Snapshots #402: Songs About Boys (First Initial J)

Johnny Mathis is here to welcome us to a Snapshots dedicated to boys beginning with J. And you're Justin time!

15. You need to apply some game logic here.

"Game logic here" was an anagram.

George Michael - Jesus To A Child

14. Roger, Gene and Dave turn up the volume.

Roger, Gene and Dave were The Byrds, and here they are ROCKING.

The Rockingbirds - Jonathan Jonathan 

13. Place in town where James, Bobby and Charlie catch the train.

James Brown, Bobby Brown and Charlie Brown go to the Brownsville Station...

Brownsville Station - Jonah's Here To Stay

12. Vaguely related to big companies.

Something Corporate - If You C Jordan

11. Rebel Without A Mack.

James Dean was a Rebel Without A Cause. Jimmy had a Mack. (When are you coming back?)

Jimmy Dean - Big Bad John

10. Super speedster and critical utensil.

The Flash is a super speedster. A pan would be a critical utensil.

Flash & The Pan - Hey Jimmy

9. Gatsby man, follows Cinder & Barbar.

The Great Gatsby was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Cinder-ella & Barbar-ella.

Ella Fitzgerald - Jim

8. When I'm with you, something you do, bounces me off the ceiling.

Lyrics from Tracy, by The Cuff Links.

Tracie - The House That Jack Built

7. A scary sight.

Terrorvision - Jason

6. Café Americain, among the buffalo.

In Casablanca, Bogey operated Rick's Café Americain. Buffalo Springfield.

Rick Springfield - Jessie's Girl

5. What Ray, Toyah and Freddie all wanted to be.

Ray Davies sang Set Me Free. Toyah sang I Want To Be Free. Freddie sang I Want To Break Free.

Free - My Brother Jake

4. Junior Officers Ali & Foreman.

J.O. - Boxers.

Jo Boxers - Johnny Friendly

3. Rolsam.

Fatherson - James

2. Moderna champion.

She spent a heck of a lot of money to help develop the covid vaccine.

Dolly Parton - Joshua 

1. Experience required.

The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Hey Joe

Hey Jude, don't make it bad... come back for more Snapshots next Saturday and make it better.

Na na na nana na naaaaaaaa...

Positive Songs For Negative Times #27: A Day Out

On Monday, we took Sam to Alton Towers. This was a risk given the current climate, but they're taking the temperature of everyone entering the park, making people wear masks in enclosed areas, most of the indoor attractions are closed, and they've set up one way systems which most people appeared to be following. So, yes, a risk... but we've cancelled two holidays already this year and we don't want Sam to go the whole summer without doing anything out of the ordinary. We want him to have special memories of his childhood, even this year. You're only six once - and that's a lot different to saying you're only 48 once.

In the end, much as he loves rollercoasters and thrill rides (about as much as I hate them), he's at that weird age now where he's too big for the little kids' rides and too small most of the adult ones. So he went on the Runaway Mine Car a lot (with his mum and granddad, because you wouldn't get his dad on there) and rode the ghost train (Duel - you get to shoot the pop-out spooks with lasers... which is fun, but takes away some of the jumps) plenty of times with me. There were a few disappointments - some rides he could have gone on were closed, either for coronavirus or repair... and others he wanted to go on, but the queues were too long to test the patience of a 6 year old (or his mum). Those queues were made longer because the rides in question weren't allowing as many people on at a time, more people were queuing for less rides, and the staff had to stop every so often to give the attractions a good deep cleansing. (As I keep saying: these things need writing down, because we will forget them.)

All in all, I think the risk was worth it. He had a good day and hopefully made some good memories... he's talked of little else since, and already wants to go back. Oh, and he loved the little kids' driving school.

One song's been going through my head since Monday, since it shares its title with one of the big thrill rides at Alton Towers.

This is the ride... tell me, would you? Have you?




I didn't.

I wouldn't.

It was closed anyway.

You won't even get me on the waltzer these days.

Here's the song. Much more my cup of tea. And the lyrics, though 26 years old, are pretty timely...

Oh goodness, my gracious, 

I hope its not contagious,

Although it seems its catching 

It's best not to get careless.

Terrorvision, though largely forgotten now, had 13 Top 40 hits back in the 90s. Respect to the lads from Keighley...

Saturday Snapshots #81 - The Answers

(Steady on ladies Part 2. Etc.)

Welcome, Planet Earth, I know you're Hungry Like The Wold for this week's answers... ahem, I honestly didn't set out to make this Duran Duran weekend on Saturday Snapshots, but when I found photos of both Simon Le Bon Bon and Nick Toady Rhodes with cameras, I thought I may as well get them both out of the way in the same weekend rather than inflicting them on you two weeks running.

Suppress your gag Reflex... here come the answers. It was neck and neck yesterday morning between Walter and Rigid Digit - I think RD just scooped the prize.


10. Wake up feeling tearful, with two spoonfuls of sugar.

This is just one of those things you put down to experience...

Sweet Sensation - Sad Sweet Dreamer

9. Nodding off listening to Johnny & June, after sucking blood at Ascot.

Johnny & June sang Jackson, right?

The Sleepy Jackson - Vampire Racecourse

8. No STDs in South Yorkshire? An admiral approach.

Apologies to Phyllis for adding SY to her name to make an awful pun. Sometimes they're just too good to resist though.

Admiral Nelson is moving closer...

Phyllis Nelson - Move Closer

That's one I remember having to play quite a lot on The Love Zone!

7. Conductor of P.E.

Tough one if you didn't know it... which I guess a lot of people don't. Pretty straightforward clue if you do know the artist though... well done to Lynchie for the late save!

Lightning Rod - Sport

Top tune!

6. Deluding yourself over an oriental emergency.

China Crisis - Wishful Thinking

5. Monarchs of the Men's Room meet a poisonous lady.

Kings of Convenience - Toxic Girl

4. Inching tariff finds romance at the corner shop.

Inching tariff was an anagram.

Nanci Griffith - Love At The Five & Dime

3. Scary TV leads to lack of consciousness.

Ooh-wop, bop ba... I used to love this one!

Terrorvision - Oblivion

2. Kula shaken when Leonard's lady meets Lyra's star.

Leonard Cohen sang about Suzanne.

Lyra is a constellation which contains one of the brightest stars in the night sky. That star is called Vega.

Shake up Kula and you get...

Suzanne Vega - Luka

1. Neverland Captain receives PhD from Ted Hughes' mum-in-law.

Captain Hook gets a doctorate?

Ted Hughes was married to Sylvia Plath, so his mum-in-law would be...

There may be a New Moon On Monday, but the new Snapshots will be next Saturday. Until then, enjoy your Ordinary World and try not to Come Undone...

My Top Ten Mashed Potato Songs

For Mash, get... ten songs that will make you want to do the mashed potato...

Although the Top 3 is inevitable, this may well be the most mashed-up Top Ten I've ever compiled, genre-wise. I'm not too proud to say I Love It.

This week's post is dedicated to jjdaddyo (sorry, jj, I don't have a link anymore since blogger deleted my bloglist a while back: if you still have a blog, let me know where it is) who recommended our opening tune for the second volume of My Top Ten Supermarket Songs a few weeks back. It would have fit in well there... but it fits even better here.



10. Joe Jackson - (Do The) Instant Mash

From Joe's 1979 debut record, Look Sharp, the one where pretty girls are out walking with gorillas down my street...

9. Neil Young & Crazy Horse - T-Bone 

As previously discussed, there are by now very few subjects Neil Young hasn't written a song about, but this is out-there even by his standards. 9 and a quarter minutes of Neil complaining that he's only got mashed potato: no T-bone. From 1981's Re-Ac-Tor album, not one of  his most critically-acclaimed records. I doubt he gives a shit what the critics think. I hope he eventually got his T-bone.  

8. The Ronettes - Mashed Potato Time

There are a number of records on this Top Ten (as well as a bunch more I didn't have room for) which refer to the Mashed Potato dance craze of the early 60s. This is the one that does so most directly, originally recorded by Dee Dee Sharp, it was re-recorded by the Ronettes under Phil Spector, who then credited it to The Crystals once the Ronettes had split up. That Phil Spector, eh? What a genius / maniac / tool.

See also (Do The) Mashed Potato by James Brown, Shake A Tailfeather by Ray Charles and The Blues Brothers, Let's Dance by Chris Montez, Do The Strand by Roxy Music and Little Latin Lupe Lu by Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels (for Hi-Fidelity fans).

7. Terrorvision - Discotheque Wreck

From the superb 1994 album, How To Make Friends & Influence People, Terrorvision cheekily steal the mashed potato lyrics from this week's Number One and slip them effortlessly into this superfly guitar stomper which confirms them as Bradford's finest rock band.

6. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong - A Fine Romance

We should be hot as a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes...

Written by Jerome Kern and lyricist Dorothy Fields for the Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers movie Swing Time, this will be more familiar to anyone of a certain age as the theme tune to an 80s ITV sitcom starring Judi Dench and Michael Williams. That version was sung by Dame Judi herself, but the problem with it was, as the rhyme above shows, this is a song that should only ever be sung by Americans... because no matter what Fred & Ginger sang in Let's Call The Whole Thing Off... nobody, British or American, ever says "po-taa-toes". 

So we'll stick with Ella and Louis, because you can't beat them. Or mash them.

5. Eminem - So Far

One of the best tracks from Eminem's 2013 comeback album, Marshall Mathers 2, this is built around the chorus to Joe Walsh's Life's Been Good and features the usual First World whinging about how hard it is to be a white, rich rap star. Luckily, Eminem understands the irony of this and... damn it, say what you like Eminem, but dude can rhyme...

Can't pump my gas without causin' an accident
Pump my gas, cut my grass, I can't take out the fuckin' trash
Without someone passin' through my sub harassin'
I'd count my blessings but I suck at math
I'd rather wallow than bask, suffering succotash, but the ant-
Acid it gives my stomach gas
When I mix my corn with my fuckin' mashed
Potatoes, so what hoe kiss my country bumpkin ass
Missouri southern roots, what the fuck is upper class?

There are some mashed potatoes in there if you look for them.

4. Nirvana - Sliver

Oh boy, I'd forgotten how much I loved this. It's so easy to remember Kurt Cobain for the tragedy, the reluctant artist stuff, the end... so easy to forget this guy had one hell of a sense of humour too. Occasionally. Here, his mum and dad leave him at grandma's house while they go to a show and he has to eat her mashed potato and can't chew his meat too good.

Grandma, take me home!

3. Wilson Pickett - Land of 1000 Dances

Na 
Nana nana
Nana nana
Nanana Nanana
Nana nanaaaaaa!

If your exposure to the above nana chorus is limited to Ini Kamoze's Here Comes The Hotstepper... here's where it came from.

I was amused to discover though that the song's original 1962 recording, by New Orleans r 'n' b man Chris Kenner, didn't feature any nanas at all though. They were added three years later in a version by Cannibal & The Headhunters. But it was Wilson who took all those nas to another level.

That said, it's interesting to hear what Jimi Hendrix and Patti Smith do with this song too.  

2. The M.A.S.H. - Theme From M.A.S.H. / Manic Street Preachers - Theme From M.A.S.H.

Of course, the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital had very little to do with mashed spuds... but then, as already discussed, very few songs on this list are actually about potatoes.

Interesting story behind this one. Robert Altman, director of the original M.A.S.H. movie wanted a song called 'Suicide Is Painless' to feature in a key scene of the movie... and specifically wanted its lyrics to be duff: "the stupidest song ever written". He tried to write those lyrics himself but couldn't get them stupid enough... so he gave the task to his 14 year-old son Michael, who wrote them in 5 minutes... and became a millionaire in the process. Not too stupid then, eh, Robert?

The thing is, there's a thin line between stupid and profound, and in the context of the film... and certainly the TV show that followed, using this song as its theme tune... this nonsense suddenly began to feel very profound indeed. I loved M.A.S.H. when I was a teen, not so much the Altman version, but certainly the Alan Alda show. I was one of the hundred million plus viewers who tuned in to the final episode and sobbed when this song played out for its final time. Stupid, yeah.

I found it impossible to choose between the original and the Manics' 1992 cover version, released as a charity single, double A-sided with the Fatima Mansions' cover of Bryan Adams' Everything I Do, I Do It For You. (Punctuation note: it's not often you see a sentence that contains three apostrophes after the s like that. Sorry, English teacher geeking out here.) James Dean Bradfield's guitar and vocal suit this song perfectly. Sadly, it would become a little too prophetic for another member of the band though...

1. The Contours - Do You Love Me?

You broke my heart
'Cos I couldn't dance
You didn't even want me around
But now I'm back
To let you know
I can
Really
Shake 'em down

Another one featuring that ridiculous mashed potato dance step. Originally written for The Temptations, who'd done a runner that day, so Berry Gordy gave it to The Contours instead when he bumped into them in the Motown corridor. It was their only real hit: but what a hit.

Of course, being of a certain age, my first exposure to this song was in Dirty Dancing. I was 16 when that film his video in the UK. It was regular Friday night viewing, at least when Ferris Bueller's Day Off (or Friday the 13th... I was a complex child) was unavailable for rental at the local video shop.





Personally, I prefer roasties, jackets or chips. But if you've got to have your potatoes mashed, I don't think you can deny the tastiness of this Top 10. Any favourites I missed out?

My Top Ten Dolphin Songs

Last week's post about vacuum cleaners had less hits than anything I've ever written here. Which I guess shows that nobody is particularly enamoured by pop songs about household appliances. (So I'll be revisiting that again soon, dead horses need flogging.) I'll surely be on safer territory this week... everyone loves dolphins, right? (Although...that one above...is it just me...or does it look a bit like the Alien?)



10. The Byrds - Dolphin's Smile

 A song about cutting your moorings and floating free away...sounds tempting, right?

9. Ian Brown - Dolphins Were Monkeys

Well, if anybody would know about being a monkey...

8. Prince - Dolphin

Leave it to Prince to write a sado-masochistic reincarnation fantasy about dolphins... weirdo. Of course, considering this was written during the Slave / Symbol / TAFKAP days, its lyrics are pointing straight at his record company...

U can cut off all my fins
But 2 your ways I will not bend
I'll die before I let U tell me how 2 swim
And I'll come back again as a dolphin

7. Martyn Joseph - Dolphins Make Me Cry

The grown-up world is seriously depressing Martyn Joseph... that's why dolphins make him cry.

6. Shed Seven - Dolphin

From the York yobboes' debut album, this was their first single to crash into the Top 30 at the dawn of Britpop in 1994. They'd go on to much greater things, but Dolphin stands the test of time pretty well.

The video features Rick and the band performing in a waterless swimming pool. Can't help but think it'd have been more interesting if they'd filled it up as the song went on... but I guess there might have been health & safety issues with that.

5. Terrorvision - Perserverance

From York to Bradford, and more brilliantly raucous Britpop hooligans... they were right about the whales and dolphins. (Terrorvision went on to name their greatest hits album after this very lyric, so it obviously meant something.)

4. Crosby, Stills & Nash - After The Dolphin

This Dolphin was the London pub where the first aerial bombing of WWI took place. Here, Graham Nash asks if the world was ever the same after that fateful night...? 

3. Ooberman - Dolphin Blue

Ah, Ooberman. They should have been so much bigger.We need more pop stars called Popplewell.

2. Beth Orton & Terry Callier - Dolphins

Written and originally recorded by Fred Neil (who also wrote the gorgeous Everybody's Talkin'), this is surely the most covered Dolphins song in history. Tim Buckley's is probably the most famous; Billy Bragg did a heartbreaking cover on Don't Try This At Home; but there's something about the dreamy combo of Beth O. and folk-jazz pioneer Terry Callier that just does it for me like no other...

I've been searchin'
For the dolphins in the sea
And sometimes I wonder
Do you ever think of me?

1. David Bowie - Heroes

Arguably Bowie's greatest moment, with a little help from Brian Eno, Tony Visconti, and Robert Fripp on feedback. Strangely, it wasn't that big a hit when it was first released in 1977, but time has been very decent to it. Shows what the recording buying public know!

I 
I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim...

Which is your Flipper?

My Top Ten Pretend Songs

Let's pretend there's actually someone reading this blog. What's your favourite pretend song?  

(N.B. No "Pretender" songs allowed (no matter how great)... they'll get a separate list. I'm nothing if not thorough / anal.)


10. The Tindersticks - Let's Pretend

Lush.

9. The Bens - Just Pretend

When Ben Folds, Ben Kweller and Ben Lee teamed up... what else where they going to call themselves?

8. Elvis Presley - Just Pretend

There'll never be anyone quite like Elvis...

7. Eels - I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart

Classic Christmas Eve heartbreak. Not a Christmas song though, I promise.

6. Magnetic Fields - Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits

How's that for a chat up line? Cheeky old Stephin Merritt.

5. Terrorvision - Pretend Best Friend

Ah yes, Bradford's finest. Always good to hear some Terrorvision again.

4. Cinerama - Let's Pretend

Having been dumped by (another) girlfriend, David Gedge sends her her stuff back in a box...

So here are your things
Starting with a pair of earrings
And I just bet
This is your Corrs cassette

Or is he just pretending he's not a closet Corrs fan himself?

3. MGMT - Time To Pretend

MGMT imagine being rock stars in a song inspired by their recently deceased preying mantis. You can't make it up, can you? Hilarious lyrics and the video is like some kind of Dali-esque nightmare.

We'll choke on our own vomit and the will be the end
We were fated to pretend

Neil Hannon and The Divine Comedy did a cool cover of this one too.

2. L7 - Pretend We're Dead

Famously the song that caused lead singer Donita Sparks to take her pants off while performing live on The Word back in 1992. Very exciting when I was 20. And it was a feminist statement, so it was OK for me to rewind the video...

1. R.E.M. - World Leader Pretend

Weird how the Top 3 bands are all abbreviations. (Let's pretend that's an interesting observation.)

From Orange, the album where R.E.M. were on the verge of world domination themselves. Seems so long ago now, doesn't it?





Let's pretend you're going to leave a comment...

My Top Ten Alice... Songs

I was planning a Top Ten Alice In Wonderland Songs, but there were so many good tracks, I had to split them into two lists. Today then, Songs With Alice In The Title (not all of them the Wonderland girl, but most of them touched by her in one way or another). Next post... Wonderland (and its inhabitants).


10. Cocteau Twins - Alice

I should be a bigger Cocteau Twins fan than I am. They made some beautiful music in their time.

9. Smokie - Living Next Door To Alice

This might have made it higher up the chart, were it not for the 1995 remake featuring Roy 'Chubbie' Brown. Serious points deducted for that.

8. Sleeper - Alice In Vain

Alice in the playground
She ain’t got a boyfriend
Oh oh that’s a pity
She’s not even pretty
Alice hears them whisper
They smile when they see her
Oh, oh she’ll discover
Girls don’t hurt each other

7. The Sisters of Mercy - Alice

Alice in her party dress
She thanks you kindly
So serene
She needs you like she needs her tranqs

Sounding like a goth Bowie on this song, the mighty Andrew Eldritch. Where is he now? Still in the go, apparently. But with much shorter hair.

6. Alice Cooper - Hard Hearted Alice

Of course, Alice Cooper has made far better records, both as a band and as a solo artist. But this is the only one I could find with Alice in the title, so check it out. It's the mellow side of Coops... surprisingly sweet.

5. Ben Folds Five - Alice Childress

After many years as a solo artist, Ben has reformed the Ben Folds Five (all three of them) for a tour later this year. Not sure I can afford tickets, but it'd be great to see the band back together playing songs like this again.

4. Grinderman - Electric Alice

Don't the stars look good tonight
Thought Electric Alice
In the pale moonlight

From Nick Cave... to Stevie Nicks...

3. Stevie Nicks - Alice

Like Alice through the Looking Glass...
She used to know who she was

2. Terrorvision - Alice, What's The Matter?

Keighley's finest. Not that there's a whole lot of competition for that title.

1. Tom Waits - Alice

Written with Kathleen Brennan, Waits' dreamy song is dedicated to Alice Liddell, the girl who inspired Lewis Carroll to write Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.



Back soon with my 'In Wonderland' Top Ten... meanwhile, which song with Alice in the title sends you to Wonderland?