Road trip

I went to my sister's home.  My nephew and I share the same birthday, except I am a lot older.

 This is my great niece, Gracie.

 My great nephew, Patrick.  We share the same birthday.

 My sister, Candy, and her son's family.

 My nephew, Chris and their son, Hudson.

 Candy, Hudson and Chris.

 My nephew, Hudson and me.

 Celebrating our birthdays together.

 

We had a great time this weekend.

Our eldest son and his family came to visit.

 My beautiful grand daughter, Ali and my DIL, Cj and me.

 Ali and I making teacakes.

 We are having so much fun together.

 Ali mixing up dumplings

 Ali cooking chicken n dumplings

 My grand daughter, Ali.  I have been teaching her a few things to cook.

Ali by the tree

A look into my life

I am still here and all is well at our home. So far it's been a great summer and I am enjoying all the beauty of our land. My sister is a grand mother the third time.  His name is Hudson and he is beautiful.

 

This is my sister's only child and the proud daddy.

 

They are both happy.

 

 

Hubs and I committed to having a new kitchen.    It is a total gut job.  I will be posting photos when it begins in a few weeks.  I am excited to have a new kitchen.

 

Our oldest son and his family cam for a visit at the end of June.  We enjoyed seeing them. Sorry, no pictures. 

 

We have a wedding in August to attend which will be lovely.  The grand daughter of our special friends is getting married.  Her grand father passed a month ago, so it will be sad, but I know Irv is watching her.

 

Well, that's about it for me.  I hope you are loving this summer weather unless you are getting a horrible heat wave.

Happy Mother's Day

 My mother and daddy.  They were just kids.

 My beloved grandmother.  She was always there for me.

 My grandmother.

My sister, Candy standing, me on the right and momma.

When I was a kid I used to fix my mother breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.  I wanted her to know that I loved her despite her mothering instincts.   It's been twenty years since she passed and I still miss her.  She did have her good times where she appeared to be normal.  I focus on the good memories rather than the bad ones.

I am wishing you all a Happy Mother's Day.

Road trip

I went to see my sister, Candy, and her family last week.  I baked a spiral ham and made a yummy sauce called Jezebel to go with it.  We went to cook dinner at her son's home on Friday.  Two and a half hours we had cooked up a delicious meal of macaroni and cheese, baked sweet potatoes, English peas, fresh broccoli, yeast rolls, fruit cups and strawberry short cake.  The kids were so happy to come home from their teaching jobs to a good meal. Luckily, baseball practice was cancelled due to weather.

My great neice and nephew sang their hearts out and danced to a christian video.  I really enjoyed seeing them recall the songs from last year's VBS.  I took belated birthday gift to Gracie and a upcoming birthday gift to Patrick, since I won't make it back for his birthday in April. 

I am hoping this will be a way to bring her family closer together.  Candy was exhausted from all of the cooking and running around we did.  She hadn't slept much last week, so I am sure she is still sleeping.  It is sad to see how much she struggles with her bi-polar.  Hard to see her like this. 

It was an OK visit. Not the best but not the worst visit either.  She doesn't drive anymore since her wreck last summer.  I try to take her to all of her favorite places while I'm there.  Sometimes it is too much for her.  I am afraid that she will wind up in a nursing home.  Right now she can't keep her home up.  She had the flu about two months ago and has not gotten back to normal yet.

On a brighter note, I stopped to see our youngest son, Hunter.  We had a nice visit.  We went to a local plant place and I bought more plants,  This should just about finish my Spring planting for now.  I found red Crepe Myrtles, a Bradford pear tree, and two beautiful hanging planters.  This place was surely my green heaven.  One green house had nothing but these giant ferns in it.  I was a bit overwhelmed with all of the gorgeous and healthy plants.  Just awesome.

Well that's about all I know.  New day, new week, and time to get to work on my house work.  The weather has been so cold and windy.  I'll be glad when it warms up a bit.

Family time

Our oldest and his family have been here for almost a week.  Our youngest and his girlfriend made it in the day after Christmas. We have had a great time seeing all of them.  Today we are dog sitting while they are visiting family.

I've been decorating trees this week

My sister, Candy, had her teeth pulled this week.  She said she would be fine with out me, but called Tuesday afternoon to see if I could come stay with her per doctor's orders.  I packed my bag and headed her way.  She did really well with her teeth except a lot of swelling.  She looked like a little squirrel with her cheeks full of acorns.  She will have more pulled in a month or so.  Her teeth look very good.

Just the day before, I had gone to Ruston, La. which is almost to where my sister lives.  I took several Christmas trees to Hunter, our youngest son.  I have a smaller tree and don't have room for the biggest tree.  Hunter and I decorated the big tree for the Parrish fire station and the smaller tree went next door to the administration building.  I took him all of his ornaments from childhood.  It filled my truck.  I was happy to finally pass along his stocking as well.  Dish broken.  LOL!

I started hanging Candy's ornaments and before I knew it, I had completed her tree.  She has been in and out of the hospital around five times this year with three of them being in the last couple of months.  Needless to say, she has not felt like unpacking boxes.  Thankfully, I was able to unpack some boxes and put things in their right places.  I emptied her hallway and move stuff to a better place. Moved book case to the guest bedroom.  The guest bedroom is set up.  I hung curtains while standing on a bed and my legs felt like jello.  We ran errands the next day. I drove her nuts because I was determined to get a lot of boxes unpacked.  Sorry sister for never stopping and bugging you about stuff for you to go through.  Living room is cleaned, bar cleaned off, table cleared off, boxes of things for Goodwill, deck cleaned off, washing room cleaned out.  Her home looks very nice.  Only a couple of rooms left to do.  We even did a little walking.  Thank goodness she had pain medicine.

I drove back home yesterday to find out that our oldest son and his family will be here today.  They moved their Christmas up and will be here for a few days.  Needless to say I am excited, but I have to shop for groceries and clean my house and cook.  I am thankful they are coming.  I think Hunter and his girlfriend are coming over for the day.  It will be so grand to have our family together.  I feel so blessed.

Merry Christmas.

Same song, fifth verse

Candy is back in the hospital again.  The wreck not only totaled her car, but totaled her body as well.  She is in a lot of pain from her neck to her back.  She has asked to be back in the geriatic behavior unit.

On a good note...she is not driving.  Her son told her not to drive anymore.  He printed out the police report and showed her.  He gave her a choice of not driving or have the judge pull her liscense. 

As for me, I have taken a break from all of her troubles.  I pray she gets the help she needs.

Nothing surprises me any more

The downward spiral continues with my sister.  Surprise?  She finally had a wreck involving another car.  It was her fault.  She said "I may have fallen asleep." The accident happened at 4:30 in the afternoon.  How do you fall asleep while you are driving?  Thankfully, no one was hurt.  Her car was totaled.  Thankfully, she had insurance and a current driver's license.  Yes, she used to drive with no insurance and an expired license. 

Of course, she didn't tell her us until a day after the wreck.  She still wants to get another car and drive.  I can't believe her!  She has had several mini accidents in which she has wrecked four of her tires, and she can't see over the driver's steering wheel.  Her thinking is shot to pieces.  Her brain must look like Swiss cheese.  One day, she ran out of gas, couldn't fill her tank with a one gallon container of gas because she is too weak, ran out of gas again in the same day.  If this isn't insane, I don't know what is?

She has her priorities in the wrong order.  The day of the accident she was driving in the rain going to Fred's to buy something for her house.  What's it gonna take to convince her not to drive?  I've said all that I can say.  Has she started her out patient therapy?  Of course not.  She has lots of things she needs to do like get the deed to her new home, but has she?  She is not taking her meds as prescribed and not eating right.

She is defiant and stubborn.  At what cost?  I've talked about the possibility of her killing someone in an accident, but it falls on deaf ears.  She continues to be out of control. She did get a ticket and has to go to court.  I pray that the judge sees straight through her.  Take her license...Please? Please?

My sister, Candy

A week ago, my sister was admitted to the hospital.  She was hallucinating.  She stayed in the ER overnight until the doctors could get her a room in a behavioral unit at another hospital.  She is addicted to pain pills and over abuses them.  I don't know how much more her brain and body can take.  It's a wonder she did not die. Still she refuses to go to a nursing home.  She can't cook for herself, she can't take care of herself.  This time her son found her covered in blood from a fall she had taken.  She cut herself. She could not get up off the floor. She was like a zombie.

After talking with her today, she seems much better.  Her psychiatrist stopped her old pain meds and put her on a stronger one.  He stopped her depacote and started her on a mood stabilizer.  She sounded clear headed.  It's hard to believe in her again.  I am doubtful she will stay clean. But I do encourage her to make changes.  It's the same song, but a different verse. I have seen this new start over and over.  In fact, I can predict what will happen next.   It's like a very broken record.

Folks we are weary from all that has happened.  Her son is fed up with her excuses and drama.  I just pray she does the work on herself for real this time.  She won't own her addiction.  Only she can help herself.  I can't wish it for her.  This time something is different in me.  I felt at peace just knowing that she was safe in the hospital.  For this time, I am not worrying about her.  It feels good not to worry.  It sounds hard, but I don't feel sorry for her.  She did all of this.  She blames everyone but herself.  Until she accepts her addiction, I doubt she will ever recovery.

I ask her son if he could deal with this for another twenty years?  She will probably out live all of us.
I think he should put her in a nursing home where she will be administered her meds, eating properly, getting exercise and interacting with others.

As for me, I'm on day twelve of  these antibiotics and they have made me so sick. If I can last two more days, I will be through.  Thank goodness my diverticulitis is better.  I am weak and feel like I have fever.  If an effort to feel better, I started painting my kitchen again. It takes forever to cover red walls.  I will do a little bit each day until it is finished and get a little exercise by going up and down the ladder and squatting to paint the base boards.  I feel like if I stop being active, I will loose ground.  I'm sure next week will be better. On a good note, it was great to watch football again.

Letting go of the stress is easier said than done, but after this week... it's looking better and better.

I've been reluctant to post much as of late because I figure if I am this sick of hearing all about my sister's problems, then you may be too.  I have to say things have changed some for Candy. I am excited to say that she has sold her home to a man that flips homes.  It is awesome to report good news for a change. She thought she found a place near her son's home, but that didn't work out. 

Through the years, I kept telling Candy that her ship would come in someday.  Her reply was "It will probably be rotten".  Just have to keep a lot of faith. I think she believes it now.  The next step is to get her into a home near her son and his wife.  Her health is doing better. She signed up for her Medicare part D and has her prescriptions covered.  Someone wants to buy her antiques, which will help her even more since a new place will not have enough room for most of her things.  Thank you to all that kept us in your prayers.  You will never know how much it was appreciated. 

After my last post about Candy's problems, I really needed to take a break from them.  Of course, my kind of break and a real break are nothing alike. Looks like Hubs will retire earlier than he thought.   He wanted to work until he was seventy, but the company offered a severance package and he decided to accept it.  He is sixty-four years old.  A little tiny bit of information... our local pharmacy fills our prescriptions for a lot less than our insurance company.  Why am I only finding this out now?

Hubs has been drilling a water well for our garden and our yard.  I like that he always has some sort of project going on.  It's not necessarily any of my projects right now.  I'm thinking about painting the inside of our home.  It's not something I relish, but I do know how to paint.  Maybe in the fall.

I had a nuclear stress test this morning.  I kept thinking I might be having a heart attack, so after an inconclusive visit to the E.R., my family doctor scheduled me for a visit to a heart doctor.  I am proof positive that stress will sucker punch me in my gut every time.   Oops... they forgot to tell me more about this test...like the part where if you are claustrophobic...then you might want to have a sedative for the next step.  There are just things that people forget to tell you.  I survived only to get sick when I got home.  Probably from not eating during the long period of testing time.  Diabetes does not like to be ignored. 

So there you have it.  Even with all of this happening, I am so very blessed even in difficult times. 

What a week!

I picked up my sister on Monday.  She is having trouble staying awake in the car.  She has recently started sleep talking.  I don't really know what to call it, but she naps and talks at the same time.  She really thinks these thoughts are true. It's sorta creepy.  I have learned to turn the music up so I don't have to listen to her mumbling talk.  It is hard to carry on a conversation with her when she drifts in and out of sleep.

She is very confused.  Someone called her from the hospital and she thought they moved her cardiology appointment to the next day.  You can see where this is going.  We went to the hospital the next day to cardiology and of course there was no appointment. She does this sort of thing a lot.  Instead...we went to lunch and had a nice time out.  That day, I bought her a three ring binder and clear page protectors and organized her many bags of papers.  I  hope this will help her to stay on top of things.

That night she did her clean out for her endoscopy and colonscopy.  She acted strange.  She made no sense at all.  I stayed up with her as late as I could to make sure she didn't eat anything.  I went to sleep about three only to have her knock on our bedroom door.  She was looking for her ex-husband. The next knock she needed her medicine. Three more knocks before the night was over.  Same kind of weird things she needed.  At one point, she wanted her other sister, Pam.  I said "I'm right here". She repeated the same thing "I want my other sister, Pam".  It was a long night.

I ask her if I could look at her medicines.  I felt like she did not need to self medicate, so she gave me her meds.  Her meds were a mess.  Some loose in the ziplock bag and some missing lids.  I organized her meds.  As I started counting her meds, I found out that she had taken nearly all of her pain meds and her muscle relaxant.  She filled these less than ten days ago.  It's a wonder she did not die from all of those meds.  I called her son and confirmed what we had thought.  Either she didn't know that she was overdosing or she did know.  It doesn't matter because from now on she will have one of us give her medicine to her.   All the while...she didn't remember anything.

The next day we showed up at 8:30 for her tests.  They didn't get to her until 3:00 pm.  They forgot about her.  How I don't know because there were about six or seven people on gurneys in the hall way. I went to get lunch at noon only to find out that they needed me to sign her release because she didn't understand the side effects and risks of the procedures.  I think someone got their wires crossed.  I had to cancel her cardiology appointment.  Her results were that she has Barret's esophagus which they did a culture of.  We made it home and she went to sleep.

Thursday, she woke up almost her old self.  What a difference. Back we go to the hospital to try to get her meds.  Just when I thought all hope was gone.  It wasn't a waste of time because we were able to get to see a doctor about her meds.  Thankfully, this doctor listened to what I said about her behaviour and all of her falls.  Now she has fallen about ten times.  He said the next time she fell to go to the ER and get her head ex-rayed.  He was adament about her this.

The doctor said she should not live alone.  Of course we know that but I think it really sunk in to Candy,,,finally.  Thank you, Lord.  I know it must be hard to relinquish your control to another person.  It is for the best.  She has agreed to let her son have power of attorney and a durable power of attorney in case she can not make her own medical decisions.

I think she is coming around to all of the new decisions she is facing.  While she was here for the week, her DIL started cleaning and pitching things at her home.  Candy was good with all that she had done.  We went to lunch at our favorite seafood place, The Mohawk and ate a delicious lunch of shrimp.  This place is as good as it was forty years ago when we were in college.  Brings back some nice memories of Hubs and me dating years ago.

Saturday, I take her to her son's house, talk with them about her needs and give her son her meds. I give her DIL a list of things that must be handled immediately.  DIL is the one that gets it done.  I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that she is in good hands.   I visit a minute with my great niece and nephew, give them all hugs and I leave.  That night, Candy had a sleep study.  Her son will drive her and pick her up.  It is Sunday morning and I haven't heard from her yet.  So I wait, something I have become good at.  Got to go now.

Summertime

Just be still while I try to take your picture.

Nope their not having any of it.   

They are going into the water to get away from me. 

Thankfully, it has not been as hot as last summer.  I ran the weedeater this morning, watered the plants and took a few pictures of the yard.  I am sad to report that we lost all of our chickens to some critter that killed one or two at a time, eventually getting into the coup and killing the last two chickens.  It was very sad to have the chickens go that way.  We are down to two ducks.  We started lighting the pond at night and I guess that kept whatever ate the chickens away from the ducks.  Ducks and chickens are sometimes stubborn.

This is why the water is not staying in our pond.  Hubs and our neighbor, Mike dragged it out of the pond yesterday.  If you attach the next picture to this one, you'll see how big the tree was.

Just enough water for the ducks to swim
Barely.

Bruno is sitting right beside my computer as I type this.  In fact, Hot Dog, Stinky and Bruno follow me around the house.  The only one that doesn't always want to be with me is Baby, our Siamese cat.  She's independant like only a Siamese could be.  They're with me when I drink my coffee at the computer, when I eat breakfast, when I go to the bathroom, when I exercise, even when I go outside.  I guess it's nice to be needed.

Can you tell how much I love sunflowers?  They have to be one of my favorite summer flowers. 

And the bumble bees love them too.

My sister, Candy, has fallen three times with the last fall being in the tub.  She hit the back of her head on the tub.  Luckily, she did not bust her head wide open.  Her son came and took her to his home for ten days or so.  It wasn't easy, but she did get better.  So home she went only to go down again.  She doesn't take care of herself when she lives alone.  I don't know what is going to happen to her. Her son says she will have to go into a nursing home or something like that. We both agree that she can't stay home alone.  She doesn't need to drive either because the last time she drove at night she ran off the side of the road and busted two tires and the rims. Even Candy agrees that she doesn't need to drive at night. 

Her son and I are trying to figure out why she goes from totally confused at times to attentative.  It is confusing to never know what she will be like.  He thinks she is taking too much medicine.  We wonder if she might not remember when she took it, and maybe she takes it again.  I have to remember that she is an addict.  She is a recovering alcholic. And has a hard time with anything.  She seems to go overboard in all situations.  You know...if one is good then two will be better.  She has grandeous ideas.  That is the bi-polar talking.  She can be deceptive as well.  Of course all of this makes sense to her. 

I'm thinking that if she is in a nursing home or even an assitted living, then she can't over dose herself with her medications, especially, her pain meds.  She reminds me so much of how our mother acted.  Our mother did eventually get better later in life.  I just wish Candy would get better.

I am trying not to worry so much about her.  No one has talked with her in a couple of days.  She is not answering her phone, so I called her DIL to see if they had heard from her.  They went last night and picked her up to come and spend the night with them. 

Last week, Candy ask me if I would come and get her, then take her to her doctor's appointment.  She usually drives herself from her home to my home and then I drive her to her doctor.  I'm glad she is not going to drive.  It is about a two hour drive.  I'm going tomorrow to pick her up.  We'll stop and see our youngest son, Hunter, and go to lunch with him.  It's about half way and a good place to stop for Candy.

I'm thinking of flying to see our oldest son and his family.  I haven't seen their new home.  My granddaughter's birthday is at the end of the month.  Hopefully, I can figure out when's the best time to go.  Next week, Hubs is having some heart test run on him.  He has been having a flutter and feeling light headed.  I'm sure he will be fine.  He just needs to loose weight.

Speaking of weight, I am ready for my next weight challenge.  I want to loose 28 pounds before Nov.  Surely, I can loose 7 pounds a month?  I calculated the amount of time I must exercise everyday and how much I must reduce my caloric intake to figure the weight loss.  I'm giving myself a little extra time because I seem to loose then gain weekly.  I figure it is mostly exercise.  At any rate, I should loose two pounds a week.  So wish me luck. 

My sister, Candy

What do you do when someone always disappoints you?  My sister has been given so many chances in her life to start over.  She seems to have nine lives like a cat and right now she has used up about six of those lives.  My latest sadness is that she started smoking again.  I know how hard it is to stop as I once was a smoker, but I did quit on my own.  She know how bad it is for her health.  She had two heart attacks last December and on New year's day of this year.  I just don't get it.  There is nothing I want more for her than to be well.  I can't want it for her.  I know she has to desire it for herself. 

How many times can I keep helping her?  You have no idea how much we have helped her.  Honestly, it is hard to keep helping her when she doesn't respond to the help.  I hate to say it but I don't think she will ever get better, and that makes me very sad.  I kind of feel used up.  I know a lot of it has to do with her bi-polar illness.  I am praying that her current meds help her.  So far not so good.

Two weeks ago, we went to the hospital for her appointment with her Psychiatrist.  Candy has already missed an appointment previously.  She left her paper work at her house.  She was sure it was on the seventeenth.  It was instead on the previous day. The doctor could not work her in and the receptionist told her to go to the ER to get her medicine refilled. This was not a good decision.  The ER doctor told her if she wanted her medicine for her bi-polar that she would have to admit to the psyche ward for 72 hours.  She was admitted to the third floor first and later moved to the tenth floor.  The new medicine kept her from sleeping for the whole month, so she was pretty confused. No wonder, they thought she needed to be admitted.  I could not find where she was in the hospital for twenty-four hours.  When I left the hospital that night she was still in the ER. Of course they take her cell phone and wallet. She is not doing well. I can only talk with her on the patient phone.  Too many people for one phone.  No one knows her, one man hung up on me, another kept asking me who I was calling for, but then he never went to get her to the phone.  I called about twenty times that day.  All I would get was a busy signal or some strange patient.  You can see why I'm frustrated.

By the time the fourth night came, Candy was feeling very sick. She thought she was having another heart attack.  The nurses won't do anything but take her blood pressure.  They think she is making this up?  I won't go into the atrocious behavior of the tenth floor, but I will say this.  They could not find her heart rate or blood pressure.  Several people tried until they called in a crash team from the medical ICU.  Once again, she was moved to another floor.  She was passing blood and they started giving her blood.  She  received three units.  They still don't know what is wrong with her.  I find out what floor she is on and go to see her.  By the time I get there, she is moved again to another floor for an endoscopy.  I waited in the waiting room for procedures, but no one ever comes out to tell me what is wrong with her. 

It is not until the next day that she sees a doctor.  I guess life saving is more important than communication with the family.  Honestly, no one would commit to saying anything about her. It is a great teaching hospital, but this was one very bad stay for her.  Turns out she has multiple ulcers from taking Alieve and aspirin for her pain.  Sister was released a week later from the hospital.  She spent a week with me and left today to go back to her home.

Many of you know that our mother had a mental illness.  She was never diagnosed, but I am pretty sure she was bi-polar.  So much of my childhood involved many trips to the ER and to the tenth floor.  Moma spent time in several mental hospitals over the years.  All of this with my sister has really brought back some horrible memories.  Please forgive me, but I can't talk about this any more.  So I will close for now.  Just continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

A view into my life.

It's been a while since I last posted.  I thought I would update my post today by saying that I am finally over being sick with these allergies.  I went to the allergy doctor, he tested me and changed my medicines.  I'm not allergic to much except house dust, two types of dust mites, a mold, which I can't pronounce and a lot of trees that we happen to have on our land.  With that being said, he thinks my allergies come from one of two sources.  One, being from a medicine that can make you cough and the other being acid reflux.  I found out that I was on half the dosage for my reflux.  Go figure.

Since my last post, we are down two ducks.  Stubborn ducks refused to put up on those two nights.  Gone in sixty seconds.  No signs of them anywhere. The last two ducks remain together at all times.  The other day, Hubs comes inside and said "We are out of the duck business."   He looked every where for them.  Later, that day, I said lets go down to the pond and let me look for them.  Well, you know those two ducks were there.  I had to giggle with joy to see them alive and swimming on the pond.  Seems Hubs  can't find the ducks just like he can't find his eye glasses.  Giggle...snort...tee hee!

Things are going too well for my sister, Candy.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  She is in the hospital right now.  More later.

My sissy, Candy

This is a photo of Candy and me. I'm the short one and Candy is the taller one. I remember this like it was yesterday.

I'm excited to see the transformation in my sister, Candy. Life is pulling together for her. I am really proud of her for all the effort she is making. She finally got an appointment with a Psychiatrist. I've told you that she was recently been diagnosed as bi-polar. She is not stable, so her moods change often. I can't imagine feeling that way and not being able to change it. I am hopeful that her new doctor will know just what to do for her.

In the meantime, she is going to a therapist and making great strides learning all about her illness and how to manage it. She is opening up more and more everyday to others. Learning how to let go of the past and move on towards her future. It is such a joy to see the changes in her.

We haven't always liked each other. She wanted to be an only child and did not want a baby sister. She has pretty much lived her life as an only child. And all I ever wanted was to be loved by her. Seems we are both healing from our past. It has been nothing short of a miracle for us to be given this opportunity to get to know one another. I am seeing how much alike we are than I thought. We are both scared of rejection and fear of not being accepted for who we are. I can finally say that as of late, I have had an inner peace and a calmness that I have never experienced before. So this must be what feeling normal is like. My normal at least, what ever that may be.

I am feeling healed and I am seeing life a lot different than I did. Things are just working together for the good of me. I am grateful, so very grateful, indeed. My weight is finally on the move to a smaller size. I have lost four dress sizes and 45 pounds. I still have a ways to go, but I am confident that I can loose my weight. Eating has come full circle. Gone are most of my insane cravings. I don't want to eat anything that will cause me to slide. Exercise is going great. I am seeing some results from all of my hard work outs. I'm pumped.

I am going to her house to help her organize in a few weeks. Sissy was shocked since I said I would never help her again after the last time. I am back on my game as far as keeping my life organized, and I can't wait for the next challenge. Is this crazy or what?

Sister...

Sorry about publishing this without the post.

This week, I took Candy back to the doctor for her one month post check up. I ask the doctor a few questions and also busted her.

Candy is now at day 54 of no smoking. The doctor applauds her.

Coyly... she ask if she can exercise and the doc says you should have been walking for 30 to 50 minutes a day, five days a week. Really?

Duh...I've been telling her that for a month. It's in her post surgery notes from her doctor. Candy acts so surprised. It is just so hard to get her up and going in the morning, in the day time and at night.

You know she is a Gemini and I am learning some truths about her. Here are some of her excuses.

Candy, does the doctor want you to stop diet drinks? "It's OK." The doctor says "No."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay in bed all day? "But, I don't feel good."
Candy, does the doctor want you to eat a heart healthy diet? "Well...I suppose."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay up all night? "I can't help that I don't sleep"

I ask the doctor to get her a dietitian to help her with her food and portion sizes. He orders it. Driving home... I told her no more waiting on her. If she really needed it I would still help her because that is who I am.

I know I have had excuses in the past, and I know we all have done the same thing. But I hope she does take this time to better herself and not fall into her old patterns of helplessness.

Tomorrow, I am driving her home for a few days so she can attend her granddaughter's birthday.
I know that will inspire her. Yeah! I get a few days to myself. Believe me I need it. We been running through different scenarios and how she should respond to them in regards to her DIL.
I hope the DIL behaves.

I realize there are givers and takers in this World... even with sisters. I am going with her to her therapist tomorrow. Should I speak up or keep my big mouth shut? As frustrated as I am I don't want to hurt her in any way. I've been so outspoken. She reminds me of our mother. I wonder how we both came from the same mother. All I can say...is...that it is what it is...and I'm OK with it.

I'm still here and I'm venting...

We are going on forty-three days taking care of Candy. It has been a challenge. Sometimes this feels like a life sentence and I don't like myself for being so selfish. I honestly don't see an end to this. She can't remember what day of the week it is or conversations we have already had. She can't take care of herself. She has lots of accidents and spills things on my furniture and carpet. Four times, I have ask her not to take cran-grape juice to her bedroom and four times she has spilled it on the carpet and the bed.

She is in a lot of pain from her back. She moans and groans so much that I am about to loose it. I finally told her that making all that noise doesn't help her feel any better. Is she the only one in pain? I think not, but I don't complain about my pain.

We've lost all privacy. No more quite times in our home. Constant chattering. She talks incessantly to us, our cats, the dog and her cat. While I feel like she is the selfish one and not me, I'm sure I am the selfish one. My patience is limited. I am stuck in a place that I don't like to be and I see no end in sight. I am constantly apologizing for my bad behavior. I don't want to be this person, but sadly I am. We (Hubs and I ) live a solitary life without much drama or chaos. I know I'm going to miss this when she is gone?

The plans for her future are long and drawn out. She is a hoarder. In the last twenty years, I have helped her purge and clean her home so many times that I can't even remember. I'm just the opposite. Clutter makes me crazy. One of the differences Candy pointed out between us. According to her, I am OCD and super organized, while she says she is a free spirit and unorganized. There may be some truth to this. Sadly, I know this will take months for us to clean up her home. I am dreading it.

She acts like a four old with no breakers on her impulsiveness. If she wants it she gets it. She tells me that she is a grown woman, and I tell her to act like it then. I feel that her life style has put her in this situation. How's that working for you, sis? Sadly, I'm afraid that she will not make the changes she needs to make. Only time will tell.

I am sure that I drive her crazy as well. I am thankful I'm able to care for her, but inside I am feeling some resentment. Good grief! Why am I acting this way? Her comments painfully remind me of our childhood. I feel that she thinks she is superior to me. I feel that I have out grown her shadow. She is trying to put me back in that shadow. Folks...I'm not going back there. Do older sisters do that to the younger sister?

Sister has other problems and I feel small for complaing. We go to the doctor Feb. 1st. I hope to get some answers to my questions. So many things I don't understand about her bi-polar illness. What is causing the memory loss? I wonder if that has a lot to do with it? Well...there I've finished my rant. I hope today will be better. Please excuse me today as I have had it.

I'm still here..

Just a note to say hi and to let you know that I am still here. It has been over a month now that Candy had her heart attack and her first stent. Two weeks since her second stent and getting out of the hospital. I'm not sure what she should be able to do as far as exercise or physical activity.

Yesterday, we went to Michael's and Target. She slowly walked behind her cart. I can't get her to do any exercise at home so the next best thing is to go shopping. I curled her hair, she put on make up, and looked very nice. I know that made her feel better. I told her that if she became tired I would take her back to my home. We had a good time.

I think she over did it, but today she can rest. Most heart attacks patients are up and doing physical therapy immediately. I am worried because she is tired and stays in bed a lot. To give her a change, we are making wreaths right now. Everyday I try to let her do a little more on her on. I am worried about her memory because she can't remember anything. She keeps forgetting where she has placed her phone and medicines.

Any advice from you would be helpful. Candy returns to the doctor Feb. 1st. for her check up. I have a list of questions to ask. I thought we had everything lined out before her last visit to the doctor. I think she is so afraid she will have another attack. Her fear maybe what is holding her back. Please keep her in your prayers and send good thoughts her way.

Candy

New Year's, Day early in the am,we called an ambulance for my sister and we spent the next 6 1/2 hours in the E.R. She was admitted that afternoon after a room was available. The doctors did another stent on her the next day and she went home the day after. Technology is amazing.

She looks and feels great. She has to rest for the next four days and then little by little get to moving. I was stressed out completely. I have another sinus infection. Now I know why I felt so bad.

I can't thank God enough for saving her life and of course those amazing doctors.
Maybe my life will settle down for a while.