GPE #7 : Jon suggests I "muck around with them..."

D O L O R E S

D E L A R G O

T O W E R S

(AKA Jon & Madam A)

 

 After a bit of a slow start, it was a magnificent Spring and summer this year in London, and the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers have really benefitted for all the extra sunshine - not least when I added a new tiered display stand to the border, and then two of the hideous bastard weed trees in neighbouring gardens were felled!

 

 Without further ado, highlights from the seasonal display, starting with the earliest blooms...

l-r: Cyclamen persicum,  Primula hybrida,  Brunnera macrophylla 'Jack Frost'

GPE #6 : Savvy "shares something gorgeous from the garden and cheers the fuck up!!"*

 

S A V V Y

 

These are some random shots of what's growing in the garden today.

[21st February - IDV] 

 

[...] The poppies just started blooming, but we've had big clumps of green leaves waiting patiently for their arrival.

 

I don't the name of the succulents that are blooming near the curb, but perhaps one of y'all might know from the close-up. (I know I could look it up, but...)

GPE #4 : Dinahmow "sacrificed some blood to get it!"

 

D I N A H

 

 I still don't have a "proper" garden, but I have a few things in pots and I've been doing some severe pruning which has unearthed all sorts of stuff!  Walnuts!  No sign of a walnut tree!  Three very BIG trees that I think are cherry or plum. And a very prickly native which I can't be certain of!

 The Jacaranda is from our Australia garden; also the Trachelospermum jasminoides - But taken since last year's pics.

 

My grand old stalwart Trachelospermum. Yes, I have it here (actually, in the niece's side of the garden; not quite flowering here yet.)

GPE #2 : Ms Nations is the kind of lunatic who makes jewellery* for her houseplants

 

F I R S T  N A T I O N S

 

 Less a couple of plants, this is what  my 'garden' looks like these days - all indoors.  I like the cascading type as you can see.

 

If you look closely you might see a couple of spots of color dotted around that don't seem very planty...

 

GPE #9 : Ms Nations' Bought Her Spider Plant A Mansion

This stop on the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tour is a reblog of An Occult Apperatus (from Steve. Because 'Steve' is almost as nice a name as 'Paul' was.), as instructed by the blog author herself,

M S  N A T I O N S

 

I live in an apartment, and I don't have a yard. What we do have is a tiny little back patio, and what I've been doing is growing a few nasturtiums in pots out there every Summer. 

 

This is where we hang out and talk shit.

 

 

I never get tired of nasturtiums. You just cannot beat this intricate flower form - and the hummingbirds adore them!

GPE #2 : Jon's & Madam Arcati's Glorious Spells

Despite the fact that it has been a pretty mild (and on occasions glorious) spell of weather lately, the Spring and summer of 2024 in London were mainly pretty grotty. As I recall, we had a couple of days of sun in June, and in late July/early August we had a proper blast of heat, but then it once again went to shit until October.

 

Regardless, the extensive gardens here at 

 

D O L O R E S

D E L A R G O

 T O W E R S

 

                                                                               still managed to provide us with some stunners – the ferns [every one of which has self-seeded, so we have dozens of new plants], lilies, clematis, begonias, hemerocallis. thalictrums, daffs, tulips, brodiaea, taro, aquilegia, lobelias, pelargoniums, hesperis, verbena, agastache, tradescantia, brunnera, veronica, geraniums and roses all did us proud (and of course the salvias, impatiens and fuchsias, which continue to do so); but the phloxes (all varieties), hydrangea, campanula, dianthus and dahlias all struggled compared to previous years. It was probably just too gloomy for them – what with the preponderance of grey days, and the encroaching canopy of bastard weed trees that blocks more and more light off our garden every year.

 

So, on with the show… In a melodrama akin to “Sophie’s Choice”, I have slimmed down the myriad photos we’ve accumulated since the beginning of the year to one “Star of the Month” each month to date. And here they are:

 

Jan 2024 – Ipheion uniflorum

 

 

Feb 2024 – Primula

Romancing the Precious Cargo

 The brief for July's Star Trek Fan Art Challenge was, well, brief:

  

Not Good Enough: Art inspired by unpopular episodes

  One particular episode came to mind as soon as this theme was suggested: "Precious Cargo" (a kind of screwball comedy).  Although it's not my absolute favourite, it is one of my most watched episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise (and not just because the lovely Connor Trinneer is running around in his undercrackers again).  However, almost everyone else considers it "a piece of crap" - even the episode writer, David Goodman!

 I quickly gathered up some screencaps from TrekCore and put together the rough draft below.  The inspiration for this came from the Romancing the Stone movie - specifically the odd couple romance and the crashing around in a jungle (I love that movie!). 

 

 Initially, I'd intended the backdrop to be a screencap of the watery jungle that Trip and Kaitaama find themselves in (similar to the RtS poster background), but the characters didn't stand out very well against it so I used a shot of their escape pod descending towards the planet instead.  Happily, the top of the escape pod lent itself as a marvellous background for the episode title.

The Year of Looking Glam Even Without Nail Varnish

 As you may have noticed, we haven't been around much this year.  Certainly not as much as I'd've liked, and not even as much as in last year's Lazy Baggagery!  So that means that our grasp on the year's happenings and your reportings thereof is weak at best.  Sorry.

 However, there was certainly enough memorable stuff (and things I'd thought to make a note of when they happened) to create this end-of-year extravaganza!

 Extravaganza?  That's pushing it, don't you think?

 Nah.  A sprinkle of glitter (thanks to Jon) will cover the cracks and gaping holes in this rather haphazard (as always) round up and turn it into the Event of the season!

 If you say so...  Shall we get on with it, then?

 Yes. Oh, hang on!  I've got to add a bit at the end about the return of the "Did I Win Yet?" Award/Quiz/Competition/Event/Festival thingy!

 Well, you'd better hurry because I'm launching this thing now.  Be ready with your Champagne flutes all you glamorous Blogorati!

 

 Oops!  Wrong signage.  Try this one:

 Strap in.  Here we go!

January

Quote : "My smut well has almost dried up." ~ What a way to start the year: The Very Mistress answering a question nobody asked.

Event : The 6th January was National Cuddle Up Day, apparently.  Although I'd want to cuddle up to those freckles EVERY day!  Adorable. 

 

 Thank you for bringing this auspicious occasion to our attention, Mr Tonking.

 

 

Art : Nouveau, of course.  I love the fantastical, soft intricacy of Art Nouveau, and don't indulge myself in it as often as I should.  Fortunately, Maddie popped up with a themed Mood Board this month which hit the spot.

 

Hot Totty : When it's cold outside, guests at the House of Borghese are offered furs with something hot inside. 

Garden Photos Event Final Warning

 

the House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event

 

opens on 1st November,

but not before we've hosed down and cleared up after Hallowe'en's

Terrifying Triffidery

So, for those of you taking part, please email me your photos by Saturday 28th October* (my blog's email address is in my Blogger profile on top of the Sideboard on the right there).  Everyone is welcome, from Infomaniac Bitches of yore, to newcomers, friends-of-friends, and lurkers.  More information can be found in the previous post, but if you have any questions, please ask away in the comments.

Oh, for fu-  Ignore Bitey, look at the lovely blue cornflowers.

☙❧

* But, because I am a soft touch, as long as some of you send in your photos by then, the rest of you lallygaggers can have a bit longer.  But not much longer, mind!  I have things to do, and I don't want to be curating photos all the way through November.

(I'll leave it up to you to decide who's going to be in my good books by getting their photos in on time, and who will earn under-my-breath mutterings and a spectacular eye roll come 29th October.  Or later.  Almost certainly later.)

 

See you all next week!

"The black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6"

 Oh, shit!  Is it my go?  

 Yes!

 Where's the rota?  Is it really my go?  I'm not ready!

 Oh, for fu-  Here, do one of Jon's laziest most efficient-type posts:

Nine common problems that can be solved by moving the f**k out of London

CAN’T afford a house? Can’t afford a meal out? Travelling six miles takes two hours and costs you £40? Have you considered getting the f**k out of London?

No affordable rents: With the capital full of other young professional housemates stealing your shampoo, have you considered living outside it? In provincial towns like Chorley and Sleaford where rent is low? They’ve got electricity and tapas, allegedly. 

No nightlife options: Restaurants and nightclubs in London are famous and famously expensive. Restaurants and nightclubs in the rest of the country are less so, and often called things like The Wheatsheaf Grill or Zanzibar’s, but you can go to them.

No affordable transport: A system of underground trains in a major city is expensive. Getting the bus in Barnsley is not. Riding a bike in Wrexham is practically free. And have you considered walking to work in Warrington? It can be done, crazy as it sounds.

Overcrowding: It’s impossible to find a patch of London park not commandeered by boot camp fitness twats, rowdy bored-shitless teenagers or mums playing ‘here we go round the Mulberry bag’ for a two-year-old’s party. Could it possibly be because there’s too f**king many of you in the same place?

No time to see friends: Lengthy commutes, long working hours and spiralling service costs mean that even in the same city, you only see friends on Zoom. Are you getting it yet? That the city is a nightmare and you could just piss off somewhere nicer?

Gentrification: Be the gentrifier. Take your fancy arsehole graduate job and go and gentrify Ashton-under-Lyne. All it actually means is buying a cheap house and making the area more pleasant. Is that so evil, or are your values horrendously warped?

Pollution: You know the black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6, don’t you? You sneer when your provincial friends come down and complain about it? Then what’s stopping you moving to Staffordshire? Fear of big cats?

I’ll never get on the property ladder: No, you f**king won’t. Nor will you ever buy in Manhattan, Tokyo or Sandbanks, so have you considered living somewhere you can afford like normal people do?

I can’t talk about anything but living in London: This one is absolutely solved after six months in Stafford after which you will, finally, get over yourself. Unless you move to Cornwall or the Cotswolds. It’s still the sole topic of conversation with the refugees there.

 

The Daily Mash 

Of course.

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2023 Primer

The House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2023

 

 

 Hello, and welcome to this, the primer for this year's Infomaniac Garden Photos Event! 

 As all the regulars and old hats will already know, the GPE was brought into being by the Infomaniac herself, The Very Mistress, for all of us Blogorati to show off our green (and sometimes brown) fingered/thumbed skills, whether it's one or two photos showcasing a prized specimen, or a whole slew of snaps covering EVERYTHING that you've nurtured and prodded into growth throughout the year.  

My latest purchase: Chocolate vine (Akebia quinata)

 And this year is no different.  As with recent GPEs, this year's will be held in November, so you have months and months and months to capture images of your luxurient growth (if you haven't already started), whether it be in your garden, courtyard, balcony, windowbox, terrarium, or dining table vase.  If there's not much of note going on in your garden right now, and you are prone to forgetfulness - I'm not going to pick out Savvy this year as she defied expectations and got in reasonably early last year - I shall be issuing reminders throughout the yea-

Nagging and haranguing, more like.

Quiet you!

Art Trek: The Andorian with the Rubber Ducky Room Tattoo

 Well, it's Tuesday, and fortunately someone did make a delivery to the Rubber Ducky Room which means I was able to escape from there to bring you this: a double helping of Star Trek fan art!   Unfortunately, I don't know who it was that left the door open while they stacked the tractor beam emitters, or nurses, or photon torpedoes, or whatever it was they'd delivered, so I don't know who it is you can thank for enabling this glut of self indulgence gallery of fine art?

 

[It all happens on Tuesdays]

 Before we get to the Rubber Ducky Room nonsense, we need to make a quick return to February when I eventually managed to drag myself away from my Rutherford action figures and make a start on that month's art challenge: "I like the Old Stuff better than the New Stuff" (art based on 20th century Trek).   

 I returned to an idea I had for January 2018's "Your favourite Trek moment" challenge, and which has been languishing in my files since then.  I'd got as far as selecting some screen caps from ST III: The Search For Spock (my favourite ST film!) and making a very quick sketch of how I wanted to put them together, but that's it.  I'd named it Uhura: Queen of Starfleet!

 

Speaking of favourite trek moments, here's some music from one of mine to accompany

your tutting, sighing, and scrolling: "Stealing the Enterprise" from ST:III, of course!

 

 Anyway, I chose some more screen caps (from TrekCore and Cygnus-X1), resized them, roughly "cut them out" in MSPaint, and slapped them all together in order to create a poster featuring my favourite scenes, characters, and props:

 

Clockwise from the top: Earth Spacedock, Commander Nyota Uhura, Vulcan guard and maidens, Spock (age 17), Lieutenant Saavik, Doctor David Marcus, Spock's and Saavik's hands doing the pon farr finger thingy, Grissom comms officer, Commander Janice Rand, USS Grissom, Valkris, and a Klingon Bird-of-Prey coming in to land near Mount Seleya on Vulcan in the centre.

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2022

 Yes, it is the moment you have all been waiting for...

the

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2022

... is now open!

 

 Welcome, welcome, one and all!  We're going to dispense with the whys and wherefores this year as they're all addressed in my Infomaniac Garden Photos Event page up there (underneath the blog title), and get straight on with the show.

 Firstly, thank you to all those who sent in their greenfingered photos, and to everyone gathered here now for a good old snout at someone else's idea of gardening.  Hopefully you can take away some ideas, tips and/or inspiration for your own patch.

 

 This year, as well as photos of your gardening efforts throughout the year, I also asked if you could reach back through the mists of time and send in photos of a garden or plant you may have tended back in the olden days.  Half of those who are taking part managed to find one or two old daguerrotypes or poloroids - and in some cases, many.  So very many.  So, you've got that to look forward to, too!

 

 As the Garden Photos Event started out with The Very Mistress, so it is appropriate that this year's show - the 12th! - begins with her efforts (ahem) as well:

This is the female of a pair of mallards who make regular pit stops to

my garden in all seasons. 

If you're wondering why there are so many dandelions, it's because

I don't consider them to be weeds. The rabbits will nibble the dandelions

before they'll nibble my flowers so all power to the dandelions.

The other wonderful thing about dandelions is that they are loved by bees.

 

☙❧

 Right.  Now on to the aftermath of Terrifying Triffidery.  If you haven't yet had a look in the orangery of 'orror (see previous post), then I suggest you do so before continuing if you want to guess who sent in what.

Terrifying Triffidery 2022 : The Orangery of 'orror!

 Yes, it's time for:

 Welcome to the close and humid environs of Mogwash Manor's opulent orangery for this year's

T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

 The usual rules apply: 

1. No pushing and shoving on your way around

2. Don't get too close to the specimens, and

3. Don't feed them - unless you don't need your hand/arm/upper body & head [delete as applicable]

 For those of you who make it to the end relatively unscathed, please feel free to sound off in the comments what you think each triffid mutated from, and who generously donated each spooky specimen.  [Please note: One or more of the Blogorati may have provided multiple triffid photos - including the one that forms the background of the Terrifying Triffidery poster up there.]

 And remember: Terrifying Triffidery - as part of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event - is NOT a competition, so there will be no winner (and certainly no prizes - not least because we're a cheapskate).

 Oh, and here's a little accompaniment to your wanderings: "Dead of Night", by Erasure

 Now, off you pop.  We'll meet the survivors - if there are any - at the end of the tour...

The Garden Photos Event 2022 Official Final Reminder

 "I have photos. Do I have to caption them? They are from spring, summer and fall and they are a mess. Turns out I don't like weeding! LOL. Oh, well. Do tell what we have to do to participate. I don't have much patience, but will try to comply :)"

... Mr Tonking, 20th September [here]

Yes, it's time for...

 

the

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event

 

...final reminder for 2022!

 

 I'm sure most of you are aware of the Garden Photos Event phenomena brought about by The Very Mistress many, many years ago, but for anyone new, those who have forgotten, and Savvy (!), a brief history and links to all participatory gardens over the years can be found in my Infomaniac Garden Photos Event page (at the top of the blog if you didn't click the link).

 Now, in response to Mr Tonking's eloquent request, here's what to do to take part in the main event:

1. If you haven't already been doing so, take some photos of your garden/courtyard/balcony/window box/pot plant/salad drawer or any botanical specimen that you have been nurturing this year.

2. Undertake an exhausting and harrowing selection process, whittling down the hundreds of photos you've taken throughout the year to a few that you would like to be seen by the masses select clientele here.

3. Write a brief (or verbose) caption for each photo/set of photos - ideally something that amongst other things (gardening tales, tips & observations, how you get your BIG PINK BUSH™ to pulsate just so, for example) states what the plant is, because I'm not Jon (The Official Plant Spotter of Blogdom) and I don't want to do any more research than I have to!

 

4. Email your photos (in as large a size format as you can) and accompanying captions to me.  My blog email address can be found in my Blogger Profile at the top of my Sideboard on the right there (if you have my personal hotmail account, you can use that instead).

 

☙❧

 As well as the main event, there is also the now traditional Hallowe'en special event: 

 

Terrifying Triffidery!

 

 If you would like to take part (and why wouldn't you?), just send me a photo or two of a monstrous or weird botanical specimen that you've grown.  Or, if you are bereft of something like a dragon arum or a Visser's hydnora, a more pedestrian plant from your ordinary undergrowth taken from an odd angle/closeup/while you're drunk will do just as well.

 

☙❧

 

 And finally, for this year only, if you can find photos of a previous garden that you tended, or a prized specimen that may no longer be with you, please send them in too (don't worry: this blog can support sepia toned and/or black & white photos - engravings and stone tablets are out, though).  Please provide a brief caption stating where and when your garden/plant existed (if you'd like to include more info, by all means do).

 It would be great to see how your garden has changed over the years, or if you've moved house, what your previous garden(s) looked like and what you grew.  For the old hands at this, if you can find something that hasn't featured in a Garden Photos Event before, even better!

 

☙❧

 

 When does this all kick off, I hear you ask?  Well, Terrifying Triffidery will take place on Hallowe'en  - Monday 31st October - and the main event will begin two or three days later, so please email me your photos and accompanying captions by Saturday 29th October. 

 (Although this is the final official reminder, I shall, of course, be nagging and haranguing for photos for the rest of this month - and probably into November for all those who assume that deadlines don't apply to them.  You know who you are!)

 

 You don't have to be a regular here or an Infomaniac Bitch to take part as we welcome all sorts - Yes, even you!  So, if you are an infrequent visitor, a friend of a friend, or an as yet unseen lurker and would like to join in, please do - the more the merrier (just beware of the triffids as they're buggers for snapping up the unwary and unprepared)!

 If you have any questions, thoughts or ideas, please let fly in the comments.

 

☙❧

 

 And remember: The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is NOT a contest!  We're not looking for perfection and there'll be no judging.  We just want to see how your garden grows - weeds and all - and maybe swap a few greenfingering tips.

 

Happy Gardening!

Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.

 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.

 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."

 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"

 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.

 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"

 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."

 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.

 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.

 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?

 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."

 "What?  Why not?"

 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."

 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"

Over the Cusp and Addressing the List

Continued from A Realm Beyond Comprehension and a Shortish List...

 

 "Oof!"  I struggled to extricate myself from the surprisingly prickly rose bush I'd fallen into following a - some would say unnecessarily dramatic - flinch due to a passing sparrow (which had since alighted on the fence and was looking at me with an expression of curiosity).  "Oh, it wasn't Beaky after all.  Where has that dratted bird got to?!"

 

 It had been unnervingly quiet here recently.  Beaky, my terrifying - and extremely annoying - blackbird familiar, had seemingly vanished from the expansive grounds of Hexenhäusli Device, but my survival instinct had yet to dial itself down.  Brushing the muck and bits of rose bush off myself, and sucking on a couple of thorn-inflicted scratches, I headed across the paysho and into my gingerbread mansion to see if the postman postwoman had been.

 "Oh, it's just another cease-and-desist letter from RHS Rosemoor.  They've obviously got the wrong person as I've never even been to-  Hang on..."  But this one contained something that the other three hadn't: a still image seemingly taken from a security camera video - and it didn't paint a pretty picture.  Lurking amongst the azaleas was a witch.  Or, more accurately, someone dressed as a witch.  And rather craply, too, with a parsnip for a nose, and an old measuring funnel for a hat.  "That's not me!  My nose doesn't look like that!"

Well, depending on the light...

Oh, shut up!

 I squinted at the photo for some time until, eventually, I relented with a 'hummmph!' and grudgingly went to fetch my reading glasses in order to make out the details.

 "Aha!" (No, not that one) "Got you!"

Nine For A Kiss - AKA: Arse & Artichokes

 I had quite a few titles in mind for this post, and couldn't decide between the magpie rhyme reference and the title of Gordy Ramsbottom's Delilah-baiting cook book (thank you, Ms Scarlet) so I went with both.  The runner up was "Smile You Twat" from, well, scroll down and you'll see.

This Mischief of Magpies delights in clattering over the roof of Hexenhäusli Device and its neighbours, making an incessant racket as these photos from 29th August illustrate!

 

A litle later that morning I went up to the allotment to see what needed picking:

To Hoe, Or Not To Hoe?

 Not to hoe, obviously.  I don't ride hoes as I don't want to be mistaken for a warlock (although I do wear hoodies).  Warlocks tend to be vain and self-aggrandising, and a little bit dim fortunately, otherwise - if they stopped thinking about themselves for a mere micromip - they could cause a lot more bother than they already do.

 Anyway, enough about those hoes, let's have a look at how the allotment is doing, shall we?  If you make it all the way to the end, I'll treat you to a couple of hoes, and there may even be a bit of a rake!

14th May

In the fruit cage are some horrible redcurrants.  They're so sour and pointless - I hate them!  Despite pretty much ignoring them, they just keep growing and cropping, growing and cropping.  Bah!

Behind the currants is a cherry tree and a row of raspberries

Young greengages

Damselflies Doing It!

 Aaaaarrrrgh!  I'm having the devil of a time trying to comment both here and on any other Blogger blog.  Blogger tells me I'm either not signed in (clearly I am as I've managed to post this!), or 'There has been an error.  Please try later."  Oh, shit off!

 I wonder if this is the same problem that Melanie was having last month?

 Wordpress blogs don't seem to be affected though, as I've just commented successfully at Ms Scarlet's...

 As I can't be arsed to deal with this nonsense right now (too hot!), here are some photos from my earlier escapades around the pond:

Common Blue Damselfly (Enellagma Cyathigerum) on a Primula leaf

Damselflies Doing It!!!  And right in front of me too...

If you don't sort yourself out, Google/Blogger, this could be you...

::

EDIT: 23.05.2022 19:09 - I thought it Blogger had sorted itself out, but after four comments, I got the dreaded "Failed to publish comment.  Please try again later" message.  [sad face]

 I'm not ignoring you, I promise!

EDIT: 23.05.2022 19:14 - It worked once more then decided that was enough.  Grrrrrrr....