I may have mentioned this before. I may mention it again.)

8. Prince - Pink Cashmere

Not on youtube, obviously. Good old Prince.

7. The Smiths - Hand In Glove

Because the glove in question must have been a nice warm one... considering the sun was shining out of Morrissey's behind as he wore it. See also Pink Glove by Pulp, in which Jarvis manages to make an innocent item of knitwear... frankly, filthy.

6. Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Don't Sleep In My Cardi

Some couples will argue about everything.

It's too short in the arm
Too tight in the chest
Why can't you just sleep in your vest?

5. Babybird - You're Gorgeous

Remember that tank top you bought me? What did you write on it?

4. Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs - Woolly Bully

Genius.

3. Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)

A relationship dissolves via the metaphor of unraveling knitwear. So much more imaginative than another bloody song about breaking hearts.

2. The Scaremongers - Cardigan Girl

AKA Simon Armitage, the Poet Laureate of Marsden (i.e. just over the hill from me). Isn't it about time we had a second Scaremongers album, Simon?

1. Sultans of Ping FC - Where's Me Jumper?

It's all right to say things can only get better
If you haven't lost your brand new sweater
Pure new wool and perfect stitches
Not the type of jumper that makes you itches, oh no

I also found a Third Eye Blind song called Jumper... but it turns out to be about someone throwing themselves off a tall building. Hardly in the spirit of things.




Those were my favourite knitwear songs... but which one makes you drop a stitch?