Rest and Healing

Today was a great easy day. Work up at 10:40, laid around the pool with friends. BBQ lunch. Had a beer. Played video games with the kids. And now sitting here, thinking about December and survival.


It’s been twelve years since the Tsunami in Thailand. It’s been almost twenty five years since Jason’s accident and late December always has me wrestling with mortality, yes more than usual.


I can’t complain really, so I won’t.


My ankle is healing- wore a shoe yesterday. I drove for a bit and I was able to swim today. I am getting mobility back and the pain is less and less each day. It is still pretty stiff and hurts if I put weight on it weird, but the process is coming along.


I have been purposefully politically disconnected this week. Who can handle it when you are trying to be happy? I am resting these days and the rest feels great.


Kind of nervous about how the entire house will handle the X-Box, but the kids so far have been better than me. Kaia has sleep-over tonight, so I said an hour of Star Wars Battlefront and then in her room for down-time before bed. She and her friend are now cracking themselves up doing mad-libs.


Me on the other hand, I’m wondering if I will give the X-Wing fighter a try, try to get some morphine for the people in The Division, or maybe open the whole thing up and buy Madden 2017 and completely revert to adolescence.


Or maybe I will try and finish up The One and Only Ivan, one of the saddest and cutest books I’ve ever read. The night is slow and easy and not much happening tomorrow.


This is my 361st post this year. Five more and something new...

Football Student

The day started with football. Well breakfast and then football.


Marin had to go to school to work on a paper that is due for her class all day, so the girls and I were home all day. Although, my ankle is slowly getting better, I am not quite ready to drive, so we were house-bound for most of the day, but no worries because there was a crucial Raider game to watch and we were stoked. Well Kaia and I were, Skye lost interest after the first drive and succumbed to playing with dolls and eventually some screen time in the other room.


Kaia on the other hand was like a sponge. I mapped out a few diagrams to make sure she had a better understanding of the game and before long she was mapping each drive. Saying things like, “we can’t have another turn-over this time.” Or, “Oh my god that sneak up out of nowhere hit was awesome!”


She quickly understood downs and yardage and showed a basic understanding of field position, and even how the offensive line is crucial to a running game. We talked about the role of each position and eventually got to discussing pulling guards and putting pressure on a quarterback. It was a good first game.


What was even better was how involved she was with each play throughout the game. We were on the edge of our seats in the fourth quarter; her cheering, enthusiasm and pure joy after the win made it that much more amazing for me. Cannot wait to watch the last few games, the playoffs and who knows? Maybe the Superbowl with her. She may need a Raider shirt of her own. I’m on it.


The rest of the afternoon was pretty mellow. Lunch. Some reading. Three hours by the pool. The girls played really well together while I read and even took a tiny nap poolside.


Mairin was home for a quick dinner at Bergs, before she was back to Starbucks for more work. We’ve got the mid-seam finale of Walking Dead cued up, and I'm a bit nervous what Neagan might do.


We were supposed to be in Thailand tonight, but some idiot broke his ankle and so we cancelled the trip. The sun, the sand, the ocean would have been great, and I am super bummed that I forced our whole family to stay here, but at the end of the day we need rest, healing and some time to just do what we did today. Not much on the agenda tomorrow either.


I think I am a few days away from driving which will be a nice step forward. Speaking of steps, the limp is less, the pain more stiffness than pain and the ankle scab all but gone. The human body is an miraculous thing.


The Raiders are in the playoffs for the first time since 2002. Hoping they can win the last two games, win the AFC, have a bye and see the Patriots late in the playoffs. To beat them in the AFC championship game, would be a dream cone true. But I am getting ahead of myself. We need a win against the desperate Colts next week. I wish the Raiders played more than one time a week. It feels too long to wait until next Sunday to see what happens next.

Tired Writing

So close to the end of the year and I am running out of things to say. I am bored with on what’s on my mind, and no amount of writing about it will freshen it up- or so it feels. I needed a break from politics, so I broke my ankle. And now I need a break from my break.


There is a general aching discomfort and I am mindful of every step. I had a strange prickling burning sensation on the top of my foot all day, and a call to the doctor confirmed that it is normal and okay- the nerves are being pushed together due to swelling.


I wore a sock today and that felt like a victory, but like I said talking about my foot is more boring than dwelling on more Trump gaffs.


One thing I am not bored by are the Raiders. I have taken this fandom to new levels, by liking their official Facebook page and so now I get to see random practice videos, news conferences, cool photos, and more…I’m not gonna lie, I feel like an eight year old fan again. I am literally counting the hours before the Thursday night game against the Chief. We could be 11-2 atop the division and the conference and looking at home field in the playoffs.


But I am no sports writer, and while gushing over my favorite football team is a fun distraction, I know I can’t do it every night.


So what do I need to write about on this Wednesday night in the penultimate week of school before the holiday break?


Besides Trump, pain and football what else is on my mind?


The Bruce Springsteen biography is coming along nicely. It’s not a book that is going to change your life in terms of content or craft, but it is an fascinating life story told in a clear and passionate way.


The Boss can obviously write and I am learning a lot about him. To me, as a child of the eighties, Springsteen was a mainstream hit machine. I grew up in he Born In The USA era and he was safe and comfortable and all-american. So it is interesting to read about how he felt like an outsider in his small blue-collar town. He was a long haired weirdo trying to find himself in Greenwich Village and San Francisco in the late sixties, only to realize that his true self was back in Jersey.


He was also a helluva hard worker. And his persistence to his craft was admirable.


Bojack Horseman continues to be amazing. I am a third of the way through season three and loving every episode. Not watching much else TV or movies these days.


So I guess I am in a state of recovery. A holding pattern. A held breath. A state anticipation until the next stage. It has been great to be back at school and interacting with 11 &12 year olds. I had another full day today and it felt better and tomorrow will be a busy one with an assembly and two UN performances by my own kids, but the end is within sight.


We, the collective we- me, Mairin, family, students, all of you, are tired. And this is tired writing, but no night shall be left without words. Right? I made a promise.


Hoping for some inspiration soon. If nothing else the Raiders will shake things up in a few days.

Shut Eye

Today marked the end of my 16th year of teaching. 2 years in Mozambique. 2 years in The Bronx. 3 years in Kuala Lumpur. 3 years in Doha. 2 years in Jakarta and now 4 years in Singapore. It felt good and comfortable and easy, but I was also kind of numb all day. I was excited to be done but sad to see friends go. I felt tired when I needed to pack my room, but overall I didn’t feel much of anything.


Had a few drinks after school. Tried to stay out of Mairin’s way while she packed. I asked how I could help, but really I ended up taking a pretty long nap. Then we had a few friends over for some wine and the final unwind before we all get on airplanes and head to our summer homes. Most of us will be back next year, but we are saying goodbye to Mike and Rose. Which is weird because they have become like family to us. After nine years and three countries, it feels weird that they are moving so far away.


Sure Facebook and social media make distances feel smaller, and I am sure we will cross paths again in the not too distant feature, at least I am hopeful that we will- but it feels strange to watch them leave our place knowing we will not see then again in August.


We are packed and ready to go. Next stop San Rafael. Home. California. I am looking forward to getting my hands on a burrito first thing, seeing old friends, my moms both biological and Karen Doherty. We will drive and hike and swim and rest and eat and drink and play.


Not sure where I will be in 24 hours, so I hope to write my daily post somewhere in transit. Next time I touch base in this space we will be stateside.


Have a wonderful holiday to all my teacher friends near and far. While my emotions are a bit tepid at the moment, I am looking forward to a more robust sharing of joy in the coming days.


Time for some shut eye. Early flight tomorrow.

Gangly and Awkward

There are very few things in the world that are as remarkable and awe-inspiring as the human adolescent child. The middle school aged human- aged eleven to fourteen can do and be just about anything if you show them some love, respect and trust. Ironically they are viewed as a race of hormone deranged mongoloids by those who don’t understand them, but take the time to listen to them and talk to them and you will see that they are filled with passion and humor and an intensity that is truly inspirational. Sure they are gangly and awkward. They might be slightly manic and neurotic and riddled with self-doubt and angst, but they are just begging for responsibility, independence and a chance to show what they can do it. Whatever it is that is put in front of them. I feel so honored to have the privilege of being let into their world.


We launched our lit mag tonight and I was on the verge of tears for most of the night. The details will have to wait as I can’t see straight from fatigue, but I do want to say that it was one of the best events I have been a part of in my career. Student run. Casual. Well run. Artistic. Organic. Honest. Fun.


Paula and I never once went on stage or said anything. The kids did all of it and we nearly sold out our magazine. We will most likely break even on production costs and the kids were jazzed about reading, writing, words, music, art, expression and a community of writers. There is so much I need to say about the night and the entire process, but I will just say that it was a beautiful thing and I am so proud to be a part of it. I love this work beyond words and cannot imagine doing anything else. It is easy to complain in the day-to-day of work, but it is moments like tonight that make the work we do worthwhile. I will stop gushing, unit I formalize this experience in a proper blog post.

…

Prince. Fuck.





I have my stories. My memories. I will write them soon. Not tonight but this weekend for sure. In short, Prince allowed me to be a man on my own terms. He taught me that masculinity can be draped in purple sequence and ass-less chaps. More to come I hope, but right now I am enjoying these words, the empty white screen, a glass of wine and the guitar solo at the end of Purple Rain. This man defines soul.


…

Looking forward to taking a step back and spending the weekend with Mairin and the kids. It feels like a while since we could just relax and spend time as a family. We’ve got ice-slain birthday parties and maybe sometime by the pool. This is a well deserved weekend. Bring it on.

Whipping Up A Workshop

I was lost in another intense dream this morning. I was in a small room-trapped, but I didn’t know why and the phone was ringing; I couldn’t find it or figure out how to answer it. I kept screaming, “Can someone please just answer that phone! It’s making me crazy." This felt like it want on forever. Then I woke up, only to realise that my wake-up call had been ringing for a while.


We landed late last night and by the time we arrived at the hotel and got in bed, it was already passed one am. Up at seven and all day at the conference. It’s going well. I have lots of thoughts, but too tired tonight to even process. I went out for a quick bite and have been watching bad TV in my room.


Oh get this, apparently at some point I agreed to run a breakout session. I had no idea, until Duff mentioned it on the airplane last night, and so I had nothing prepared. Thinking back I must have thought it was like an “unconference” where I would just facilitate a conversation or something, but it turns out it is an actual 45 min session on classroom spaces.


Thank goodness I could talk about that topic in my sleep, but thank even more goodness that Paula just ran a session on the exact topic in Milan. We debriefed before I left, so her ideas, which are amazing BTW, were still fresh in my head.


We chatted today for a while and I “borrowed” some of her resources, added a few of my own and now I am worried I might have too much stuff and might actually need more than the allotted time.


I love the fact that we are on the same page in so many aspects of what we do, that many times she will use resources I have made and extend on my ideas and many, many times I will use her resources and ideas as well.


My afternoon was spent getting this session ready and resting. Haven’t really had a chance to explore Manila, unless you included walking up and down High Street feeling slightly overwhelmed, until I found this awesome fallafel place.


I’ll have a more comprehensive write up of this advisory summit when it is done, but for now it is important to say that I am meeting some cool people. This guy Cory is the real deal Mike. And I have been chatting with Chris and Kassan too Jacqui. And it looks like the entire staff from HKIS is here, Rob. It always amazes me how dedicated and passionate teachers are about the work they do and the kids they teach.


Time for the deep sleep. I wonder want weird dream will ensure me tonight.

Sun Shocked

What a day! We were all a bit sun-shocked. Everyone was rosy and toasted and burnt, but it was another wide open blue day and the sea and the sand were calling, so what could we do? We lathered up on sun screen, put on hats, and applied and re-applied and re-applied sun screen and we were back at it. We never left the vicinity of our hotel. Took the kayak out to a near by island for some snorkelling, played some beach tennis and read. Too tired to go anywhere else, we had lunch at the hotel and then naps at 3pm on the dot. Dinner in town with Joe and Sarah and my body and brain are mush. I’ve been ignoring the news and letting my mind sit empty and cooked in the sun.


It makes me so happy to watch my entire family floating in the ocean today- up and over rocks as we explored and snorkelled. Kaia is very comfortable and even swam through a tight swim though today.


We set up a bubble maker course for her tomorrow, so it is time to take it to the next level. BCD, regulator and wet suit all fitted and ready for an early morning dive trip in the morning. I cannot wait to see her face as she comes up from her first dive. Only 2m, but she is beyond excited. A few more months until she can get the official junior Padi open water, but this will be a great first taste. I have been dreaming of diving with her since the day she was born and swimming before she could really walk. Much more on that tomorrow.


In the meantime, my tired burnt body and eyes need some sleep.
Short and sweet. It’s all I got.

Sun. Sand. Sea

There are a few ways your day can go when you start with a Margarita before noon. Eleven a.m. to be exact, and I am pretty sure mine went the best possible way. But how did I find myself in a beautiful outdoor restaurant before noon sipping a perfectly blended margarita? Let’s back up a few hours.


We woke up around eight and after some lounging around the room, headed to breakfast. We were one of the first to stake our claim on the lounge chairs on the beach and as a result we were ocean bound quickly. Except for one tiny hurdle.


“Oh look at that Jelly Fish.” The words were enough to turn our mini-dolphin child Skyelar into a timid- I’m not going in the water today- child. After a few minutes of pleading, Kaia and I went without her. It was a bit windy and low tide, so not the best snorkeling conditions, but we saw some giant parrot fish, some silver somethings and a nice school of pretty big angel fish, all just a few feet from the shore.


We came back in and I finally convinced Skye to just suck it up and come out with us. “We haven’t seen any Jelly Fish at all. But we did see an anemone and some Nemo fish.” She relented.


After a few minutes and a solid 100 meters out, I felt a sting on my ankle. It hurt, but I ignored it. No need to incite panic. Then, came the wail. Yup. Skye got stung on the hand and the shoulder and refused to wear her goggles, swim or even walk back to shore, so she clambered on my back and like a very heavy backpack I swam back to shore, with Kaia by my side.


Things calmed down when we arrived until….yup. Kaia got a big sting. She dropped to the sand and began whimper crying too. It was a sight to see. I knew from my own sting that it didn’t hurt that bad and that it would stop burning in a few minutes. So I began the ill-timed speech that went like this, “Getting stung by Jelly Fish is just part of being in the ocean. It stings. It sucks. But sometimes you just have to deal with it." They weren’t having it.


After finally making it back to our chairs, everyone calmed down. And that is when we saw Joe and Sarah walking down the beach. Our kids ran to them armed with Jelly Fish tales and welts. We had a quick catch up and decided we would head down the beach to a restaurant they had heard about called Serendipity.


We crawled over a few rocks and just like that we found this beautiful secluded beach and restaurant. The kids having already forgotten about the jelly fish were back swimming the small waves and we were sitting overlooking a stunning view sipping on previously mentioned margarita.


A few drinks later and some lunch, we were all in the water. It was perfect. The kids were smiling. All life was as it should be. After what felt like an eternity, we headed back to our beach chairs and said good by to Joe and Sarah. I took Kaia out for more snorkeling and a quick Kayak to a nearby island.


We chatted. We swam. I couldn’t believe that she was nine and my kid and my friend and that this is how we hang out now- in the ocean, burnt and red and warm and satisfied.


Back in the room- showers, screen time, books, sleep. Up for dinner, back in “town” with Joe and Sarah.


Now, we are in bed, the room is cooling off and quiet. The girls are watching a movie, Mairin is reading and I am getting this thing written.


Tomorrow? Who knows. More of the same. There is no goal. No agenda. Just life. Sun. Sand and Sea.

The Fringe Elements

During the school year, I wrote posts that would be litany of all the things I did on an average day. Thankfully, however, the holiday lists are much shorter. They really just include: woke up, ate, slept, ate and slept.


There were a few other things i did today but not much else: Started getting Kaia comfortable on a skateboard, which is ironic, seeing that I am not comfortable on a skateboard. Then we headed to Keri-Lee’s house to catch up, meet their puppy, do some swimming, have lunch and scoot back home.


Then as always is the case after four pm- I went down for my oldman nap, dinner, watched Chelsea Does Racism and now trying to stay awake and interested enough to crank out this edition of whatever the hell this thing is becoming.


In other news- I tried to explain the Super Delegate system to KL, who is from New Zealand, even bringing up the 1968 convention and the name George McGovern. She found it unbelievable and depressing, which is a great way to think about the American “democratic” system. We couldn’t bring ourselves to understand the Trump debacle.


This morning while clipping my toenails, I finally yanked off the loose nail and was pleasantly surprised by the lack of pain and the new nail already growing fitfully beneath the shell of the damaged one. Sorry Jeff, no photos. You will just have to take my word on it for now.


The most serious topic I thought about today was whether or not to shave before we go to Thailand or to commit to some kind of beard in the coming weeks. Keep the hair and beard trimmed and silver or let it go a bit wild and bushy all around. I know where Mairin stands on this one, but I am not sure. I will probably act on a whim either way, but for now I will entertain both options. The fringe elements of my mind are considering a mohawk or a bleach dye job.


I have had the hiccups twice today. It has been years since I have suffered this fate and it is not pleasant. I am not a fan of things happening in my body that I am not in control of.

…

One of these nights when I am adequately rested, I might attempt to take on a topic more interesting than my facial hair, hiccups or toenails, in the meantime this is all I got.

Slow Fade

It was a slow one today. Lots of shine from the start, and a saint blue sky from the get-go. Later- a breeze and a few pregnant clouds too lazy to rain. It was so slow I am writing about the weather tonight.

Nothing needed to get done and nothing got done. A few meals at restaurants, some root beer and a margarita. Dealt with tantrums and arguments. Some naps by the pool, on the couch and on the bed. Yup, a three nap day. It was a day of rest and lethargy.

I laughed at John Oliver, watched some Top Chef and never let my thoughts linger on anything worthwhile. The burden of thinking too hard or caring about anything was more than I could bare. Driving home from lunch, I had a hard time staying awake.

Which is how I am feeling even now. This post feels like a cop-out. I am trying desperately to eek something out, but I don’t have the energy for anything meaningful. Sure there are thoughts about the Neil and Ferdi case or whether or not Ted Cruz really is the Zodiac Killer (Google It) but those thoughts and the stories they carry are much too heavy for me to lift on a night after a day like today.

I just need a slow fade into the darkness and more time in dreamworld. I will leave you with a few things that I enjoyed today:

• The feeling of losing and gaining equilibrium as I jumped really high on a super trampoline at Zoom. 
• The salty kick of the canned Jalapeño peppers on my Nachos balanced with the sweet sugar in my Margarita mix. 
• The heat of the bench I was sitting on as I read my book by the pool. It was too hot to lean back on, but perfect for my legs. 
• That moment when you commit to a nap and know you will not be disturbed or asked to get up. You curl up in the fetal position and let the sleep come charging at you like a stampede. 
• The homemade granola bars a student’s mom made for me for helping her son as part of my job. 
• The hour of watching random youtube clips and not feeling guilty for “wasting” time. 

And that is all.