Eradicating Violence? - J. Krishnamurti

...is it possible to eradicate violence in ourselves?

I am asking whether it is possible for a human being living
psychologically in any society to clear violence from himself
inwardly?  If it is, the very process will produce a different way

of living in this world.

Some of us, in order to rid ourselves of violence, have used a
concept, an ideal, called non-violence, and we think by having
an ideal of the opposite to violence, non-violence, we can get rid
of the fact, the actual - but we cannot.  We have had ideals
without number, all the sacred books are full of them, 
yet we are still violent - so why not deal with violence itself and
forget the word altogether?

If you want to understand the actual you must give your whole
attention, all your energy, to it.  That attention and energy are
distracted when you create a fictitious, ideal world.  So can you
completely banish the ideal?  The man who is really serious,
with the urge to find out what truth is, what love is, has no
concept at all.  He lives only what is.

To investigate the fact of our own anger you must pass no 
judgement on it, for the moment you conceive of its opposite
you condemn it and therefore you cannot see it as it is.  When
you say you dislike or hate someone, that is a fact, although
it sounds terrible.  If you look at it, go into it completely, it
ceases, but if you say, "I must not hate; I must have love in my
heart," then you are living in a hypocritical world with double
standards.

To live completely, fully, in the moment is to live with what is,
the actual, without any sense of condemnation or justification -

then you understand it so totally that you are finished with it.

When you see clearly the problem is solved.

J. Krishnamurti
from Freedom from the Known

with thanks to The Beauty We Love

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Bleeding Enso 
2011

~

Enso is a sacred symbol of Zen Buddhism meaning circle...
It is traditionally drawn using only one brush stroke as a 
meditative practice in letting go of the mind...  While at
first glance, the enso symbol appears no more than a 
misshapen circle, it symbolizes many things: the beauty
in imperfection, the art of letting go of expectations, the
circle of life, and connection.  The enso is a manifestation
of the artist at the moment of creation and the acceptance of
the innermost self.  The enso is said to leave the artist fully
exposed at that one particular moment in time.

Barbara Bash - Artist

(I have no idea what I was feeling at the time I created 
this enso on wax paper, thus the drips - the only one I ever did.)

 

 

The Uncharted Woods - Adyashanti

Listen now, or lose your life, for what I have to say is what you
have imagined in quiet moments but have failed to realize in
full.  Perhaps you were too timid or astonished at the critical
moments, or couldn't find the courage to step through the veil
of your frail life when the door was opened for you.

Or perhaps you wanted to keep your life as your own, and
chose to hold onto a few pennies when you could have had
gold.  No matter, for yesterday has passed into the dust of
remembered dreams, and tomorrow's story is yet to be written.

Which is precisely why you and I are now here together...
Stand with me here at the precipice and take my hand in yours,
for I am good company to those ready to depart familiar ground.
If not, then let loose of my hand now and take that of a more
familiar companion.  For where we stand is known, but our
next step will not be - nor the one after or the one after that.

So shoulder all of your longing and intent and leave all else
behind.  I give you fair warning: The world you are about to
leave will not be there when you return.  For nothing truly left
behind is ever the same upon our return.  Let us not waste any
more time on discussions or debates; you have surely been
caught in those tide pools too long already.  Too much talk
is wearying to the soul and evades the spirit of things.
Longing is the true measure of a man or woman and alone
has the power to draw us out of ourselves and into the vast
air of eternity...

This is as fair a day as any to begin the journey back
 to your origin.  So lift your foot together with mine and
 we will step off the well-trodden paths and into the
 uncharted woods where the essence of things lies
 waiting for you to open your eyes.

It is time to begin watching your steps, dear companion.  For
you have already wasted the goodness of too many days
stumbling along with the unconscious drove.  Today I bid
you to place no foot upon the earth without feeling the sinews,
skin, and bone of your feet with each step.  How awake you
are to the least of things will determine how awake you become
to the greatest in due time.  For in the play of time, the great
manifold diversity of things in the end proves their unity....

I can see in your eyes a fear and confusion.  But fear not,
for I do not speak of death.....but of awakening from death,
from sleepwalking in dreams and veiled imagination.  Beyond
 the veil all is well, and more well than I can attest.  Within the
immortality of what you are, there is a contentment and peace
born only of your true identity.

Have you not been told how grand you are, how uncontained,
how limitless?  I for one maintain that you are as unseen and
eternal as the space that spans beyond the myriad universes.
I praise the immortal Self - not one self among many, but the
Self within all selves.  For everywhere I go, and in each and
everyone I meet, I greet my secret and unseen Self.  For I know
 each man and each woman as I know myself, none greater or
lesser in essence or worth.

I have no desire or pull toward the gods, nor sacred relics,
nor holy books.  For I have waded through the various
dogmas and found them lacking in the essential vision, the
unitary glance that reveals God's hand within every gesture.
Why should we go looking for more than we are, when we
are what we are looking for?  Beware of misguided longing,
for it leads in the end to brutality.  How much blood has
already been spilled in God's name and how much more to
come?

I bid you, dear companion:  Throw off the yoke of belief,
for to arrive at the nobility of truth you must be cleansed
of all borrowed knowledge till you are as innocent as the
day before you were born.  You must forge from within your
longing a fiery sword of discrimination, unsheathed from the
past - determined to never again take anything secondhand,
but instead prove true or false each statement yourself.

For truth belongs to neither man or woman, nor holy book,
nor well-reasoned philosophy or belief, but only to itself -
immortal and pure. 

Adyashanti

Original title - "Everlasting Inheritance" (2006)

via - No Mind's Land

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

So Hum Meditation...

This week I have attempted to “do what I need to do” to gain perspective and clarity and refocus my life - which btw does *not* mean I am abandoning my family, it just means I am choosing to relate to them in healthier, less dysfunctional ways, not succumbing to the family dysfunction.  I have said this every year, and here I am saying it again. J

I’ve started doing a contemplative meditation called So Hum.  I first heard of this Mantra years ago, but I recently saw the words again on Uma’s blog in a photo of her Ayurveda teacher, Dr. Vasant Lad, as he was teaching about energy flow and the breath.  So I explored it.  I started repeating it silently to myself during meditation times, and throughout the day.  “So” on the in-breath, “Hum” on the exhale – rhythmically – relaxing and surrendering.  It has had quite a profound effect on my sense of well-being and perspective.  My family no longer feels like a looming dark shadow suffocating me, but merely people playing out their roles and dramas in life that I can choose not to get entangled in.  And of course this perspective changes from day to day depending on my level of awareness. J  This does not mean that I do not feel compassion for my family, I just don’t want to be swallowed up by the shadow of their unconscious behavior.  I do not want to continue to be stuck in my own unconscious patterns with them, year after year after year.  Spiritually speaking - the way out of that is to become grounded in an *awareness* of the True Self, or Divine Nature.

So Hum is a Sanskrit phrase meaning, “I am That” – meaning we are Unified Consciousness, One with Divine Spirit.  Many of you who practice Yoga may be familiar with this, as many yogis use it in their practice.  According to the sources I checked on line, it is a meditation that focuses the thinking mind on the Mystery of Being and the *interdependent* (which is different than “co-dependent”) nature of all things, including each other.  It is said that in repeating the mantra you naturally begin to settle into a state of unified consciousness, communion with Divine Spirit and all life – opening up to life, rather than relating to life, and others, from a contracted place of unconsciousness.  It brings about the realization that you are the True Self, your Divine Nature, and that you are never separate from That, no matter what your “dysfunction.” J  In your unconsciousness you have just forgotten who you are because you have become entangled in life’s dramas.   In seeing that, experiencing that, you are able to open, stop the unconscious madness, and meet life and others in a more balanced and healthy way – with a sense of profound awareness, peace and love – reclaiming and living the innate Rhythm of Life…  That is my goal.

So Hum…

~*~

“Self is what you are…

You are That

Self is the Heart…
It shines to ItSelf,
by ItSelf,
in ItSelf.

Self is what gives breath to life,
you need not search for It.
It is Here.

Only Self is…

Knowledge of the Self is that which is worth
sacrificing anything for…

Identify as Consciousness ItSelf…

…do not forget who you are…”

Papaji
excerpts from: The Truth Is

*

Photo: Star Mandala Zoom Blurred

"Co-Dependency" Revisited...

It was pointed out to me recently that I have slipped back into an old pattern of co-dependency.  Oh dear…  What a realization that was! As much as I don’t like psychological labels and identities, it was still worth looking at. Many of you are old enough to remember that word from the 80’s when the “in” word was “co-dependent.” :)  Some of you may have been in elementary school :) and may be asking – what is “co-dependency”?  There’s a helpful book by Melody Beattie called Co-Dependent No More, written 26 years ago.  I dug my well-worn, highlighted and underlined copy out of the basement archives.

The realization came that it has been an insidious process of falling back into the realm of unconscious behavior in the family dynamic, being drawn into the Family Shadow.  It has been a gradual slide into unawareness, and unconscious patterns and roles again - trying to affect change in a family system that is unwilling and seemingly unable to change – at least unwilling to be aware that change is needed.  I had a strong sense of responsibility that *I* needed to *do something* about this dysfunctional person, this dysfunctional family system, to once and for all get “us” to “work,” to “heal”, to at least “communicate honestly.”  I had forgotten that it is not about trying to control or change the “other” person, or their behavior, but it is always about taking responsibility for oneself…  It didn’t occurr to me that I could just let go and let it be what it is – and be okay with that.

In this insidious slide I became emotionally entangled – trying to “help”, to “rescue” – code words for control.  The more “helpless” I felt the more reactive I became, trying to control that which was totally out of my control – my family, and our dysfunctional behavior.  In the process I became chronically reactive, frustrated and angry because I couldn’t rescue or fix “them.”  I felt more entangled in the drama of their emotional needs – with phone calls that became one-sided venting sessions.   I became resentful of the emotional enmeshment, of accommodating, of feeling helpless and controlled by the dysfunctional system.  It was a feeling of being at the end of someone else’s emotional leash all the time - a big warning sign that something was amiss.  In all of this I had clearly lost a sense of awareness of the Infinite Being within, and became even more identified as the little “me” person – struggling to find resolution, grasping at straws to see which one might work.

I ask myself, how could I have become so unconscious, so lost in all of it!  Why could I not just have opened my heart and be a presence of Love?  Wouldn’t that solve everything?   I had confused “love” and “spirituality” with always being available, accommodating and “helpful” – also called enabling :) - trying to control the situation by offering unwanted advice and suggestions in my attempt to be “responsible” – ultimately to soothe my own sense of helplessness.  I allowed myself to be put in the middle, creating a triangle - feeling like a ping pong ball emotionally, not wanting to take anybody’s side, but wanting to be “supportive.”  Or so I told myself, unaware of my own dysfunction!   As Byron Katie has said in Loving What Is, I was getting into their business, focused on how they *should* be.  Her book really addresses this issue although she doesn’t call it “co-dependencey.”

I have known, conceptually, for a long time that you cannot save someone from their life experience; you cannot change someone else’s behavior, minbd-set, or view of reality.   And you can’t ever make the dysfunctional person/s happy.  But neither should you have to walk on egg shells around that person, in fear of making them mad.  Now I have to put this renewed awareness into practice and learn all over again to step back, to detach, to take myself out of the middle and let each one take responsibility for themselves and let them experience the impact of their own consequences; setting internal boundaries again, not allowing myself to get entangled in the family drama.  I think this is why it bothered me when The Fence came down between our neighbor, as it symbolized that I was still attached to a sense of self that felt vulnerable, needing protection.  It reflected an internal process that was being played out in my daily life.  “The Universe” was giving me signals that it was time to awaken, to see what was happening…  So I’ve been listening - trying to stay grounded in the Inner Being through meditation, continually coming back to what is truly Awake and Aware within me that could see beyond all this dysfunction, that was totally unaffected by all this, even as my ego-self suffered on the surface.

As has been said many times by many a “spiritual person/teacher” – there are no “spiritual by-passes.”  One must look at themselves honestly, and do the emotional work they need to do to be free.  The “spiritual path” seems to be a catalyst for raising these issues that need to be addressed so that we may be free from our psychological and emotional entanglements; free from our identification with the ego-self – the root issue.  Actually I think that is ultimately what “enlightenment” is:  Being free from the entanglements and identifications that keep us from being awake and seeing the Truth of who we really are underneath all the patterns and roles that keep us from living freely, from realizing our True Nature.

Stay tuned.  I will be writing more on this journey of awakening and unfolding - the journey of opening the True Heart…  It is time…

Photo: Reflected light on the TV screen

Prickly Personalities...

My sister has a prickly personality. She tends to be brash, disagreeable, black and white, right or wrong, self-righteous, judgmental, very angry and critical of everyone and everything, creating a very toxic environment. We have had a lot of prickly people in our family tree. In fact the whole family dynamic is rather prickly. We all end up walking on eggshells – except the prickly people. :)

Anyway, she’s rather unpleasant to be around. I tend to unconsciously protect myself from her negative energy when I’m around her. I understand where she’s coming from because I too have had a “prickly personality.” I understand that her prickly personality means that she feels fearful, unloved, wounded, overwhelmed and victimized by life, not realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around her or for her, and that she keeps everyone at arms length with her constant need to be in control, using anger and criticism as a false sense of power. It has been humbling for me to see this reflection. Thankfully my “spiritual path” (and some good therapy :) has led me down a different road - a road of awareness; becoming more self-aware of my unconscious patterns, as well as more *Self* Aware. That is, more aware of my core Beingness – that still, silent place of Conscious Awareness within us all. But the tendencies are still there. I did not escape them, I only became aware of them, and over time I have softened and learned a different way of being in the world; which is not to say that I have perfected this “new” way of being. I can still get prickly at times.

I have been reading a very inspiring book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called: The Call. While reading, the phrase: “Meet her in her wholeness” came to me. And with that, the sudden realization that I didn’t need to try to protect myself *from* my sister, but to meet her in her Beingness – that place of wholeness within her - from that same place within myself. Instead of shutting down and protecting myself against her negative energy I could consciously “sit back” into (internally become aware of) my own felt sense of Beingness/Wholeness and meet her, eye-to-eye, Being to Being.

I decided to experiment with this one day. As she railed on at what was wrong with the world, with that familiar blank look in her eyes, I just silently sat listening, while at the same time “connecting” with (becoming aware of) my own sense of silent Beigness within - looking right into her eyes. As I did, I noticed a slight softening in her eyes and demeanor, as if there was an inner recognition – Being to Being. It lasted for only a brief moment, and then that blank veil came back over her eyes, and she went on railing at the world. The difference was that I was aware that I could now meet her from a place of wholeness. By *remembering* my own Beingness, by consciously becoming aware of this space in me, I could meet her Wholeness, her Beingness behind the shield she constantly throws up to protect herself – and from behind my own unconscious shield.

This is not to sound magnanimous at all. This is not about ‘me’, but about awareness, and re-discovering a way of being and relating that I have forgotten in the chaos of family dynamics. Clearly I don’t always remember to meet my sister in this “new” way because her unconscious ways ruffle the feathers of my prickly personality. There is still a reactional instinct to push back, to get angry, and to respond in kind – to want to change her, fix her, make her behave. But I also see her suffering, and want to respond to that – if I can find a way in…

When I remember to remember the Wholeness of Being within myself and relate from there; trusting Beingness that *sees* through the prickly personality, something “magical” happens – sometimes; a recognition of Beingness in the "other." Isn’t that what we all want – a mirror of our Beingness; to be met in our Wholeness – Being to Being. I don’t think this is pie-in-the-sky idealism. Experiencing and living from our Essential Nature is not just a fantasy. It’s the Way of Being. Or is that a little too prickly... :)

~~


“Embracing your wholeness is the greatest gift you can give to others.”

Christine Wushke
Journey to Light

~~

“All things are made of the same sacred presence, stillness…”
”All things emanate from and return to and are never
separated from a vast and sacred wholeness.”

“This spaciousness that we are is not
indifferent to the suffering that we feel
when we have forgotten what we are.
It reaches out to us, calls to us.”

‘It is the Great Mystery.
It is what we are made of,
and what everything and everyone
is made of.
It is what we participate in
with every breath.”

“We will never be happy
or truly able to live and
love fully
until we find our way of living
from an awareness of the deep stillness
at the center of what we are
- our essential nature -
which is wakefulness, awareness,
love, peace, truth and beauty.”

“Look at your own life from within
that sense of quiet stillness
that you are.
You will see this inner essence,
this innocence, like a bright thread
woven throughout the center of your life.
Living it consciously is why you are here…”


Quotes from: The Call
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Turn... Turn... Turn...

Turn
inward
towards Me,
”The Beloved;”
the Face of your Self;
the Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness…

Turn from the voices of the unconscious,
- the land of the living dead -
the voices of confusion, hatred, violence;
the ones who distract
you from *knowing*
the Truth…

~ Turn ~

~

~ Turn ~

Turn and listen

in
deep
Silence,

in
the
Chalice
of the Heart

until you hear
what needs
to be heard
in your
heart.

~

Turn inward from the stimulation
of life being “sold” to the masses;
with its false delusions of the Real;
including the “spirituality” vendors,
who sell you their “frameworks”
to keep you seeking, striving,
believing you need more,
leaving you empty…

Come – sit with Me.

Sit in solitude
with Me…
Hearing,
Seeing,
Aware-ing,
Knowing Me.

Silently
listening
within

where
“I”
thrive
in
the

S
i
l
e
n
c
e


~ Turn ~


“I” am Here…

~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Oct. 16, 2011

~

Photo ~

In looking for a photo for this post
I found this one in my files.
It is a picture of the September Full Moon
through the skylight.
What captured my attention
when I saw it in my files
was the reflection of what appears
to be an “inner window” or door.
I did not notice this
when I took the photo,
but only saw this afterward,
and after turning the photo :)
In a sense it is what this poem
is about – turning and going inward,
metaphorically through the inner
window/door.
Just sitting, turning towards Silence,
and meeting that spacious Awareness
that is always there…

Sacred Signals...

Last week we were visited by an Owl three times in 4 days. I cannot tell you the feeling of sacredness that it elicits in me to hear the sound of an owl hoo-ing overhead at 12:30 am in the silence of the night. One night it sounded as if it was sitting on our roof, or at least in one of the trees that overhangs our roof.

Last week was particularly challenging – and continues on into this week. I reached a low point emotionally and spiritually due to the pull of the unconscious family dynamic (despite dancing squirrels and chirping crickets) and found myself praying for some “assistance” – dare I say for a “sign.” Oh dear… a sign?! Fatigue had settled in, and the felt sense of Divine Presence within receded. Sometimes the unconscious seems to drown it out. I am amazed at how easily I fall back into the sea of unconscious habituated patterns and cycles. And in doing so there was an emotional “surrender” of sorts, where I knew I couldn’t continue to rely on my own ego-strength, all those wonderful coping mechanisms I constructed over the years, but must give in to the workings of The Sacred Mystery. I’m discovering that is actually a good thing, as painful as it is, as it returns my awareness to a more authentic place of “openness” – not just in words, or theory, but in the depths of my being; not that I am at peace, or without fear and anxiety. I continue to deal with these latent tendencies on a daily basis, but… How do I explain… There was, in that moment of surrender last week, just a simple sense of allowing everything to be as it is. And in that moment of surrender, there was a sense of relaxation - noticing that everything *is* the way it is anyway. Life just lives – just unfolds. I mean, if you look at nature you see that Life just lives ItSelf. I know I’ve mentioned this before. I begin to see this more clearly - and then I lose sight of it again.

I couldn’t help but feel that the Owl showing up was my “sign” - a kind of sacred signal, if there is such a thing– like when we find little stone hearts along our path, or we hear or read just the right “teaching” that addresses an issue we are struggling with, or read an inspiring blog, or find a feather. Maybe there is a Supreme Intelligence that hears – maybe Existence cares deeply and compassionately for life – hears every sound, sees every movement, like the owl - and answers. I would like to believe that, rather than the belief in an impersonal, uncaring Emptiness. But my beliefs don’t really matter. I’m just interested in seeing how Life communicates with ItSelf – because everything we encounter is Life communicating with ItSelf…

The Owl came two nights before, the night before, and the night after my sister’s surgery last Thursday. It was as if “The Beloved” ItSelf had shown up to sing Its sacred song… It was a haunting, yet comforting sound as it echoed through the night; crickets singing backup.

As I listened to the patterned “hoos” (not hoots) I thought of the owl just sitting up there, watching, observing, listening, hearing, seeing *everything* in and through the darkness, illuminating the darkness with her in-sight; seeing the totality of everything from her vantage point. Good metaphor in these hectic days of feeling more contracted than expanded, needing a little objectivity, needing to see the bigger picture, needing equanimity, needing to wait on inner wisdom from a deep place of knowing before acting. It reminded me that I *can* find that place of inner Stillness within, again and again, if I get really quiet and listen to it. I know I *know* this, but with each life challenge it’s as if I have to find it all over again.

Hearing the sound, my heart felt cocooned in the echoes of the Owl’s Sacred song… It was as if it was calling me to drop into the Heart of Being and wrap myself in the Mantle of the Mystery, to remember this space and “stabilize” there (was the word that came), deepening into the sense of the Silent Knowing within again. I hope she comes back… Am sure I’ll need more reminders…

I thought I’d share a little of the Owl’s song. We had to shorten the intervals between hoos because they were too long. Her hoo-ing lasted an hour.

~

“Trust that a thread of Love operates
in everything
and listen deeply for this Love…

Existence listens
when we connect
from the Heart…”

Adyashanti

~

Just be available
unbounded
unfettered
unencumbered
(a post-it note)

~

“Love lurks in the white water”
(of the rapids of life).

Leslie Read

~

“There is a spontaneous and
benevolent power
behind the unfolding
play of the world…

Whatever you are pushing against
flows in effortless harmony…”

Mooji

Read an interview with Mooji

~

Photo: I have no idea what bird this feather
is from. If you can identify it, please do!

Fall is Coming... Or is "The Fall" Coming...?

There are tell-tale signs in the air that Fall is coming. The date on the calendar no longer seems to coincide with what’s happening outside. There are a few leaves turning, and there is the smoky, woodsy-earthy smell of Fall in the evening air. Crickets are chirping less. The clouds are looking more like Fall clouds – that winter gray - as if readying themselves for the snows to come. But it’s still Summer here. Temps will reach into the high 80’s this coming week – actually nearing 90 they say. Summer is hanging on. The first week in October, according to the weatherman, the highs for the day will be 70 degrees across the board. Ahhhh – that’s what I’m waiting for – the chilly days of Fall, especially chilly, rainy, damp days… But so far, no rain in sight.

Internally Fall hasn’t arrived yet either – and I eagerly await its coming. Usually there is a feeling of inspiration, and a sense of clarity, of being energized from within. That hasn’t happened, as this body appears to be waning under the load of “family tending.” I no longer refer to it as “care giving” – but just tending what needs to be tended to. Friday I spent 7+ hours in the ER with my sister who was severely dehydrated. Her kidneys were failing. All because she had decided not to eat or drink for nearly 2 weeks – she *says* because of the severity of her back pain and the pain medication she was on that took her appetite away. And then she admitted to me, that it was also because the more that we encouraged her to eat, or asked about food, the more she shut down in order to gain control, until she finally put herself in such a weakened state that her poor body could not function. And I wonder, why one would want control so badly that they are willing to starve themselves for it – but obviously they do – they have medical names for it. Obviously there is a deeply unconscious mind at work here. And sometimes I feel like I am at the end of its emotional leash – and my rope, physically.

Fall reminds me of a threshold time, an in between place, a place of transitions, of liminal light, where the mantle of The Mystery wraps ItSelf closer around us – so IT can be felt, so we can notice its Presence. But the unconscious family dynamic here seems to muffle the awareness, dull the senses, and dampen the inspiration. The pull of the unconscious, and deeply latent emotional baggage, seems stronger than the pull to more quiet, sacred, untouched places within where inspiration of The Mystery lives.

I am certainly learning to surrender to “what is” – in ways I hadn’t anticipated. What else is there to do but surrender – to let go of my own unconscious need for control... I am learning a lot about choice, control and consequences of those choices. And yes, I do believe now that there are choices that have serious consequences being made by unconscious choosers. This does not mean that this “unconscious chooser” is in any way “separate” from The Mystery. It just hasn’t been noticed yet by the unconscious. But that’s another post. I’m supposed to be talking about the Fall that is coming :) – in terms of weather that is.

When one must be preoccupied with “family tending” somehow the seasons just meld into one another, awareness of what is Aware seems clouded, noticing the change of seasons with delight is less colorful, because the pull is towards the magnetism of the unconscious family dynamic. The ones who are most unconscious seem to have the most pull: the ones who do not act on their own behalf, who feel victimized and wronged by life, who reject any form of assistance, suggestion, or encouragement because it is seen as control. And control, for the unconscious mind, must be maintained at all costs, even by trying to kill the body – unconsciously of course. And "we" (the supposed enemy of the unconscious one) suffer the consequences of the unconscious right along with them – and maybe that’s part of the manipulation – to get us to pay for their self-imposed suffering. This may seem like a lot of drama – it is – but it is also life as it is – unfolding as it does. And I write about it because this *is* the reality at the moment. Life is not always “held together” by “spiritual glue.” Life falls apart and comes back together again all on its own, and you just learn to ride the waves…

So here we are in the sea of unconsciousness again – where the suffering of the unconscious takes place – waiting for “The Fall” of the unconscious; the demise of this bastioned inner sanctum of lost luggage. And it is seen that there is no intention or interest to claim its luggage by those who remain unconscious.

I truly look forward to the cool, clean, crisp air of clarity. It may be a long time coming…

Here are a few pictures reminding me that Fall is coming…

Oak Leaf and Acorns
collected on a walk...

~

I happened to step out our back door
one evening recently to this
beautiful sight of Fall clouds -
noticing the Fall air that
settles around everything
in the quiet of the night that
settles over the land..

In Preparation...

I received an article in the Non-Duality Highlights Newsletter and I thought I’d share an excerpt from it. For me it is a good reminder of how to “prepare” for this upcoming life experience – our “second journey” as B calls it. I find I’m not as prepared for this as I thought I would be. A myriad of emotions are flooding this system. This heart is not so brave after-all. Oh I have my “plan” of being a “pioneering woman”, independent, on my own, living a contemplative life, adventurous – pursuing art, photography, meditation, writing, as well as doing all the mundane things that need to be “caught up on” around here – paying attention to house and heart that have been neglected over the years. But the heart is not ready for a “pioneering life” yet. It seems there is some preparation needed as layers of submerged feelings are beginning to release in waves. Last night I had a nightmare, or so I’m told. I don’t remember it. Evidently I’m already tapping into the well of hidden material that is rising to the surface “in preparation.” I knew it would come, just not this soon. I am not one to apply “positive think”, but this article gave me a clue as to how I might approach this new experience with its inherent uprising of feelings.

The article itself is an excerpt from a book called: Beyond the Separate Self – The End of Anxiety and Mental Suffering by Colin Drake.

Here’s the excerpt:

“What is required is a paradigm shift which will change [how one sees] the moment to moment experience… The easiest way to do this is to enquire into the nature of life, which entails investigating experience itself:

1. [Become aware that] ‘Life is just a series of moment-to-moment experiences.’

2. Any moment of experience has only three elements: thoughts, sensations, and awareness of these thoughts and sensations.

3.Thoughts and sensations are ephemeral, that is they come and go, are ‘things’ that are perceived.

4.Awareness is the constant subject, the ‘perceiver’ of thoughts and sensations and that which is always present.

5. All thoughts and sensations appear in awareness, exist in awareness, and subside back into awareness. Before any particular thought or sensation there is effortless awareness of ‘what is’: the sum of all thoughts and sensations occurring at any given instant. During the thought or sensation in question, there is effortless awareness of it within ‘what is’. Then when it has gone there is still effortless awareness of ‘what is.’

6. So the body/mind is experienced as a flow of ephemeral objects appearing in this awareness. Any external object or thing is experienced as a combination of thought and sensation. It is awareness of these thoughts and sensations that constitutes our experience.

7. Therefore, this awareness is the constant substratum in which all things appear to arise, exist and subside. All living things rely on awareness of their environment to exist and their behaviour is directly affected by this. Thus this awareness exists at a deeper level than body/mind (and matter/energy) and we are this awareness!

8. This does not mean that at a surface level we are not the mind and body, for they arise in, are perceived by and subside back into awareness, which is the deepest and most fundamental level of our being. If we choose to identify with this deepest level – awareness – rather than the surface level - mind/body - then thoughts and sensations are seen for what they truly are – just ephemeral objects which come and go, leaving awareness itself totally unaffected..."

~~~~~

I am also reminded by this that my “preparation” is really about getting back to the basics: awareness, openness, allowing and trusting. Bringing awareness to my experience, with its inherent feelings – and – bringing awareness to the inherent Awareness in which this life-experience is occurring; being open to seeing Life unfolding ItSelf in all of this experience through the viewfinder of Awareness – allowing it all; trusting this innate sense of Beingness that lives here – that lives this Life that is living ItSelf here; and REMEMBERing that That is who “I” am within this whirlwind of thought, feeling, and emotion…

At this point life is a blur, as I am beginning to experience this experience as a “death” of sorts; a death of a way of life, its conditionings and attachments – with the necessary losses, sadness and grief that accompanies that; as well as the anxiety and uncertainty for a life-experience yet to be lived. Yet I know that this “death” that is about to occur is absolutely necessary for the Kindling of Life…

Once again stepping into the unknown…

~*~


For a wonderful piece on “story” read the post at
Grace Is Now

The Sea of Unconsciousness

Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming in the Sea of Unconsciousness. Being so engaged with my sister over the last 6 weeks, after her “accident,” has been an eye-opener you might say. It’s given me a fly-on-the-wall view of the play of the unconscious with its drama, and what happens when we are unwilling to “wake up” and not continue to sleep-walk through life. It has given me a clearer perspective of how we are “victimized” by our unwillingness to “wake up” – “victimized” (I hate this word) by our own unconscious behaviors – and how this sleepwalking keeps us from making the appropriate choices - like acting on our own behalf. Choices that I don’t think we abdicate when we “wake up” and become more conscious of who we really are. We still have to make life choices. And sometimes that requires a “fierce presence” with the way things are – the way things “go down” you might say.

In this Sea of Unconsciousness, where we don’t *recognize* the Inner Being, the True Self, the Knowing Awareness that we are, we allow others and “the system” (whatever system you want to refer to, including the ego-system) to determine our lives, and the outcomes. We pay the consequences of our unconscious behavior – and that of others as well. In this Ocean of Unawareness we ignore the “wake-up calls” – or at least try to sidestep them and return to our comfort zone. I’ve seen my sister do this on a number of occasions – pretending that “the system” will take care of everything and this (experience) will all go away. Then feeling victimized by “the system” when “the system” doesn’t work on her behalf, because it actually requires that she *do* something on her own behalf – like asking pertinent questions, finding out what is required of her, answering important phone calls, returning voice messages, and submitting applications that will help her pay her hospital and doctor bills….

Not acting on one's own behalf creates incredible drama and a victim story that goes something like: this shouldn’t be happening to me and I shouldn’t *have* to deal with this or *do* anything about it because “*he* did this to me!” - not recognizing our own unconscious behaviors that got us into this situation in the first place.

Being present with life as it is seems very different than allowing the unconscious to drive our decisions…

BEING with life as it is – consciously - is different than just “going with the flow” of the drama of life – with the usual maneuvers of avoidance, resistance and denial when life doesn’t flow the way we want and we don’t want to face what we need to face – further perpetuating the unconscious sleep walk – falling back into familiar patterns.

I have always thought that significant emotional events, traumatic events, change people – wake us up. Sometimes this has been my personal experience. But what I’ve also observed is that initially, when one is feeling wounded, traumatized and vulnerable, there seems to be this inner urge to live life differently, to make necessary changes. People seem to soften, become more open and receptive. But over time, as healing happens, as one begins to “recover” from the wounds of trauma – whether physical or emotional, or both - the personality mechanism takes over again and there is a slow sinking back into the Sea of Unconsciousness - the habitual unconscious behavior patterns that have created the drama to begin with.

We were also the” experiencers” (I refuse to use the word “victim”) of others’ unconscious behavior this week. My husband’s car was broken into Sunday night and a lot of his video equipment for his business was stolen. Another wake up call you might say – to become conscious – to be more aware, to not be so careless with what is left exposed in the car - the practical stuff of life; the no-brainer stuff. But also a “wake-up call” for my husband to move through life differently – with more awareness, to pay attention to his direction in life, to what he really values in life, to not leaving himself vulnerable and exposed, to not being taken advantage of, to not letting the unconsciousness of others determine his direction. (All the things I’ve been learning with my sister as well.) The freaky part – they took our garage door opener. They know where we live. That triggered my unconscious stuff about feeling vulnerable, unsafe and needing to be vigilant – which is not a bad thing really, as long as I don’t take it into hyper-vigilance and allow the anxiety to create more drama and trigger the unconscious need to control. (Although I have to admit – my pattern is that when there is a crisis I usually go into control mode.) Both these experiences have certainly given me an opportunity, an invitation really, to practice awareness, to be present and to *live* from a place of Presence - not fear; to not let the unconscious – mine and others - determine how I move through life. And, to act on my own behalf when needed.

In this Sea of Unconsciousness experience I’ve been noticing where I am still sleepwalking through life, where I don’t want to look, to wake up. Through this experience it has become clear that I want to accept the invitation to see those places within myself that want to stay asleep, that want to hide in the shadows of my psyche. I want to accept the challenge to not engage in the drama of the unconscious – mine or others. Not an easy task. There are many undertows and riptides to pull me back in. The gravitational pull of the unconscious is very strong…

But so is this urge to “be fully awake” - to *live* fully awake…

DQ w/ Hot Fudge & Nuts - The Draw of Drama

Well I’m back from the fluidity of the “reality peel” in the sanctuary of Primordial Presence. The re-entry has left me slightly frazzled as the landing was a little harsh. I actually re-entered the dream world last week to yet another family drama. But of course we *live* in the dream world. Duality and Drama happen here. It’s all a story in one form or another. It appears that unconsciousness has run amuck while I was away. That’s the problem with excursions to outer space (or Inner Space actually) the gravitational pull of the unconscious (as Adyashanti calls it) eventually pulls me back into dualistic reality again and again. I am told that the effects of the unconscious gravitational pull become less and less over time, as one gets acclimated to non-dual existence, or at least the dramas, the stories, aren’t supposed to be as magnetic. In this instance it’s the stories of a Drama Queen – a drama that has continued for years and years in my husband’s family, covered with layers of ooey-gooey, densely thick chocolate and driving my husband and I nuts. :) I ponder how one interacts with people who are so deeply unconscious that they don’t even *want* to *see*?

Last week there was a volley of flaming emails between my husband and his sister, dredging up old unconscious issues on both ends, and some new accusations about his supposed lack of understanding, caring, and involvement with what is happening with his mother who has mild Alzheimer's, whom she is caring for… There are always accusations that arise about what “we” have done or are not doing, or the problems that “we” have caused for “them.” Evidently my husband is supposed to have telepathy and just “know” what’s going on, or how difficult it is for his sister, as she decided to withhold all communication more than 6 weeks ago because of some supposed offense that angered her, even though he continually tries to communicate with her about his mother. You’re getting the picture I think. So – in this latest volley all his sister had to do was throw a temper tantrum and her little brother made the 500 mile trip to try to find out what’s really going on and why his sister won’t communicate with him, except for this latest attack. And of course, the unconscious blame game continues as according to DQ, I am to blame for my husband’s *supposed* lack of involvement with his mother and DQ’s family… I am just so tired of hearing this same story after 30 years.

This unconscious activity seems to be very passive-aggressive, and filled with self-importance. It goes silent for long periods of time and then it rears up and spits in your face. So what to do… I will admit I easily get drawn into this drama. My unconscious stuff gets triggered. My own crown from my own reign as DQ is a little tarnished, sitting slightly askew, but - there’s a storyteller still alive inside here. Obviously, I’m writing a story-like blog here! :) As my husband reiterates to me their 6 hour marathon heated discussion, as we talk over the phone in the evening, I try to be supportive without using a dismissive statement like: “I know you can handle it dear” – patting him on the head and sending him off into the fray again. Or, without being reactive or offering explanations about not getting involved in the drama, since that has already happened. Like a good novel, I start to get into it myself and my tarnished crown begins to shine a little. I try to ignore the excitement of the drama, to see from the place of Self/Presence – because I *know* that Self doesn’t get drawn into drama, doesn’t care about the drama, only the dream self, the mind, is attracted to the drama of struggle and emotional pain and hurt feelings, the need for control and blame and all of that… But the spark has been lit with the statement: “Ever since you married Christine you’ve been different with the family.” Translated: I haven’t been able to control and manipulate my little brother ever since you got married – the themes of the dream world. I can feel the reactive response rising within as the dream self buys into the story being told. The dream self *believes* the story and doesn’t like being maligned and wants to defend itself. Caught in the story I can’t even muster any compassion for DQ and her need for constant chaos and addiction to drama & deception. This is such a very old game and I *am* really getting tired of playing it. And maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe that means the draw of drama is losing its pull. Say yeay!

But then there’s this issue about not *feeling* compassion for DQ who is obviously steeped in the unconscious, and who seems to do such a good job at triggering it in both my husband and me. I wish I could ooze compassion from my heart, but it’s not something that’s manufactured from the dream self. How is it that I can feel such deep compassion for an elderly lady in a grocery store – a stranger – and feel *nothing* here…. Once while sitting in meditation, in a deep place of still Presence, I was able to meet her and did feel a sense of compassionate love for her. I could see that there is only Love here. Yet - the drama of the dream continues.

It seems that the key to compassionate living is abiding in Presence, not short excursions, but living *as* Being; stepping back from the drama and resting in pure, awake Awareness. So the challenge for me then is to stay clear, clean and *conscious* - to stay awake. But I’d have to give up all that ooey-gooey sweet, dark unconscious chocolate that is oh so tempting living in the nutty dream world… Decisions, decisions… :) A no-brainer really….

No folks that's not me with the pot on her head, it's i-stock photo :)