Surrender - Frank Ostaseski

Surrender is not the same as letting go.
Surrender is more about expansion - we expand into a
spaciousness, a boundless quality of being that can include
but not be contained by the previously limiting beliefs that
once defined us...  In surrender we are no longer enslaved by
our pasts.  No longer imprisoned by our former identities...

Surrender happens when we stop fighting.  We stop fighting
against ourselves.  We stop fighting against life.  We stop
fighting against death.  Resistance ceases to occur.  We no
longer put up any defense.

Surrender is deeper than letting go.  Letting go is still a
strategy of the mind occupied with the past.  It is an
activity of the personality, and the personality is primarily
concerned with perpetuating itself.  Letting go is still me

making a choice.  Ego cannot surrender.

Surrender is effortless, easeful non-doing of our essential
nature without interference. We are simply aware - and
often happens when we are exhausted...
[from all the distractions and fighting and resistance.]

Frank Ostaseski
From - The Five Invitations

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The Challenge of Illness - John O'Donohue

We never value or even see some things in our lives until we
are just about to lose them.  This is particularly true of health.
When we are in good health, we are so busy in the world
that we never even notice how well we are.  Illness comes
and challenges everything about us.  It unmasks all pretense.
When you are really ill, you cannot mask it.

Illness also tests the inner fiber and luminosity of the soul.
It is very difficult to take illness well.  Yet it seems that if
we treat illness as something external that has singled us
out, and we battle and resist it, the illness will refuse to leave.
On the other hand, we must not identify ourselves with our
illness. .....very ill people are often more alive to life's
possibilities than the medical verdict would ever allow or
imagine.

When we learn to see our illness as a companion or friend,
it really does change the way the illness is present.  The
illness changes from a horrible intruder to a companion
who has something to teach us.

...Sometimes, when you see a thing as the enemy, you
only reinforce its presence and power over you...

Held openly, as a friend, this bit of unknown aliveness
may take you on an amazing journey to places you may
never have anticipated.  Such attention enriches and
deepens genuineness and presence.

Illness also focuses us onto our "inner landscape", into
resting deeply in the inner silence of the "Soul."  It is a
remedial silence that allows us to endure, to move through,
but not necessarily getting rid of the illness.  We can't have
an agenda - only deep acceptance of the companion - and
learn to navigate it.

John O'Donohue
From Eternal Echoes

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Untitled - Danna Faulds

Put up no resistance to the day as it unfolds.
Watch the play of opposites, your likes
and dislikes, thoughts you would draw
close and those from which you would
recoil.  What if, for this moment, you let
it all be as it is?  What if you interfere
with nothing?

Become the subject - vast, bare, always
aware. Of course there are objects.  Do
not try to shut them out or change what
is.  Sense impressions, circumstances,
the day's events move forward on the
wheel of time while you are timeless, the
silent subject of the whole, pure
potential, simply there.

When the entire universe blazes into
being, take it all inside yourself, without
exception.  When the only word is "Yes,"
when your point of view dissolves into
every viewpoint and no viewpoint at all,
when the Big Bang is happening in
every instant, you are fully and finally
alive.

Danna Faulds
from the introduction to Limitless
2009

"All We Are, we are..."

I realized yesterday that the second layer of this “resistance” that I have been experiencing comes from a contracted sense of “self”, a sense of separateness – which comes from fear. It is the mind fixating on the little things, resisting them – forgetting its True Nature and the simplicity of just being – just living. I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel this resistance. I shouldn’t be resistant to life as it is – after all, Life moves the way it moves – right? I feel badly that I still resist, despite this awareness, knowing that there’s really nothing to resist! So I resist the resistance.

On the way to the grocery store yesterday I asked to be shown what I needed to see here. The grocery store offered up its wisdom. :)

Walking through the isles, I listened and watched for what might be revealed, but nothing was apparent. And then waiting in line at the check-out, I heard the words of a song being played on the PA system. The words I kept hearing were: “All we are, we are…” lyrically repeated over and over again. I couldn’t make out the other words in the other verses, only the chorus: “All we are, we are…” And for some reason the rhythm of the words drew me in: “All we are, we are” – of course! How could we be anything else? As I stood listening to the words, I was looking around, in a relaxed state of waiting, and my eyes suddenly landed on a word over in the far corner from where I was standing that was printed on the side of a display shelf. It said: “Inclusive.” I just stopped – eyes glued to the word.

And I realized - there it was:

All we are, we are…

Inclusive…

Nothing is excluded – no thought, no feeling, no emotion – even resistance. We can’t be anything other than what we are. We are who we are… All of it – not just the parts we like, but even our hidden parts, the “darker” parts; the depression, the anger, the anxiety, the restlessness, the doubts, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the resistances… All of it is the Self – being who we are– expressing ItSelf as us – authentically.

I could feel tears welling up with this recognition – with the acceptance that everything is included – life as it is – me exactly as I am. There is nothing “wrong” with any of it! It’s all embraced as an experience of Being. It is all expressions of the Self – the waves of the Ocean rising and falling back into ItSelf – over and over again. It’s inclusive of the hard times and easy times, not separating out the good and bad experiences or emotions, as I tend to do – still – *believing* the distinctions in my mind, “complexifying” (I love this word!) my life, creating stories. Being sees everything inclusively – expressing this “me” *as* ItSelf – all of me; not the perfection of me. Being embraces everything – enfolds everything to ItSelf - our pain, our stories, our drama – as it is – without hesitation – without resistance. Everything is allowed. I know this, and I forget this. Everything unfolds the way it does, including this “resistance.” And so I continue to whisper softly in its ear, as if to a frightened child: “No resistance – all is well…"

All we are, we are

Inclusive…

Humbly

~*~

Resistance

This is my mind on resistance – cluttered. I know all who are therapists, or those who have had therapy, will have a hey day with this picture. It is my “work” space, where “creativity” is supposed to happen – and does. And yet, the space has become crowded over with the clutter of resistance. I am even resistant to de-cluttering it… And no, the rest of my house does not look like this – thankfully. Oh it has its little piles of things here and there that need to be put away – like clean laundry on the love seat – instead of love - and dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. We won’t go into those metaphors. :) And piles of books waiting to be read, or papers of interesting information downloaded off the internet stacked – waiting to inform me. The rest of the house is fairly sane looking. Especially my meditation space – the clearest place in the house! It’s only this particular space that is rather insane at the moment. (Well, except the basement, but that’s my husband’s domain.) Everyone has their space where they stuff their clutter it seems. And yes, the outer does reflect the inner. :) There is a part of me that is deeply cluttered, resistant and “insane” – ie: lacking clarity, wisdom and peace. And all that is bubbling to the surface this week – kind of like the oil in the Gulf – thick and gooey and not easily cleaned up - ugh. I haven’t seen these dark spaces within in quite a while. So it appears I’ll be bringing the light of awareness into the depths for a look see. But I already feel myself resisting that too…

It seems my awareness the other night about “no resistance” has become a portal into – resistance. Into seeing just how resistant I am. This week there have been several revelations in this area. And my “space” seems to be where it gets dumped, where I can deal with it later. Heh,heh, heh. Except, as it appears, it never really gets dealt with.

So what is this resistance…

There are several things I am resisting this week. My mother’s upcoming eye surgery next Weds for one. I’m dreading it, already feeling “responsible.” It is a day surgery in an office building “surgery center”! No more overnight hospital stays. She’s 82 and a diabetic. I’m already feeling resistant to having to take responsibility for her care right after surgery, which includes staying overnight at her house – which means little sleep (which will impact my own health issues.) I don’t mean this to sound uncompassionate. It’s not. It has more to do with my own fears of being “responsible” for others – which comes from being given responsibility way too soon in life. And the conditioning that if I was *responsible* I got approval and kudos from my parents. I was a latch-key kid before the word became popular – taking care of my 2 younger siblings at the age of 11. Even now I think, oh my god, so much could have gone wrong! I was thinking that back then, believe me. I was always thinking of what could go wrong and that I wouldn’t be *responsible* enough to know what to do. I became a little parent – and fear became my companion. I learned to try to control what I felt out of control with – which was most of life at that time! (And of course some things never change :)) Eleven! What was my mother thinking! And so resistance emerges now… What if something goes wrong – I’ll be re-spons-ible… clutter, clutter, clutter…

There’s another resistance that arose this week. As many of my regular readers know there has been some serious family drama with my husband’s family. Well, my husband decided, in the spirit of Aikido, after consulting with a couple of lawyers, that he didn’t want to resist what was happening (in a legal way). He wanted to try to reconnect with his sister, and meet her “half way” in New Mexico somewhere… My immediate reaction was resistance! Oh you better be careful. Are you sure you want to open that door again? Well *I’m* not opening that door! What if it doesn’t go well… yada, yada, yada. And of course he decided to meet her on Weds of next week. So there was the resistance that said – You’re not going to be here to support me! What about me! What if I need you! Oh dear – 11 years old again. I’m totally responsible and there’s no one here to support me! :) You get the idea… clutter, clutter, clutter…

So – what *is* this resistance…

Well, the first layer for me is fear. That seems quite evident as I write this. Fear of risks, uncertainty, fear for my safety, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of vulnerability, fear of the dreaded “r” word – no not resistance - Responsibility… :) Fear is the fuel that feeds resistance. I see this now…

So I get to practice “no resistance” big time this week – and this is just the first layer, the first plume of thick, muddy oil spewing out of the well within… As I mentioned in the previous post, just *saying* “no resistance” softly to myself brings me back to the awareness of that clear, clean space inside; to the present moment; to seeing that from this space of inner Presence I can pierce through all the mental clutter that’s built up, and *begin* to swath a path through the thickness to the light of clarity again – to sanity… The first level of environmental clean up has begun! I just need to remember to return to this clear, clean space of Awareness by whispering – “no resistance.” Of course, resistance still rises – that plume is still spewing its contents - but I can meet the resistance, the fear, with no resistance… Maybe. :) I’ll let you know how it goes…

~*~

"No Resistance"

I was mulling over life’s challenges at 1am this morning – our usual bedtime - feeling an inner unsettledness about many of our life situations at the moment. I know many of you can relate. :) As I lay there I brought my attention to the inner awareness underneath it all – the awareness of Awareness. I felt the pulse and flow of this alive, inner Presence running through my body. Some call it “resting in awareness.” But as always – this “other” awareness of where life is going, or not going, kept arising – and the resulting inner conflict because of the thoughts *about* that.

My husband and I discussed what little we know of Aikido in relation to our life circumstances. It’s actually a martial arts practice that can be applied to any conflict situation. It dawned on both of us that practicing the principles of Aikido – presence and fluidity - doesn’t have to be about a particular conflict with a particular person or situation, but can be applied to life in general.

As I settled in for the night the words “No Resistance” arose in me, like a clear, clean breeze. I could feel my body immediately relax its tension and I took in a deep breath. It was as if the phrase deeply resonated in my body – and had a physical impact - particularly the ‘No.” “O” is a very open letter – it allows and embraces all that is contained within it – which seemed like a good metaphor for life last night at 1:30am. I understand the concepts of “radical acceptance”, “resting in awareness”, and living “life as it is”, but there is no inner *resonance* with these words. They are nice mental concepts to me - *ideas* of how I *should* be doing things. But for some reason I had a felt experience of “letting go” with the words “No Resistance.” So this is my current mantra, my practice. Today when I started to feel inner mental and emotional conflicts about life, I brought my awareness to “No Resistance” - and something relaxed in me and I moved on. I also began to see just how resistant I am! I was actually pleasantly surprised by this today, as I sensed a shift beginning in my orientation towards life…

“Noooooooo”, which we normally think of as being negative, is really such an open word, I surprisingly discovered. When you say it internally, like a whisper, and prolong the oooooo sound – it opens something up. It’s not really a resistance word. Same thing with conflict. We are so conditioned to believe that conflict is negative, that there shouldn’t be any conflict in our lives, externally or internally, and we resist and fight it to regain a sense of peace and equanimity. And yet, conflict just is. It is just energy, patterns of energy that can be met just like anything else – with awareness. I see that if I’m just *aware* of what comes to me, and my reactions to it, without *seeing* it *as* “conflict” – as opposition, as preventing me from living the life “I” want :), as interruption, as something to resist, this changes how I meet it. I can *see* it as just an energy flowing through. The conflict *and* resistance to it are just energies… Seeing this changes my relationship with life. This is a principle of Aikido.

Aikido teaches the philosophy of acceptance, of embracing rather than trying to get rid of conflict. It is a blending *with*, a dance *with* the energy of conflict, which creates a new form of energy. By dancing with the energy of conflict with “no resistance” a flexibility arises which allows a response, rather than a reaction, to the new form that conflict takes. By going with the energy, struggle is avoided and the energy gets re-directed – seems almost magical. I’m a beginner in this area of “no resistance.” It seems I have tilted at the windmills of the challenges that have been presented to me my whole life, so changing this inner paradigm may take a while. :) I still feel a reactiveness underneath the surface. But by turning inward and acknowledging – “No Resistance” – it allows me to stay aware in the moment, and feels like a soothing elixir, relaxing the old, irritated, over-reactive neural pathways, and redirecting the signals to be in harmony with the way things are…

~*~