GPE 2025 : Terrifying Triffidery

 

 Ah, here you all are - Welcome to the 6th annual Terrifying Triffidery extravaganza!

 

 Gathered here for your bewilderment and horror are some of the finest specimens of triffidery from across the globe.  And possibly from other globes, too.

 As always, the Bloggerati who supplied them did not see fit to provide any labels so it is up to you to identify these menacing monstrosities and from whom they originated.  The originators are listed on the poster above and, to make things a little more complicated, some of them supplied more than one triffid.  Good luck!

 

 A word of warning: Some of the specimens are mobile or have prehensile tendrils, so do keep your distance from the enclosures as you go by, and be sure to strap yourselves in. 

 The Hexenhäusli Device woodsman is on hand to ensure your safety and provide a demonstration of how to secure your extremities should you need it. 

 (I have personally gone through this with him several times - for certification purposes, of course - and still find myself somewhat breathless such was his enthusiasm and vigour!)  

 

  Oh, and please note: The Management cannot be held responsible for loss of limbs/head/life, and We hope you all manage to get through the tour relatively unscathed.  Or at least manage to Stay Alive...

 

 

 Yes, we watched Romy and Michele's High School Reunion the other day.  I love their dance routine to N-Trance's version of "Stayin' Alive" which is why I've featured it here!

 In fact, I've picked another Hallowe'en-adjacent song from Romy and Michele for later in this post.

 

Here's the full track for those who are interested:

 

Bitey on the Beach

  I'm on holiday this week.  I made some plans - something to do every day so as not to waste the time - and thought I'd have plenty of time for catching up with your blogs and updating my own.  The universe had other plans, however...

 

  Still, I managed to go to the Old Vicarage Gardens in East Ruston on Saturday, window shopping in Norwich on Monday morning, a long walk & paddle on the beach with Bitey on Tuesday, back down to the beach for a swim (which turned out to be a very deep paddle - more on that later) then gardening and allotmenteering yesterday, and here we are on Thursday already!  I've been swimming (in a heated pool) and done some tidying up in the garden and then came indoors because the forecast is for rain.  

 

  It is not raining.  Rather than put my shoes and socks back on to go back outside, I thought I'd use this opportunity to do some blogging.  So, here are some of the photos from Tuesday's foray down to the beach:

 

Approaching the End-of-the-Line

 

The End-of-the-Line

Hawthorn / notHawthorn

 There seems to be a bit of a hawthorn trend going on at the mo. 

 After I featured some in a 4 Photos post last week, Maddie piped up wondering if her rebounded bush (that had been seen to by her "lawn guy" somewhat unsurprisingly) might be a hawthorn.  Ms Scarlet coupled hers with cow parsley for a spring wedding look (no pictures as yet, but here are some from last year sans hawthorn blossom).  Then, over at Maddie's, Jon posited that the hawthorn was a "cockspur hawthorn" (cock!!!), whereas I think it might be a pyracantha (both can surprise you with a big prick, though).

 

 Anyway, just to confuse things even more, I have another hawthorn to share - and this one is rather more moist:

 

Water hawthorn (Aponogeton distachyos) growing in the bath up at my allotment. 

 

. : .

Yg----=----..-sD

 Even though the Big, Tiresome Work Project has come to an end (see last month's Rutherford post for slightly more details), I'm still finding it difficult to return to blogging.  This is partly because something else has taken its place: the Allotment Drama!  I won't go into all the whys and wherefores now otherwise I'll never finish this post, but I will do at some point soon because at least it'll give me something to blog about.  Some of the other reasons are the same as in this post from a year ago except that I don't have any washing on the go and Ms Scarlet hasn't published a new post, although her current one says it's new..... Scratch that.  In the time it's taken me to compose this, there is a new post!

 

 Anyway, here are a very select few of some things that have been going on here recently:

 

Saturday 22 February: Sonic Shower Show Rutherford.  Although number four in the series, this is the eighth Rutherford fantasy action figure I've created:

 

 

The Foulness of Catching Crabs

 I remembered to take Camera with me on this morning's Bitey walk into the village.  I did this with one thing in mind: to take a photo of the "visitors' guide to Overstrand, past and present" map because it answers some questions that dear Mago asked last month.  I have still to look through the history books downstairs for more info, but I've made a start at least.

 Before we get to the map, here are some photos of the North Sea:

The Year with a Convenient Birthday at the End

 I'm sure it won't come as any surprise when I tell you that I've been somewhat slack with regards to blogging this year - both posting here, and reading all of yours.  And the Host hasn't been much better, either.

 Hey!

 Well, isn't it true?

 Yes.  I suppose so.  Except for June and November.

 Anyway, June and November aside, we've pretty much given up on our annual "Year of..." extravaganza, and instead focused on one very important award that always features towards the end of said extravaganza.  And that award is, the Most Inconvenient Birthday Award. 

 Only this year, it's the Most Convenient as it's saved us from exploding with frustration and exhaustion in an attempt to pack two or three days worth of work into just a couple of hours!

 And so, we'd like to present this golden, hazelnutty, chocolatey award to, none other than Savvy!

 

✮ ✮ ✮

GPE 2024 : Terrifying Triffidery

 

 You made it.  Splendid.  Welcome to the fifth annual Terrifying Triffidery show!

The hors d'oeuvres are here!

Hang on... I didn't think we were serving our Bloggerati guests with food?

We're not.  We're serving them as food!  The triffids are getting peckish and without Gavin and his monstrous arms we have no way to hold them back.

We are NOT feeding our guests to a load of house plants with ideas above their station!  And where is Gavin?  I haven't seen him since last year.

I think Maddie made off with him.  Or was it Hound?

Christ!

 

 Ah.  Don't pay the SubCs any attention.  And don't open that door!  Just follow me to the orangery where one of the staff will be serving Champagne or cocktails or something before we begin the tour.

What's Witchface talking about?

We don't have any staff.

Unless you count the woodsman?

I hope he's changing out of that horrid flannel shirt...

 Right.  Let's have some music to accompany our tour.  Oh, and remember to keep all your appendages on this side of the velvet rope - unless you don't need them, that is.  And some of the triffids' tendrils and tentacles are quite long, so be on your guard.

Midsummer Mix

A bit of exotica for this, the longest - and possibly sunniest & warmest (so far) - day this year: The Mother's bottlebrush plant (Callistemon somethingorother)

 

. : .

 

 Yesterday's Sounds of Summer should also have featured this track which I first featured back in 2015:

"Love Like Mine" - Miami Horror feat Cleopold 

(I'm still none the wiser about Cleopold's identity and I just don't have it in me to google them.)

 

 . : .

The INFOMANIAC Garden Photos Event 2024 Primer

The 2024

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event

 I thought it was about time to get up off my quince and do something about this year's GPE.  I mean, Savvy's already on it, for Christ's sakes!

 I am sure that you all know what the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is and why it's held here rather than at The Very Mistress's hallowed blog, Infomaniac, these days.  But for anyone new here, or for any Blogorati/Bloggerati* having a senior moment or just waking up after a cooking sherry bender that began two days ago while making a trifle**, my GPE Page explains all.

 

 Anyway, forget the trifle for now (If you can.  Mmmmmmm... trifle!), this is all about the GPE.  There's no theme this year, not least because I've left it far too late in the year to foist one upon you, but also because I can't decide between the handful I've thought of.  So, all you need to be thinking about - and doing - is preparing your expansive grounds, modest gardens, compact courtyards, payshos, balconies (juliet or otherwise), windowboxes and/or indoor pot plants and taking photos of them in their entirety, and/or specific/favourite/interesting views, planting schemes, specimen plants/leaves/flowers, or any other aspect of your greenfingering that takes your fancy.

 As with previous GPEs held here, there will also be a pre-event Terrifying Triffidery exhibit at Hallowe'en, so be sure to take photos of any particular scary, unusual, or downright rude (because we know what you're like) plant, too.  Or, failing that, photos of a perfectly ordinary plant taken while drunk, close-up, or filtered/photoshopped to Hell!

 And remember, the Infomaniac Garden Photos Competition is NOT a competition, so there will be no judgey comparisons or winners/losers.  The Event is open to all no matter your gardening skill level or plot/pot size, and you can submit just one photo or many.  I usually ask for photos to be emailed to me by the end of October as the Event will be held throughout November, but I'll confirm dates & email address etc. later in the year.

 

 Finally, for any friends-of-friends, lurkers, irregulars, or newcomers reading this, it would be lovely to see some garden photos from you, too.  Lady Goldberg-DeWoofs, I know you've moved to a beach front house recently - Have you found some suitable specimens?  Sixpence, how does your garden/terrarium grow?

 Right.  Now that's out of the way, here are some GPE preparation photos from Hexenhäusli Device's grounds to get you in the mood:

The Assistant Gardener

 Apologies for being somewhat absent lately.  Amongst other things, the assistant gardener of Hexenhäusli Device has demanded a lot of my attention...

 

 

 Normal service - should such a thing even exist anymore - will resume shortly.

 

Stella Botanica

 Have you ever wondered how all those starships and spacecraft in the Star Trek Universe are made?  Well, wonder no longer as I have discovered evidence that is sure to surprise you.  The starships are not painstakingly fabricated on a planet or in orbit, but rather their parts are sustainably harvested from the giant machine lifeforms that grow in the Lightspeed Lagoon Nebula as the following illustration shows:

This botanical illustration must have found its way back in time somehow for me to have discovered it 250 years before it was created.

I know.  Shocking, to say the least!

- - -

A Turn Around the Grounds

 I had intended to do some gardening today, but the West Wind is bitter (and, as I type this, it has just rained), so instead of getting cold and mucky outside, I have sorted out some photos from yesterday's turn around the grounds. 

 Above, the daffodils I planted on the embankment behind Hexenhäusli Device when we first moved in are in full force.  And below, my shade garden behind the garage has been brightened by blooms:

 There have been some changes since this time last year: I moved the pheasant berry/Himalayan honeysuckle (Lycesteria formosa) from its pot next to the table into the ground next to the square compost heap (you can see its tall, dark red stems at the back right of the photo above).  In its place I put the chocolate vine (Akebia quinata) which is going great guns and competing with the Pyracantha (behind the pheasant berry).  It's also flowering, as you can see on the right.

It's My Party And I'll Bore You All With Star Trek Fan Art If I Want To!

"Moopsy!"

 Mwah hah hah hah haaaaaa!!!  It's my birthday and I can do whatever I like!  Including publishing this self-indulgent Star Trek fan art post!  Which I did warn you about in the last post.  Well, I mentioned it, anyway...

 Yes, when I'm not blogging-

 So, most of the time, then. 

 You can talk!  This is supposed to be YOUR blog.  I'm only here to provide the necessary fingers & thumbs for all the typing and HTML jiggery-pokery.

 Hmmph!

 Anyway, when I'm not blogging in Witchface's stead, I can be found messing about with Star Trek related stuff, such as these monthly themed fan art challenges from the only other social media-type site I visit: Trek BBS.

 The following are my efforts since August last year, so strap in!

August: Movies

"Get your drinks in and prepare your popcorn because we're headed to the cinema!

Which Star Trek movie era will inspire you: TOS, TNG, JJ?  Or perhaps you'd like to imagine a movie for a series that never made it to the silver screen.  And how about those new streaming movies on the horizon, can you predict what we might see in the Section 31 movie or what could follow after it?"

 

 

 I'd intended to create another movie poster - Star Trek IV-B - like I did for February's challenge.  Unfortunately, useable free time for such things was in short supply back then, so that plan was scuppered and all I managed were some sketches and a bit of MSPaint art of the Whale Probe from ST IV: The Voyage Home.

"Did I Win Yet?" Grand Quiz 2024

 Happy New Year to you all!  We hope you had a splendid night whatever you did - whether you went out celebrating, stayed in and slept through it, or had your head down revising for this "Did I Win Yet?" Award/Quiz/Competition/Event/Festival thingy!

 I was at my sister's - Indescribable's - with a couple of friends drinking gin & cherry vodka and playing some convoluted card game.  However, I didn't drink so much that I wasn't able to drag myself out of bed and pop down to the prom this morning to make sure the New Year arrived on time.  It did, as you can see in the photo below.  I've got some more photos (of course) which I will share in a few days time as this post is all about the "Did I Win Yet?" Grand Quiz in honour of our dear, departed friend, LẌ.

 

 

 The "Did I Win Yet?" Award/Quiz/Competition/Event/Festival thingy can take any form, but I have chosen to do a quiz again because it's quick & easy (easy to put together, that is - although you might find the actual quiz is easy, too), and I left it too late (as per) to come up with something else.  (Ms Scarlet's The 'Did I Win Yet?' Competition/Award back in January 2021 had a quiz bit and a creative bit, for example). 

 

 As with my original 2020 quiz, almost* ALL ANSWERS CAN BE FOUND IN THE YEAR OF LOOKING GLAM EVEN WITHOUT NAIL VARNISH POST WITHOUT HAVING TO CLICK ON ANY OF ITS LINKS OR WADE THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF MY POSTS FROM 2023, but you may need to embiggen one or two images.

 

* One answer can be found in a November post, and one bonus point answer requires clicking a link in The Year of Looking Glam... to find.  The other bonus point has no "right" answer - the point will go to the most amusing/creative/smutty response.

  There is no prize as such, but the winner will have the honour of hosting the next "Did I Win Yet?" thingy whenever they see fit.  Oh, and Ms Scarlet did create this elegantly calligraphed quote by LẌ which the winner will have the exclusive right to display on their blog sideboard.

 Right, I can tell you're all eager to flex your mental muscles and get on with the quiz, so here it is:

 

1. In which month did LX visit The Very Mistress from beyond the grave?  And for a bonus point, which two posts was he first at?

 

2. We all know that Dinah looks glam even without nail varnish, but what couldn't she do without in order to look like movie star, Joanna Cassidy?

 

3. How many freckles are there on-  No, just kidding!  How many men did Mistress Maddie-  Ha!  Kidding again. 

 Really this time: How many ducks - rubber or otherwise - feature in The Year of Looking Glam...?

 

4. Who has a sideboard even more beautiful than mine?  (Bah!)

5. In which comic strip does Suzie Derkins feature?

 

6. On what page can the instructions be found?

 

7. What did Jon go all the way to Sitges for?  And for a bonus point, what do you think [the answer] was describing/measuring?

8. What is Full Moon Fan Dance Rutherford's cybernetic implant set to?

 

9. Which super powers did Ms Scarlet gain at the expense of no longer having birthdays?

 Please email your answers to me by Saturday 6th January, either to this blog's gmail address which can be found in my profile on the Sideboard, or to the Host's personal hotmail account.  You can also leave your answers in the comments if you like, but then everyone will be able to see what they are...

 Good luck, and Happy New Year!

The Year of Looking Glam Even Without Nail Varnish

 As you may have noticed, we haven't been around much this year.  Certainly not as much as I'd've liked, and not even as much as in last year's Lazy Baggagery!  So that means that our grasp on the year's happenings and your reportings thereof is weak at best.  Sorry.

 However, there was certainly enough memorable stuff (and things I'd thought to make a note of when they happened) to create this end-of-year extravaganza!

 Extravaganza?  That's pushing it, don't you think?

 Nah.  A sprinkle of glitter (thanks to Jon) will cover the cracks and gaping holes in this rather haphazard (as always) round up and turn it into the Event of the season!

 If you say so...  Shall we get on with it, then?

 Yes. Oh, hang on!  I've got to add a bit at the end about the return of the "Did I Win Yet?" Award/Quiz/Competition/Event/Festival thingy!

 Well, you'd better hurry because I'm launching this thing now.  Be ready with your Champagne flutes all you glamorous Blogorati!

 

 Oops!  Wrong signage.  Try this one:

 Strap in.  Here we go!

January

Quote : "My smut well has almost dried up." ~ What a way to start the year: The Very Mistress answering a question nobody asked.

Event : The 6th January was National Cuddle Up Day, apparently.  Although I'd want to cuddle up to those freckles EVERY day!  Adorable. 

 

 Thank you for bringing this auspicious occasion to our attention, Mr Tonking.

 

 

Art : Nouveau, of course.  I love the fantastical, soft intricacy of Art Nouveau, and don't indulge myself in it as often as I should.  Fortunately, Maddie popped up with a themed Mood Board this month which hit the spot.

 

Hot Totty : When it's cold outside, guests at the House of Borghese are offered furs with something hot inside. 

"She doesn't want to see Fanny on camera"

 Just popping in to drop off a few things before returning at the weekend to wrap up the year and stuff it in the Sideboard along with all the previous years.

 

 First up from the 21st, I had a wander down to the promenade where the North Sea waved to me rather enthusiastically:

 

GPE 2023 : Terrifying Triffidery

Hello, and welcome to the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event's Hallowe'en show:

 

Terrifying Triffidery!

 

 As with previous years, please make your way around the various specimens and, if the mood strikes you, try and guess what each triffid mutated from and which of the Blogorati propagated it.  Not everyone who's taking part in the main event submitted a triffid, so to make things a bit easier for you, those who did are listed on the poster above-

 Which I spent the best part of yesterday making!

 You'd never have guessed he watched Psycho recently, would you?  Anyway, as I was saying, not everyone submitted a triffid, and some of those who did sent in more than one, so you may have your work cut out for you.  The Host has labelled each specimen, so you just need to mention the number in the comments when making your guess rather than trying to describe the hideous things.  And don't get too close to the triffids during your inspections lest we have to cut you out of them!  Speaking of:

 Due to some missing limbs - and indeed whole persons - during last year's show, Health & Safety have insisted on the employment of some sort of security guard-cum-triffid wrangler.  So, I made some enquiries and garnered the services of Gavin the Gardener who, according to Peenee's pictorial review, has some experience with triffids. 

 Don't let his beautiful, vacant face give you pause - just look at those monstrous arms: they are almost as terrifying as the triffids!  With my own eye I have witnessed Gavin grapple a triffid of great girth to its exhaustion, whereupon it promptly covered the poor young man with some sort of thick, sticky excreta.  I assure you, he is well up to the task at hand.

 

 Now, before you set off on the tour, here's a musical accompaniment in the form of Bright Light x2 with "Down to One" which first caught my ear and eye at Jon's.

 If you stay behind the velvet ropes and don't dilly-dally at the exhibits, I'm sure the song's video won't be prophetic...

☙❧

T #1 : Overseeing the proceedings is this long-eared owl.

At least, I think that's what it is?

"The black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6"

 Oh, shit!  Is it my go?  

 Yes!

 Where's the rota?  Is it really my go?  I'm not ready!

 Oh, for fu-  Here, do one of Jon's laziest most efficient-type posts:

Nine common problems that can be solved by moving the f**k out of London

CAN’T afford a house? Can’t afford a meal out? Travelling six miles takes two hours and costs you £40? Have you considered getting the f**k out of London?

No affordable rents: With the capital full of other young professional housemates stealing your shampoo, have you considered living outside it? In provincial towns like Chorley and Sleaford where rent is low? They’ve got electricity and tapas, allegedly. 

No nightlife options: Restaurants and nightclubs in London are famous and famously expensive. Restaurants and nightclubs in the rest of the country are less so, and often called things like The Wheatsheaf Grill or Zanzibar’s, but you can go to them.

No affordable transport: A system of underground trains in a major city is expensive. Getting the bus in Barnsley is not. Riding a bike in Wrexham is practically free. And have you considered walking to work in Warrington? It can be done, crazy as it sounds.

Overcrowding: It’s impossible to find a patch of London park not commandeered by boot camp fitness twats, rowdy bored-shitless teenagers or mums playing ‘here we go round the Mulberry bag’ for a two-year-old’s party. Could it possibly be because there’s too f**king many of you in the same place?

No time to see friends: Lengthy commutes, long working hours and spiralling service costs mean that even in the same city, you only see friends on Zoom. Are you getting it yet? That the city is a nightmare and you could just piss off somewhere nicer?

Gentrification: Be the gentrifier. Take your fancy arsehole graduate job and go and gentrify Ashton-under-Lyne. All it actually means is buying a cheap house and making the area more pleasant. Is that so evil, or are your values horrendously warped?

Pollution: You know the black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6, don’t you? You sneer when your provincial friends come down and complain about it? Then what’s stopping you moving to Staffordshire? Fear of big cats?

I’ll never get on the property ladder: No, you f**king won’t. Nor will you ever buy in Manhattan, Tokyo or Sandbanks, so have you considered living somewhere you can afford like normal people do?

I can’t talk about anything but living in London: This one is absolutely solved after six months in Stafford after which you will, finally, get over yourself. Unless you move to Cornwall or the Cotswolds. It’s still the sole topic of conversation with the refugees there.

 

The Daily Mash 

Of course.

Time for Cloverfield...

 ... Just not the one with the gigantic, people-squashing, city-destroying, monster.

I am extremely pleased with how this sun-behind-a-dandelion-clock photo came out.  Extremely.

The clover field in question

Which, thankfully, was "ready for it's close-up, Mr Device"

The Sky and the Moon

 Just a reminder for The Nature-led Life's March photo submission request: The Sky and the Moon - as hosted by the delightful Melanie.

 I've emailed my photos in, but narrowing down the many, MANY photos I have of the sky and the Moon was rather harrowing, so I thought I'd create a post out of some of those that I didn't submit.

25 January 2018 : Pre-dawn

[Featured in No Moon At All]