My Top Ten Pretend Songs

Let's pretend there's actually someone reading this blog. What's your favourite pretend song?  

(N.B. No "Pretender" songs allowed (no matter how great)... they'll get a separate list. I'm nothing if not thorough / anal.)


10. The Tindersticks - Let's Pretend

Lush.

9. The Bens - Just Pretend

When Ben Folds, Ben Kweller and Ben Lee teamed up... what else where they going to call themselves?

8. Elvis Presley - Just Pretend

There'll never be anyone quite like Elvis...

7. Eels - I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart

Classic Christmas Eve heartbreak. Not a Christmas song though, I promise.

6. Magnetic Fields - Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits

How's that for a chat up line? Cheeky old Stephin Merritt.

5. Terrorvision - Pretend Best Friend

Ah yes, Bradford's finest. Always good to hear some Terrorvision again.

4. Cinerama - Let's Pretend

Having been dumped by (another) girlfriend, David Gedge sends her her stuff back in a box...

So here are your things
Starting with a pair of earrings
And I just bet
This is your Corrs cassette

Or is he just pretending he's not a closet Corrs fan himself?

3. MGMT - Time To Pretend

MGMT imagine being rock stars in a song inspired by their recently deceased preying mantis. You can't make it up, can you? Hilarious lyrics and the video is like some kind of Dali-esque nightmare.

We'll choke on our own vomit and the will be the end
We were fated to pretend

Neil Hannon and The Divine Comedy did a cool cover of this one too.

2. L7 - Pretend We're Dead

Famously the song that caused lead singer Donita Sparks to take her pants off while performing live on The Word back in 1992. Very exciting when I was 20. And it was a feminist statement, so it was OK for me to rewind the video...

1. R.E.M. - World Leader Pretend

Weird how the Top 3 bands are all abbreviations. (Let's pretend that's an interesting observation.)

From Orange, the album where R.E.M. were on the verge of world domination themselves. Seems so long ago now, doesn't it?





Let's pretend you're going to leave a comment...

My Top Ten Summer Clothes Songs

What are you wearing to keep cool in this hot weather?


10. Animal Collective - Summertime Clothes

The Animal Collective are soaking their heads in the sink. Which can't help but remind me of these guys.

9. Ben Kweller - Sundress

Ben takes his girl to all the most glamorous parts of town, just to see her in her sundress.

8. Sonic Youth - Swimsuit Issue

In which Kim takes a summer job as a secretary for a lecherous boss... with hilarious consequences.

7. ZZ Top - Cheap Sunglasses

Spied a little thing and I followed her all night
In her funky fine Levis and her sweater kind of tight
She had a west coast strut that was as sweet as molasses
But what really knocked me out was her cheap sunglasses

Stalker alert.

See also Sunglasses by Skeeter Davis... or Tracey Ullman. Take your pick.

6. The Wedding Present - Silver Shorts

Wear your silver shorts today and David Gedge won't go away.

5. The Airborne Toxic Event - Girls In Their Summer Dresses

A guilty husband protests that he's not perving over the girls in their summer dresses... and anyway, they were looking at him first!

4. Timbuk 3 - The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

I'm a Peeping Tom Tacky with X-Ray eyes...

They're all at it!

Dig that crazy harmonica.

3. Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Accept certain inalienable truths: 
Prices will rise, 
Politicians will philander, 
You too will get old, 
And when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. 
 Respect your elders.

2. Bruce Springsteen - Girls In Their Summer Clothes

If this wasn't one of Bruce's best radio pop records since the heights of Born In The USA, you might be attempted to accuse him of being the bloke in the ATE song. Then you listen to the lyrics and hear an aching melancholic nostalgia... and everything's right with the world.

1. Gene - Long Sleeves For The Summer

Exquisite.

Does you heart sag?

I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to suggest Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini so I can tell them where to go.