Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.

 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.

 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."

 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"

 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.

 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"

 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."

 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.

 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.

 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?

 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."

 "What?  Why not?"

 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."

 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"

Nine For A Kiss - AKA: Arse & Artichokes

 I had quite a few titles in mind for this post, and couldn't decide between the magpie rhyme reference and the title of Gordy Ramsbottom's Delilah-baiting cook book (thank you, Ms Scarlet) so I went with both.  The runner up was "Smile You Twat" from, well, scroll down and you'll see.

This Mischief of Magpies delights in clattering over the roof of Hexenhäusli Device and its neighbours, making an incessant racket as these photos from 29th August illustrate!

 

A litle later that morning I went up to the allotment to see what needed picking:

Death by Chocolate/Asphyxiation/Explosion*

* Delete as applicable

 Just a quick post so that I don't forget how.  As I've STILL got nothing of substance to blog about, I thought I'd present my birthday haul:

 Let's start with the most exciting gift: the Lego International Space Station!  My sister Indescribable and her family got me that (you'll note that the space shuttle has already been built - my nephew, Count Podgkinson (4) "helped" me with it). 

 My niece, The Little Witch (8), made me the pretsles prestons out of pipe cleaners (she was closer the first time, but insists that they're called Prestons), and the other niece, Vom Smallhausen (5) coloured in the My Little Pony on the lower right.  I'm not sure why they thought I'd like a MLP card (nevermind two of them), but at least the more professional looking one has got rainbow hair and a Star Trek cutie-mark.

 Other than the two Co-op bars, all the chocolate has been devoured.  Well, except for the last three truffles and that Ferrero Rocher (the boxes are empty - the unseen FR box is propping up the Lego set).

 With some of the money that The Parents gave me, I bought Typeset in the Future - because I love Dave Addey's website;  Jupiter Ascending - because I love the ridiculously bonkers premise and the amazing worldbuilding - and Channing Tatum isn't bad, either;  and As I Try Not To Fall Apart by White Lies - because I can't help but love the 80s-esque songs that my favourite glum, beardy, miseryguts and his band belt out.  In fact, here comes one now:

 

Sunday Ketchup - IDV's Copy/Paste Edition

 I've realised that I'm in danger of never blogging ever again unless I do something NOW!  So, taking a leaf out of Ms Scarlet's book - almost literally, and with her permission (kind of) - here's my quick-and-dirty, copy-and-paste Sunday Ketchup. 

From Ms Scarlet's 5th December Sunday Ketchup post: 

"Sunday Ketchup. It will be a random account of my week and will include quotes from my journal [my very secret journal that I show no-one ever!]; photographs; collages; calligraphy; and, of course, the obligatory piece of Sunday music. How thrilled you must be to read of my good intentions. Again. Let us proceed…"

 My week - nay, my weeks - since my last post have been spent continuing the dither that engulfed me at the start of the year.  It's got to the point where I've become a passive observer rather than an active participant, which means I've barely done anything of note at all.

 I haven't produced any calligraphy of course, but I did spend 10-15 minutes making a £999,960 Bank of Bungle bank note for my sister Indescribable's birthday earlier in the week.  She wanted a million pounds so I topped up the £40 John Lewis voucher I got for her with this:

Spot the mistake (which I corrected after I took this photo)...
 

 In my very secret journal I wrote: A rescue - from [a spiral in(g) time] - a survivor, Galuth Nym, an old woman who should be young.

 From my emails I wrote: Thanks very much for sorting Car out. Again. I’m sure it won’t be the last time – unless I get a new car sooner rather than later...

 Photograph of the week: 

Taken for an art project that never took off...
 

 A tune that I discovered yesterday and have listened to rather a lot: "Impossible" by Röyksopp & Alison Goldfrapp

 

In fact, I'm listening to it now...

 Right.  I'd best be off as there's loads to do before I can lounge about in the bath for a couple of hours this evening.  Plus, I need to do the catch up with all of you that I didn't do last time.

P.S. I love all your comments in the last post.  Carry on! 

EDIT 20:40 - P.P.S. For a birthday I usually forget... (not mine, although I did shoot this on my birthday 12 years ago)

Fart in a Colander

 Sorry I haven't been around much lately - I've been in a bit of a dither this past few weeks what with one thing and another.  "Like a fart in a colander" (that doesn't know which hole to get out of), as my Grandma used to put it.

 I can't quite put my finger on what's brought it on, but I suspect that a combination of things are to blame, including more Car related woes (it's in the garage again!).  I have taken up swimming (in a pool, not the sea) though, which seems to be taking the edge off, somewhat.

 Oh, the inclusion of the Parsnip People (from my allotment) up there will become apparent if you keep reading.

::

 New music: I've been surprised by White Lies latest release "Am I Really Going To Die".  That's three in a row from them that I've taken to.  I'm not usually a fan of their music as it aways seems too maudlin and ernest for my liking, but this one is quite bright and pop-y with some rather exhilarating bits (I haven't really listened to the words, so it's probably really miserable).

 Also, I'm getting sick of the lead singer's glum, beardy face singing at me/the camera.

::

Soon to be 399...

 Sorry I haven't been around much over the past couple of weeks or so.  Amongst other things, I had some bad news last month that's affected me more than I thought it would.  It was something that I've known was coming for a while now, but I just thought I'd have another couple of years or so before it became real.  Unfortunately, Car is seriously ill, and is not expected to make it beyond the end of 2022.

A frosty Car from back in January

 Car went in for its MOT in the middle of November, and I knew my purse wouldn't get through unscathed.  I'd had a bad feeling about Car for most of this year, and even considered getting a new car back in September, but my optimism - buoyed on by my superb procrastinatory skills and a hefty dose of denial - won out.  Which meant that come MOT time, I submitted Car for the roadworthiness test, stubbornly forseeing a rose-tinted, birds & butterflies (yes, even at that time of year - I saw a peacock butterfly at the beginning of this month, no less), happy ending - possibly involving the doe-eyed young mechanic who had seen to Car previously.

Ow! My Purse!

"Can we come home with you?  No?  Ha ha!!  Too late - You shouldn't have left your car unlocked!"

I knew getting a trolley at the garden centre was a bad idea...

☙❧

 I've been out today.  Yes, I know.  Anyway, I popped to Sainsbury's in North Walsham to get some essentials - you know, gin, tonic, chocolate etc. etc. - and then drove across town to Hadfields garden centre (the one with the tearoom - you remember!).

 I deliberately walked in without taking a trolley, but within five minutes, my hands were already full, so I doubled back and got one.  Ten minutes later my purse gave a resigned sigh and unclenched...

 These rather gorgeous triffids are the result: a couple of perennial foxgloves (yes, I know I've missed some of the flowering season, but I love foxgloves and couldn't resist these.  In fact, I used to have the pink one - Digitalis x valinii "Illumination Pink" - but the exceptionally cold winter did it in), two beautiful irises, a small Philadephus x lemoinei "Belle etoile" the small white flowers of which made Car smell heavenly on the way home, a Fatsia japonica "Spiderweb" (with the white splayed hand-shaped leaves), three small ferns, and an Acanthus spinosus.

 The green rosette of leaves at the front is a Digitalis parviflora (another foxglove which will have small chocolate-coloured flowers - I used to have one of these up my Back Passage!) that came home with me not from Hadfields, but from The Old Vicarage Garden in East Ruston.  Yes, I made a return visit there and there will be photos. 

 So many photos...

M A G N O L I A

Big Pink Tree!  (Cherry, not Magnolia)

 In the previous post, Mistress Maddie waxed lyrical about Magnolia trees and was surprised to learn that we have them here across the pond.  Well, after I'd finished replying to the comments, I went out for a quick walk around the village (also inspired by a Maddie comment from the last post in March) to get a snap of the Main Road's Magnificent Magnolia.

 Unfortunately, the poor thing doesn't look half as magnificent as last year, as - in its exposed position - almost all of the flowers have been frost and wind-burned.

A wet, white flurry of mushy disappointment

 It snowed this morning.  A wet, white flurry of mushy disappointment.  It wasn't cold enough for it to be that nice crisp, dry snow that's good to walk in, so I stayed in and made paper globes to replace the Christmas/Winterval baubles on the cake stands in the kitchen.

Blue Bottom and Rainbow

 So, what have I been up to since The Year of Ferrero Rochering Dangerously ended and now?  (Other than that Tippi Hedren moment and Ms Scarlet's First Vinyl meme, of course - see previous post.) 

 Well, apart from work and wandering about the countryside surrounding Hexenhäusli Device, not a lot.  As these photos go to show...

 First up from 27th December, the titular blue bottom and a load of clay: 

Near the end of the End-of-the-Line is a blue bottom!

 

Don't worry, this photo was taken from quite a long way off.

This grey seal pup had just been disentangled from a discarded jacket, and was getting over the ordeal by lounging about waiting for its mum to return from the sea.

"I don't think that's a tower full of cows..."

 After the Garden Photos Event announcement and various Star Trek-related scribbles, sketches, and photo-comics, I thought it was time to get back to a post full of photographs.  And, unlike many photos displayed here over the past few years, you may be surprised to discover that some of them are of subject matter never before seen on this blog!

 First of the unseen-til-now is the lake at Felbrigg.  I was dragged across fields and countryside by my sister, Inexcuseable, her husband, and Count Podgkinson (although he spent quite a lot of time in his pushchair... lucky sod), on a boiling hot day back in mid-September.  It was all right, I suppose...

There were cormorants!

Ms Scarlet with the Trolley on the Mezzanine

 "EXCUSE ME????"  Ms Scarlet was aghast.  "Fight over the starring role???  Are you insane???  I am a natural leading lady.... See how the light follows me wherever I glide... See how the camera loves my glowing complexion.  Fight over the leading role?!  Oh, you are awful, Mr Devine."
 "Look, there are two starring roles, and you've already nabbed one of them" I sighed, gesturing at Ms Scarlet in her wheelchair.  "I was only suggesting that Jon and The Very Mistress might audition to see which of them might be more suitable for the other role."

 "To be a star is to own the world and all the people in it.  After a taste of stardom, everything else is poverty" Jon declared with his nose in the air as he attempted to gaze out of an age-clouded, corrugated plastic skylight.  "Besides, I think 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jon?' has a nice ring to it."

 "'Whatever happened to Baby Jon?'!?"  The Very Mistress nearly choked.
 "Yes.  Baby Jon.  What?  You think 'Whatever Happened to Baby MJ?' is more realistic?  No one will believe you were ever that young."
 "Well, what about this then??" and The Very Mistress pulled out a copy of her unauthorised and unofficial biography and waved a picture of herself from her youth at him.
 "Perhaps we should take a break, hmm?" I said glancing over to the little kitchenette tucked away at the back of the mezzanine.  We were rehearsing the dreadfully delayed Christmas panto - now repurposed as Ms Scarlet's Birthday Panto - in the tight space of the upper level of the Mogwash scout hut (which was currently doubling as the village hall due to there not being one on the map).  The main space below was in use by a member of the Littlehampton Confectionary Display Team who had booked it following the destruction of their previous venue near Southend pier by a tornado of trampolines.  "I think we could all do with a nice cup of tea and a fig roll before we go any further?"

Hexenhäusli deVice in the Arms of Orion

 After haranguing in your multitudes, I -
 "Multitudes?!?  I hardly think that an amount that can be counted on the fingers of one hand classes as haranguing.

Even a Norfolk one.  But not this one...

And I don't think anyone actually harangued - It was more like polite asking, if you ask me.

 Well, I didn't ask you.  Nobody did!  Anyway, some of you asked to see the DeVice Mansion, so here it is:

Hexenhäusli deVice - aka the DeVice Mansion - a week before we moved in

The kitchen (well, duh!)

The gracious hall/foyer.  One day soon, I'm going to stand on the stairs with a glass of Champagne just like Linda Evans as Krystle Carrington in the Dynasty opening titles!

Memories of Green

 Those vile, green, ribbed-for-your-pleasure, posterior-pleasers - and, no, I'm not talking about those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts (currently awaiting their debut in Ms Scarlet's clutches) - have escaped their imprisonment from the attic of Castlette DeVice!

Run, Very Mistress. Run!

 One of the pair languished in the attic for over six years, the other one for about three or four years (we agreed to a plea bargain in which it was granted sitting status, but only for Ming [mayherestinpeace] - as the white and grey hairs wedged into the nooks and crannies attested to).  They saw an opportunity after Inexcuseable's Husband (seen here fending off moist bints) left the attic trapdoor unlocked (possibly on purpose), and I, innocent to the plot, turned up to poach the Wifi.  After grappling with emails and WhatsApps, I returned to Car and found, to my horror, the tiresome tubular chairs relaxing on the back seat!

It's here I realise that I should have taken photographic evidence to illustrate this invasion of green - somewhat like this prior encounter, but not this one (as it is in black and white...) - an oversight I regret now.

 Despite much foot stamping and threats of thaumatalurgical violence, the hollow-framed horrors just smiled - a disconcerting expression on a pair of fifty year old (or thereabouts) corduroy chairs - and bade me to transport them to their new home at the DeVice Mansion.

Here they are in their new habitat.  Arrogant sods.

Blatant in the boudoir

"I'll drive you round the bend"

 I was driving home from work yesterday, wondering whether I could be bothered to wash Car after I'd had tea, when the thought of Eros' bird shit-covered car popped into my head.  Then I wondered what kind of car Eros drives.  Which led me to wonder what cars the rest of you drive.  If you drive, that is?
  
 Aside from her cavalcade of Mistress Mobiles, we know The Very Mistress gets around upon some sort of velocipede:



  And while Ms Scarlet is partial to a flying bath mat (of the octopus sucker variety), Mago ferries a van load of children around the Franconian towns and countryside, Norma gets chauffeured around in Ruth Buzzi's Lincoln Continental, and LẌ enjoys a spin in the Space Shuttle now and again, what method of terrestrial transportation do they avail themselves of when not flying to George Clooney's Lake Como retreat/working/avoiding flying saucers/visiting Princess?

 And what about the rest of you?  What cars do you drive (or get driven around in)?  And if you don't drive, what is your preferred method of transport?

Threatening Orchids

  I took these photos this morning, then visited Dinahmow's to discover that she's threatening orchids, too.  Hers are bound to be far more spectacular than the three here in Château DeVice, so consider this post a warm-up for the show at Dinah's!

The kitchen windowsill at Château DeVice

This tiny, pretty little orchid came from Waitrose a couple of months ago

This one was a gift from one of my cousins last year

And this blousy beauty showing off in the smallest room, I've had for years!

It's managed to survive two or three moves (I know I had it when I was with SP, and I may have had it before that) - one more to go before it equals Margaret 2.0's record (maysherestinpeace).  Its smaller, pink companion, gave up the ghost late last year (last seen here next to Prince Harry's underpants) 

  I don't know the names of these orchids - and I can't be arsed to find out - but I'm sure Dinah or Jon, The Official Plant-Spotter of Castlette DeVice and its Extensive Witchdom, may have some ideas...

Not Beaky. Mostly...

 I know it's only been ten days since Beaky was last inflicted upon you - and some of you may still not be over the shock of seeing Beaky brazenly bathing, baring all - but, apart from the headline photo, all the rest are Beaky-free.
 Well, except for one as I couldn't resist humiliating the strident little pest!

 The following photos were taken this morning:

A male chaffinch pecking up scraps

A greenfinch.  It's good to see a greenfinch as, last year, most of them around here suffered from some sort of disease that killed them off.  There were sad little greenfinch corpses all over the place.

Photos From a Lost Weekend

  This past weekend might as well not have happened.  I'll spare you the details as I don't want to remember it.
  However, I did manage to escape for an hour on Sunday with the excuse that I had to give Car a run as the snow had mostly melted and the roads were clear (poor Car had been sitting under a blanket of snow for half the week).  We drove along the coast to Happisburgh (pronounced Haysbruh) and spent five minutes at the lighthouse before deciding it was too windy and overcast to walk on the beach and driving home again.

Happisburgh Lighthouse - once repainted by Anneka Rice and her "Challenge Anneka" team.

Snowbirds

  Two inches of snow might as well be two feet.  As far as Château DeVice is concerned, this is enough not to risk going to work.  The fact that the main roads may be relatively clear is neither here nor there - I'm not walking up the road to check them just in case they are clear.  Although, Château DeVice has been invaded by sisters, nieces and nephew, so I've escaped upstairs to construct this post, and I'm actively considering going to work to get away from it all once this has been posted!
  Anyway, here are the snowbirds: 

Here's Beaky lurking amongst the plant pots

Dandy Horse Distraction

  Mago showed us his - and after a modicum of light pestering - I'll show you mine:

Unveiling the Velocipede

  For those occasions when taking Broom out is not an option (i.e. in daylight, mostly), I can't be bothered to walk, and I can't justify a relatively short trip in Car (i.e. to Indescribable's temporary woodland abode), Bike is summoned to transport me, if not in style, then at least in relative efficacy.

Bike hadn't even gone half a mile before stopping for a rest! Lazy...

Not bad for a 30odd year old bike, though.

  There. That's that out of the way so you can get on with crafting your "four" themed Tin Foil Hats (with or without rubber duck/s). There's only one week left until the submission deadline (19th August), remember!