Live In 25: The Lightning Seeds

Lightning Seeds - Sense

You should take it as read by now that the only gigs I can be bothered to drag my weary arse to these days are ones on my doorstep - so I was over the moon when I heard that the Lightning Seeds would be playing at the local village hall last Saturday - with a 35th Anniversary Greatest Hits tour to boot.

Lightning Seeds - Life Of Riley

Of all the great bands of the Britpop era, the Lightning Seeds were surely the best at writing pure pop songs, and they've easily got enough hits to fill an hour and a half on a Saturday night. Ian Broudie (with son Riley... yes, that Riley, he's now part of the band) was on top form, and by the end of the gig, I felt he was channeling that same quasi-religious aura that so many great frontmen from Liverpool so effortlessly do. Ian McCulloch. Julian Cope. Pete Wylie. Ian McNabb. Although Broudie started a little later, he easily fits into that group, making music that lifts you to another place, with a genuine sincerity performers from other parts of the country often try (and fail) to match. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself very well here. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. 

Lightning Seeds - Lucky You

Now I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm always surprised when the Lightning Seeds play their biggest hit. For obvious reasons, it's never one that springs to mind for me, so while the rest of the crowd are chanting away to the terrace anthem, I take a moment's pause and wait for Marvellous, Lucky You or Sense. Nothing against Three Lions as a song, I'll just never be part of the culture that spawned it, no matter how many Sunday league matches I watch Sam play in. 

Lightning Seeds - Marvellous

Marvellous was present in the rapturous encore though, followed soon after by that glorious, life-affirming song Broudie wrote for his son. And sandwiched in between was this, which Ian described as "the greatest pop song ever written". It's certainly up there...

 

Celebrity Jukebox #77: Gary Lineker

Sam turned on Match of the Day yesterday morning and we watched 20 minutes of commentary-free highlights that even he found boring. Everyone on the show has come out in support of Gary, and good on 'em. And good on Gary for speaking his mind on the fascist rhetoric of this callous, out-of-touch, out-of-control Tory government.

I said I wasn't going to do any more celebrity jukeboxes about people who were still alive, but I reckon Gary's got a good few decades left in him (he may well outlive me) even if he has to survive without his BBC salary. So in his honour... here's Goldie Lookin' Chain.

I want to be like Gary Lineker, that would be sweet

Be on Match Of The Day with all the crisps I can eat

Goldie Lookin' Chain - I Wanna Be Like

And what does Weller have to say? Erm, Martin Weller, that is...

Power of the Kings

The Fossils, the Filberts

Led by the Tinkerman

Lineker can't disguise his joy

Martin Weller - Foxes

(I don't really understand that one, being that I know very little about the foot-ball.)

Of course, the obvious Lineker reference comes in this...

But I still see that tackle by Moore 

And when Lineker scored

Bobby belting the ball, and Nobby dancing

Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions

However, today's winner comes from this bunch, an Americana band from Minneapolis, probably the last people you'd expect to be singing the praises of Gary... well, apart me, that is.

I have a brother like Gary Lineker

Put it past you like salt on vinegar all the time

He'd do it all the time

Go, Gary, Go! Don't you back down, boy.

Hot 100 #3

Yes, the Fun Boy Three had to be the band who represented 3 on our countdown.

Fun Boy Three - The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum

Although we could also have gone with...

Alabama 3 - Too Sick To Pray

Juliana Hatfield Three - Spin The Bottle

Three Degrees - When Will I See You Again

The Dirty Three - The Restless Waves

Three Dog Night - Mama Told Me Not To Come

Spacemen 3 - Lord Can You Hear Me?

Mojave 3 - Love Songs On The Radio

3 Colours Red - Beautiful Day

Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3 - Adventure Rocketship

Steve Wynn & The Miracle 3 - Amphetamine

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

The Three O'Clock - Jet Fighter

The Three Johns - Death of the European

Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

Unique Three - The Theme

The Len Price 3 - Swing Like A Monkey

And probably a load more. I've reached the stage where I've accepted defeat when it comes to making these lists exhaustive.

Onto the songs, and Charity Chic opens the bidding this week...

The Commodores - Three Times a Lady

Going once, going twice...

Patsy Cline - Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray 

Eddie Cochran - Three Steps to Heaven -  or Showaddywaddy

I think we'll stick with Eddie, thanks.

Next up is Martin, who I had to edit for reasons that will become apparent below, though he did offer the following...

Ian Dury and The Blockheads - Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 3

The Wedding Present - Three

And I even got artist and song title round the cut'n'paste-able way :)

Always appreciated. Thank you, Martin. Although I didn't expect you to miss this...

Martin Rossiter - Three Points On A Compass

Next up is C...

I'd go for...

The Selecter - Three Minute Hero

Also, if you'll let it count, how about a song that's very evocative for those of us of a certain age:

Pentangle - Nightflight (Theme to Take Three Girls)

"TV theme from the late 60s series about three 'swinging chicks' sharing a groovy pad in London."

I'm too young to remember that, but I bet it was groovy.

OK, deep breath everybody... here comes The Swede!

(I should add that I have edited The Swede's list this week, but only to remove the Christmas songs, because we're about as far away from Christmas as it is possible to get.)

Thin White Rope - The Three Song

Juniper Tar - Three Words

Trinity - Three Piece Suit and Thing

Double points for that one.

The (fake) Clash - Three Card Trick

I should probably ask why they're fake... I'm sure there's a story there.

The Faces - Three Button Hand Me Down

Okkervil River - Stand Ins, Three

More of an instrumental break, really, but I do love the album this comes from. I am not going to allow you The Stand Ins, Two & One over the next two weeks though.

The Good, The Bad & The Queen - Three Changes

The Ink Spots - We Three (My Echo, My Shadow & Me)

That's lovely.

Joanna Newsom - Three Little Babes

Sunset Rubdown - Three Colours

Sounds like a knocking shop, as my mum wouldn't say.

Possible Selves - Three Birds

Snailhouse - Three Nights

Simplicity People - KG's at Halfway Three

McCoy Tyner - Lee Plus Three

Emily Portman - Three Gold Hairs

Rachel Newton - Three Days

One Eleven Heavy - Three Poisons

Fire on Fire - Three Or More

Jake Xerxes Fussell - Three Ravens

White Hills - Three Quarters

Nick Drake - Three Hours

At last! One I actually own!

Wire - Three Girl Rumba

Followed by one that Elastica clearly own.

Amon Duul II - Three Eyed Overdrive

Followed by one I'm betting only The Swede owns.

Gary US Bonds - Quarter to Three

Dillinger - Three Piece Suit and Thing

Wonder if it was khaki?

Bill Anderson - Three AM

Grizzly Bear - Three Rings

Bob Marley - Three Little Birds

That was a serious contender. Can't believe nobody else suggested it.

Walter Bishop Jr - Three Loves

Bert Jansch - Three Dreamers

Orange Juice - Three Cheers For Our Side

Hip hip hooray!

Herbie Hancock - Three Wishes

Herbie Hancock - Three Bags Full

Tangerine Dream - Sunrise in the Third System

Two weeks in a row for Tangerine Dream.

BeBop Deluxe - Third Floor Heaven

Khruangbin - Evan Finds the Third Room

I could have done without watching that video.

Marc Bolan - The Third Degree

Terry - Third War

I put that into youtube and this is what came up.

Brian Eno - Third Uncle

No Age - Third Grade Rave

Michael Gibbs - And on the Third Day

Roj - Attaining the Third State

Wow. You really outdid yourself this week, Swede. Although I was surprised you missed this...

Bob Dylan - Three Angels

What do you say, Swiss Adam?

Fucking hell, Swede!

Well, there's no need to swear.

(But, quite.)

Arab Strap - Packs of Three

Still makes me laugh.

Jane's Addiction - Three Days

Television Personalities - Three Wishes

KLF - 3am Eternal

You might not expect it of me, but I always loved the KLF. While most other dance music in the late 80s / early 90s made me want to put my head in the oven, Bill Drummond always made me smile.

Over to John Medd...

I'll go for anything off Squeeze's Packet of 3 EP, though 'Cat on a Wall' would be my lead track. Doesn't count, you say? Breaking some sort of code violation? Can't you invoke a Mornington Crescent style override? Go on, you know you want to!

With only two weeks (three if I can be bothered with a zero postscript - the jury's still out) left, I'm feeling charitable.

Squeeze - Cat On A Wall

Over to Rigid Digit for some fine suggestions...

Manic Street Preachers - 3 Ways To See Despair

Lightning Seeds / Baddiel & Skinner - Three Lions

(I might as well throw this in as a response: Los Campesinos! - Every Defeat A Divorce (Three Lions))

Van Halen - Sucker In A 3 Piece

From the gloriously named OU812.

Pink Floyd - Pigs (3 Different Ones)

This is the point at which Pink Floyd floats off into space as far as I'm concerned.

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Gimme Three Steps

Emerson Lake and Palmer - The Three Fates

I bet that one will go down well with certain correspondents.

Lily Allen - Three

The White Stripes - The Big Three Killed My Baby

and a special one to finish off with:

Dawn - Knock Three Times

That would definitely have been in my Top Ten.

By the way, if anyone wants to know what my hair looks like in Week 732 of Lockdown, I suggest you take a look at Tony Orlando in that video. I keep my chest hair under wraps though.

I also think that video was shot in Greenhead Park in Huddersfield.

Time for Jim in Dubai to step up to the mic...

Belle & Sebastian - The Power of 3

Jamie Wednesday - We Three Kings of Orient Aren't (Pre Carter USM)

The Royal We - Three is a Crowd

The Look - Three Steps Away

They Might Be Giants - Number 3

Always loved that one.

The Lambrettas - Another Day Another Girl (Page 3)

That's a historical artefact.

Ten Pole Tudor - 3 Bells in a Row

Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3

All of which brings us to Douglas, who's still smarting that I compared one of his suggestions last time to his less than distinguished countrymen, Nickelback...

I will start by facetiously suggesting for your consideration a trinity of provocative suggestions that are designed to get revenge for your Nickelback allusion of last week, which on behalf of all Canadians I express offence taken at (but you knew that was coming because you were already ducking):

U2 - The Three Sunrises (who of course also have an album entitled "Three", don't they? Sure to get them extra points...)

Looked all over for that one, but couldn't find a link anywhere. It wasn't in my garbage disposal unit or the u-bend on my toilet, which seemed the most obvious places to look.

Sting - Three Steps To Heaven (or what of his critically acclaimed performance in the Threepenny Opera?)

That, on the other hand, I had to look for, just to confirm my worst fears. On the positive side, the clip I found was less than a minute long and sing sang for almost half that time.

(I should clarify at this point that I don't hate Sting in the same way as I hate Bonio and The Hedge. I liked many Police songs and even the occasional sing solo tune - I featured my favourite in this week's Saturday Snapshots. Despite that, he's too easy a target for mockery.)

Oh, and in case you were wondering, here's another clip that's less than a minute long...

Sting in The Threepenny Opera

Phil Collins - Three Brothers (from Disney's Brother Bear soundtrack, no less, though sadly Phil does not actually sing on this one)

I'm sure many people will take issue with your use of the word 'sadly' there, Douglas... but anyway, onto your proper suggestions. Now you've had your revenge...

Now that I have got that off my chest,with greater seriousness, I would offer you a few better selections from what my hard drive pulled up in the following:

Real Estate - Three Blocks

Fleet Foxes - Third of May/Odaigahara

Last leaves - Third Thoughts

For those who do not know this last band, but may be fans of the late Lucksmiths, check them out. They are three of the four original band in Marty Donald, Mark Monnone and Louis Richter but with Noah Symons newly added on the drums. They have a more lo-fi chaotic sound than the polished harmonies of the Lucksmiths, but much of the same sophisticated and wry lyrics. Interesting.

You all realise at this point that I need to invite Douglas to contribute a Guest Post Thursday sometime soon, don't you? (Not just to stop him adding to my workload on the Hot 100, because, let's face it, there's only a couple of weeks of that remaining.)

Then, of course, the Canadian in me, still smarting from the mention of Chad Kroeger, would like to represent our country a lot more palatably with the consideration of:

The Tragically Hip - Three Pistols

(And while I'm cross-promoting, you should have been here a couple of Saturdays ago, Douglas, when it took everyone a bloody long time to guess The Tragically Hip on Saturday Snapshots... even with my hilarious 'dem bones; clue.)

The Great Lake Swimmers - Three Days at Sea (Three Lost Years) (Bonus points again, surely?)

Absolutely. Anything else?

And if you insist on the labelling Canada with the alt-rock/alt-metal brush, we have a band called Three Days Grace you should check out. Perhaps the following, which has garnered 264 million views on Youtube, would adequately express your thoughts on the genre:

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

You know what, I quite liked that. Although a little bit of research revealed that their current lead singer was in another band previously who were discovered and signed by Chad Kroeger. Small world, eh?

Still, I preferred the Ugly Kid Joe song.

Oh, wait, Douglas ain't done yet...

...And just to let you know that you are doing a good service to promote great music, a couple of weeks ago, Brian suggested the song "7 Compton Street" by a group I confess to never having heard of before, Me and Dean Martin. Your comment that they sounded a lot like the Smiths intrigued me and I gave the link a listen, and rather liked the track a goodly bit, leading me to check out whatever other selections were on Youtube, and eventually ordering a copy of the album "Let's Romanticise Our Youth". The shiny piece of vinyl arrived in the mail today, and it is turning on the table as I write. Very enjoyable. So in honour of the service you are doing, I propose that the band gets a second chance at stardom, from the same LP:

Me And Dean Martin - Life And Death Issues In Three Minutes

And they still sound like The Smiths. But thanks again to Brian. Speaking of whom...

Thanks for taking the time to type that, Douglas. This makes my day. Some stellar threes on this list. I especially wish I had been the first to suggest Wire, Orange Juice, Ian Dury and the Selecter. My winner, as suggested by Adam, would be Television Personalities with Three Wishes. Here are a few more I like...

The June Brides - Three Days

(That's actually a solo effort by frontman Phil Wilson. The June Brides have performed it though.)

fIREHOSE - Disciples of the 3-Way

Very nice, but they lose points for their sins against typography.

The Elvis Brothers - Count to Three

Ooh! a contender for Elvis Fridays!

(Maybe it occurred to me that as this series will be over soon, I should signpost people to a few of the other series on this blog.)

The Very Most - Dodged Ev'ry Bullet Pt. 3

Very nice, but they lose points for their sins against grammar. You can't intensify a superlative.

The Servants - Faithful to 3 Lovers

Nice bit of Lloyd Cole guitar on that.

The Decemberists - Crane Wife 3

A strong contender.

Friends Again - Moon 3

Northern Picture Library - Untitled No. 3

Paul and Linda McCartney - 3 Legs

Heavenly - Three Star Compartment

Dolly Mixture - Three O'Clock Rhapsody

Nope, couldn't find that one anywhere.

Are ordinal numbers a rule breaker? (If they were, a third of the songs on this list would be gone.) If not, Ramones should take this thing with 53rd and 3rd.

Sadly though, that does fall foul of The Tom Robinson Rule, which we've done pretty well to avoid breaking this far this week.

OK, that's almost it for your suggestions this week. Here's a selection from my own hard-drive not mentioned above. We'll start with a very strong contender...

The Browns - The Three Bells

And then there was this...

Frank Sinatra - Three Coins In The Fountain

Or, if you prefer the British version...

Alan Klein - Three Coins In The Sewer

Lovely.

Here's a load more...

Carly Simon - Three Days

The Charlatans - Opportunity Three

Drive-By Truckers - The Three Great Alabama Icons

Worth a listen if you want to find out more about why Lynyrd Skynrd wrote Sweet Home Alabama, and what Neil Young thought of it.

Fats Domino - Three Nights A Week

Patti Smith - We Three

Jimmy Buffet - Door Number 3

Magnolia Electric Company - The Last 3 Human Words

Miaow - Three Quarters of the Way To Paradise

Red House Painters - Three Legged Cat

The Cure - Three Imaginary Boys

High Llamas - Three Point Scrabble

The Wallflowers - Three Marlenas

Craig Finn - Three Drinks

Eric Church - Three Year Old

(That one will choke up any dads reading this.)

JJ72 - Half Three

Richmond Fontaine - Three Brothers Roll Into Town

Rilo Kiley - Three Hopeful Thoughts

Sinead O'Connor - Three Babies

Chumbawamba - Morality Play in 3 Acts

Interpol - No I In Threesome

Jack White - Three Women

Jenny Lewis - Aloha & the Three Johns

Lucinda Williams - Those Three Days

The Courteeners - Three Months

The Divine Comedy - Threesome

The Divine Comedy - Three Sisters

The Faces - Three Button Hand Me Down

The Lemonheads - Rule of Three

The Proclaimers - Three More Days

The Superman Revenge Squad Band - Paulie in Rocky Three

William Bell - The Three Of Me

Jesse Malin - The Three Martini Lunch

The Breeders - Only In 3s

Eels - 3 Speed

Finally, I'd just like to point of that the Tom Robinson Rule has prevented this from taking the trophy both this week and next. Damn that Tom Robinson Rule!

Meat Loaf - Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Which brings us to this week's winner.

Or winners.

And for that, we have to go back to Martin, who began his suggestions this week thus:

I like how you teased De La Soul in your closing line, Rol, but that's just called "The Magic Number", isn't it, so I can't pitch that one.



What Martin appears to have forgotten, however, is this...



Which is a more direct cover of the original song (that De La Soul adapted), by Bob Dorough (also suggested by The Swede), which was originally written for an educational TV show called Schoolhouse Rock...


And so this week, we have not one winner... but three. Which seems rather appropriate.

Will there be two winners next week?

You tell me...

Hot 100 #30

30 Seconds To Mars are the band illustrating this week's post. A band that I've never been able to listen to because... I'm very sorry... Jared Leto is a tool.

Anyway, onto your suggestions...

Martin was first out of the traps, with a track that has already featured here twice, getting its final outing this week...

C30, C60, C90, Go! by Bow Wow Wow

And then, this:

30 Years in the Bathroom by The Wonder Stuff

Rigid Digit jumped in to tell us he loved the first two Wonder Stuff albums but doesn't rate them after that. Contrary as ever, my favourite Wonder Stuff record is their fourth one. Still, RD reckons their new song sounds like Jon By Jovi, so I might have to give that a try. ;-)

"Lyrically," Martin concludes, "you'll be here all day." (We probably will be anyway, thanks to Douglas, so I kept out of the lyrics search this week, unless you suggested them.) "I might as well get it out of the way and be the first to reference 30 years of hurt in..."

The Lightning Seeds featuring Baddiel & Skinner - Three Lions

As you know, I have little time for the Glorious Game, but I do like The Lightning Seeds. So as football songs go, this is one of the only ones I have any time for.

Next up, Rigid Digit had a couple of suggestions of his own...

Manic Street Preachers - 30 Year War

Scott Walker - 30th Century Man

Two fine suggestions, both of which were in my short list.

Charity Chic offered a couple I hadn't thought of though...

The Montrose Avenue - 30 Days Out

Blimey, I don't think I've heard that in 20 years.

Pere Ubu - 30 Seconds Over Tokyo

Keep it Peel.

The Swede rediscovered the countdown then...

"Splendid to see the Hot 100 countdown back in action, Rol, sorry I missed it last week."

"For No. 30 I can offer:"

16 Shells From a Thirty-Ought Six by Tom Waits 

Lynchie definitely suggested this for 36.

My Thirty Thousand by Billy Bragg & Wilco

Irresistible.

Thirty More Steps by Webb Foley

Ooh, I like that.

Thirty Years by UK

That might take a little more time though.

"Lyrically, The Congos - La La Bam-Bam..."

...for thirty pieces of silver they sold Jah Rasta and why did they do that? 

"Plus a selection of Bob Dylan lines..."

Bob Dylan - Maybe Someday

...thirty pieces of silver, no money down...

Bob Dylan - Lo And Behold!

...count up to thirty, round that horn and ride that herd - Gonna thread up!

Bob Dylan - Union Sundown

...the car I drive is a Chevrolet, it was put together down in Argentina 

by a guy makin’ thirty cents a day... 

...bringin’ home thirty cents a day to a family of twelve, 

you know, that’s a lot of money to her... 

Three wins. I might have to reconsider my position on this Dylan bloke.

Alyson was next to rediscover the countdown, with two interesting suggestions...

Vonda Sherpard - 7:30

Robert Downey Jr. - 5:30

He makes records too? What, like he doesn't have enough money already?

Alyson wondered if both her suggestions would be disqualified because they're times. No, because if I disqualified them, I might also have to disqualify this week's runner up...

The Supremes (and Jimmy Webb!) - 5:30 Plane

Jim in Dubai then offered...

Simple Minds - 30 Frames A Second

Thanks, Jim. I think I'll stick with Robert Downey Jr.

And then came Douglas.

Take a deep breath folks, because he's in it to win it this week...

"I was surprised how much tougher a round number like 30 was to find in my collection than I would have though. The best I could do pulled up some pretty great songs, but with references to 30 that were a little bit of a stretch, such as the time reference in

Planet Claire by the B-52's

Some say she's from Mars

Or one of the seven stars that shine after three-thirty in the morning

Well, she isn't!

"Another clock reference appears in the song Brian Wilson by The Barenaked Ladies:

Drove downtown in the rain

Nine-thirty on a Tuesday night

Just to check out the late-night record shop

Call it impulsive, call it compulsive

Call it insane

But when I'm surrounded I just can't stop...

"Now, I have never been the greatest BNL fan, despite their origins from the streets of my own home town of Toronto and the leg-up the received in airplay and support from our then-mighty local alternative independent radio station CFNY. But they have pulled together some amusing lyrics from time to time, and I have always found the above description of compulsive record shopping very poignant and pointedly relevant to myself and my closest friends of the time."

I think we can all relate to that, Douglas. I can take the BNLs in small doses. Particularly One Week and that lightbulb song.

"The final time-stamp I could find was on Bruce Springsteen - He's Guilty (The Judge's Song)"

Well the judge and the jury came into the court room

About 9:30, the 23rd of Jun

Now we're all here to try your crime

To see if we'll set you free or make you serve your time

Very early Bruce. Great bit of guitar.

"Perhaps more directly a 30 reference is in The Beautiful South's The Rocking Chair, where it expresses the disappointment and dissatisfaction with the situation one finds one in after the passage of years:"

So I'll take these high-heeled shoes

And yes I'll take these traditional views

I'll take this deep despair

Of a 30 year old square, to the rocking chair...

Paul Heaton went through a phases of writing some great songs about growing old, about 20 years ago. He doesn't seem to do that anymore. Too close to home?

Now, Douglas had one other suggestions, which we'll come to in a moment. Because I've a feeling that some of you may have already guessed that it's this week's winner.

I reckon George must have guessed I'd go for it... which is why he desperately searched his record collection for any alternative he could find...

Hank Williams - 30 Pieces Of Silver

Clyde McPhatter - 30 days

"And The Auctioneer by Leroy van Dyke mentions a 30 dollar bid," George adds, in a final, Canutian attempt to head off the inevitable.

Thanks, George. I've lost count of how many times that track has been suggested in the course of this feature. And it's a special favourite of mine since my dad was an auctioneer when I was a kid.

OK, before we get to the winner, what other 30s were clogging up my hard-drive?

Hold on...

Humble Pie - 30 Days In The Hole

The Reverend Horton Heat - Beer: 30

Lots of fun.

The Stranglers - Love 30

The Divine Comedy - 30th of January (four months and one day earlier than last week's offering)

Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. - If I Had A Pound For Every Stale Song Title I'd Be Thirty Short Of Getting Out Of This Mess

Public Service Broadcasting - Signal 30

Reverend & The Makers - 18-30

CW McCall - Old 30

The Pernice Brothers - 7:30

Thea Gilmore - 30 More Days

Chuck Berry - Thirty Days

Cowboy Junkies - Thirty Summers

The Jasmine Minks - Thirty Second Set-Up

Tom T. Hall - Back When Gas Was Thirty Cents A Gallon

Skint & Demoralised - The Thrill Of Thirty Seconds

The Dresden Dolls - Thirty Whacks

Phew.

But there could only be one winner, and although I had thought The Supremes would take it this week, Douglas's persistence finally paid off...

"Perhaps y'all will forgive me when I mention that when I thought of the (Beautiful South's) use of "30" to express lost hopes and dreams of youth it immediately put me in mind of a song I recall went the rounds of my grade-school playground, lyrics being parroted uncomprehendingly by innocent young uns who must have heard it on the radio, for it did reach number 8 on Billboard's Top 40 in 1978:

Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl

But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show

Now it's a disco, but not for Lola

Still in dress she used to wear

Faded feathers in her hair

She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind...

"Now after mentioning that, I think I will go off and drink myself half-blind as well, for I feel sure that is the first and only time Barry Manilow will be mentioned on these pages..."

However, as Douglas quickly discovered, that was not actually the case...

"Okay, I feel better now. After writing the above, I thought to do a search of the blog and found that what I said about Manilow was not true, and our esteemed author himself wrote in 2014, "...I'm not ashamed to say there are Barry Manilow records in my collection, or that I enjoy getting them out from time to time..." and in 2016, "I've never felt guilty about enjoying a bit of the old Bazzer boogie...". And "Copacabana" itself has been featured more than once in "Top Ten" lists, once reaching the giddy heights of No. 2! So perhaps, just perhaps, he may have a chance of bringing me victory at long last, and I can stop practicing my Marlon Brando voice, saying "I could have been a contender!""

A contender no more, Douglas. You are a champion! Although you did cut your lyrics short before they go to the best bit...

She lost her youth

And she lost her Tony

Now she's lost her mind...

From 30 Seconds To Mars to the Copacabana. That's this blog in a nutshell.

29, anyone?

My Top Ten Submarine Songs

...but not that one, because I find it rather annoying.


10. The Supernaturals - Submarine Song

A Scottish submarine heads north...

9. Al Stewart - Life In Dark Water

The most literal submarine song on the list.

Oh come away from the day, here I stay

Living on the bottom of the sea

Down metal snake corridors steely grey

Engines hum for nobody but me

No sound comes from the sea above me

No messages crackles through the radio leads

They'll never know, never no never

How strange life in dark water can be

8. America - Submarine Ladies

On the other hand, I have no idea why this is called Submarine Ladies (I really don't think it's innuendo), but it's a cool song.

7. Black Grape - Submarine

No idea what this has got to do with submarines either, but Shaun Ryder is barking so that's all you need to know.

6. Ben Folds - Zak & Sara

Say what you like about Ben Folds, but dude can play the piano.

Zak called his dad about layaway plans

And Sara told the friendly salesman that:

"You'll all die in your cars,

And why's it gotta be dark?

And you're all working in a submarine."

5. Scott Walker - Plastic Palace People

Still missing him.

Over the rooftops burns Billy Balloon,

Sadly, the string descends

Searching its way down through blue submarine air

The polka dot underwear

To meet the trees, in morning square

Just hanging there, just hanging there

4. Hazel O'Connor - 8th Day

And on the 5th Day, God made the beasts and the submarines.

3. Fountains Of Ray - Sink To The Bottom

Doesn't actually mention a submarine, but does what submarines do.

2. The Lightning Seeds - Marvellous

Whereas this does exactly what it says on the tin. It's Marvellous!

You used to know but now you've forgotten

A submarine got stuck to the bottom

These are the days so wake up

Cause this is the time

And you know I'm right!

1. Billy Bragg - Sexuality

A nuclear submarine sinks off the coast of Sweden... but even if you're gay, Billy won't turn you away. Randy devil.


Those were my favourites, though I could have sunk another ten. Any submarines on your shelves?

Saturday Snapshots #28 - The Answers

"Is this the right end of the camera? Keef? KEEF! Where's 'e bleeding gone?"

Yesterdays answers will give you satisfaction...


10. 2023: too big for the ark.

Alyson was straight in with this one...

Noah & The Whale - Five Years Time

(Careful: if you click on it, you'll be whistling it all day.)


9. Sad clams laughing in the face of death.

One for Lynchie...

Blue Öyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper


8. The first noblemen get sharp.

Adam was the first man. Bryan apparently means "noble", as I'm sure our own Brian will agree.

C got Bryan from the picture alone, which is excellent detective work. Chris supplied the song.

Bryan Adams - Cuts Like A Knife


7. A rare forecast calls for a flimsy dress.

Another point for Alyson (minus half for the rogue apostrophe).

The Chiffons - One Fine Day

Great intro on that.


6. Self-destructive patients correct, condense and control.

One where you had to guess the band to identify the song... but I did give you three different clues for the band! (If anyone got this after 9pm last night, apologies.)

The Editors - Smokers Outside The Hospital Door

(Bit disappointed that the video doesn't feature a load of people wheeling their drip tubes outside for a crafty fag.)


5. He won't stop talking about late precipitation.

C & Lynchie teamed up for this one... with a little help from Chas & Dave.

Eddie Rabbit - I Love A Rainy Night


4. A hymn to tell her I love her.

Tell Laura I Love Her + Gloria (in Excelsis Deo) = another point for Alyson.

Laura Branigan - Gloria


3. Good for lighting a fire under your date - when you just want to get out into the country!

Tinder is, I understand, what da young peeps are using to hook up these days. (And the older peeps who are still at it... dating, I mean, since once you're past 40 that other stuff is but a distant memory.)

If you were sick of the city, you'd want to get out to the country.

Tindersticks - City Sickness

Half a point for Rigid Digit. Another half for Chris.


2. Snow White rejected these dwarfs for being hangers on.

Not the most original observation, but this band always did sound like the Dwarfs Snow White didn't want.

Alyson just beat Charity Chic to the band. RD supplied the correct song.

Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - Hold Tight 


1. Grow your own thunderstorm - Stan Lee will love it!

Taken from a misheard Prince lyric, Ian Broudie called his band The Lightning Seeds. Stan Lee was the storytelling genius behind Marvel Comics.

Another point for this week's winner (even with points deducted for punctuation), Alyson.

What an amazing pop song this is...




Thanks for playing.

You keep knocking 'em down, I'll keep setting them up...

My Top Ten Coming Home Songs

Two posts ago, I covered songs demanding we come home. Here are ten songs that do what they're told....


10. The Lightning Seeds featuring David Baddiel & Frank Skinner - Three Lions

I like Ian Broudie's Lightning Seeds. I like David Baddiel. I like Frank Skinner. And as an anthemic slice of Britpop, I even like this song.

I just don't like the football.

Plus, I kind of preferred Justin Currie's message to the Scottish team - Don't Come Home Too Soon!

9. Kiss - Comin' Home

A song about being on tour and missing your girl back home... and I'm sure Kiss stayed faithful the whole time.

8. Neil Diamond - Comin' Home

Another song about being on tour and missing your girl back home... but I like to think Neil managed to keep it in his pants while he was away. (I may be wrong.)

7. Shirley Lee -  Coming Home

Still one of the most unsung songwriters of his generation...

Two lovers stop you and ask
You to take their photo
Tears streaming down your face
They go and stand by the rail
The Bay behind them
Angel Island
And you’re already gone
You’re already gone
You’re already gone away…

6. Frank Turner - St. Christopher Is Coming Home

Nobody writes songs about friendship quite like Frank Turner. 

5. Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band - Comin' Home

Bob prepares to welcome back an old friend who left for the big city lights ten years back... and may well be coming back with his tail between his legs.

You can go home again.

4. Fleetwood Mac - Coming Home or Fleetwood Mac - Coming Home

So it turns out there are two completely different Fleetwood Mac songs with this title... and neither of them sound like anything you'd expect a Fleetwood Mac song to sound.

The first is from the group's original incarnation in 1968, when they were Peter Green's British blues band (although the eponymous Mick Fleetwood and John McVie were knocking around on drums and bass respectively).

The second is even more bizarre. Taken from the band's NINTH album in 1974, this was written by then lead singer Bob Welch (who was soon after replaced by Lindsey Buckingham) and it sounds like some kind of trippy psychedelia. Still, it was the first Mac album to crack the American charts... so I guess they were heading in the right direction.

3. Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintball's Coming Home

To the tune of He's Got The Whole World In His Hands, Nigel Blackwell prepares for the visit of some annoying neighbours / friends / relatives. Who they are or why they're coming to call is unimportant... but he gives us plenty of reasons to dread their arrival.

They were due on the Crystal Maze
Yeah, they were due to go on the Crystal Maze
Yeah, they were due on the Crystal Maze
But they got mugged in Florida

2. Richard Hawley - Coming Home

One of his earliest songs: like listening to an old radio picking up broadcasts from another era...

1. Mel Tormé & The Cookies - Comin' Home Baby

Love this - although it does have rather a bizarre history. Tormé was a white jazz crooner from the Sinatra era, persuaded to record this infectious pop-soul number in the early 60s with girl group The Cookies pretty much against his wishes, by all accounts. He didn't think much of the song but it went on to become a pretty big hit... later revived by Northern Soul DJs, which just goes to show those guys knew their stuff. Much later covered by Bublé, who doesn't make a bad crack at it... but the original is still the best.



Which one are you coming home to?

My Top Ten Lion Songs

10. Baddiel & Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions

I like the Lightning Seeds. I like David Baddiel (though I always preferred Rob Newman). I even like Frank Skinner.

Football, though? Pfff.

9. PAPA - I Am The Lion King

It was this, or Circle Of Life. Hakuna matata, baby.

8. Lloyd Cole - To The Lions

Lloyd loses his job, his girl and his dignity (to a mean bartender) all in the same week.

You could send me to the lions tonight

7. First Aid Kit - The Lion's Roar

Great new band from Sweden, though if you close your eyes you'd think they were from the backwoods of the USA alongside Fleet Foxes and Bon Iver.

And the lion's roar, the lion's roar
Is something that I have heard before
A children's tale, the lonesome wail of a lion's roar

6. The Tokens - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Of course, you may prefer the Tight Fit version.

Or even the R.E.M. one. (That's my favourite.)

5. Kate Bush - Oh England, My Lionheart

Sadly, those rumours of Kate performing live for the first time in 30+ years at the Olympics closing ceremony proved to be just that. Then again, considering the standard of the performances that night, it was probably for the best.

Oh! England, my Lionheart!
Peter Pan steals the kids in Kensington Park.
You read me Shakespeare on the rolling Thames
That old river poet that never, ever ends.
Our thumping hearts hold the ravens in
And keep the tower from tumbling.

4. Dry The River - Lion's Den

One of my favourite new bands of 2012. They're a little bit Elbow, but if you're going to wear your influences on your sleeve there are far worse...

This song is about a lonely tax collector who finds love. It sounds far sweeter than that description would have you believe.

3. Bob Marley & The Wailers - Iron Lion Zion

I'm on the run but I ain't got no gun

2. Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man

The first Mumford song I ever heard and still my favourite. Not just for the wonderfully sweary chorus. It's become very fashionable of late to hate on the Mumfs, as usually happens when a band makes it big. Whatever their second album brings, I'll always love this song.

1. Billy Bragg - Life With The Lions

If "I hate the arsehole I become every time I'm with you" isn't one of the greatest opening lines ever, I don't know what is.



Many Lion Songs were left to slumber in the savannah sunshine during the compilation of this Top Ten. Did I exclude one of your favourites?