There are several reasons why I choose to DNF the book not related to the writing style. First, the author didn't know that any number under 10DNF 10%
There are several reasons why I choose to DNF the book not related to the writing style. First, the author didn't know that any number under 100 is written out (nine and not 9). Second, there are comma splices and fragmented sentences on every page. Third, the author doesn't know how to format paragraphs and indents correctly. And the worst of them, the author didn't google (or take a writing class) to understand how to format terms of endearments/nicknames correctly.
The writing was disjointed and stunted, and a lot of telling not showing was present within the first 10%.
The tone of voice didn't change between the FMC and Malcolm.
With all of those problems, I didn't see the need to continue reading.
Terms of endearments included within the first 10%: Darling, love, doll, dear, and dolly. Like come on. Pick one and stick with it. ...more
There's one MMC personality that I hate in RH books: "I don't want a mate/hate my mate/will reject my mate for [insert dumb reason here]." And tDNF 8%
There's one MMC personality that I hate in RH books: "I don't want a mate/hate my mate/will reject my mate for [insert dumb reason here]." And that is in this book. The wolf shifter is denying the FMC is his mate for an unknown reason (unknown to me because I only read 8% of the book). It's the whole of his personality. ...more
Like so many why-choose authors, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nLike so many why-choose authors, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nicknames as crutches and this book further solidifies that point.
Four mates gave the following nicknames to ONE FMC: doe, sweetheart, omega, baby, my beautiful doe, naughty omega, beautiful omega, pretty girl, beautiful, my love, angel, my beautiful omega, and my beautiful mate.
The book was very formulaic; the ending with the ex was rushed and the situation with the parents didn't feel resolved at all.
Merged review:
Like so many why-choose authors, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nicknames as crutches and this book further solidifies that point.
Four mates gave the following nicknames to ONE FMC: doe, sweetheart, omega, baby, my beautiful doe, naughty omega, beautiful omega, pretty girl, beautiful, my love, angel, my beautiful omega, and my beautiful mate.
The book was very formulaic; the ending with the ex was rushed and the situation with the parents didn't feel resolved at all....more
11% in - From the description, I was expecting a woman that could hold her own; that was intelligent, strong, and mentally capable of holding her own i11% in - From the description, I was expecting a woman that could hold her own; that was intelligent, strong, and mentally capable of holding her own in a room full of powerful men. Instead, there is a girl who allows two men in her life to order her around (father and Viper), allows the men to call her derogatory nicknames, allows someone to threaten sexual and physical violence against her for not complying and bows down to all of their demands with only a whisper of resistance.
Oh, and of course - "good girl" makes an appearance. It's so predictable, boring and clichéd.
13% in - With every spoken and unspoken thought from Viper, he reminds us that he doesn't see Ven as a person, just an object. "You're not just a pretty face with a nice rack, are you wildcat?" Every interaction, he reminds her that she is powerless, a toy and reduces her down to what she is - a girl with daddy issues. We have also met someone called Blake who sees her the same way. Not as a person, but someone who can further his empire.
DNF 20%
I've never been so disappointed in a FMC so very quickly. SHE CALLS HIM DADDY? JFC. She has zero spine.
Dumb nicknames so far: Princess, girlie, wildcat...more
11% in - From the description, I was expecting a woman that could hold her own; that was intelligent, strong, and mentally capable of holding her own 11% in - From the description, I was expecting a woman that could hold her own; that was intelligent, strong, and mentally capable of holding her own in a room full of powerful men. Instead, there is a girl who allows two men in her life to order her around (father and Viper), allows the men to call her derogatory nicknames, allows someone to threaten sexual and physical violence against her for not complying and bows down to all of their demands with only a whisper of resistance.
Oh, and of course - "good girl" makes an appearance. It's so predictable, boring and clichéd.
13% in - With every spoken and unspoken thought from Viper, he reminds us that he doesn't see Ven as a person, just an object. "You're not just a pretty face with a nice rack, are you wildcat?" Every interaction, he reminds her that she is powerless, a toy and reduces her down to what she is - a girl with daddy issues. We have also met someone called Blake who sees her the same way. Not as a person, but someone who can further his empire.
DNF 20%
I've never been so disappointed in a FMC so very quickly. SHE CALLS HIM DADDY? JFC. She has zero spine.
Dumb nicknames so far: Princess, girlie, wildcat...more
As of right now, the story is slow moving. The author is TOO verbose with descriptions and imagery. At one point, someone describesCurrently 23% in -
As of right now, the story is slow moving. The author is TOO verbose with descriptions and imagery. At one point, someone describes themselves as a useful tool. The author then uses the next two sentences to describe what a tool is.
There's a lot of repetition of phrases, words and thoughts/feelings.
I'm gonna stick with the book until 35% (or thereabouts). Hopefully the story will pick up and we'll get to see the personality of the FMC come through.
Completed -
Here are examples of the author's generous use of words: "My mind spun with questions like leaves caught in a whirlwind" "The next morning brought rain that drummed against the tower windows like impatient fingers." "The war map sprawled across the oak table like a dying beast, its borders marked in blood-red ink..." Plus many more.
There are A LOT of inconsistencies, especially with Senna and Lord Draven. The last 20% of the book is messy; repeated scenes, conversations, wishy-washy timelines and the FMC still says "I'm just a nobody" even at the 97% mark when she has been shown that she is anything but. At that point, she is being deliberately obtuse.
The grammar, syntax and spelling errors are not as bad as other debut authors, but they still exist.
Some descriptions don't make sense: for example, in one paragraph, the FMC notes that her new guardian doesn't make a sound when she walks. Yet, a paragraph later FMC states that the footsteps are heavy with noise. Well, which one is it? This is a common error when a verbose writer tries too hard.
The story is SLOW moving, there's no spice, and the action doesn't really pick up until the last 25%. ...more
So far, the plot and action is good and I like the idea of a faerie princess hiding in the mortal realm. However, I dislike two major things. The firsSo far, the plot and action is good and I like the idea of a faerie princess hiding in the mortal realm. However, I dislike two major things. The first, Duncan. His WHOLE personality is "I hate Alisa." He's even been called out on it twice thus far (22% in) and he doesn't let up. His inner monologue, his words, and his inaction all showcase how much he hates the FMC and it's just tiring. Not even a quarter of the way through, and Duncan's personality is bothersome. The second major issue is the amount of BBS the FMC has when she is around everyone. Even Duncan, who hates her. The first couple chapters we think the FMC is a badass Hunter but the moment she gets around the fae men, all she can think about is them touching her, or how her nipples harden, or how her pussy gets wet. It's so disappointing that we're unable to have a woman fighter without her losing her train of thought around a pretty man.
30% in - Duncan still hasn't let up. It's exhausting. This whole character is making me regret even picking up the book.
35% - Alisa tells Azreal to stop talking/comparing who she is now with her past self. "Stop talking about who I was before." He agrees. No less than a page later, he won't stop talking about how she was before and she doesn't correct him. How did she become so weak? She caught onto the fact that these three men cannot be trusted, but less than 5% later, she allows them into her private rooms and wants to kiss one. PICK A LANE.
43% - Duncan still is an asshole, his personality isn't changing apparently. Alisa keeps asking questions, yet no one tells her anything and she gives up her suspicions when one of the three gets close to her. *rolls eyes* Apparently they are so pretty she forgets that they all tricked her.
45% - So her body remembers how to wield weapons, but not how to ride a horse?
57% - I've now started to skim every interaction with Duncan or a chapter from Duncan's POV; his negativity is just too much.
82% - We still have no idea why everyone hates her. There's no much advancement to the plot. And why is she so accepting of the fact that her brother dictates her travel plans? She finds out the real reason she was brought back to faerie, and she throws a tantrum by throwing books. In one breath she says that she hates Azreal, but kisses him and cuddles into his warmth the next second. PICK A LANE.
85% - Alisa says "It's not easy for me to relinquish control..." I call BS on that. She's never in control and accepts whatever someone tells her/shows her.
95% - Not only is the whole Duncan thing exhausting, so is the "banter" between Azreal and Alisa. That relationship is awful. She accepts the bare minimum in answers, forgets what she wants as soon as he is near and doesn't push back when people keep telling her "later."
Completed
Here is the most annoying thing ever. WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING BECAUSE EVERYONE REFUSES TO TELL ALISA ANYTHING. It isn't until the 97% mark that we even know why Azreal hates Alisa. And it's just circumstantial evidence. The most intriguing storyline is the one with her brother. Why is the king the way he is? What changed him?
The world building is not very good. Fae normally can't lie, use steel/iron weapons and usually a couple other quirks. But not in this world. In this world it appears that the Fae are just humans with pointed ears and magic. I was very disappointed in the lack of effort made to explain the Fae.
FMC is supposed to have some gift with animals, yet she never uses it even though there are several animals all around. Blargh. ...more
The FMC's nickname is kitten. This may be a DNF from me unless it gets better. Kitten?! *rolls eyes*
This book was about 150 pages longer than it needeThe FMC's nickname is kitten. This may be a DNF from me unless it gets better. Kitten?! *rolls eyes*
This book was about 150 pages longer than it needed to be. So many scenes with too much dialogue didn't add anything to the story. Those scenes were there only to pad the page count, not to add any depth to the story. The author could really use an editor and not a team of friends.
While the premise started off strong (a group of people have to go on a healing journey), there was no actual forward momentum with the plot. The book was composed of a bunch of scenes.
FMC was abused for over eight years and she doesn't go into therapy? She finally lives on her own and gets to discover who she is, but forgoes all of that in an instant after meeting her scent matches?
We had a chance to get a story about an omega who was abused, finally leaving the situation, and learning to find herself and what she likes. But we don't get that. Instead we get a story of an omega who leaves her abusive pack but only learns to find herself with the help of her NEW pack. At every turn, she needed a man to help her.
She's so blind to the world around her, she doesn't see Connor for what he is until the very end of the book and by then, they've been courting for 3-5 months?
Like so many why-choose writers, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nicknames as crutches and this book further solidifies that point. This is the authors debut novel, so her writing isn't very mature and the traps she chose to follow for the A-B-O universe only highlight that point.
Here are the nicknames/terms of endearments: Kitten, pretty kitten, baby, angel, gorgeous, little muse, omega, sweet kitten, perfect omega, beautiful omega, sweetness. I was REALLY hoping we wouldn't get a "little" name and I felt such disappointment when we did.
There were over 75 spelling/punctuation/tense/formatting issues for the book.
Connor's personality is where the immaturity of the author's career really shined. FMC attempts to explain to Connor that she is going through a divorce (of sorts), pulls up the court case and tells everyone to read it. Even with the proof right at his fingertips, he still calls the FMC a liar and thinks the worst of her. Three separate people pointed out to Connor that he is acting like the FMC's ex's by willfully neglecting her, and he refuses to change. It's like the author had a certain personality written for Connor and she refused to budge.
There were attempts at making the writing and characters seem elevated, but it didn't land. Like this gem: "The thing about ice is, when put again heat, it melts, leaving nothing but a puddle where barriers should be." Wow, thanks for explaining ice melting.
There was so much telling and then retelling and not a lot of showing or allowing the audience to use their brains to fill in the blank. For example, if two people share a look (that are not the author of the chapter), we see the look, then we have the POV character explain the look to each other in GREAT detail and then tell us what the look means for everyone involved.
I do hope that the author grows for book two. I also hope that she can afford to hire a quality editor so that she doesn't waste her readers time with unnecessary scenes and dialogue so we can have a valid reading experience. ...more
Currently 37% in and the FMC has said at least five times that she has body betrayal syndrome when it comes to the MMC's. How very disappointing.
Done.Currently 37% in and the FMC has said at least five times that she has body betrayal syndrome when it comes to the MMC's. How very disappointing.
Done.
There were over 25 instances that the FMC said "my body is betraying me right now" and "I don't know how to stop it" and other phrases.
There is no real forward momentum with the plot. The most exciting part was the FMC being the Alpha Slayer, but that was dropped about 20% into the book.
The ending with Earl and Tina was rushed and lackluster. The Marcus "twist" was pointless and added nothing of value to the story.
The author's writing was insipid, void and vague. There are soooo many sentences that basically say "There's something about her" or "There's something dangerous behind his eyes" or "His scent reminds me that danger is around." Oh, here's a golden line: "my wound pulls tight beneath the waistband like a moth struggling against a screen door." These phrases are supposed to convey depth, imagery and/or purpose. but they don't say anything. It's the laziest form of writing around.
This book also contains around 100 spelling, syntax, tense, punctuation and capitalization errors.
Nicknames and terms of endearments fly around in this book: some characters call the FMC four different nicknames on one page. Like so many why-choose writers, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nicknames as crutches and this book further solidifies that point.
FMC's name: Brydgett (this is such a dumb way to spell the name, it belongs on the r/tragedeigh subreddit) Nicknames/ToE used: Brydge, sweet thing, sweetheart, girl, love, honey, babe, Gidge, omega, sexy, pretty, pretty lady, Brydgie, sweet girl.
As with most KU authors, this author doesn't know how to format terms of endearment correctly. PSA to the author: terms of endearment are not capitalized unless their placement in a sentence warrants it. Correct: "Here, drink this sweetheart." Not correct: "Here, drink this Sweetheart."
The author has too large of a catalog of novels to make such simple writing errors. Does she not have an editing team behind her? Could they not flag every instance of contradictory writing/personality traits of the FMC/MMC. Did the author not believe in fine tuning her story telling skills? This book was such a disappointment. The FMC was supposed to be strong in mind, body and soul but she was none of that. ...more
Currently 14% in - Not super jazzed about the way the men are treating the FMC. Also, we have our first instance of BBS and it was very predictable andCurrently 14% in - Not super jazzed about the way the men are treating the FMC. Also, we have our first instance of BBS and it was very predictable and annoying.
17% in - She keeps saying that she will lull the guys into a false sense of security, but she does nothing but contradict herself. The men have shown her time and time again that they hate her, but she still guards them. I wish the FMC was written with more grit.
18% - First threat of sexual violence (out loud) against the FMC.
20% - FMC is not being strong in character or mind, in fact she is acting like a child. Another instance of BBS. The guys are still abusing her. Really? An image of the FMC getting tattooed is included?
27% "I don't blame you for treating me like a piece of shit." How unbelievably weak minded. One "I'm sorry" and she's fawning over the MMC's lap and showering him with kisses? Be fucking for real.
DNF 39%
No groveling before they fell into bed again. No...nothing. ...more
There are A LOT of errors in this book; misspellings, syntax and sentence structure errors are all commonplace. Plus, tiktok verbiage has made its wayThere are A LOT of errors in this book; misspellings, syntax and sentence structure errors are all commonplace. Plus, tiktok verbiage has made its way into the story and that is very disappointing.
While Bailey isn't really known for groundbreaking stories, this book had more promise than her other stories. I just wish it wasn't mostly dialogue or filler information.
The best part of the book happened at the last 20%. ...more
For a debut author, this wasn't a bad attempt at world building and writing.
A couple things dragged on: it took too long for the FMC to fully meet heFor a debut author, this wasn't a bad attempt at world building and writing.
A couple things dragged on: it took too long for the FMC to fully meet her chain/links; it took too long for the FMC to finally save all the students; the classes at the academy also seemed to drag on.
FMC is very weak when it comes to her chain/link and guarding her personal space. She allows herself to be manhandled all the time; allows people to touch her and play with her hair too much; she also forgives people too easily.
There are some plot errors/character directions that don't make sense to me. FMC will tell her roomies what she is, but not someone from her chain? That didn't make sense to me.
The beginning when the FMC was having a panic attack, the one guy kisses her to stop? That doesn't make much sense.
The author also fell into the trap of having one of the MMC's not want to "bond" with the FMC because "he's so tortured" and he's "just trying to protect her." *rolls eyes* He's 28 years old, grow up and be an adult.
The one thing that I did not like about the world building was that it was very confusing at points. It appears that there are several powerful people out there, but they all cozy up to the monarch. And like, what is the role of royalty? It seems like the world and the politics are only half thought out/developed.
This wasn't an amazing book, but it wasn't bad either. I'm intrigued enough to read book two when it releases and hopefully some of the writing will have tightened up by then. ...more
Like so many why-choose writers, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nLike so many why-choose writers, this author chose to have very dumb nicknames for the FMC. I've started to realize that the less mature authors use nicknames as crutches and this book further solidifies that point.
Four mates gave the following nicknames to one FMC: Princess, sweetheart, bumblebee, little bee, beautiful, precious girl.
Oh, and of course can't forget the "good girl" thrown around every once in a bit.
I commend this author for choosing to write about a subject that isn't often explored in writing: the bond control/manipulation of alphas, sexual assault of men and how toxic control and obsession can really become.
However, this author did not make smart decisions for her characters and fell into traps that so many other A/B/O universes do. There was so much BBS it was unnecessary to keep pointing it out as the body betrayal of the FMC was front and center.
There were so many character driven actions that didn't make sense and several plot holes that were glaring. First, at one point the FMC says she won't struggle against her captors. The next page, the FMC is being described as struggling heavily against the hands that hold her. Second, the MMC's have been under control of someone for years but they turn around and mimic that behavior towards the FMCV. She doesnt want to be called nicknames, they dismiss that. She doesn't consent to talking, they dismiss that. She doesn't consent to being kissed, they dismiss that. The MMC's know what its like being tracked, so they track the FMC and order her around.
The MMC's are full of big words but little action. They say that they are scared of their captor, but have done nothing to escape and in fact, do everything to make the FMC's life a living hell.
The sex scene at 85% doesn't make any sense at all, and came out of left field. It was like the author needed to have a sex scene and couldn't find a better way to incorporate it.
The storyline had promise. But the execution fell flat. ...more
Currently 32% in Initial thoughts: FMC is as strong as a wet paper towel in a CAT 5 hurricane. She allows her best friend to bully her into having someCurrently 32% in Initial thoughts: FMC is as strong as a wet paper towel in a CAT 5 hurricane. She allows her best friend to bully her into having some "fun." She feels bad when she has to rush to get ready for a festival. She succumbs to BBS and allows herself to be in a position to be disqualified. She allows her boss to treat her terribly. She allows herself to be blackmailed. The one contestant is an asshole; condescending, egotistical and a know-it-all, but the FMC can't help but fall for him. *rolls eyes*
FMC needs a backbone. Yet, she won't develop one (is my guess).
40% FMC failed to defend herself against unwanted advances and needed a man to rescue her.
73% FMC continuously acts against what is in her best interest. She knows she can't be seen with a judge outside of competition, she does so anyway. She is allowing all of the alphas to bully and lay the seeds of control down, and she does nothing to stop it. Just as predicted, she hasn't grown a backbone yet. With 1/3 of the book left, I doubt it'll grow sometime soon.
**Completed book** At the core, this is a story about an omega who cannot keep her body in check around alphas. A story told time and time again.
In order to fully understand what is happening in the story, the previous books have to be read. Nemesis begins in media res which is confusingDNF 31%
In order to fully understand what is happening in the story, the previous books have to be read. Nemesis begins in media res which is confusing for someone who is new to this world.
I found the premise of the FMC and her family a bit too far fetched and I didn't believe the events that were happening. ...more
There was a lot of stuff happening and the resolution was rushed, no answers given and no time really foThis is the authors debut novel and it shows.
There was a lot of stuff happening and the resolution was rushed, no answers given and no time really for the story to marinate when the big events happened.
Everything was treated with the same importance: walking down the street, walking into a room, meeting someone in a dark corner, eavesdropping on a meeting - EVERYTHING had such importance that it was difficult to ascertain what was really important.
Some events didn't make sense. Some leaps in logic didn't make sense.
The men were stupid: "You put a spell on me. I cant stop thinking about you. Stay away from me." Such immature personality traits.
We know who her fated mates are going to be, but we don't know their personalities.
Too much imagery, too much telling and not showing, and too much descriptives. The story didn't pick up until the 80% mark, before that it was dull and boring. ...more