Thursday, 13 March 2025
Sequel Songs #8: Major Tom
Sunday, 9 January 2022
Snapshots #222: A Top Ten London Underground Songs
10. Achieved a first class grade in culinary school.
Kitchens of Distinction - On Tooting Broadway Station
9. Often seen on the corner of Sinatra Street.
Frank, turning the corner...
Frank Turner - The Angel Islington
8. Titanic confrontation.
Clash of the Titans!
Take your pick between...
White Man - (White Man) in Hammersmith Palais
Or...
7. Political dove opponent resembles a slice of pig.
Hawks oppose doves. Ham-ish.
Hamish Hawk - Bakerloo, Unbecoming
I listened to that track on repeat for the entire (1 hour plus) journey home earlier this week.
6. Sounds like something you might find in the trial of the Moors Murderers.
That would be an Ian (Brady) Jury.
5. It's fear that makes them jingle.
The Trembling Bells - Marble Arch
4. Remember the REM LP Up? These guys have mixed feelings about it.
LP Up? Anagram!
3. Canadian Kathleen knew more than one, Johnny and Bobby.
Kathleen Edwards + Johnny & Bobby Ball.
The photo above is Edward Ball when he was a member of the Television Personalities. This is what he sounded like as a solo artist in the mid-90s...
Apparently Mill Hill is London Underground's least used station. And it's not even under ground! No wonder it hates itself.
Edward Ball - The Mill Hill Self Hate Club
2. Grey fart fryer.
1. First sign of male pattern baldness.
Apparently one of the first signs of male pattern baldness is kinks in the hair.
There was almost a very big clue in the photo, which I had to edit out before posting this yesterday. (Check the drumkit.)
Abba featured last week, so it was Ray had to take the top spot. (Also, this song is actually about the station, rather than the place where Napoleon fell.)
The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset
I won't be Cruella... Snapshots will be back next Saturday.
Thursday, 1 October 2020
Stressed Post Thursday
When you don't have a Guest Post, go with a Stressed Post.
Here's Steve Mason, getting rather stressed when his musical heroes like John Lydon and Iggy Pop take the advertising dollar...
Johnny and The Idiot pissing on a dream
And obviously, I hate it when my favourite songs end up in TV commercials too.
Then again, I used to work in advertising, and from time to time I would have to call up agents and publishers and try to get the rights to famous songs to use in radio ads. My biggest success was getting There's Nothing Like This by Omar into a campaign for a Kitchens & Bathrooms company. (Never managed to sell them a track by Kitchens of Distinction.) If I remember rightly, it was Omar's brother-in-law who was his agent, and Omar was more than happy to take the cash.
I lost count of the number of idiots who asked me to get Simply The Best by Tina Turner for their fireplace showroom, used Honda dealership or honey glazed donut shop... even after Ricky Gervais took the piss out of that notion in The Office.
On the office wall where I used to work, I pinned a famous Bill Hicks quote, to remind me every day just what I was doing with my life...
But do you know what? I'd go back to that job in a heartbeat if it was still there. I didn't know how good I had it.
Am I stressed right now?
Here's Steve Mason...
Sunday, 12 August 2018
Saturday Snapshots #45 - The Answers
I hope you had the time of your life playing Saturday Snapshots yesterday. And that none of you ended up a Basket Case...
A Saturday night powercut means I'm setting this to post via my phone so can't add my usual commentary congratulating the winners. Just hoping this will still post on Sunday morning as planned. I'll try to add comments later on Sunday but thanks for playing as always.
Je t'aime is French for 'I love you'.
A tiny city full of serial killers would be a mini Ripper-town.
Minnie Riperton - Loving You
9. High ranking (southern) British martial artist and fishy western director request the pleasure of your company this evening.
The ranking system in many forms of martial arts is the Dan. Southern Britain would be England.
John Ford was a great director of Westerns. Coley is a fish.
Phew. Convoluted way to get to an undisputed easy listening classic.
England Dan & John Ford Coley - I'd Really Love To See You Tonight
8. My girl in Portugal is a honey.
"My girl" translated into Portuguese is "a minha menina".
Honey comes from bees.
The Bees - A Minha Menina
7. After a couple of weeks sightseeing, kick off your shoes and hit the sofa.
Explains itself.
The Tourists - So Good To Be Back Home Again
6. Half a gross of Cale hunting a red mermaid.
Half a gross is 72.
J.J. Cale.
The Hunt For Red October.
Mermaids swim.
JJ72 - October Swimmer
5. Bet you felt a proper one before that fall. Smooch one of your crimefighting ladies to help you feel better.
Pride goes before a fall.
If you're embarrassed, you might feel a proper Charley.
Charlie's Angels were crimefighters.
Charley Pride - Kiss An Angel Good Morning
4. Heroic cop loses his G-string across the channel.
Heroic is daring, minus a g = Darin. A cop is a Bobby.
Across the Channel is...
Bobby Darin - Beyond The Sea
3. Win a designer scullery!
A designer scullery would be a kitchen of distinction.
You win prizes.
Kitchens of Distinction - Prize
2. Take pride in your centrefolds with pierced bellybuttons.
Taking pride in yourself is self respect.
Centrefolds are often pierced through their bellybuttons by staples.
The Staple Singers - Respect Yourself
1. Part time docker and grainmaker has a laugh.
A docker is a stevedore. Part time would make him merely Steve.
A grainmaker would be a Miller.
Laughing is for Jokers.
Saturday Snapshots will be back next week. American Idiots and Geek Stink Breaths need not apply.
Wednesday, 30 August 2017
My Top Ten Lauren Bacall Songs
"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow"
Quite a few of the songs featured in My Top Ten Humphrey Bogart Songs also made mention of his fourth wife and the greatest love of his life, Lauren Bacall. So you might think I'd struggle to put together a Lauren Bacall Top Ten without some crossover. Au contraire...
10. Kevin Roth - Just Like Lauren Bacall
She knewI will hold my hand up and say that I'd never heard of Kevin Roth until very recently. Iffypedia doesn't tell me much about him either, other than he's "is an American folk singer and Appalachian dulcimer player who has released forty-five albums".
Just what to do
When the boys came...
FORTY-FIVE ALBUMS? Dude needs a bigger iffypedia page.
9. ABC - Love Conquers All
Another of Sheffield's greatest pop bands...
When Bogart saw Bacall8. Alabama 3 - Wade Into The Water
He knew that love conquers all
Time for your baptism... Alabama-style.
I got as drunk as Bogart, you were just smokin' like Bacall7. Kitchens of Distinction - When In Heaven
Imagine what could happen after this drink: I'm wearing wingsWell, you're definitely raving, Patrick.
Join Lauren Bacall, float up to heaven's gate
Wearing danger smiles. She'll meet with the stars
They'll break down doors
Those shining pearls float off in space
I'm raving beautifully
6. Pavlov's Dog - Mersey
Smoothy 70's AOR. You can't beat it.
And all the other times5. The Clash - Car Jamming
That I wished that you were here
And everything went crazy
When my head filled up with beer
I played that I was Bogart
And that you were my Bacall
And everything just shattered by curtain call
Meanwhile, Joe is certain he saw Lauren Bacall in a traffic jam. There are worse people to get stuck behind.
4. Thea Gilmore - Movie Kisses
Poor old Thea, such a cynic...
Here it is3. The Wedding Present - You Jane
The not-so-happy-ending
We've done
Our picket fence defending
We did Bogart and Bacall and now the spotlight's gone and anyway
All those movie kisses just last too long
I doubt this will be the last time we'll hear from David Gedge in this particular series...
There’s really no need to explain2. The Amazing Rhythm Aces - Hit The Nail On The Head
He’s Tarzan and you’re Jane
He’s Bogart, you’re Bacall
I’m sure he has it all
Another forgetten gem from the greatest decade.
I can tell you're from down south1. Jesse Malin - Wendy
The way you say ya'll
You look at me over your shoulder
Just like Lauren Bacall
One of Jesse's very best. (And he'll be back again tomorrow with another one.)
Wendy took me with a smile
Country lips and Bacall style
Through Tangiers or to Bombay
Her self-portrait in the USA