Saturday Snapshots #178: A Top Ten Guitar Songs

That wasn't too difficult, was it?

A TOP TEN GUITAR SONGS

(If you wonder why I call these lists A Top Ten... rather than THE Top Ten..., it's because there are some songs I have to leave out to avoid too much artist repetition. Like...

Bruce Springsteen - House Of A Thousand Guitars

or

Magnetic Fields - Acoustic Guitar

 ...for just two examples.)

Anyway, these are the guitar songs I ended up with following an exhaustive selection process...

10. The best ale will really scramble your brain.

"The best ale" unscrambled is...

The Beatles - While My Guitar Gently Weeps 

9. Room for treating dried up grass in mason's house.

A room for treating dried grass would be a Hay-ward. Masons live in a Lodge.

Justin Hayward & John Lodge - Blue Guitar

8. Boston girl meets fortune teller who can't read.

Boston sang about Amanda.

A palm reader without the read would be A Palm-er.

Amanda Palmer - Guitar Hero

7. Godard, Hitchcock, Scorsese... Tarantino?

They're all directors who may or may not be considered auteurs.

The Auteurs - American Guitars 

6. A nobleman, like a Scottish monarch.

A nobleman would be an Earl.

A Scottish Monarch might be a Mc-Queen... just like Steve McQueen.

Steve Earle - Guitar Town

5. I get mixed up in a casual windmill.

"Casual windmill" with an extra I mixed into it leaves you with an anagram for...

Lucinda Williams - Real Live Bleeding Fingers And Broken Guitar Strings

Or you could have had this John Denver cover...

Lucinda Williams - This Old Guitar

4. Dead cockneys.

"Brown bread" is Cockney rhyming slang for dead.

Bread - Guitar Man 

3. German clarinet?

A Gerry reed instrument?

Jerry Reed - Guitar Man

2. Bill or Hal? (The latter, not so much these days.)

William and Harry are both Princes... although Harry is in question at the moment.

Prince - Guitar

(If you need a reminder of what a great guitarist Prince was, click that link.)

1. Boastful goat.

Still as blisteringly exciting as when I first heard it...

"The time that it takes to make a baby

Could be the time it takes to make a cup of tea..."

You old romantic, Bill...

More next week!

Saturday Snapshots #29 - The Answers

If yesterday's clues were all a blur to you... allow me to clear them up.



10. Oy! Rossiter! This is what James Bond might drink on the dark side of the moon.

Martin Rossiter is the lead singer of Gene. Bond would have his martini shaken, not stirred, with Pink Floyd.

Pink Martini - Hey Eugene

Charity Chic got the artist, Chris solved the song.

9. Bounce! Mrs. McCartney loses a: rare grown-up caterpillar.

If something is bouncing, it's bobbing up and down. Linda - a = Lind.

Bob Lind - Elusive Butterfly

Alyson broke out of her chrysalis to solve this one.

8. Women can be just like Van Halen. Crying Clitheroe or Weeping Watford?

A Girl Called Eddy - Tears All Over Town

And another one for Alyson!

7. Split up with your lad? Don't turn a drama into a Cold War crisis.

Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

And another one for... oh. Nobody. Guess that's a point for me then. (Unless it was answered after 9pm Saturday.)

6. Not Chubby Checker. Not New Order.

Fats Domino - Blue Monday

It never occurred to me before that Chubby Checker was just a rip off of Fats Domino. Perhaps it had occurred to Rigid Digit.

5. I'm overjoyed that you put everything you had into this.

Blood, Sweat & Tears - You've Made Me So Very Happy

Lynchie got this. Alyson kicked herself.

4. Make a big fuss while searching for Wonder Woman.

Hue & Cry - Looking For Linda

CC was this week's early bird... despite the fact that these guys had a lot more hair when they had their hits.

3. The next best thing to your daily song about Slash.

The next best thing to sliced bread?

Bread - Guitar Man

A point for C!

2. Swimsuits murder a song about Princess Leia.

Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl

Charity Chic solved this one eventually... though C and Chris were typing the title at the same time.

1. Jazz label gets mixed up with Bill Hicks musical.

The jazz label would be Bluenote. Mix it up and you get Bluetone. This song is named after a Bill Hicks record. Slight Return also owed a debt to Hicks, which was C's guess, but I prefer the track Rigid Digit eventually identified...

(This has a truly awful video - what were they thinking? - so I've posted the audio only.)


By my reckoning, this week's joint winners with 2 1/2 points each are C and CC. Well done, guys. Excellent teamwork as always.

More next week, double-decker buses permitting...

My Top Ten Father & Son Songs... That Don't Mention Fathers or Sons In The Title

Still too busy to write new Top Tens... but fortunately, I stashed a few away in reserve before our new arrival.

Having a son has made me think a lot about being a father, and about my own father and everything he's done for me. These ten songs put those emotions into words I could never write...

(There are lots of father / son records that do mention the F or S word in the title. We'll get back to those.)


10. Dan Fogelberg - Leader of the Band

Big member of the Dan Fogelberg Appreciation Society right here.

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

9. Paul McCartney - Put It There

Those of you who know about the love/hate relationship I have with Sir Thumbsaloft might be surprised to find this one here, yet I always found it to be one his most affecting solo records, based on some wacky old Liverpudlian expression his dad used to come out with.

8. Brad Paisley - He Didn't Have To Be

Brad's first American Number One tells the story of a boy's respect for his stepfather, hoping that when he himself becomes a father, he can be "at least half the dad he didn't have to be". I always presumed this was autobiographical, but iffypedia tells me it's actually about one of Paisley's friends and his son.

7. Mike & The Mechanics - The Living Years

Mike & The Mechanics were an appealing prospect in that they were basically latter-day Genesis minus Phil Collins, with added Paul Carrack. Which is a win-win situation in anybody's book. This is their biggest hit, a heartstring tugger about a son who regrets his fractious relationship with his father once the old man has passed.

6. Nizlopi - JCB Song

Something of a novelty hit, this relies heavily on 80s pop culture references (Zoids, Transformers, BA Baracus and Toberlone) to catch the attention of blokes of a certain age... i.e. me. And although not all our dads will have driven a JCB, many of us can remember a time when we thought our Dad was Bruce Lee...

5. David Gates & Bread - Everything I Own

Yes, I used to think this was just another song about a man pining for a woman too. Puts a whole new slant on it when you realise it's about a son missing his late father...

I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again

4. Bruce Springsteen - Walk Like A Man

Bruce has written a number of songs about his father and my immediate thought for this list was My Hometown in which he rides around town on his dad's lap (no car seats in them days!). But this one gets me in the back of the throat from the opening line...

I remember how rough your hand felt in mine
On my wedding day...

3. Billy Bragg - Tank Park Salute 

A young boy confronts his own mortality... and that of his father.

I accepted the commiserations
Of all your friends and your relations
But there's some things I still don't understand

You were so tall
How could you fall?

And if you think that's a tearjerker... try this:

2. Shirley Lee - The Reservoir

I've written about this song many times before, I'm sure I'll write about it again. Shirley's heartfelt tribute to his late father: it never fails to reduce me to tears. If you can spare the time to listen to it, I challenge you to reach the end without filling up. All the way to the end. Don't say I didn't warn you.

1. Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle

"Frankly," says Harry Chapin in his live introduction, "this song scares me to death."

It's certainly a lesson to busy fathers everywhere... 




Which song reminds you of your father?

My Top Ten Surrender Songs

That's it - I give up!


10. JJ72 - Surrender

JJ72: should have been bigger.

9. Bread - Sweet Surrender

Really, if you were expecting Wet Wet Wet, you really don't know me very well at all. Still, same title - much better song... and no grinning Tony Blairalike frontman. That's got to be a bonus.

8. Less Than Jake - Surrender

Apparently this is a cover of an old Cheap Trick song, but as I've never heard the original and can't pretend to know anything about Cheap Trick, you're stuck with the rather nice LTJ version.

7. Diana Ross - Surrender

Written by Ashford & Simpson. I was such a huge Diana Ross fan as a kid, I really should have been gay.

6. Swing Out Sister - Surrender

Because the 80s will live forever... on this blog at least.

5. Elvis Presley - Surrender

Another Elvis hit by the legendary songwriting duo of Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman, though the melody is based on an old Neapolitan ballad, Come Back To Sorrento. (Or so wikipedia claims.) Still, 5 million copies sold - that's some going.

4. Rainbow - I Surrender


Let's ROCK. Man, lead singer (at the time - Rainbow had about 6 at one point or another) Joe Lynn Turner had one serious haircut. I wonder if his dad ever told him how much he looked like a girl?

3. The Jam - Beat Surrender

Bullshit is bullshit
It just goes by different names

2. Bruce Springsteen - No Surrender

Who didn't learn more from a three minute record than we ever learned in school?

1. Justin Currie - No, Surrender

Adding a simple comma turns Bruce's defiant roar into a hopeless epic of resigned misanthropy. Justin hates on everyone and everything in this touching 8 minute rant... so much moaning, it takes TWO youtube videos to do it justice. It's like Nothing Ever Happened turned up to 11.

Should you stand and fight 
Should you die for what you think is right 
So your useless contribution will be remembered? 
If you're asking me I say no, surrender. 

Those were the records I'm surrendering too... but which one gets you waving your white flag?

My Top Ten Diary Songs

I never kept a diary. The closest I ever came was writing a blog. Sadly, I can find only one record about blogging. Scribbling down your life in a diary though... there's plenty to go at.



10. Bread - Diary

David Gates. Hugely unappreciated 70s songwriter. We should have more of him round these parts.

9. Pink - Dear Diary

Yes, Pink again, two Top Tens running. Have we not got over my Pink addiction yet? Really.

8.  The Ataris - In This Diary

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.

Discuss.

7. Eels - Jeannie's Diary

I don't have a chance at writing the book
I just wanna be a page
In Jeannie's diary
One single page
In Jeannie's diary

New Eels album coming in February - yay!

6. The Kinks - My Diary

Sorry, Ray Davies's diary is too full to squeeze you in today.

5. The Real Tuesday Weld - The Day Before You Came

Written by Abba, a hit for Blancmange, but it's the Real Tuesday Weld version I can't get enough of. No actual diary in this song - but if the writer had kept one, his memory of the day in question might be a little better.

4. Yazoo - Nobody's Diary

Only in the 80s could a pop band have looked like Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke. One more reason I'm glad I grew up in this wonderful decade.

3. The Beautiful South - My Book

One of my favourite Beautiful South singles, yet one of their least successful. Heaton's on top lyrical form here... what a pity Soul II Soul felt the need to sue him for it for his "Back to bed, back to reality" refrain.

This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

2. The Bluetones - Solomon Bites The Worm

The Bluetones adapt the diary of one Solomon Grundy, esquire, for one of their greatest songs. It's a cracker. As Kevin Bacon says, doing his best Frank Carson impression on that advert. Now there's something I never thought I'd see...

1. ELO - The Diary of Horace Wimp

I found the story of Horace Wimp heartbreaking as a younger man. I could certainly empathize with his hopeless quest to find a significant other...

Wednesday. Horace met the girl. She was small and she was very pretty. 
He thought he was in love, he was afraid - uh oh. 
Thursday. Asked her for a date, the cafe down the street, tomorrow evening. 
His head was reeling, when she said yes, OK.

Those were the best entries in my diary. Which one do you keep padlocked under your pillow so your mum won't read it?