Nuts To You

Midlife is really all aboot having medical procedures and avoiding episodes.

Apparently once you turn 55 the medical profession cannot wait to reel you in and try out every machine that goes 'ping!'. 

During the last few months I've had a heart catheterization-coronary angiogram, a lovely 12 dart prostate biopsy, and a dreamy drug addled colonoscopy for good measure.

Since I went to such great lengths to overshare and document my vaswrecktomization-neutering here, today I am about to enjoy my first scrotal ultrasound, which would make a great name for a new wave-grunge band. 

I am hopeful that it will not be a squishy ball-busting affair like a mammogram...and let's hope that I get an invisible resonance imaging technician  with warm hands to gently guide me through this next awkward episode.

Seriously?

POST POSTING: Well the experience turned out quite different than I had imagined.  As Fate would have it, my technician was a very attractive woman who led me in to a dimly lit room and then proceeded to cover my "swimsuit area" with warm soothing lotion, and then she gently rolled a soft scanner over and over and over my boys.

As you can imagine I was quite concerned about..popping a you know..

...however I was concentrating so hard on disassociating through mindless banter, that I inadvertently set what is probably a new  Commonwealth record for turtling shrinkage!

Dammit I should make another appointment to restore my manly manlihood.  Nothing my imagination, a few Viagra and a pump couldn't restore..... SCHWING!

Rattling The Swill Bucket

"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket"
George Orwell

We male homo escapeons might try to distance ourselves from the primordial impulses which control our wenis and influence 99.99% of our behaviour...but we can't....not really.

Like it or not Ladies, we men can blame the brain. Yes our ridiculous sex drive is mercilessly dictated by the three-pound lump of jello lodged between our ears. The thick skull houses the 200,000 year-old monkey-brain which helped our species escape a period of drastic climate change that ravaged our once edenic& verdant bithplace, the African Savannah.

Fast forward to the present day age of incomprehensible miracles such as the world wide interwebs, mapping the human genome, and Hollywood suits green-lighting re-makes of 70s & 80s movies that nobody really liked the first time around...
and here we are..
still slaves to our apeman cravings.


I present as evidence of our anthro-psychological mindcuffs exhibit A: a simple car commercial.
Perhaps you've seen it?
How I love the catchy song Tightrope by Janelle Monae
you can listen to her video for the song here>
 *  
Mm-mm-MM!

and now here is the car commercial >!



Listen to all the benefits of owning this vehicle...
interspersed with the now ubiquitous jumpcut imaging of young people on the cusp of having it all. WOW!
But wait?

There is one shot 40 seconds in that every wenis owner from 12 to 90 remembers..
BAM...
it's only on for a single second...
and it has nothing to do with driving the car.

It's this cute girl in repose enjoying a carefree moment at the beach..

Actually most guys don't even notice that there is a Dude sitting behind her?
I didn't.

Now we all know that male humans crave a mindnumbingly low standard of needs, wants and desires... and therefore sex sells. 
I suppose that as a former TV spot writer/producer I may scrutinize Ads a smidge more than most folks, but most of the comments about this spot are asking about that girl. 

Perhaps the male sex drive is the achilles' heel..it is regularly used to destroy Kings, capture Spies and snag the tall good-looking guy down the street with the great job that's married to what's-her-face?.

We "Y" chromers and our seemingly endless supply of fertilizer..enough to effortlessly impregnate bajillions of females and re-populate our own planets...we're all virtually powerless to deflect either subliminal or blatant sexual messages.

It's not fair...ladies you should point fingers at the evil advertising wizards who are manipulating  our evolutionary monkey-see, monkey want-to-do brain!

This might be the greatest car in the world, but 99% of the hetero men will remember this one second flash of this cute girl in the Ad, and maybe even the name of the vehicle.

If Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket, this Orwellian pronouncement works on so many levels.
Rattling the stick indeed!

IT's A DONG SHOW!
Tomorrow, July 1st, is Canada Day.
*Loon calling in the distance

Last year I celebrated Kinada Day by talking about my visit to the Austraileeyer exhibit and so this year I'm going to rave about Japan!

Why? Why not? It's not just because Canada is of little interest to outsiders it's mainly because a friend sent me an email about Hōnen Matsuri with all these great pictures attached.



March 15 is the date upon which the festival of Honen Matsuri (Boner Day) is celebrated in Komaki, Japan.

This is the time of year when ordinary folks can swig on all-you-can-drink sake and release their inner Dongzilla!

Why? Did I mention Free all-you-can-drink Sake?




Plus it's an excuse for old farts to ingest Viagra like candy and celebrate fertility, renewal, a good harvest, yada yada yada, but mostly get hammered on all-you-can-drink sake and parade around with giant boners!



For one day everyone can enjoy having, sharing, worshipping, and receiving, Happiness from your their Japenis.

Do any of you remember the 80s tune Turning Japanese by the Vapors?

I'm turning Japanese

I think I'm turning Japanese

I really think so

(duh-nuh nuh-nuh nuh nuh nuh)

I'll bet that the local bands fueled by all-you-can-drink sake tweak the lyrics a bit..

Honen Matsuri

I am loving my Japenis

I really think so!

(dun-nuh nuh-nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh)

A PANISCEA

There seems to still be some confusion about the difference between Panis and Penis.

When most men brag about 'avin' a hewj panis they aren't lying.

This is a panis...

and this my friends is a "killer" penis.



I hope this helps.

MOVING THE PRIME MOVER

I am an apologetic, born again-Agnostic..sorry, but if I am being totally honest with myself, then I must confess that I don't know or understand much about GOD.

Unfortunately we Humans have no real way of proving or disproving the existance of GOD but that hasn't stopped many of us from trying to slaughter naysayers and the proverbial others who hold contradictory views about GOD...
many of whom would merrily reduce the world to cinders in order to prove their point!

On the other hand, we do have atleast 5,000 years of historical evidence that would strongly suggest that the CREATOR is either too distracted or disinterested in nurturing and improving upon his so-called prized invention, the masterpiece of molecular biology that we call Humans.

I have a few issues to contend with that would help resolve this matter.

First and foremost is the fact that vertebrates are formed as female, ergo males are literally mutations, and it would therefore stand to reason that GOD is a chick and not some dude.

This revelation helps to explain why our world is in constant f*cking turmoil in lieu of just having a few irritable days every month.

The natural order of things is out of alignment because males have taken over the helm through sheer brute force and usurped the role of women as the administrators of Life Inc.

Think about that for a moment...how different would the world be if women had not been forced (under duress) to acquiesce to all of the male oriented bullsh*t?

Secondly, a quick glance at the developing trend in the geo-political pissing match between the two reigning ideologies, strongly suggests that the extremist factions of both groups who somehow always seem to cajole or bully the moderates, are hellbent on dragging the rest of the world into an inevitable showdown. A winner take all, no-holds-barred, zero-sum-gain, cagematch.

Which, as you can well imagine, really pisses me off.

You could argue until the sacred cows come home that cooler heads will eventually prevail.... but these are male heads that we are talking about, and they weren't designed during our arduous, evolutionary, journey to tackle the intricacies of interpersonal communication and cooperative living.

Nope.

Male brains have essentially evolved to feed, fabricate fibs, fight, and fornicate...and not necessarily in that order. That being said, many of us modern mentrosexuals have managed to scramble our genetic code, curb our natural proclivity towards fighting and killing the other Humans burdoned with a wenis.

Now we can concentrate on feeding, fabricating fibs, and fornicating...but again, not necessarily in that order.

The recent US Presidential Inauguration was nice because Obama graciously acknowledged, prolly for the first time in history, that non-believers are people too. Why there is still so much GOD BLESS AMERICA in a supposedly plural neutral political function is beyond me. Apparently a lot of Americans still believe that the CREATOR chose America as his favorite place on Earth..ever!

Which would make about as much sense as HIS deciding to finally show up over one hundred thousand years after we were fully Human, and then chooses a small group of desert wandering nomads in the middle of f*cking nowhere to announce his existance to the rest of the world..where 95% of the other Humans lived.

HUH?

HE then displays some disturbingly egocentric, adolescent, behaviour, and demands unconditional adherence to his Laws. These weren't Ten Suggestions. Now wait a minute, I'm not just singling out the Judeo-Christian format because there is plenty of blame to go around. There are lots of different versions of GOD but that is the one that was thrust upon my developing brain.

Assuming that Homo Escapeons were fully modern over 150,000 years ago, why would GOD wait until the Fifth Century BCE or the First, Seventh, Eighteenth Century or the 1950s for that matter, to show up to start cleaning up his mess?

You tell me..What was wrong with all of the Human lives that had lived for tens of thousands of years before GOD dropped in? What about their prayers? No wonder we invented all of these GODS. How else could we explain the mindnumbing unpredicatblility of Life than to invent corresponding fickle deities?

Why didn't any of those pre-GOD people matter?

WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?


What better way to start off the week than to traipse into a landmine laced discussion concerning the perpetuity of War in our World.

It seems the when we are oppressed by the knowledge of our worthlessness we do not see ourselves as lower than some and higher than others, but as lower than the lowest of mankind. We hate then the whole world and we would pour our wrath upon the whole of Creation.

The Americans are poor haters in International affairs because of their innate feeling of superiority over all foreigners. An American's hatred for a fellow American is far more virulent than any antipathy he can work up against foreigners.

A sublime religion inevitably generates a strong feeling of guilt. There is an unavoidable contrast between loftiness of profession and imperfection of practice. And, as one would expect, the feeling of guilt promotes hatred and brazeness. Thus it seems the the more sublime the faith the more virulent the hatred it breeds.

We do not usually look for allies when we love. indeed, we often look on those with us as rivals and trespassers. But we always look for allies when we hate.

Erich Hoffer, THE TRUE BELIEVER

Modern warfare is as much of a Public Relations battle as it is about actual combat.

The ongoing they said/we said campaign being waged in Gaza is a perfect example...both sides immediately launched a media blitz to justify their actions and secure allies. 


The usual litany of atrocities and grievances are being waged electronically in the hope of gaining the moral high ground..which is appaling and ludicrous when you consider that civilians, especially children, (collateral damage) are paying with their lives.

Unfortunately modern warfare is the direct result of technological developments far outpacing the glorious tradition of hurling thousands of expendable menions as canon fodder.

Once upon a time a King simply forced the great unwashed (those in possesion of a penis) to drop their plows, say goodbye to their families, and run headlong into an avalanche of oncoming arrows..

otherwise he himself would have them executed...

and you're right, that method still works like a charm.

In order to stiffen the resolve of their lemmings, psychological techniques were developed that would invoke the ubiquitous GOD is on OUR side message and therefore there is no way that WE can lose.

Good News for Modern Man!

Throughout History technology began to improve our ability to kill THEM from greater distances. WE no doubt started out throwing rocks and pointy sticks at each other out on the African Savannah.

Once WE ran out of sticks and rocks it was down to biting and blows...and it stayed this way throughout most of our brief tenure.

Wars all started out over territorial disputes associated with big egos trying to gain access to fresh water, food, and mates. Our closest living relatives, the Chimpanzees, have been killing each other like this for millions of years.

Eventually our bigger brains afforded us the creation of inventions that made killing others easier..Go US!

The deadly power of the Longbow enabled a shivering, starving, serf dressed in rags, the opportunity to take out a technologically advanced, armour plated, well-fed and trained Knight perched atop his charging steed, from a safe distance.

Of course there has always been an endless parade of murderous machinery; trebuchet, flame throwers, guns that can shoot around corners.

Many of the newest inventions, like biological nerve agents, seem too terrifying to even contemplate.

Let us not forget the psychological implications of dressing up soldiers in costumes to transform individuals into an army. Not so long ago the tall foreheads in the Departments of War made it easy for their enemies to pick off soldiers by dressing them up in brightly coloured tunics adorned with shiny objects and glistening braids that made perfect targets for enemy combatants.

Which explains why these uniforms are now only used for parades and ceremonies.

Today modern technology enables combatants to lob outrageously powerful satellite guided missiles to within ten feet of a globally postioned target, from thousands of miles away...this makes it easier to acknowledge collateral damage as just an image on a screen...like playing a video game.

Removing expensively equipped, maintained, and trained soldiers out of the equation would seem to be the logical endgame but boots on the ground are still at the core of War.

In order to outmanoeuvre the technological advantages, modern opponents with limited resources have fiendishly chosen to hide amongst the collateral damage. Why stand out in the open in fancy outfits and get vaporised? The real horror is that they use their own women and children as hostages. The cowardly ends, however clever, does not justify the means.

Like many North Americans who grew up during the Cold War, WE were told that assured mutual destruction of the Superpowers would end the days of tactical warfare and that THEM, the rest of the world, would need to suck it up and quit fighting.

In light of the circumstances it is bewildering to US that THEY refuse to comply and simply abandon Millenia of tradition and end their petty squabbling, fall in line, and just shut the f*ck up.

Turns out that THEY didn't get that memo. Honestly!

You cannot possibly imagine how terribly disappointed WE are in THEM.

GAY GENES?

I read an article by Robert Kunzig (Psychology Today) which examines why Evolution hasn't found a way to eradicate homosexuality...

if you think about it, from a purely evolutionary standpoint, Homosexuality doesn't make much sense, because the sole purpose of a species is to pass on their genes.

Before I begin I should prolly state for the record that I am not a homophobe. DUH!

Like many of you I have gay friends and relatives. Despite my blog title I am by nature a raging hetero (HOMO is latin for man) and I believe that being Gay can mean that you are happy or Homosexual or both.

There are charming and tedious Gays just like everyone else and I am supportive of every initiative for Gay people to have children, get married, get divorced, and have the same f*cking problems as everyone else.

To me it is not a huge religious issue or a trendy bandwagon cause, just a fact of life.

Whatever.

After Millenia of experiencing varying levels of acceptance or intolerance by Cultures since the dawn of Civilization, by the twentieth Century, Homosexuality in the Western World was eventually labelled a 'curable' psychological defect by organizations like the AMA...

it was considered nothing more than a state of arrested development caused by a child's exposure to a distant father and/or overbearing mother...

which most of us by now realise isn't true...

no thanks to the Cocaine fueled ramblings of Freud.

So then why, despite the aforementioned evolutionary imperitive for species to reproduce,

are 4% (2-6% is the best scientificky estimate) of Human males, born gay?

According to this article 'IT' isn't purely genetic because in pairs of identical twins it is possible for only one child to be gay...current scientific research suggests that a mutation in more than one gene is responsible.

These Gay Genes are thought to interfere with the masculinization of the brain and when found in lower proportions, as it is throughout 96% males who are heterosexual, these genes may be secretly responsible for developing a larger proportion of so-called 'gay traits';

kinder, gentler, and more nurturing men...

which are the kind of males that females actually prefer when choosing a sperm donor and future father.

One interesting observation was that 'some' of the Gay men had mothers and aunts who had bigger families and more sexual partners (3 to 4X as many) .

This was dubbed the "man-loving" gene and in evolutionary terms, having a lot of children compensated for producing gay children who would not reproduce...

but these 'kinder, gentler' genes would be passed on to more baby boys more often in women with this marker.

Another finding is that the more older brothers a man has, the greater the chances of him being gay? HUH?

Researchers Blanchard and Bogaert suggest that antibodies in a Mother's body are sent to combat the production of a male...and can you blame them?

However subsequent male pregnancies strengthen her immune system and gradually the anti bodies actually interfere with the masculinization of the fetal brain...which would have produced a "typical, aggressive, psychopathic, male".

Nice.

Here are some other quirky findings..

Gay men supposedly;

-have longer , straighter, thicker, penises

-are worse at reading maps, spatial orientation, finding missing objects, and packing their trunks...read into that whatever you like..

and naturally lesbian women are better at these tasks than straight women.

-Gay men are more likely to be lefties or ambidextrous

-the ratio of the lengths of the 2nd to 4th fingers predicts sexual orientation.

So where the hell are they going with this?

My impression is that they are trying to say that...

A. Females are designed to try to stop males from ever being produced in the first place..we know that all vertebrates start out as females so it would stand to reason that God really IS a woman afterall!

B. This predesigned genetic thingamabob eventually leads certain man-loving women (with equally horny sisters) to a modicum of success producing ready-made dishrag husbands with kinder, gentler traits, however the price of this success is that 4% of the time they inadvertently produce Gay, left handed, boys, who may have larger, straighter, penises, but can't read maps or find hidden objects in their poorly, packed, trunks.

Are they on to something or is this just Poppycock?

LABELS!
Yesterday morning as I sleepily perused the paper, I started reading an article on what I thought was about making labels and something about those damn VLTs, video lottery terminals. HUH?

After another sip of coffee and a synaptic burst deep within my thick cranium and I realised that it was about

remaking labia

and Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation! LVRs HELLO.

Apparently our city has one of three doctors in Canada who offers Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation. I had no idea that there even was such a thing as labia envy? The article, very tastefully reported, suggests that some ladies want to ‘tighten up’ their vaginas after childbirth to enhance their sex life, and others simply want to ‘nip their tuck’ a bit for both physical and cosmetic purposes.

Well why not eh? Men get calf implants and penis extensions. If you have a couple grand to waste on ‘trimming the turkey’ go for it.

Our friend Borat had much to say on this subject in his movie so perhaps this matter is of some consequence in places like Kazakhstan.

“When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years, when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep 'BORAT BORAT', eh, she receive hair on chest, and her vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.”

I suppose that the line between public and pubic has been blown wide open by Celebutantes like Britney and Paris flashing their hoo-hoos for the paparazzi.

Talk about overexposure.

For whatever reason, personally I blame Cosmo, here we are in the 21st Century discussing vulval cosmetic surgeries.

Who could have guessed that in only 150,000 short years that our species would have come so far? Not so long ago during the Victorian Era uncovered Piano legs was considered scandalous. Do you remember the 60s when burning bras was outrageous.

There was a song in '68 called the Tighten Up by Archie Bell of the Drells from Houston, Texas:

"We're gonna tighten up

Let's do the tighten up

You can do it now

So baby, get to it

Look to your left now

Look to your right

Everybody can do it

But don't you get too tight"

Is this simply another aspect of the sexual revolution and a

natural progression towards the equality of the sexes?

What do we make of this?

I MUS’ BE AN IDIOT!
Many folks believe that shock-jock Don Imus should change his name from Don Imus to I’m A Dumbass because he stupidly referred to the black players on Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos on his Radio Talk show.

“My goal is to goad people into saying something that ruins their life.”

Unfortunately he goaded himself into saying something that ruined his own life!

He got fired!

He should know by now that
A. For whatever reason the only individuals who are exempt from being Politically Correct are Comedians and
B. the second rule is that only people who appear to be from a specific socio/ethnic group are allowed to make disparaging remarks about themselves and their group.

Well guess what else happened..two decades of 'black' Hip Hop Gansta Rappers propogating the image of young black women as vapid penis receptacles and exploiting them in their lyrics and on their videos has come to fruition and I think that finally this weird double standard will now be subjected to some scrutiny under the cultural microscope.
I saw Her Sereneness, Maya Angelou, last night on TV and she said that this event should not be wasted and that there needs to be a dialogue about this terrible image. She went on to say that those rappers are smart enough to recognize their responsibility and that they going to be forced to clean up their acts. Angelou said that maybe this incident will generate a real discussion that might help to heal this nasty gaping wound that haunts the very fabric of American Life.

Now I am all for Freedom of Speech (hence the banner) but there has to be some context…

I don’t have to agree with what someones says..as a matter of fact I don’t even have to listen... but we are in the 21st Century and we know enough about Human Psychology to understand that continuing these stereotypes may be destructive and yet every Comedian embellishes those stereotypes and capitalizes upon them.

I wonder how many outsiders actually 'GET' the inside angle or does this just perpetuate and aggravate the situation? Does this practice break the tension and perpetuate the pigeonholing?

For instance look at the liberties taken by Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles..I suspect that far too many people didn’t GET IT and that the subliminal messages inside of the jokes were merely lost on the rednecks and racists.

I confess that I am quite comfortable with the idea that only Comics can say (almost) whatever they want to…

BILL MAHER
"We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."

"The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, "You know what? Let's just grab lunch."

CHRIS ROCK
"It's sad that your taxes don't cover any medical. No medical. I think doctors make too much money, you know why? Because they don't cure anything. Everything they cured, they cured 50 years ago.
They ain't cured anything in a long time, man, you know, diseases are piling up, man, we've cancer, sicacell, and Geri's Kids still limping around. Come on, Man, get rid of something. Some diseases, they just gave up on. They said: "To hell with it!" Like blindness.
You go blind, they don't got nothing for you. You go to a doctor, tell him you're blind, he says, "Hey why don't you get this dog to drag your blind ass around." Where's the medicine? Where's the science? I'm blind! I can't see! There's people that can see that can't handle a dog! Come on, give me a midget or something!"

"For those doubters out there who keep asking the question is America ready for a black president?I say why not?We just had a retarded one"

DENNIS MILLER
"As for what many are calling racial profiling in the aftermath of September 11th, well, get ready to be pissed off, you ACLU-F***ing-Morons, we're dealing with a massive threat and limited manpower, so, you want them to check everybody out equally? Sure, fine okay, but let's at least compromise and put the Swedish dwarf a little further down the list than the Iraqi explosives expert carrying a Belgian passport with more eraser marks on it than Kid Rock's trig final."
STEPHEN COLBERT
"I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers, and rubble, and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world."

"Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. "

JON STEWART
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea!"

Nobody else is allowed to talk like this..
why is that?

VIAGRA SOUP

FOR THE ORIENTAL SOUL

One of the most perplexing abominations in this world is the continuation and practice of Oriental Traditional Medicine to treat ‘impotence’ and create ‘aphrodisiacs’ with ground up bits of endangered species!

Unlike other homo escapeons who for Millenia have resorted to simply getting drunk as an excuse to promote unbridled sexual abandon, humans who evolved in the Orient are rumored to suffer from AAIS (Asian Alcohol Intolerance Syndrome) also known as the ‘Asian Flush’.

This theory purports that many Asians, including the North American Aboriginals or First N’Asians, lack an enzyme to process alcohol.

Whatever? I personally think that the rigidity of a suffocating societal structure induces bouts of uninhibited Woo-Hooism as an essential means of maintaining one’s mental health. However if it is true, this may well explain why Karaoke was invented!

What really irks me is that such ridiculous ‘notions and potions’ as Tiger Penis and Rhinoceros Horn are to this day considered Aphrodisiacs.

NEWSFLASH: this is crazytalk!
I could pull a better Aphrodisiac out of my ass!

Whatever happened to a little Romance?
How about a moonlight walk in the park holding hands?
Is the term I am as hard as Chinese Math just a ‘phallicacy’?

It is estimated that there are less than 16,000 Rhinoceros and fewer than 2,500 Tigers in the entire world.
Most Tigers live in zoos and only half of those big, beautiful, Cats have penises anyway!
Most surviving Rhinos now require their own personal group of bodyguards to protect them from Poachers 24/7.

I can’t place all of the blame on the Orient because the ‘He-men in Yemen’ & Oman need Rhino Horn for their little penis-extension phallic symbol dagger handles! Muy Mucho Macho!

Other atrocities include twenty million of those cute little Sea Horses being sacrificed every year for ‘medicinal’ purposes. Black Bears are being poached right here in Manitoba for the Bile in their Gall Bladder…
the rest of the carcass is simply discarded and left to rot.
+=
Over 100 million people in the Orient ate Shark Fin Soup last year which resulted in the slaughter of an estimated 50-100 million sharks. ‘Finning’ sharks involves slicing off the fins and throwing the mortally wounded animal overboard to drown and sink to the bottom. I know that it is hard for people to be feel sorry for Sharks but they are an essential predator in the Pelagic food chain.

Only 7 people were ‘eaten’ by Sharks last year as opposed to 100 Million Sharks being eaten by People!

In lieu of slaughtering MILLIONS of endangered animals every year couldn’t the misinformed older generation of Asians who still adhere to this utter bullsh*t get some spring in their roll, or itch in their ditch, through the miracle of modern chemistry?

Imagine substituting endangered animal bits for exotic dishes laced with modern impotence inhibitors and vasodilators such as:

#18 Viagra Long Time Soup
#24 Cialis Bamboo Shoots
#31 Levitra King Kung Pau
#22 Femtril Sum Hot Dim Kew Gai
#14 Zestra Szechuan Na Get Wi Dis?
#41 VasoRect Baby Got Bok
#53 Lioness Moo Goo Open Sesame
#16 Erostat Bang Bang Ji

How do we inform & educate those old folks on the other side of the world that they are wasting their money on ‘snake oil remedies’?

If they want to fix ‘thin noodles’ and ‘dry breaded prawns’, they don’t need to ‘take out’ MILLIONS of already endangered species of animals every year?