Time To Make The Gravy

I never see much point in writing a blog post for Christmas Day - I'm sure you've all got far better things to do with your time than read my inane ramblings. Still, I would like to thank you all for putting up with this drivel for another year. You're a very special bunch. I hope you have the Christmas you deserve.

Here are some Christmas songs I'm not yet sick of, starting with Rhett Miller's band, The Old 97s, who made a surprising guest appearance in last year's Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special on Disney+. 

If you act nicely through the night
And don't jump on your bed
Santa comes with sugar plums
And hurls them at your head

But if you're on his naughty list
He shoots missiles at your toes
He might just roast your chestnuts
With his powerful flamethrower

They also do a song with Kevin Bacon, because who wouldn't want to do a song with Kevin Bacon if they got the chance?

The Old 97s & Kevin Bacon - Here It Is Christmastime

BBC Radio Scotland DJ Ian Anderson plays Australian songwriter Paul Kelly's How To Make Gravy every year at this time. It's about a convict writing a letter home to his family at Christmas and it's become a firm favourite.

Now here's his Bobness with his madcap cover of Mitch Miller's festive tune from 1960...

Andy Burrows & Tom Smith made one of my favourite Christmas albums in 2011. The post-relevant NME gave it 1/10 which makes it a winner in my book. 

Finally, the best Christmas song ever written by The Handsome Family... 

The Hot 100 Countdown #97

Rather surprised that nobody guessed my Number 97 song, though there were a couple of fine suggestions.

Martin went for '97 Bonnie & Clyde by Eminem, which has featured here before, five years ago in My Top Ten Bad Dad Songs. It's classic Psycho Marshall, in which Em' takes on Will Smith's version of Just The Two Of Us... and wins.

Then Chris suggested The Wreck Of The Old '97, a vintage country track (written back in 1924!) based on a terrible train crash in 1903. It's been covered by everyone since (I hear Kylie's done a version of her new "country" album, and I'm sure Justin Timberlake must be considering it now he's gone country) but Johnny Cash is Johnny Cash.

There's also a pretty cool American alt-rock band (pictured above) led by Rhett Miller who took their name from this song. Here they are getting drunk and getting it on.

Alyson plumbed for George Michael's Star People '97, which is OK... but a bit TOO '97 for me. I far refer the original. On that note though, I can confidently tell you there will NEVER be a year-remix song in this series... even if it means I have to skip a number. Just saying.

Nobody though, nobody at all, remembered this... very, very early Pulp - from 1986! Yes, Pulp were around in 1986 (believe it or not, they originally formed in 1978!). This was the b-side to the also-excellent single Dogs Are Everywhere, and it was later included on the Masters Of The Universe collection. If you've never heard it... close your eyes and meet a much younger Jarvis than we're used to... but just as sleazy as ever.

I know a woman

With a picture of Roger Moore

In a short towel and dressing-gown

Pinned to her bedroom wall

She married a man

Who works on a building site

Now they make love beneath Roger

Every Friday night

Which brings us to 96. The song should be obvious... but which version???