Emergency Questions #3: Shit Hotel

Avi Vinocur - Shit Hotel

Tex Williams - The Night Miss Nancy Ann's Hotel for Single Girls Burned Down

Another one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions to jump-start our Friday conversations...

What's the worst experience you've ever had in a hotel?

Unlike the Frequent Flyers and Another Holiday Already? types that read this blog, I don't spend a lot of time in hotel rooms. Louise isn't fond of hotels, so most of our family holidays are spent in rented cottages. Sam and I brave a Premier Inn once a year for our annual boy's getaway - he's a big fan of the All You Can Eat breakfast. Imagine his horrid during the post-covid year when we booked into a Travelodge that promised "breakfast included" to discover that it constituted a Kellogg's variety pack (random choice) and a carton of Kia Ora. Never again!

Northern Portrait - In An Empty Hotel

Big Pig - Big Hotel 

Is that the worst experience I've ever had in a hotel room then? Sam would certainly say so. And I'm not sure I can think of anything worse... no rats or cockroaches or views of the local rubbish dump. I'm sure you guys can help out with that though.

Conor Oberst - Empty Hotel By The Sea

Band Of Holy Joy - Empty Purse Found in Hotel Lobby

My only other vaguely relevant anecdote today is from a holiday with my sister and her family in my teenage years. This was either Jersey or Brittany... I can't remember which, but they were the only two holidays I went on with them. File this one under disconcerting...

The cottage must have had three bedrooms: one for my sister and her husband, one for their two kids (my eldest nephew is only four years younger than me) and one for me. I'd reached the age where it was no longer cool to go on holiday with my parents, but I wasn't old enough to go off on my own... and I never had mates who suggested a week in Ibiza (thank GOD). 

Anyway, I woke up one morning to discover that my pillow was missing. When I looked, it was over the other side of the room... wedged under the door, as though trying to stop someone or something getting in.  I hadn't done that myself (not consciously, at least) so I wondered then... and still wonder today... how that happened.

Elvis Presley - Heartbreak Hotel

Chris Isaak - Blue Hotel

Musicians spend more time in hotel rooms than just about any other profession, except travelling salesmen and Ernie. Most of the time, they're not trashing them and throwing the TV out into the swimming pool (that's just Ernie)... instead, they just sit around writing miserable songs about life on the road...

The Ataris - My Hotel Year

Jimmy Buffett - This Hotel Room

The Kinks - Sitting In My Hotel

Elton John - Holiday Inn

Gordon Lightfoot - Hangdog Hotel Room

The most evocative of these doesn't mention the word hotel in its title, but it was the first track I thought of today. Anyone who's seen Lloyd Cole live in the last 25+ years will have heard him explain what a Spectra-Vision girl is...

Just another bunch of would be desperados
Failing to pace themselves against the grain
Strung out on semantics, Holiday-Inn vigilantes, 
Late night, early town
Am I supposed to sleep, here all alone
'Neath the shadow of the mini-bar, with the promise of a Spectra-Vision girl?

What's the worst experience you've ever had in a hotel?

Snapshots #307: A Top Ten Songs Named After Boats

All aboard!

Ten songs with boat names in the title...

10. Known for spreading their seed.

Jethro Tull invented the seed drill.

Jethro Tull - The Flying Dutchman

9. Plucked from the Ashes.

That's Charlotte Hatherley, former guitarist in Ash...

Charlotte Hatherley - Dawn Treader

The Dawn Treader is a boat in CS Lewis's Narnia novels. 

8. Hallyday Hears A Who.

Johnny Hallyday + Horton Hears A Who...

Johnny Horton - Sink The Bismarck

7. From the harbour, through the turnstiles, onto the bridge.

Coldspring Harbour, Turnstiles & The Bridge are all albums by...

Billy Joel - The Downeaster Alexa

6. Kisses on the Liffey.

The Pogues are Irish kisses; the Liffey is in Dublin.

The Pogues & The Dubliners - The Irish Rover

I never get tired of watching a young Shane McGowan perform.

5. Churchwarden very angry inside bathroom. 

Inside "Churchwarden very angry" you will find den-ver. The John is the bathroom.

John Denver - Calypso

4. Copacabana, Bathsheba or Omaha, lads? 

They're all beaches, boys.

The Beach Boys - Sloop John B

3. Cornershop.

Bodega - Jack In Titanic

2. I forgot old thong.

Anagram!

Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald 

1. This is the day of the expanding man.

That's the opening line of Deacon Blues by Steely Dan. 

Set sail for more Snapshots next Saturday...

Celebrity Jukebox #87: Gordon Lightfoot

Another month, another legend gone. Gordon Lightfoot may not be a household name in the UK, where his biggest hit barely scraped the Top 30, but he was loved and respected in his native Canada, in the US, and throughout the musical community, with everyone from Elvis to Dylan to Johnny Cash to Neil Young and Paul Weller singing his praises and covering his songs. My favourite Gordon Lightfoot composition is this one... though The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald comes a close second.

How does Gord (as he was billed on his earliest hits) fare on the jukebox? Well, unsurprisingly, he gets a lot of love from his fellow Canadians, starting with this guy...

She can wear high heels and flannel
She can look sexy in a toque
She likes snow storms and Gordon Lightfoot
And if you're lucky she'll love you

Dean Brody - Canadian Girls

If you're wondering what a toque is (pronounced too-k, apparently), wonder no more...

What happens when those Canadian Girls grow up? Well, their record collection gets a lot bigger, for a start...

Gordon Lightfoot, Andy Kim, Terry Jacks, Anne Murray, Joni Mitchell

Don't forget Neil Young

Should we include Justin Bieber? No!

Lucky Doug Fergus - Canadian Woman

Meanwhile, the Barenaked Ladies are convinced that Gordon Lightfoot's favourite snack is pasta...

Barenaked Ladies - The Canadian Snacktime Trilogy

Now, can we all stand up for the Canadian National Anthem... the rap version? 

Our national mascot's a damned beaver
O Canada, we love our beaver
Home o' Hell's Angels, the North CMP
Home of Gordon Lightfoot and nasty TV

Classified - Oh... Canada

Barrie is a city in Ontario, just north of Toronto. However, Barrie the band comes from Brooklyn, and here they are singing about Michigan. 

You never change your clothes
Cause denim fades so good
Station wagon with the panel wood
Gordon Lightfoot if I could
Your summer love was all you knew
There's nothing left to do
But go crazy on you

Barrie - Michigan

Outside of Gordon's home country, we arrive first in L.A. where Rivers Cuomo of Weezer has written a terrific tune about some of his favourite artists... and Gordon is the first one he mentions.

Gordon Lightfoot
Sang a song
About a boat
That sank in the lake

Weezer - Heart Songs

Mike Viola is a frequent collaborator of Panic! At The Disco, Jenny Lewis and Andrew Bird, among others. Here, he compiles a list of artists he'd "let in to a very secret club"...

Paul Kelly and the Messengers, Costello, Crowded House
Squeeze before that Rolling Stone review that smoked them out
The Clash, The Cars, The Who, Gordon Lightfoot, Joni Mitch
Graham Parker and the Figgs would definitely make the list

Mike Viola - Future Horror Hockey Game

Any Squeeze fans know which Rolling Stone interview he's referring to?

I'm unfamiliar with the work of El Paso's Salim Nourallah, but on the evidence before me today, he's worthy of further investigation...

If you married me, I'd get Tres Leches cake when you're sad
And to prove my love, go see Gordon Lightfoot with your dad

Salim Nourallah - If I Married You

And, in an effort to make this blog more educational...

That's a Tres Leches cake. Looks like a heart attack waiting to happen.

Howe Gelb from Giant Sand always raises a smile when I hear his tunes... even if I haven't got a clue what he's singing about.

Feeling about the brotherhood has got me down and up
To no good
Feeling about the brotherhood has even got me sitting here
Singing like Gordon Lightfoot

Giant Sand - Hood (View from a Heidelberg Hotel)

Plenty of songs mention the name Lightfoot in their title, not all of them are about the great man himself. I reckon these are though, one way or another...

Ramsay Midwood - Lightfoot

Brown Shoe - Lightfoot

Aengus Finnan - Lightfoot

Allister Thompson & Philippa Dowding - Lightfoot

Ashley Naylor - Gordon Lightfoot

Burton Cummings - Gordon Lightfoot Does Maggie May

It's back to Canada for today's final tune though, with a song that doesn't only pay tribute to Gordon Lightfoot... but also his backing band, including John Stockfish, Charlie McCoy and Red Shea...

And Lightfoot

Edwardian, suddenly striped

His hair blondish and poetic

He is less than vinyl perfect

His foot is a precise anchor for the husk and vibrance of his voice

He is the image of Alberta

The side street near Chicago

The grim beauty of Toronto

He is an artist

He is an artist

He is an artist painting Sistine masterpieces of pine and fur and backwoods

Still echoes long ago the winter night of black July and then the outcome

Of an early Cleveland rainfall

RIP, Gordon. As a songwriter, you could read our minds...

Soundtracks: Licorice Pizza

I finally got to see the movie Licorice Pizza (or Liquorice Pizza if you're from this side of the pond) by Paul Thomas Anderson of Boogie Nights & Punch Drunk Love fame. It didn't disappoint. The casting of Alana Haim (of Haim fame) and Cooper Hoofman (son of the late, great Phillip Seymour) was refreshing. Neither of them is conventionally Hollywood, but they have real chemistry, and their on/off relationship feels very real. There are great cameos from Sean Penn, Tom Waits, and best of all, Bradley Cooper, playing Barbra Streisand's (Strei-zand's) real life 70s beau, psychotic movie producer Jon Peters. 

For those of you a little too old to feel nostalgic for the 80s, here's a movie that glorifies the 70s - albeit 70s LA, which is about as far from 70s UK as you can get. Still, the sun is always shining, just as it did in our youth. And the music... well, it may not be Slade and Wizzard, but the soundtrack is still full of lost 70s gems (and quite a few from the 50s and 60s too). Of course, there's the ubiquitous Bowie track (Life On Mars, which apparently was stuck on repeat in every jukebox in the world from 1973 onwards), but also tracks from The James Gang, Blood Sweat & Tears,  Mason Williams, Taj Mahal and others. Not the obvious tracks either (apart from maybe a well-placed Gordon Lightfoot tune). Best of all though is this bobby dazzler, which turns out to be Suzi Quatro's only US Top 40 hit (shurely shome mishtake), teamed with Smokie's Chris Norman. In the UK, it only made #41...

Oh, and in case you're wondering, Licorice Pizza was the name of an LA record shop... for exactly the reason you'd think.

Name That Tune: Our Top Ten Alison Songs

I had half a mind to feature Alison Krauss at the top of this post, until George said:

I'm sure some one will suggest Alison Moyet but it sure as hell won't be me.

After that, my mind was made up. After all, I have a lot of time for Alison Moyet, writer of one of the smuttiest pop songs ever to find its way into the pop charts (Prince excepted). Let's just say I don't think she's singing about the flu jab in this song.

As for Allison Krauss... well, I did find this nice little tribute.

The Stills - Allison Krauss

Jim in Dubai also put forward these guys...

The Allisons - Are you Sure?

Finger-snappin' goodness.

What did you have for me that didn't make the Top Ten?

We'll start with Rigid Digit... who also reminds us of Alison Goldfrapp.

This won't make the Top 10, but...

Annihilator - Alison Hell

...my question is, how much were they paid by Richard Branson for the free advertising?

This probably should...

Alison Gross - Steeleye Span

It was on the shortlist.

Walter suggested this from my shortlist...

The Pixies - Allison

As well as a couple more strong contenders...

Lagwagon - Alison's Disease 

Waxahatchee -Witches

There's nothing here to gain 

Allison always had a heavy disdain 

For every link in that old chain

John Medd was still stinging a bit from my Adamski rejection last week...

This is a bit like cricket: I can play the game but I'm not very good at it.

This'll probably get me another ticking off (it's quite lonely here on the naughty step).

Nearly all the Alisons I know/have known have usually being called Ally. It's not an unusual derivation; the spelling can change - Ally, Alley, Alli - but ask any Alison and she'll no doubt concur.

So, I'm going for Alley Oop. I wrote about it once, hereabouts.

The Hollywood Argyles - Alley Oop

No ticking off, John. But no place in the Top Ten either as I think that's a bit of a stretch... and I'd end up having to find a place for Gasoline Alley and Sneakin' Sally Through The Alley too. Among others.

Jim in Dubai offered this...

The Huntingtons - Alison The Bomb

...which I reckon is cut from the same cloth as these...

Jeff Rosenstock - Hey Allison

American Hi-Fi - Allison

Now, I did suggest that abbreviated forms of Alison might be allowed, although the only one I could find myself was this...

Belle & Sebastian - Allie

George, however, had this to say...

I am relieved that the only derivations of Alison allowed are Alyson and Allie, and that Alice is not, so no one can suggest Living Next Door To Alice by Smokie.

Beat you to it, George.... (twice!)

My Top Ten Alice Songs

My Top Ten Alice In Wonderland Songs

Now, just before we get onto this week's scrapings from the hard drive, here's a word from our own Alyson which will allow me to set a rule for future editions.

Also, Beautiful South with Song For Whoever. 

Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue...

Yes. But much as I like that song, I think it may be banned for ballot stuffing. Unless I'm really desperate one week.

The same rule may also apply to this...

George Strait - All My Exs Live In Texas

And Allison's in Galveston

Somehow lost her sanity

And this...

Weezer - Smart Girls

Yumi, Sherie, Alison, Mary

Which one do I want to marry?

Hard-drive scrapings, then?

CUD - Alison Springs

Richmond Fontaine - Allison Johnson

Woodpigeon - The Alison Yip School For Girls

Finally, a couple of lyrical nods...

The Streets - Empty Cans

I really feel like things clicked into place at some point

Or maybe it's the fact that me and Alison really got on

The Courteeners - Are You In Love With A Notion?

You told Alison next door

That all your dreams were made

Time for the Ten...


10. Gin Blossoms - Allison Road

Let's start with these guys. One Hit Wonders, maybe... but they had more than one good tune.

So she fills up her sails with my wasted breath

And each one's more wasted that the others you can bet

On Allison Road

Now I can't hide so why not drive

I know I want to love her but I can't decide

On Allison Road

9. Rick Springfield - Alyson

And then, the only one I could find with the "pretentious" spelling. (Not my word: see below.)

8. Slowdive - Alison

Points to Rigid Digit for remembering this shoegaze classic.

7. Gordon Lightfoot - Poor Little Allison

Poor little Allison, standing in the night wind

Wishing out loud, turning her face to the summer rain

Hard to forget, always in step with the world she's in

6. 60 Ft Dolls - Alison's Room

You know I'm a sucker for obscure Britpop tunes.

5. Townes Van Zandt - You Are Not Needed Now

Well, Allison laid a hex on me

And every time I turn around

It's swimming through the air above my bed

A lovely song, though it does sound like he's singing "Allison laid an egg on me".

4. The Chesterfields - Alison Wait

Suggested by both Walter and Jim in Dubai. Rightly so.

3. Spearmint - A Week Away

Less well known than many of the songs in this countdown, but one of my favourite indie bands and a great lyrical Alison...

Alison cheated at Scrabble

And then she still lost

You call her a cheat

And then she gets in a huff

2. The Lemonheads - Alison's Starting To Happen

I'll let C take this one...

I'm thinking that the obvious second one to the obvious first one must surely be Alison's Starting To Happen by the Lemonheads, and what a great song.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

1. Elvis Costello - Alison

And who better to introduce our obvious number one than "Alyson" herself...?

One of my favourite songs of all-time - Alison by Elvis Costello. It was played constantly during my last year at school, a year which is up there as being was one of the best of my life to date. Still get teary when I listen to it as a couple of the really good friends from those days are no longer with us, and of course I reminisce about all the romances that didn't last the distance. A bittersweet (for me) but beautiful song.

I think I've mentioned this around here before but I use my middle name for blogging purposes for fear of people in the real world finding what I write (about them). As a second layer of security/anonymity I changed the middle 'i' to to a 'y' which I now regret as a bit pretentious, like Fiona becoming Ffyona. Oh well, too late to change now but I think we would all agree with Elvis Costello that the true spelling should be Alison.

There have been a number of decent covers of this song, including...

Everything But The Girl - Alison 

Vic Chestnutt - Alison 

Linda Ronstadt - Alison 

But the original is unbeatable.


OK, I started you with a couple of easy ones. Let's see how you cope with the letter B.

NEXT WEEK: OUR TOP TEN BEN / BENJAMIN / BENNY SONGS

All I can tell you is that the Number One will not be a rat.

Hot 100 #39

I'd initially thought I'd just chuck the above image on top of this week's post to see if anyone could work out why I'd done it.

Then I discovered this lot who rather gave the joke away...

Anyway, number 39 on our countdown. Thankfully not as busy as last week's entry. (But not far off.)



C started the ball rolling with a slice of post-punk goodness...

Television Personalities - Hard Luck Story Number 39

Followed soon after by Lynchie, who went all weird on us...

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

The above are the opening lyrics to "Dog Breath, in the Year of the Plague" by The Mothers Of Invention. The vocals are stupendous, especially Nelcy Walker's soprano voice backed by Ray Collins & Roy Estrada. This track led me to purchase "Cruising with Ruben & the Jets" - an earlier Mothers' album which has some of the best doo-wop songs ever recorded.

Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention - Dog Breath, in the Year of the Plague

Lynchie's second suggestion was a bit more down-to-earth... and surely a shoe-in for this week's winner as it comes from one of my favourite albums...

A friend of mine became a father last night
When we spoke in his voice I could hear the light
Of the skies and the rivers the timberwolf in the pines
And that great jukebox out on Route 39

Bruce Springsteen - Valentine's Day

Then again, much as I love The Boss, it's only two weeks since he last claimed the top spot in this countdown. Would I really give it to him again?

Our Canadian correspondent, Douglas McLaren, was pretty sure I would...

Darn. Got beaten to the Boss, which I am guessing is the "shoe-in". Oh well. Though Valentine's Day is (in my opinion) the better song, Springsteen's "Stand On It" is a rollickin' great-balls-of-fire b-side belter that also refers to Route 39.

Bruce Springsteen - Stand On It

Nope. Not this week, Douglas. What else have you got for me?

A few other offerings as outside chances. For starters, there is last week's poster boys, UB40, with "Hold Your Position, Mk3". Not the biggest UB40 fan, but that one sits in the record collection. Lyrics mention "39 Acker Tree, Frontline"...not sure if that is an address or what?

Hardly a desirable residence, by the sounds of it.

UB40 - Hold Your Position, MK3

I feel I should mention Canada's Own Gordon Lightfoot again this week, as his offering for "40" went down fighting. The song "Drink Yer Glasses Empty". A typically Lightfoot song, semi-autobiographical I suppose given that he was in fact born in 1938, but timeless considering the world today: 

Better drink yer glasses empty now
It's time to rise and shine
There's one less cause in the world
To be leaving for
It was back in 39
When I was one year old
Sitting by the backyard fence
And the world had turned so cold...

Gordon Lightfoot - Drink Yer Glasses Empty

Another one that actually sits in the collection since I picked up a vinyl copy at a charity shop, but I am not actually all that fond of myself (outside chance perhaps?) is World Party, "The Ballad of The Little Man". The Latin Teacher in me appreciates the Classical allusion in the lyrics, though:

He's an animal but he thinks he's God
Gets him mixed up with him
And we're all at the mercy
Of this little man within
He was doing fine in 39
Thank God he did not win
He kept playing on his fiddle
As he watched old Rome cave in...

World Party - The Ballad of the Little Man

Blimey - a Latin teacher! That'll put a lowly English teacher like me in my place. But no, not World Party this week, Douglas. Anything else?

Alright, the most outside outside chance of all?

Weird Al Yankovic - The Biggest Ball of Twine In Minnesota

Well, we crossed the state line about 6: 39
And we saw the sign that said, "Twine Ball exit, fifty miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy they started singing
"99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" for the twenty-seventh time that day...

It reminds me of my summer vacations as a kid. Every last one of them. And at least by mentioning in now it pre-empts its obvious chances of being a take-all winner in 12 weeks time when number 27 comes up.

Yeah, that's the winne... oh, no, sorry, it isn't. Nice try though.

Who else do we have? Ah, George...

Of course Spanish Bombs will not be featuring.........

Well, it will be featuring, George. It just won't be winning. Nothing against Mr. Strummer and co. I'm just not cool enough to worship them in quite the same way many other venerable bloggers do.

The Clash - Spanish Bombs

Spanish songs in Andalucia
The shooting sites in the days of '39
Oh, please, leave the vendanna open
Fredrico Lorca is dead and gone
Bullet holes in the cemetery walls
The black cars of the Guardia Civil
Spanish bombs on the Costa Rica
I'm flying in a DC 10 tonight

Next up was Rigid Digit, with three fine suggestions...

The Cure - 39

White Stripes - Hotel Yorba

I said 39 times that I love you, 

To the beauty I had found

That's just harrassment, Jack. You want to watch that sort of behaviour in this day and age.

And for the third and final time:

AC/DC - Whole Lotta Rosie

42 39 56 - you could say she's got it all

God loves a trier.

Our final suggestion this week comes from Deano, my old pal from the land down under...

Paul Kelly - You're 39, You're Beautiful and You're Mine

A beautiful ballad where Kelly shows that love songs don’t just have to be about the young ones…

That is pretty special. Thanks, Deano.

And you all for playing, as ever. Before we get onto this week's winner (as immidiately identified by Martin, and seconded by Deano), here's a few more offerings from my hard-drive...

Lloyd Cole - 39 Down

Hank Williams III - 7 Months, 39 Days

The Handsome Family - Emily Shore - 1819 - 1939

Larry Jon Wilson - July 12th, 1939

Al Stewart - Laughing Into 1939

Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsborough - 18 - 39

Tenacious D -39

Jeannie C. Riley - Slippin' Shirley Thompson

Sippin' Shirley Thompson doesn't care
She's 39 and feelin' fine and not much up to goin' anywhere
Her husband is a bible salesman and at 39 his hair fell out
She said there's not a hair between him and the heaven that he talks about

All good songs, but the songs from our teenage years often leave the biggest impression, don't they? And that's certainly the case with this tune from Queen's A Night At The Opera album, a favourite of mine was I was 15 (even though it was released 12 years earlier). I never had much of an idea what the song was about, I just thought it was a pretty tune and Brian does a good job on vocals. Iffypedia reveals the lyrics go back to Brian's days as an astrophysicist...

The song tells the tale of a group of space explorers who embark on what is, from their perspective, a year-long voyage. Upon their return, however, they realise that a hundred years have passed, because of the time dilation effect in Einstein's special theory of relativity, and the loved ones they left behind are now all dead or aged.

You don't get that from Ed Sheeran, do you?

Oh, final trivia bit. This was George Michael's favourite Queen song, and apparently he used to play it as a busker on the London Underground. I bet the police moved him on if he gathered a crowd this big.

38 next week. I bet Douglas has a suggestion. Anyone else?

My Top Ten Airport Songs

Sorry - no time to chat, got a plane to catch. Here's ten songs about airports...

Special mentions to Idlewild and Airport Girl.



10. Baader Meinhof - Meet Me At The Airport

Probably best not to bump into Luke Haines at an airport. Not if he's got his terrorist mates with him...

I met a man, he was a trader
And he did a cargo at 10,000
Over Jordan
It's not for Gods love
It's not for cocaine
When you've decided - Meet me at the airport

9. REM - Airportman

Is Up the last great REM album... or just the one where they try too hard to sound like Radiohead?

8. Loney Dear - Airport Surroundings

Something about him breaking into an airport on his bike and getting caught on the runway in the lights of an oncoming plane... don't ask me. It's got a nice beat and you could dad-dance to it.

7. Bobby Bare - Chicago Story

If you don't want your tears jerking, give this one a miss...

...and certainly don't stick around for the last line, because it's a killer.

6. Sondre Lerche - Airport Taxi Reception

Classic Norwegian indie.

'Cause I left my mind in the airport,
My thoughts in a taxi,
My heart in reception,
The last thing I saw was you

5. Gordon Lightfoot - Early Morning Rain

Gordon gets stuck on the runway awaiting take-off. Now there's a metaphor for you!

This old airport's got me down
It's no earthly good to me
And I'm stuck here on the ground
As cold and drunk as I can be
You can't jump a jet plane
Like you can a freight train
So I best be on my way
In the early mornin' rain

4. The Handsome Family - All The Time In Airports

A tale of unrequited love between frequent flyers...

I see you flipping through the pages
Of books by millionaires
Who found that Jesus Christ could guide them
Into tripling their sales

Late at night in airports
The cages pulled across the stores
And early in the morning when
They drive the waxer across the floor

I see you sitting on your suitcase
I see you sleeping in a chair
But each time I get too close
You always disappear

I see you all the time in airports
Just a hundred feet away

3. The Supremes - 5.30 Plane

The Supremes + Jimmy Webb = a match made in heaven.

In Rol's alternate reality, this was Number One on both sides of the Atlantic for six weeks.

2. The Motors - Airport

As I've said many times before: if you're going to write a one-hit wonder... make it a belter!

And it would / should have been Number One... if not for this...

1. John Denver - Leaving On A Jet Plane

Of course, the tragic irony of this song is unbearable... but if you can get past John Denver's untimely demise, this is surely one of the greatest sad pop songs ever written. A hit for Peter, Paul & Mary... though their version sounds really odd if you're more familiar with Denver's (as I am).

Such a great tune that, as JC recently reported, even New Order tried to rip it off.

Sam loves this song too. I have taught him well.

Actually, Denver recorded this twice. I much prefer the version below to the alternative take. You may choose to differ.



Any leftover airport songs going round and round on your baggage carousel? Do tell...

Saturday Snapshots #3 - The Answers

Let there be answers!
 
(I'm not going to ask you for the artist & song of the photo above. You'll all obviously have that one in your collections.)

Congrats to everyone who took part and identified a correct tune. I think we can all agree that this week's winners are Brian and his better half.


10. A Munster, wearing a white hat, on the canal...

Eddie Munster.

The canal / white hat = Panama.

Well done, Brian.

Van Halen - Panama

9. There's no doubt husband #7 left Steve a $6 million answerphone message.

A tough one, but it's all there in the clues.

No Doubt = Gwen Stefani.

Her husband (at the moment) is Blake Shelton. (Blake's 7?)

$6 million dollar Steve? Austin. The Bionic Man, of course.

The answerphone message? Listen to the damn song! It's a real tearjerker...

Blake Shelton - Austin

Score #1 for Mrs. Brian.

8. The queen gives a haircut so good, it'll make you weak.

Gave Chris no problems at all.

The Queen = Regina.

Who had a haircut that made him weak?

Regina Spektor - Samson

7. A big, depressed train from the U.S.

Big = grand.

If you're depressed, you're in a funk.

Grand Funk Railroad - We're An American Band

Score two for Mrs. Brian.

6. A moron in comfy shoes wishes his girlfriend was psychic.

Gordon is a moron, according to Jilted John.

Comfy shoes = Lightfoot.

Gordon Lightfoot - If You Could Read My Mind

Score three for Mrs. Brian.

5. All sad tales start with a big baby crying.

A big baby crying = The Mighty Wah!

A sad tale?

The Mighty Wah! - The Story of the Blues

A combined effort from Brian & Charity Chic.

4. Elvis in his underwear does what Gordon Sumner only pretended he could.

Probably the easiest one this week, if you knew the song. Brian snapped this one up straight away.

Do I need to explain that Jellyfish sting?

Jellyfish - The King Is Half Undressed

3. How far would Tom & Bob run to see this band, mate?

Apologies to Brian, I should have gone with an international clue about Burt Reynolds... I'll try to remember that in future. Charity Chic helped out here too.

Tommy Cannon & Bobby Ball.

Cannonball Run.

Mate = breed.

The Breeders - Cannonball

2. It's agony for a female Flintstone, listening to Andrew's Wax.

A female Flinstone might be called Freda.

Agony = Payne.

Andrew Gold's band (with Graham Gouldman) in the 80s was called Wax.

Freda Payne - Band of Gold

A last minute save from C: I thought I was going to win one!

I have to admit, I had to idea Freda Payne looked like that... or that she was such a martyr to her bad back.

1. Celebrating the fastest second place medal: he grows up to devour a plateful of Chrissie's finest.

If you won the fastest second place medal, you might get Quick-Silver... or Mercury.

Chrissie's finest = The Great Pretender, originally by The Platters (a plateful).

Well done to Alyson, even though she tried to talk herself out of it.

 

Freddie even did cover versions better than anybody else...



More next week. Probably.

After all, it is the 10th on Tuesday...

My Top Ten Shipwreck Songs

Until someone lays down a record about The Poseidon Adventure, these are my favourite shipwreck songs...


10. IAMX - The Great Shipwreck of Life

Ex-Sneaker Pimp Chris Corner has made some interesting records under his new IAMX identity. This is one of the strongest.

Release cold gender bombs,
on chromonial closets, middle England.
Stay with me.
I'll be Peter Pan and you just be pretty.

But no, I've no idea what 'chromonial' means either.

9. Neil Diamond - Captain of a Shipwreck

Neil Diamond's stripped back Rick Rubin renaissance wasn't quite as successful as Rubin's glorious re-invention of Johnny Cash, but it did produce a couple of interesting albums. And Neil's voice is still dynamite.

8. Julian Cope - The Shipwreck of St. Paul

Julian gets biblical on our arses. That's like the First of the Fallen giving Sunday School classes. Scary stuff!

7. Woody Guthrie - When That Great Ship Went Down

A US marine in WWII, Woody Guthrie worked in the mess, washed dishes and sang songs to keep the crew's spirits up. Although none of the ships he served on actually sank, one hit a mine and another was torpedoed during the D-Day invasion of Normandy. So I guess he knows what he's talking about more than the rest of the people on this list.

6. Kirsty MacColl - Titanic Days

Probably this week's most tenuous link, but any excuse to dig out some Kirsty. We'll return to this "unsinkable" ship a little later...

Tragically, Kirsty MacColl lost her life in a boating "accident". Her family fought long and hard to see justice done in her name.

5. The Divine Comedy - The Wreck Of The Beautiful

A - ahem - beautiful and haunting tale of an old ship consigned to the breaker's yard along with all her ghosts.

I thought I heard her call, maybe I heard nothing at all.
I thought I heard her call from the wreck of the Beautiful.

4. Jim O'Rourke - Ghost Ship in a Storm

Speaking of haunting... and beautiful.

Jim O'Rourke's ghost ship must surely owe something to MacArthur Park too...

It’s just my luck
I get hit by a car
While carrying a cake
Dripping cherries
Onto pavement
Bride and groom on my face
I’m not there like a ghost ship in a storm

Another damned cake left out in the rain.

3. Harry Chapin - Dance Band on the Titanic

Harry's tribute to the most famous shipwreck ever. A great story song, telling how the band kept playing to help calm panicked passengers right up until the last minute. All those brave musicians went down with their ship.

2. Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

Probably the most famous song ever written about a shipwreck (what do you mean you've never heard it?), Lightfoot's Canadian classic. A true epic, even Lightfoot thinks it's his best song, it was memorably covered by the Dandy Warhols and Laura Cantrell, among others.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed 'til it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early

1. George Harrison - Wreck of the Hesperus

Another one from my teenage years, though it's actually a song about growing old. The Wreck of the Hesperus is a grimly tragic poem by Longfellow and Harrison uses it here as a metaphor for his advancing years. While he feels "old as Methuselah", he at least consoles himself that he isn't yet as decrepit as the titular ship.

I'm not a power of attorney
But I can rock as good as Gibraltar
Ain't no more no spring chicken
Been plucked but I'm still kicking
But it's alright, it's alright

So exactly how old was George when he wrote this song?

44.

Two years older than I am now.

But I know where he was coming from. Call it Mid-Life Crisis if you will, but I've been feeling my age a lot lately. Lifting and carrying Sam - and while he's still less than year, he is - officially - the tallest baby in the Colne Valley (people often mistake him for a 2 year-old) has brought on all sorts of aches and pains. My back was never that good anyway, but now I ache all over... don't even start me on my knees. Or the grey hairs which have multiplied over the last 12 months. I wouldn't be without any of these ailments, they're all worth it... but 42 ain't that old, neither was 44 George.

Of course, George Harrison died in 2001, aged just 58. So technically, 44 was well-past middle-aged for him. However, by the age of 44, he'd lived more than I could in ten lifetimes. Louise tells me that my own life expectancy is 100+ (and she works in pensions, so she has to know these things) while Sam could well live to 120, barring a zombie apocalypse. So it's all relative. And it doesn't matter anyway as nobody ever reads these bits, so it's not like I'm expecting you to counsel me through my MLC or anything. Sometimes it just helps to get these thoughts down on the page. Writing has always been my confidante, and this blog is just about the only writing I do these days, bar lesson planning. 

But it's alright, it's alright
It's alright, alright
It's alright

Which one is your iceberg?