Life Postmortem...

It's been six weeks since my mother passed...  My grieving has ended.
I did most of my grieving over the 3 months she was home on
"Hospice Care", waiting to die; which was really her children taking
care of her 24/7, watching her deteriorate; although, because of her
dementia, she forgot that's what was happening to her - until about
a week before she passed, making it all the more sad...
She struggled so hard to hang on to life...

But my mother's passing was not the worst part actually.
I am at peace with that and my "spiritual" beliefs have seen
me through.  It's the "postmortem..."

Now my days are dominated with going through her 90 years of
life's belongings at her house with my sister.  Mom was a bit of a
pack rat/hoarder, so we are trying to clear things out so we can
put the house up for sale, which also means trying to find a place
for my sister to live, as she has lived with my mother for 8 1/2 years.

But she doesn't want to move.  That is not an option - she can't pay
the mortgage or the bills...  My brother returned to his home early
in April after staying with Mom for 3 months until the week after
she died, and tried to set things in motion for my sister and I to
follow through in processing the "postmortem" experience.

The process itself is difficult, even demanding, but with my siblings
has been especially challenging.  We are all so very different;
different values, different priorities, different perceptions, and we've
 all taken different paths, and made different life choices for ourselves
 and how we choose to live...  And they don't mix well.  But we manage
most of the time to treat each other kindly...  Unfortunately there has
 also been a lot of drama, which I really can't expand upon here... 
But will be glad when everything is finally settled, and I can "move on",
 as they say, and have some space to breathe again, and hopefully
 rekindle  the Spark within, as I am feeling rather uninspired lately
 - lackluster;  out of sync with the rhythms of Life.
 Like an automaton going through  the motions to get things done,
 yet surprisingly "present" as well.

But nothing speaks to me anymore - well almost nothing.
Feeling trapped in the particulars of my moment-to-moment
experience. It is what it is, and I am where I am...  No pretense here...
The stress of the family dysfunction and the grind of being
 immersed in the mundane has made me weary of life - and placed a
 heavy burden on my heart...

I have had little time for Solitude and deep Meditation - feeling rather
distracted by the externals of living, creating a feeling of "separation"
from the Alive Presence within...
My meditation space has now become storage space for some of my
 mother's things, which will have to be gone through at a later time -
another "postmortem" activity...

I don't foresee this "experience" ending any time soon.  It will probably
last through the Summer, although I know this too shall pass, and
there will be another, hopefully brighter, postmortem...

I realize I am on the edge of a new journey, a new chapter in this
story that is playing itself out in my life at the moment - waiting
for the page to turn.  I know it's all just a story in the context of a
larger Story - but still...  It is being lived in "real" time... condensed
from somewhere out of time...

And so it goes...

Namaste

~

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another
human being.  We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

Gearing Up to Gear Down...

My inner Spirit calls me to a quiet life, to long periods of Silence, wants hibernation and repose.  Evidently it doesn’t know that it is “Spring” on the calendar and I must “gear up.”  My “surface life” requires me to “gear up.”  And I am having trouble reconciling the two; being faithful to one and responsible to the other.  Sounds dualistic I know, but it is the way of things here, trying to find the balance and flow, the Yin and Yang of life – the harmony between doing and being…

There is “Spring” cleaning and repairs that have been long needed on the house – like roof and soffit repairs, requiring researching roofers on line, making phone calls, leaving messages for call backs that keep me tethered to the phone, and being available for on-sight estimates.  And then there’s yard work - repainting garden chairs and planter tubs.  I think a nice Red Salmon color, or Cinnamon, or Terra Cotta would be a nice change. J   And then weeding out winter’s waste – and pruning trees – and….. and….. and….

And yet, the chamomile is blooming already

 and the tarragon and catnip are rising, despite the fact that the tubs have not been painted.

 But there is no thyme growing this year – interesting play on words, don’t you think… J

The lovage replanted itself over here by the fence in the rocks.

But “Spring” is not the only reason we are “gearing up.”  We are “gearing up” because we want to “gear down” – to simplify our lives, to rid ourselves of the physical clutter that has accumulated over 35+ years of marriage and 17+ years of living in this house.   And so I have to start somewhere!  And this seems like the best place – in the basement - often likened to the sub-conscious where our inner clutter lies… J  This should be fun…

There is a neighborhood garage sale mid-May where we will try to sell a lot of this “clutter” stuff, which means cleaning out the garage.  Then we will start an e-bay store to try to sell the more “valuable” clutter. J  In the mean time it means several rounds of decluttering - deciding what to throw out, what to give away, what goes to garage sale, and what goes to ebay. It’s a daunting task – at least from my current perspective.  When I *think* about it all I start to feel overwhelmed.  So much for meeting life events as they come – they are coming too fast, and I am feeling a little out of control. J  So as you may have gathered I am resisting.  Like writing this blog post instead of digging into the rubble of my life J 

I discovered that the mind loves the “busyness,” finds it soothing, because it has a focus, “to do” lists, going from one thing to the next on the list, which doesn’t leave much time for meditative Silence and time for just Being – which I need a lot of.  I’ve not had a quiet day yet this week – and I can feel a case of the crankies coming on. J  But I took some time perusing what needs to be done in the back “garden” today, snapping photos, and felt the Presence of Silence in the solitude there.  I’m thinking this is where I’ll start – scraping planter tubs and chairs, and weeding out the detritus…  Very therapeutic… J

Part of the reason I want to gear down is to have more time for living what truly matters, not burdened with house and chores, which means letting go of the clutter that tends to take up the time - and dam the Life Flow... This requires listening to a deeper Flow - the deeper internal, intuitive Flow of Inner Being that runs through me, and through life; paying attention to the Spirit of Life within – to what *feels* right and what doesn’t; getting the priorities straight – waiting for the “yes” – putting the Inner Flow first.  Letting myself sink into those Silent depths within for only a few minutes a day reminds me of the deeper Flow that remains undisturbed by the chaos of life events, the Flow that actually carries me through the day…

~

“We are all innately aware that
 a deeper truth exists within us
than our day-to-day existence
and mundane concerns…
We must live life from
this more encompassing
state of Being -
and understand our
divine nature -
giving us
a means
to
enliven
a
truer identification
with
 the
 stunning
 beauty
 of our
    Being.”

Dennis Holtje

Insights from the Land of the Mundane...

Last week was challenging getting ready for an appraiser to appraise the house, as we are attempting to refinance…  It was like trying to do a major Spring cleaning that would normally take me a few weeks in only a few days, and I only made a dent. At first there was excitement and enthusiasm to be clearing through the dust and debris that had accumulated, but after 3 days I was physically exhausted, emotionally drained, overwhelmed, and spiritually dry.   I felt like I was living life according to a foreign rhythm, an artificial rhythm, imposed by the external demands of the house – not according to a deeper inner Rhythm.  Not getting enough meditative Silence, the mind took over.

Over 17 years the house has become an albatross, a task master, weighing me/us down.  It no longer suits our needs, or lifestyle.  And yet life has not afforded us the opportunity to move on.  In getting caught up in this “doing, doing doing” mode, I felt like I was on automatic, waking up everyday with the to-do list running in my head, and under pressure to get it done.  My life energy became cluttered, and I lost a felt sense of the inner Spirit of Life that pulsates underneath all the “doing”, leaving me feeling hollow and empty.

The mind, however, loved the external focus of all this doing, and became a “doing machine.”  The body just followed along with what the mind determined needed to be done; a body-mind mechanism that was on automatic, except the body was getting worn out following the mind, instead of its natural rhythms.  And so at the end of 5 days I had to let go of the “doing” and be in the Quiet – to drop into that Silent space of the Source within and *feel* the Presence of the Divine again.  And yet, the mind still continued to tell me what I should be doing – running its “to do” lists incessantly – the real task master…   

Let’s just say that through this mundane experience I have found out how I *don’t* want to live, not letting the house (or the mind) dictate the flow of my life, because, as I discovered, if one is *only* focused on the mundane, one can get lost. I am not a deva by any means.  It’s just that my priorities are different.  I delight in the Inner Life.  I thrive there.  I *need* the Silence out of time to *hear* and *feel* the Inner Rhythms of the Divine music in life. 

Without the sense of awareness of this Divine Presence life is empty, lived on automatic, going from one end of the day to the other.  No wonder we get lost in the latest technologies – dependent on our devices, rather than our inner Life.  We stay attached to our electronic leashes that seemingly “connect” us to the world because we are afraid that life without them holds no “meaning”, no “substance”, no “connection.”   We, as a culture, have lost a sense of Divine Presence, and so we numb our minds with technofog, with our ipads, ipods, iphones, internet, facebook, twitter, and yes, even blogging, J trying to make an illusive “connection” – avoiding the *real* connection to Life – losing touch with the *Essence* of Life ItSelf, cutting ourselves off from the Source. What does this have to do with house cleaning you may ask.  It’s a deeper issue.  It’s about whatever numbs us to The Mystery of the pulse of Life – for me it is getting bogged down in the practical tasks of living that do not feed my Spirit… 

I have felt the burden of this house for many years, feeling the need to move on and lighten the load.  And so the house is becoming an agent of change, as I live this experience and ask myself - what is absolutely necessary here?  In other words, why am I doing this ? – My resistance only reflects the need to defy the assumptions of my role and routine - beyond the apparent surface reason of the moment – ie: the appraisal.  What is important?  What is my priority?  What do I *really* want?  For me, it is doing that which enlivens my sense of awareness of the Inner Rhythm of the Divine, and letting that be what determines my life’s movement and give my life meaning and purpose.

The real “task” then became to let go of the daily tasking, to stop the “doing” until internal harmony was restored.  There is a Taoist saying: “In the not-doing, everything gets done.”  When I stopped the tasking, the tasks got done, freely and intuitively as *part* of the daily flow. And were no longer seen as a *chore.*  And yet I know I still need to find a way of living that supports the internal Divine Rhythm *without* the accumulated trappings of life that clutter my life.  Ultimately knowing there is nothing but “The Mystery” of Life being lived Here in the every-day-ness of life…

“A house can become a little self-enclosed world.
 Sheltered there, we learn to forget the wild,
 magnificent universe in which we live.
 When we domesticate our minds and hearts,
 we reduce our lives.
  We disinherit ourselves as children of the universe.

  Almost without knowing it, we slip inside ready-made roles and routines
 which then set the frames of our possibilities and permissions.
  Our longing becomes streamlined.
  We acquire sets of convictions in relation to politics, religion and work…
  We parrot these back and forth to each other, as if they were absolute insights.
  Yet for the most part these frames of belief function as self-contructed barriers,
 fragile clichés pulled around our lives to keep out the mystery.

The game of society helps us to forget the unknown…
  The control and ordering of society is amazing: we comply so totally

with its unwritten rules.
 We show up. We behave ourselves.
  Meanwhile, almost unknown to ourselves,
 we are standing on wild earth at a crossroads in time
 where anything can come towards us.
  Yet we behave as if we carry the world and were the executives of a great plan.

Everywhere around us mystery never sleeps.
 The same deep nature is within us.
 Each person is an incredibly sophisticated, subtle, and open-ended work of art.
  We live at the heart of our own intimacy, yet we are strangers to its endless nature.”

John O’Donohue
From: Eternal Echoes

Finding Peace in the Practical

I started de-cluttering, cleaning and organizing the house this week. This is going to take a while, with so much clutter accumulated – I’m ashamed to say. It’s a bit daunting when I *think* about what needs to be done here, because of what *hasn’t* been done here. But I am re-reading Byron Katie’s A Thousand Names for Joy before I go to bed each night, which is reminding me again of how my mind is creating my stress about it, because I am once again *believing* my thoughts. I have known this and forgotten this a thousand times. So now I’m aware when those dangerous thoughts arise that tend to send me into overwhelm, when I look at the basement, the garage, the garden, and my work space. I started in my work space Monday, then today for some reason I spontaneously moved to the garden, even though the work space is not finished – just allowing myself to spontaneously move to the next task at hand. And this afternoon went back to the work space again for a couple of hours.

I am finding a strange sense of peace in the mundane. Monday I was working at the mess at the desk when I suddenly awared that even as a myriad of thoughts passed through this mental mechanism, I was at peace and internally still. What a delight it was to realize the sound of internal quiet and peace. I was simultaneously aware of an internal flow and rhythm that I knew had been there all along, but had been crowded out by the mind. The mundane gives my mind something to focus on. Being busy keeps me from clinging to the thoughts and getting totally lost in the “what ifs.” I just keep going with what life requires at the moment, and in doing so I find a sense of peace. I’m being in the moment, wherever the moment takes me. And no matter where that is, it’s always this moment; living moment-to-moment, seamlessly. Sweet peace.

I had this selfish idea that I would get my chance to live a “contemplative life” while hubby was away – a self-centered craving to live monastically, meditating a lot, reading, maybe get back to something creative, doing contemplative photography, spending time in nature – you know, life as a continual retreat – trying to find internal peace. But life isn’t unfolding that way. There are a lot of very practical, mundane things that are required at the moment. And I am surprised to find peace in the practical. I’m enjoying the solitude and beginning to find my stride actually.

I’ve always been the kind of person that wants to get the practical out of the way so I can enjoy life. Eeeeuuu – even that didn’t sound good to me – but that seems to be the pattern. Just get-r-done so that you can do what you want to do – like having to eat your peas and carrots before you can have dessert. (Although I love peas and carrots :) But now I’m discovering that life is not a la carte. There’s no separating life into different courses, no dividing life into time for mundane, time for meditation, but living life as a continuous fluid movement – Liquid Life. Somehow being genuinely busy (not creating busyness just to be busy, or avoid anything) has allowed me to see the fluidity and seamlessness of the day, of the moment, of one moment sliding into another – not just getting through the main course so I can get to the sweet dessert at the end…

I’ve also tried living life the other way – more contemplatively – avoiding the practical as much as possible, retreating into my familiar forms of “spirituality”, which is why there is so much clutter and cleaning to tend to now. So now I’m learning to live life on Life’s terms - the ebb and flow of living - doing what’s required – contemplatively – in silence and solitude – allowing my mind to go where it wants to go, while awareing the delight of the deep Silence within, whether meditating or not. Finding that I don’t need to meditate to “find” IT – as IT is ever-present, I just need to turn within and experience it – feel it, sense it, aware it.

This morning I awoke “knowing” that it’s all OM (why that particular word I have no idea). OM is everything and everywhere. Life is OM – the Divine Energy. Everything is IT and IT is everything. IT just is.

This is going to be an interesting experience…

“I am the experience of the eternal…
When you don’t believe your thoughts…
there’s no separation.
You’re everything.
Only the unquestioned mind
would believe that you’re an I
living inside a body.
…there’s no I to identify as…
take it all in as Being…
…the universe is wherever you are,
and it’s everywhere…”

Byron Katie
A Thousand Names For Joy


~*~

Domesticity - The Mundance - Part 2

"Inside this new love,

die.

Your way begins on the
other side.

Become the sky.
Take an axe to the
prison wall.
Escape.
Walk out like someone
suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
Your old life was a
frantic running
from silence."

~ Rumi

I have a friend with whom I used to share tea and talk with over a period of several months last year. We would discuss “spiritual stuff.” He has a wonderful art studio/sanctuary where we’d meet. He goes to his studio nearly every day to do art that is not for sale – just art for arts sake, read, sit in meditation for hours, talk with friends, or otherwise live his Heart’s desires, following the creative muse, and, in my mind anyway, the “spiritual life.” (Gee - I wonder what his wife does!? Keeps the home fires burning no doubt!) I raised the issue of the “Mundance” with him one time. He very nicely “invited” me to see that the mundane was just as “sacred” as what we determine to be the more “spiritual” activities. He assumed the role of a “teacher” and gave an example of when he stayed at an ashram and was required to scrub the floors of one of the buildings every day. He wanted a job in the “temple” itself – but was relegated to the more mundane areas and activities – for which he was rather bummed and irritated. (Isn’t that my point?!) He had to scrub the toilets and floors until he learned the lesson that the “mundane” activity is just as “sacred” as working in the temple. And then he was allowed a job in the temple. Hmmmm – sounds rather patriarchal to me, perpetuating old paradigms of efforting and working hard to *earn* the reward of “enlightenment” – domesticating the sacred fire that burns within. Isn’t this just more conditioning? And – doesn’t *he* get to retreat to his studio (temple) when life gets a little too mundane?! (I am not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination.):)

While I understand that everything is sacred, that there is no separation between the mundane and the “spiritual”, that only thought makes them separate and unequal, to me it feels deeper than just this division of the mind. It’s as if my Being is trying to free Itself from the confines and constraints that IT is experiencing – like a Divine Discontent. It’s like “I” am trying to break out of a “role”, an “identity”, the conditioning that constrains my Being, that has kept me dancing to a tune that I feel out of sync with – and soar to the Heart of Being. (I'm a "Mystic" remember...) I experience the mundane dance as a complete waste of life affirming energy. But once again that’s my mind - a mind-made story that I tell myself about how deadening domesticity is. I know, after awakening – chop wood, carry water… But somehow that doesn’t feed my Heart…

Men – in general – it seems, are able to follow a “spiritual path” more easily. (Or maybe this is just another delusion.) Jesus, Buddha, Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta come to mind. I have not studied the lives of these teachers so I may be mistaken here, but it seems they pretty much followed the “call” of their Heart, if you will. Jesus left his parents at age 12 to seek the wisdom of “God”, Buddha left his young wife and child to discover the Truth of Existence, Ramana left home at age 16 to live at the base of Mt. Arunachala to become “Enlightened.” Nisargadatta left his family for 5 years to study with a teacher (although he also worked to support his family during that time). These men devoted their lives to “enlightenment”, awakening, spirituality, “the path”, Self-realization, Truth, in whatever ways they could. I wonder what the modern day enlightened women do, like Gangaji, Neelam, Pamela Wilson, Mukti and many others. Do they spend their days in meditation – living monastically - writing words of wisdom, teaching others “Truth”? Do they do their own domestic duties, or do they have a cadre of people (other women?) surrounding them, willing to cook, clean and otherwise do the duties of the mundane… And does it really matter? – No… I realize this is *my* issue…

So it would seem a little time sitting with this is in order. Maybe it’s as simple as time management, discipline, shedding some bad habits, and an attitude adjustment. That’s probably part of it – and something I’ve started working on – bringing awareness to those areas. Asking: What is this *really*? And, what is needed here? But it feels much deeper than the surface solutions – as beneficial and practical as they are… But what’s underneath this?

It *feels* like the call of the Heart once again: the Self calling the Self to itSelf again and again *through* the veils of the mundane. It’s as if there’s an “entrainment” with a deeper dance that is needed here; a birthing into a new rhythm with life… Not shunning the mundane, not sacrificing my Self, but honoring the call of the Heart –the homing call; dancing the Rhythm of the true Self; *abiding* in the Heart of Being where everything is congruent…

May we all abide in the Song of the Heart -

intimately dancing “The Dance.”

~*~

Domesticity - The Mundance - Part 1

"We are perishing for lack of fulfillment of our greatest needs.
We are cut off from the great sources of our inward nourishment and renewal."
DH Lawrence

I actually wrote a variation of this blog post last year and never posted it. So I thought I’d resurrect it, polish it off a little and see where it goes…

At a very young age we women are basically trained (conditioned) to be domestic, to be caretakers, rather than follow our passion, our Heart, or - follow a path of “spirituality” the way the sages of old did. We know this. For me it has become a real issue lately. I turned 60 last year, and realized that for some 54 years my energies have been primarily focused on living like Hestia – Goddess of Home and Hearth - sacrificing my Self at the altar of domesticity in one form or another. Maybe you know her too. Even though I never had children, I have worked full time at various jobs throughout my life. And - there has always been a very strong yearning or “call” all my life for Truth, Wisdom, Enlightenment – all the things I cluster together under the umbrella of “Spirituality.” But there was always “domesticity” – the dance of the mundane - a “typical woman’s” life, as I’m sure many of you can relate to. It was a role I unconsciously assumed *because* of my conditioning - because there was no encouragement to live creatively, dare I say “spiritually.” No encouragement to follow my Heart’s desire, or even to know what that was… I assumed my role was to “take care of others.” I typically chose stereotypical female “care-taking” roles – nursing, massage therapy, energy worker, receptionist, wife.

Even though I have not worked *for pay* outside the home for the last several years – due to health issues, I still find it hard to follow my Heart – to live simply and contemplatively, to allow creativity to flow, to spend significant time communing with Being-Self in all its forms – listening deeply to the wisdom within; to follow what I consider to be a “spiritual” life. I know I know I sound spoiled. There are others who live far more difficult lives than I do. Yet, I have my own impediments and limitations that have made life less than “cushy” – physically, emotionally and financially. And now I seem to be creating duality when I write about this division between my vision of a “spiritual” life and the mundane, so I’ll reword it: I’d like to live with less chaos and drama – mine and others, less complexity, less entanglement in the needs of others, and less dancing with the mundane requirements of daily living. Instead I want to devote my heart beats to the passion of my Heart – which happens to be “spirituality.” By that I mean a deep *abiding* sense of communing with the Heart of Being (however we call it: Awareness, Beingness, Buddha Nature, etc.) Isn’t that really what we all want? Isn’t this what we search for and what our loneliness, angst, grief, frustration, fear, anger and melancholy really are: A deep heart desire for an internal, abiding awareness, connection and ongoing communion with our True Nature?

When my life energies are constantly being drawn to the mundane and family obligations it feels like an abandonment of my spirit, or True Self. I am repelled by the requirements of daily living. Hestia would be disappointed I’m sure… Some days I just want to sit in open-ended meditation for as long as it feels right, without having to get up and do what needs to be done, without having to make a meal, without having to keep the domestic home fires burning. There’s always the distraction of the mundane. And where does the time go that there seems to be so little of it for creativity, for Stillness, for the “inner life.” How did life get so chaotic and consuming of spirit?! A retreat is not the answer here – both physically and financially, but a total change in lifestyle, creating an *environment* for the actual *living* of my Heart’s desire… And that doesn’t seem likely either…

My husband was gone for four days over the last Christmas Holiday visiting his family. However, out of the 4 days I only managed to eek out 1 full day of uninterrupted “monastery time”, because the other days were spent with my family and doing the mundance. That one day was delightful! The silence of the house was breathtakingly *full.* So much time for just sacred Silence. I lived according to the inner rhythms and timings of Being-Self, with very little mundane activities – and yes solitude. I reveled in it. I want to *live* this way – not eek out days here and there, but *living* life in sync with the *natural* Rhythms of Beingness. Several years ago I spent much more time in silent “meditation” on a daily basis, which is when creativity and insights and wisdom flowed freely; which now seems lost to me – drowned by the distractions of the mundance. Life as it is now does not nourish the deeper needs of my Being…

Life as it *isn’t*, at the moment, is still life as it is, of course. So how do I harmonize “living life as it is” with my spirits starvation. I don’t think “living life as it is” means resignation to “mundaneness.” It’s not either/or. The question really is: How do I/we live congruently with my/our True Nature – expressed *in* and through the mundane? How do I/we live a life that is conducive to the Heart’s True desire?

Part 2 tomorrow

GSW - Living the Rhythm

There didn’t appear to be any specific grocery store wisdom today, except for this nagging awareness that I am not living in rhythm with “The Rhythm” – the felt sense of the Inner Rhythm that animates my being. So maybe this doesn’t qualify as “Grocery Store Wisdom”, but this is what emerged today, that evidently wants to be written. I felt strangely out of sync with the Self today, out of sync with Life. The requirements of living seem to be taking over and taking me out of rhythm with “The Rhythm” – if that’s even possible. I ended up feeling like I was schlogging through the grocery store with someone else’s goulashes on – at least two sizes too big and very heavy – like schlepping through mashed potatoes and gravy… Clean up on the Deli isle please…

As I schlogged through the store I felt only vaguely aware, as if the glow from Saturday’s realizations had dimmed. Where was the excitement about living “The Mystery?” I had hoped to see how “The Mystery” would reveal Itself today, instead I kept getting tripped up on the stories I tell myself about the way life is going, and how I’m tired of schlogging through life, having to be so focused on the mundane, rather than riding the rhythmic waves of Oceanic Awareness. But I told myself that it’s okay, life continues as it does – chop wood, carry water – keep going. We can’t always be floating in the ecstasy of “awakenings.” Things need to be done. And so I do them. Like we all do…

As I went from isle to isle in my mud sucking boots I pondered: How do I *live* “The Rhythm” when the mundane seemingly weighs me down, taking me in directions my Heart doesn’t want to go, out of the necessity of survival. My Heart wants to create, flow, rest, but I get caught in the mundance - the dance of the mundane. This is not to say that the mundane *isn’t* “The Mystery”, but how do I honor “The Rhythm of The Mystery”, that internal Rhythm that wants to be expressed in and through me… How can I be true to That - *living* “The Rhythm”…

While I realize now that *everything* is “The Mystery,” that there is no separation between the mundane and “the Mystery” - that it is only the *thought* that they are separate that makes it so – my experience of it feels different. It’s as if my whole being is trying to free itself from the confines and constraints that it is experiencing – the roles, the identities – and just BE, fluidly living. But this mundance that I’m caught in seems to suck the heat from the embers of the creative fire that wants to burn…

So - How does one “live life as it is” with its domestic demands and still find the energy to also do the life affirming, creative activities, when ones body lacks the stamina to do it all... I know a lot of you are doing this out there – you who are artists, mothers, writers, contemplatives, caregivers & working women… How do you *live* the excitement of “The Rhythm," of “The Mystery” that rises up from within? Seriously, I want to know! Some days I find it hard to just sit in open-ended meditation without thinking about what needs to be done, or to focus enough to get any creative momentum going, while still keeping the home fires burning – like Hestia, goddess of Home and Hearth: keeping the meals made, the laundry done, the general upkeep, the lists of things to do, and still fully engage in creative, life affirming endeavors. Where do we find time to just BE? Is it just me, or have you noticed that most “gurus” are men?! :) Is there a reason for that? Maybe they have the uninterrupted time to devote to a more contemplative life, to living a mystic’s life in sync with “The Mystery.” I don’t know. And I don’t mean to sound whiney here… but… something is pulling me to live differently, to express in a different way, to see in a different way… And yet, the tune of the mundane keeps pulling me back into the same old dance – the mundance…

And so as I did my domestic duties today, I reminded myself that it’s all “The Mystery” here, breathing me, living me, dancing me through the mundane duties and obligations… I reminded myself to rest in the Embrace of “The Mystery,” that the “mundane” is merely the surface movement that I *identify* with as a problem, an obstacle to the flow. I reminded myself that beyond the roles and identities of “self” we *are* abiding Presence, “The Mystery” – “The Rhythm” - experiencing life.

Shall we dance? Can you hear “The Rhythm?” You take the broom and I’ll grab the duster…