The United Kingdom Of Song #45: Northumberland

Our family holiday this year took us to Northumberland, a place I haven't been since I was a teenager when my parents took me to Seahouses on what would be our last family holiday together. I wasn't all that impressed, and after that I chose to stay home with my sister when they went away. Suffice it to say that Seahouses holds more appeal to a fifty-something... though fortunately there was enough to keep Sam entertained to. How long before he no longer wants to go on holiday with his parents.

When I lyric-searched Seahouses, I kept getting these guys... but no relation. 

The Seahorses - Blinded By The Sun

Although the song title at least is appropriate, thanks to us (for once) choosing the best week of the summer to be away... a little too hot for me on a couple of the days.

Jon Langford & The Bright Shiners - Seahouses

We stayed in Beadnell, a lovely quiet village just down the coast from Seahouses, and one that clearly means a lot to Geordie prog-folk bloke Richard Dawson...

She asks why we spend precious time
Crafting our sheaves by hand
When we could acquire all we need
From the bastle at Beadnell
Or one of the abundant caskets of parting cloud
Which every sundown
Float to ground on their dark balloons

Richard Dawson - The Tip Of An Arrow

Slow is the black dog in the sky
Who pisses and slobbers all over the world
From Belford to Wooler, to Beadnell and Ford
He slowly devours the land

Richard Dawson - Black Dog In The Sky

A little further up the coast and you arrive at the awesome site of Bamburgh Castle. Here's Richard to tell us a little more about that.

Richard Dawson - The Bamburgh Beast

And now a history lesson from Jack The Lad...

There was a king in Bamburgh
And a better king you could not find
He had no wife but children two
Fair Margaret and bold Childe Wynd

Jack The Lad - The Wurm

Although Jon Pertwee would be my choice...

Jon Pertwee And Tom Matthews - Pride Of Bamburgh

Now if you're wondering if the house at the top of the page was our holiday accommodation... sadly not. That's actually the former home of William Armstrong, the Tony Stark of Victorian England, a "scientist, inventor and philanthropist" who I suspect made most of his fortune from arms dealing. That house, Cragside, was once described as "truly the palace of a modern magician". It was probably the most impressive place we visited, though the ostentatious display of wealth left a sour taste too.

 On then to Alnwick, home of a far more wholesome magician. In the grounds of Alnwick Castle, we fought dragons and learned how to fly a broomstick just like Harry Potter and his chums. 

Blyth Power - Alnwick & Tyne

Martin Simpson - Lads Of Alnwick

One final treat came with a boat trip around the Farne Islands to visit some grey seals (sadly, the puffins had all left for their winter holidays). The lighthouse on the photo is the one where local legend Grace Darling made her dramatic rescue back in 1838...

The Strawbs - Grace Darling

Talkshow Boy - Grace Darling

Sadly, we didn't get as far as Lindisfarne on that trip... we're saving the Holy Island till our next visit.

Anyone who's ever made it across those steps
At Lindisfarne, that Lindisfarne
Where the tide comes in early and leaves us stranded
Without our family until the morning

James Blake - Mulholland

Lindisfarne - Meet Me On The Corner

Northumberland - definitely a place I'd like to visit again. But it's bye for now...

The United Kingdom of Song #44: Lincoln

Sam and I spent a few days in Lincoln last week, on our annual Boys Only Summer Break (All U Can Eat breakfast included). Before we went, there were a few raised eyebrows... "Lincoln? What is there to do in Lincoln?" Apart from the obvious...

The Spinners - The Lincolnshire Poacher

Well, we found plenty, thank you very much, starting with the above, the most impressive cathedral I've ever seen... we didn't go inside, but the view from outside was pretty awe inspiring. And it's right next to the castle, which we did go into... though we had to be careful to avoid the dragons. 

Inside the castle, we also saw the Magna Carter... though even if with glasses on, I couldn't read a word of it. And we took a tour of the prison which, rather incongruously, had an exhibition about album cover art on the bottom floor...

Both the castle and the cathedral are at the top of a road called "Steep Hill". Considering how flat the rest of Lincolnshire is (particularly compared to where we come from), we expected this to be about a high as a molehill... BUT... it is actually a bloody steep climb. We needed a rest when we got to the top... fortunately, there was a lovely pie shop on the way up to provide sustenance.

The Guy Who Sings Songs About Cities & Towns - I Like To Visit Lincoln

(I'm sure George will like that one.)

A quick look back on the blog revealed that I did once compile a Top Ten Lincoln Songs, though most of them were about American presidents, cars and that place in Nebraska. Thank heavens for Dave Davies...

The United Kingdom Of Song #43: Stratford-upon-Avon

The Smiths - Shakespeare's Sister

When I planned our annual Boys' Getaway this year, I figured Stratford-upon-Avon would be a day more for myself than Sam... in the end though, we both enjoyed it far more than Warwick Castle. Unlike the overpriced Serf Taxation Scheme of the day before, we caught the FREE Park & Ride into Stratford and pootled round various attractions, charity shops and sites of national interest (well, national interest to English teachers), feeling far more welcome than we had at the castle.

Tudor World sounds a lot more flash than it is, but after the Disneyland vibe of the day before, we appreciated the more am-dram evocation of times gone by.

Herman Dune - Shakespeare & North Hoyne

It's free to wander around the new RSC theatre too, so we stopped for coffee and a cake in their rooftop restaurant... well, I had coffee, Sam had a mocktail. Great view of the town from up there. 

The Crumbs - Shakespeare

Next, a relaxing boat trip down the river Avon...

But the highlight of the day was our visit to Shakespeare's School Room, where you get taught by the very schoolmaster who taught young Will Shakes. (Or it might be an actor.) We lucked out here as we arrived at a time when we were virtually the only ones in his lesson (the next lesson, there was a coachload of American tourists). We learned how the school day started at 6am in Shakey's day, how all the learning was in Latin, and how the schoolroom is still used today by the Grammar School next door. It stayed open all through the Plague and the Black Death... the only time it was closed was during Covid. 

Losers Club - Just Like Shakespeare

The desk below may well have been Shakespeare's sideboard... but it's been rather vandalised over the years by naughty schoolboys.

Michael Anderson - White Trash Shakespeare

Horrible Histories - William Shakespeare & The Quills

Our day finished in The Mad Museum, "an eccentric world of moving art". Well worth a visit...

Unlike Warwick, I struggled to find songs about Stratford, which is why you've got some songs about its most famous resident today. Sadly, I don't think Liz Phair was thinking of the town when she penned this...

The United Kingdom Of Song #42: Warwick

Julian Cope - Warwick The Kingmaker

Sam and I spent a few days down south last week - not all the way down, just south of Birmingham. On our first full day, we visited Warwick Castle, a spectacular old building, but a place which feels like it's been Disneyfied to milk every last penny out of its visitors. I could just about handle paying almost fifty quid to get in, because there was lots to do, but once inside they try to fleece you for more money at every turn. Seven quid to park (in a field), people offering to take your photo at every turn then hand you a digital download card with a hefty price attached, extra cost for the Dungeon Tour (which was OK, but not a patch on Edinburgh or York Dungeons).

Bill Fay - Warwick Town

I Squared - Warwick Road

At the end of the Dungeon Tour, they hand you a wonderful keepsake full of glossy photos taken along the way, plus a keyring and some other gubbins. "A lovely memento of your day," the teenager in charge says (virtually everyone working at Warwick Castle is a Sixth Former... I'll let you reach your own conclusions as to why), before hitting you with the price tag of £22, putting parents in rather an awkward position. Ironic, given we'd just heard about the highway robbers who spent their last days in Warwick Dungeon. Fortunately, Sam was wise to their game: "Give it back and let's get out of here!"

Shadows Of Knight - Warwick Court Affair

Buddy Williams - Headin' For The Warwick Rodeo

But the final kick in the teeth came later in the afternoon when Sam fancied a go at the kid's jousting event, a pretty basic affair in which another teenager gave two kids a wooden sword and got them to run along an obstacle course bashing a few stripy poles along the way, Despite this, Sam was desperate to have a go - six quid, please. So we bought a ticket and stood waiting in the blistering hot sun for half an hour while the Teenage Knight Mentor mucked about getting two other kids through the course. One of them cut her finger, so the Teenage Knight Mentor let them have another go, after spending ages running around looking for a plaster. And on and on it went. Finally they were done, at which point the Teenage Knight Mentor headed off down the other end of the course to talk to some other parents who were enquiring about the course. I followed, just to make sure she didn't allow them to go before Sam. No worries - "I've got someone waiting down that end," she told them. So I presumed Sam would be next. Only then her (slightly older but only just) supervisor turned up, a conflab occurred, and Teenage Knight Mentor buggered off completely. The supervisor then headed over to us... "this event is closed for half an hour - you can come back then". Sam burst into tears and I demanded my money back. "Sorry, we don't give refunds." 

Duffy - Warwick Avenue

At this point, we left Warwick Castle and headed into the town to scour the local charity shops. A far more cost-effective endeavour. So yeah - Warwick Castle... it's a good job I don't do reviews in Trip Advisor. The town itself is much more welcoming. 

The Lonesome Southern Company - 64 Warwick Way

Dee Dee Warwick - You're No Good

Dionne Warwick - Walk On By

Ricky Warwick - When Patsy Cline Was Crazy (And Guy Mitchell Sang The Blues)

The United Kingdom Of Song #41: Leeds

"Could life ever be sane again?"

The Leeds side streets that you slip down

I wonder to myself

The Smiths - Panic

Leeds was the first city I knew. My dad worked in Leeds when I was a kid, back in the days when getting there from Huddersfield was a much shorter journey. As I grew older, Mum used to take me to Leeds Comic Marts every other month, and when I started work, I'd often catch the train from Bradford to Leeds to spend my wage in the city's many record shops. It was later that I discovered Manchester (too big and scary for a little Yorkshire lad) and later still, Sheffield (Leeds without the pretentions). Nowadays I work in Leeds myself, or close enough, but the only reason I have to visit the city centre is the occasional gig. I don't feel as welcome there as I once did... it's all too new and shiny and ever-expanding... but then, I've never been a city boy. 

Still, I was encouraged to breath life into this old blog series after listening to the wonderful Cherry Red compilation, Where Were You: Independent Music From Leeds (1978-1989). Not only does that collection feature some of the best bands to ever call Leeds home, including The Wedding Present, The Sisters of Mercy, Cud, The Mekons and The Sinister Cleaners... but it also features quite a few songs about Leeds. Like this one!

Named after an Eddie Cochran song, Pink Peg Slax were a Leeds rockabilly band who scored quite a few sessions with John Peel and Andy Kershaw in the 80s, though they never broke through to the big time. They were also responsible for this little beauty...

Pink Peg Slax - Self Pitying Stan

Next, I want you to imagine that Grandmaster Flash grew up in Leeds, rather than on the mean streets of The Bronx. Get ready to meet...

The Legendary Len Liggins - Life In Leeds City

Mandi and Debi Laek are two sisters from Leeds whose quirky tales of life in Leeds have drawn comparisons to The Kinks, The Jam, Brian Wilson and Syd Barrett.

The Rhythm Sisters - Saturday/ Sunday Lazy Leeds Afternoons

Moving beyond the Cherry Red compilation, here are a few more Leeds-centric tunes I found in the hard drive...

The Spanish Amanda - Leeds or Karatsu

The Who - Summertime Blues (Live At Leeds)

The Parachute Men - Leeds Station

And another Leeds band... one whose most famous song is immortalised in big neon letters on the wall of Leeds theatre, The West Yorkshire Playhouse...

Eat, sleep and crap

For it to prey on your needs

Down a dark street

In backwater Leeds

Chumbawamba - Drip Drip Drip

Of course, Leeds has a darker side. Back in the 80s, it was known as the home of the Yorkshire Ripper, and one notorious football team...

Amanda Palmer - Leeds United

Lyrically, Leeds also pops up in some quite unexpected places...

She'd spent 35 pounds on one pack of ciggies

Running an errand for him indoors

Then she kept running straight down to Leeds Central

Took Intercity and left her remorse

Hue & Cry - Looking For Linda

Mark Knopfler wrote the following tune about Harry Phillips, a Leeds sculptor who never got the respect he deserved... because he wasn't from a trendy town.

He was ignored by all the trendy boys in London

Yes, and in Leeds

He might as well have been making toys

Or strings of beads

Dire Straits - In The Gallery

Here's a contemporary American band that 30-something hipsters like Ben are into, despite the fact that they're named after that old sitcom about growing up in the 60s. The song is all about being on tour, mostly in Leeds, but far away from home...

Last night in Leeds

Ad and I found ourselves wandering the city

Looking for pizza

All we found was complacency and somewhere to sleep

I'm still waiting for the map to say home's a week away

The Wonder Years - Hostels & Brothels

Another band getting homesick is Atlanta's The Indigo Girls...

It's dark at 4 pm in Leeds

The steeples pierce the skylight 'til the last of it bleeds

The absent sound of another day as it recedes

Into the shadows

Until it's nothing

The Indigo Girls - Leeds

Also from Georgia is the band Of Montreal. Turns out they've been to the capital of West Yorkshire too...

Eating at Welcome Breaks daily

We danced in Leeds with Brit Pop Haley

Of Montreal - My British Tour Diary

Back in the UK, Geordie folkster Richard Dawson is someone I've been listening to quite a bit lately since Michel Faber sang his praises in Listen. Here, Richard talks about missing his daughter after driving her away to University...

Waving me goodbye from the steps of her building

She  shrinks into the shudders of the rearview

Tears  begin to fall on the outskirts of Leeds

I am missing her already

Richard Dawson - Fresher's Ball

Meanwhile, Sheffield lad Jarvis Cocker suggest they're not that welcoming to outsiders in Leeds...

We came across the North Sea with our carriers on our knees

Wound up in some holding camp somewhere outside Leeds.

Because we do not care to fight, my friends - we are the weeds.

Because we got no homes they call us smelly refugees.

Pulp - Weeds

Kevin Rowland is even less of a fan...

Lord have mercy on me, keep me away from Leeds

I've been before, it's not what I'm looking for

Dexys Midnight Runners - Thankfully Not Living in Yorkshire, It Doesn't Apply

But my favourite song about Leeds is still this one, from Californian songwriter John Darnielle. It's a song dedicated to Goth God and "Leeds lad" Andrew Eldritch... although he was actually born in Cambridgeshire. Nevertheless, it always makes me smile...

 

The United Kingdom of Song #40: Caledonia

Not a single location today, but the whole of Scotland... or Caledonia, as the Roman Empire referred to it, and those with a romantic soul might still know it today. Written by Dougie MacLean, the version I know best is the one by Frankie Miller, originally recorded for a Tennent's advert. 

As an Englishman, I have very little national pride, and if a similar song were written about my own home country, I doubt I'd feel the same... but Caledonia makes me feel patriotic for a country that isn't even mine. Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does to me...

The United Kingdom of Song #39: Grimsby

Old blog serials don't die, they just get put on hold until inspiration takes us back. 

And so we return to our musical journey around the British Isles, stopping today at the unfortunately named Lincolnshire port of Grimsby. 

Lincolnshire lad Bernie Taupin penned the lyrics to Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting based on his experience of watching neighbouring gangs scrapping there at the weekend. 

A year or so later, he wrote a rather more complimentary ode to the town...

Take me back, you rustic town

I miss your magic charm

Just to smell your candy floss

Or drink in the Skinner's Arms

No Cordon Bleu can match the beauty

Of your pies and peas

I want to ride your fairground

Take air along the quay

Oh oh Grimsby, a thousand delights

Couldn´t match the sweet sights

Of my Grimsby

Oh England you're fair

But there's none to compare with my Grimsby

The United Kingdom of Song #38: Ladbroke Grove

Not being a Londoner, I'm not going to pretend to be a great expert on this particular London thoroughfare and train station... but musically, it seems the road has quite a history, giving birth to Hawkwind, The Clash* and rapper AJ Tracey, who apparently mentions the road quite a lot in his lyrics... but sadly not in my record collection.

*There are two Clash songs that mention Ladbroke Grove... but neither of them really grabbed me. Apologies, Clash-heads.

I found enough songs to do a Top Ten Ladbroke Grove tunes, but the majority were hardly classics. So I've limited myself to a Top 3. Still, I've struggled to find even one song that relates to a lot of UK towns, so three about one London street... well, it must be quite a street!


3. Half Man Half Biscuit - Used To Be In Evil Gazebo

An interview with the NME goes south when the artist cracks and reveals "I've been in a mental hospital!". But it all begins on that street...

I’m sitting in my Ladbroke Grove

Waiting for the NME

They’re coming down to interview me

But I haven’t told the others, ‘cos they’d mess around and burp, 

And tell the truth and laugh at me for drinking a classic red bottled 

By a medal-winning estate on the banks of the Garonne

2. Pulp - I Spy

More grimy, gutter romanticism from The Jarv...

Your Ladbroke Grove looks turn me on, yeah

With roach burns in designer dresses

Skin stretched tight over high cheek-bones

And thousands of tiny dryness lines beating a path to the corners of your eyes

1. Leo Sayer - One Man Band

"All those cool bands singing about Ladbroke Grove and you go on and choose Leo blinking Sayer as your Number One? Are you mad!?"

Yes. Is this Leo's finest moment?

Well, everybody knows down Ladbrook Grove

You have to leap across the street

You can lose your life under a taxi cab

You gotta have eyes in your feet

The United Kingdom of Song #37: Barnsley

Sadly, this post doesn't represent a return to regular blogging or a resurrection of old features. Things are still tumultuous and may be set to get more so... I'm holding my breath on that one and for the best.

I'm not going to bore you with the ups and downs of my current predicament though, particularly as I know many of you are going through tumults of your own. But I put this tune on a compilation for Sam the other day and the mention of Barnsley leapt out at me.

Barnsley is the town where I work, and has been for the last 8 years. It gets a bad rep, as many northern towns do, but I reckon it's got quite a lot going for it, once you get past the "It's grim up north" cliches. The fact that I hate my job has nothing to do with the town in which I work - indeed, having commuted to Bradford for 20+ years prior to that, I find my 40 minute drive to Barnsley to be a delight... if it wasn't for the rocks rolling round in the pit of my stomach the closer I get to my purgatory. It's certainly a nicer and easier place to get to than Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield or any of the sexier cities round these parts... just one of the factors which makes searching for a new job a bit of a minefield.

Anyway, I can't find any other songs that mention Barnsley, but this one was a favourite of mine back in the late Britpop era and it still stands up pretty well today. I've no idea what these lyrics are about though...

Christopher Robin blew his friends away

Wrapped 'em up and moved up Barnsley way

Got a job he's milking plastic trays

Got a line in filling early graves

Take care of yourselves. Nobody else will.

The United Kingdom of Song #36: Oban

Another picturesque Scottish seaside town today, in the Firth of Lorn. Musically, it's the birthplace of folk singer Aiden O'Rourke and a couple of famous bagpipe players.

It's also the second town in this feature to get name-dropped by Everything But The Girl... although this one wasn't written by Tracey Thorn, but her other half Ben Watt, who also make a rare lead vocal showing here. Tracey provides gorgeous backing vocals, otherwise this song truly would be Everything But The Girl.

The highlands and the lowlands

Are the roots my father knows

The holidays at Oban

And the towns around Montrose

But even as he sleeps

They're loading bombs into the hills

And the waters in the lochs

Can run deep but never still

I've thought of having children

But I've gone and changed my mind

It's hard enough to watch the news

Let alone explain it to a child

To cast your eye 'cross nature

Over fields of rape and corn

And tell him without flinching

Not to fear where he's been born

Then someone sat me down last night

And I heard Caruso sing

He's almost as good as Presley

And if I only do one thing

I'll sing songs to my father

I'll sing songs to my child

It's time to hold your loved ones

While the chains are loosed and the world

Runs wild

The United Kingdom of Song #36: Milton Keynes

This week we stop off in the "New Town" of Milton Keynes, a town build from scratch in the late 60s using a modernist grid-style layout more akin to American cities than most other UK towns which were cobbled together in bits over many centuries. Often the butt of jokes, I visited Milton Keynes once to see friends who live down that way and found it to be perfectly pleasant... if a little "unreal".

Famous musical sons of Milton Keynes include the drummer from Babyshambles, the bassist from Bloc Party and... erm… nobody else I could find given five minutes on iffypedia. I did, however, come up with a couple of lyrical references...

Kirsty MacColl - Still Life

Our love is just a relic of the past

You'd never recognise the old town now

Somewhere behind the concrete and the glass

The monuments of England's sacred cow

Where are all the human beings?

Have they been sent to Milton Keynes?

They used to live round here but now they're gone

For some of us still life moves on

Toyah - Restless

I heard the last breath of the dolphin

Behind the doors on the fourth floor

Of a Manchester morgue

Little fingers on the Durex machine

God bless them

Yes God bless them

And God bless Milton Keynes

Still mental then, Toyah? Bless.

As is often the case though, there was one obvious choice for this week's song... and it comes from The Second Age of Weller.

May I walk you home tonight?

On this fine and lovely night tonight

We'll walk past the luscious houses

Through rolling lawns and lovely flowers

Our nice new town where the curtains are drawn

Where hope is started and dreams can be borne

Let us share our insanity

Go mad together in Community

Boys on the corner looking for their supper

Boys 'round the green looking for some slaughter

We used to chase dreams, now we chase the dragon

Mine is the semi with the Union Jack on

In our paradise lost we'll be finding our sanity

In this paradise found we'll be losing our way

For a brave new day

May I slash my wrists tonight?

This fine Conservative night

I was looking for a job so I came to town

I easily adopt when the chips are down

I read the ad about the private schemes

I liked the idea but now I'm not so Keyne

God bless you all, God bless

The United Kingdom of Song #35: Scarborough

To Scarborough then, where I spent some of my holiday last week. Although we stayed near Scarborough, we did spend more time in Whitby, Filey and Robin Hood's Bay. I do know a song about Whitby, which I'll feature another time, but sadly couldn't find any that referred to either Filey or Robin Hood's Bay. Lynchie was curious as to when exactly Robin Hood visited the North Yorkshire coast, and iffypedia only offers a vague legend about him seeing off some French pirates there once. But even outlaws deserve a holiday, surely?

Anyway, Scarborough, birthplace of rock band Little Angels and folkie Eliza Carthy (no, neither of her famous musical parents were born there). Scarborough may also attempt to claim Robert Palmer, and yes, he may have grown up there, but he was actually born much closer to my own home. There's a reason I call him Batley Bob.

I'm sure we can all name an obvious song about Scarborough.

Here it is, as recorded by Simon & Garfunkel.

And here it is again, as recorded by Queensryche.

I'm sure you can all think of other versions, so take your pick.

Scarborough also turns up (along with many other UK locales) in my favourite Noel Coward song...

Noel Coward - There Are Bad Times Just Around The Corner

However, this week's selection comes from Art Brut's Eddie Argos and Dyan Valdes of The Blood Arm, from their short-lived but much-cherished (in this house, anyway) collaboration, Everybody Was In The French Resistance... Now! Only 31 views on youtube as I write this post... let's see if we can get them up to at least 35, shall we?

The United Kingdom of Song #34: Intake, Manor Park, The Wicker, Norton, Freshville Hackenthorpe, Shalesmoor, Wombwell, Catcliffe Brincliffe, Attercliffe, Ecclesall, Woodhouse, Wybourn, Pitsmoor, Badger, Wincobank, Crookes, Walkley, Broomhill...

The tobacconist caught fire, and everyone in the street died of lung cancer.

Pure bloody genius.

The United Kingdom of Song #32: Antrim

Looking to pay another visit to Northern Ireland on this feature, I figured Shane MacGowan would be a good person to ask.

Sure enough, he directed me to Antrim Town in County Antrim, a town that doesn't appear to have any famous musical sons and daughters... unless you known differently... although Liam Neeson does hail from just a few miles up the road in Ballymena.

When he last stepped up that street

Shining steel in hand

Behind him marched in gray array

A stalwart earnest band

For Antrim town, for Antrim town

He lept into the fray

Now young Roddy McCorley goes to die

On the bridge of Tuam today...

Sounds a bit like the plot of a Liam Neeson movie, that.

The United Kingdom of Song #31: Uttoxeter

Last night I woke up at 3am and cried, "Utoxeter!"

I had no idea where Uttoxeter was, or even how to spell it... double t, who'd have guessed?

Apparently it's in Staffordshire, quite near Alton Towers, a theme park I frequented as a much younger man and will probably have to return to when Sam's a bit older, although you won't see me on any of the rides. Not any more. I get queasy at the thought of the carousel. Once, as a teenager, I rode the Corkscrew, the most exciting rollercoaster in the UK. They told me the other day that it's not even there anymore. My past is just relics and ruins.

I didn't hold out much hope of finding a song that mentioned Uttoxeter, especially when the only pop star to originate from the town appears to be Dave Sampson. You know, of Dave Sampson & The Hunters fame. Come on, they had a #29 hit in 1969, you must remember it?

No, me neither.

Fortunately, good old Graham McPherson came to my rescue with this amusing little ditty...

Our man is feeling rather wonderful

Lying somewhere comfortable

A-bathing on his yacht...oh

Our man is drinking drinks exotica

Dreaming of Uttoxeter

I think not

In years to come, I'll look back and think, "I could have been a proper writer, you know... if I hadn't wasted so much time finding songs about Uttoxeter and writing about them for six people to read on the internet"...*

*I almost said "six strangers" there, until it occured to me that I feel like I know you lot better than I know people I see in the flesh on an almost daily basis. Make of that what you will.

Of course, I should have checked in with Nigel first...

The United Kingdom of Song #30: Leicester

I have loads of songs in my collection that mention Leicester Square (farewell, and all that), but all of them are about London, not the East Midlands city of Leicester, a place that crops up in songs far less.

Famous musical children of Leicester include Engelbert Humperdinck (who was born in India, but moved to Leicester when he was 10), 80s rockers Diesel Park West, Kasabian (who namedrop their hometown in Treat), Peel favourites Gaye Bykers on Acid, Mark Morrison, Showaddywaddy, and a couple of great bassists: John Illsley from Dire Straits and John Deacon from Queen (the sensible one, who retired when The Game was up).

The Fall stop off at Leicester Polytechnic (probably a uni now) in Words of Expectation, and I might have had to inflict all 9 minutes of that on you this week were it not for a last minute save from East Kilbride's finest, Roddy Frame. No idea why he mentions Leicester (or who Leicester's left-it-lad might be) in this tune originally included on the 12" of Oblivious... but I'm glad he did.

We'll be wired with the force of a wave

We'll be leaving with the force of a wave

It's like, "but how can I help it, if they break then they break

When my hands are untied they're entitled to shake"

It's like, I look to Leicester's left-it-lad

And the sickness was singing and the song it was sad

It should be haywire

Haywire!

The United Kingdom of Song #29: Aberdare

Today we stop off in the South Wales town of Aberdare, which I found mentioned by name in two fine tunes from Welsh bands...

Mclusky - Collagen Rock

And one of those bands got legs like you

And one of them got the stare

And one of those bands got found I heard

In a hole in Aberdare

Goldie Lookin Chain - Half Man Half Machine

Now I've reached it, I'm finally there

Like Terminator being filmed in Aberdare

So alone, when people stop and stare

Like C3PO but with pubes and hair

Welsh rap - can't beat that... can we?

Just down the road from Aberdare is the former coal mining village of Cwmaman, birthplace of muso-irking indie band The Stereophonics. (Or the Stereophonies as Muso-Prime, Mark Radcliffe, likes to call them.)

I can see why some people have a problem with the Stereophonics. They starter out as lyrically intriguing Welsh indie storytellers, but rapidly went a bit L.A. when it became clear they could have bigger hits by making their stories more generic and widescreen. 

That first album though... Word Gets Around... that's still a favourite of mine. Great little small town stories set to timeless indie guitars. And all those songs, although it never gets mentioned by name, were written about the band's experiences growing up... in Aberdare. They became much less interesting once they left their hometown behind.

Standing at the bus stop with my shopping 

In my hands when I'm overhearing elderly 

Ladies as the rumours start to fly you can 

Hear them in the school yard, in the scrap yard 

In the chip shop, in the phone box, in the pool hall at 

The shoe stall every corner turned around...

It started with a school girl who was 

Running running home to her mam and 

Dad told them she was playing in the 

Change room of her local football side they 

Said tell us again so she told them again 

They said tell us the truth, they found it hard 

To believe, 'cause he taught our Steve, he 

Even trained me, taught Uncle John who's a

Father of three

But it only takes one tree to make 

A thousand matches 

Only takes one match to burn 

A thousand trees 

The United Kingdom of Song #28: Peterborough

We arrive in the Cambridgeshire city of Peterborough this week, birthplace of Erasure's Andy Bell, Maxim Reality & Gizz Butt from The Prodigy, and Ashton Merrygold from JLS. Me neither.

Not to be confused with the Canadian Peterborough, which both the Barenaked Ladies and Moxy Früvous sang about.

One of my favourite Sheffield bands, The Long Blondes, wrote the following tune about Peterborough, which is never very far, they tell us, although they do conclude "I'd rather be in Sheffield than Peterborough".

The United Kingdom of Song #27: Dumbarton

There's a town in Virginia, USA, called Dumbarton, and I'm guessing that's the Dumbarton which gets a lyrical name-check in both El Cerrito by Cracker and Chief Inspector Blancheflower by The Fiery Furnaces.

The Dumbarton we visit today though is on the west coast of Scotland and it was the birthplace of David Byrne and Wings guitarist Jimmy McCulloch. Apparently Franz Ferdinand once released a remix of their song Take Me Out retitled "David Byrne Was Born In Dumbarton", but I can't find that anywhere to t'interweb.

I couldn't find any other songs that mentioned Dumbarton by name, but I did find this little beauty from Glaswegian indie band (and a band I've actually met and interviewed!), The Supernaturals.

Boghead Park (former home of Dumbarton F.C.) was the oldest football stadium in Scotland when it finally closed down in 2000, having originally been opened in 1879. Here, James McColl of the Supernaturals fondly remembers visiting Boghead as a boy...

The United Kingdom Of Song #26: Slough

Last week's post featured Eton via The Eton Rifles by The Jam... but Eton isn't the only place mentioned in that tune. Another town, slightly less picturesque, is mentioned in the opening lyrics...

Sup up your beer and collect your fags

There's a row going on down near Slough

Slough is the home of classic sitcom The Office, and Ricky Gervais obviously chose the town because of it's reputation. Long before The Office, Slough was immortalised in this poem by John Betjeman...

Slough

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!

It isn't fit for humans now, 

There isn't grass to graze a cow. 

Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens

Those air -conditioned, bright canteens, 

Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans, 

Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town-

A house for ninety-seven down

And once a week a half a crown 

For twenty years.

And get that man with double chin

Who'll always cheat and always win, 

Who washes his repulsive skin 

In women's tears:

And smash his desk of polished oak

And smash his hands so used to stroke

And stop his boring dirty joke

And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add

The profits of the stinking cad;

It's not their fault that they are mad, 

They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know 

The birdsong from the radio, 

It's not their fault they often go 

To Maidenhead

And talk of sport and makes of cars

In various bogus-Tudor bars 

And daren't look up and see the stars

But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care

Their wives frizz out peroxide hair

And dry it in synthetic air

And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough

To get it ready for the plough.

The cabbages are coming now;

The earth exhales.

Morrissey obviously stole a trick or two from Betjeman when he wrote Everyday Is Like Sunday... although he changed the location for the bombs to drop to a drizzly, northern seaside town.

Slough also inspired Marillion to pen this little curiosity...

Marillion - Costa del Slough

In fact, it seems only David Brent himself has anything good to sing about Slough...

David Brent - Slough

A fair few famous people hailed from Slough though, including Rebel Rouser Cliff Bennett, original Deep Purple vocalist Rod Evans (although iffypedia also says he was born in Eton), Len "Chip" Hawkes of The Tremeloes (Chesney's dad),  Tracey Ullman and 90's indie band Thousand Yard Stare. Thunderbirds creator Gerry Anderson even set up a studio there, to film some of his most famous creations.

Today's winning song comes from a band far less well-known than any of the above luminaries... although The Tiger Lillies do pretty well at summing up everything you've read above in just 90 seconds.

I've never been to Slough, but I'm sure it's lovely.