GPE #8 : Mago's "terrifying tryffidrie"

M A G O

 

 Finally a few pictures for the Garden Photo Event, much too early, sorry.*

 

 It is Plant A (I still call her so, despite the fact that it is not the original "plant A" of some years ago) - Plant A, I say, in total, from below, and an apple.

 Sorry, no terrifying tryffidrie.

[That's what you thought! - IDV]

 

Plant A total

Tails and Orbs and Fairy Rings

 Just dropping off some photos from a couple of Bitey walks (as vaguely requested by The Very Mistress, here): the sun setting over the trees set are from Saturday, and the fairy ring and sea set are from lunch time today.  The musical accompaniment - "Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars -  is only featuring because it popped into my mind while swimming this morning.

Orb!  Or Camera artefact...

Reminder: The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2024

If the previous post wasn't enough of a prompt, here's an official reminder:

 

 

the House of

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event 2024

 

is only two months away!

 I hope you've all been snapping away in your green spaces this season in readiness for the event of the year?  If not, you'd better get to it as I don't want to have to get my wand out and turn you into one of these:

☙❧

 

  Let's have a bit of musical accompaniment, shall we?  I've only recently discovered Sophie Ellis-Bextor's cover of Propaganda's "Duel" and, needless to say, it's fabulous!

"Summer Hath Aroused" thoughts of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event

 Oof!  Nearly fell back into the all consuming "All".  Fortunately, the most recent questing tentacle from All turned out to be little more than a tendril, and is now* eating a cheese & coleslaw sandwich (made by me!) while safely ensconced in the recliner downstairs nursing a gashed shin. 

 So, as Summer has finally** reached the north-eastiest bit of East Anglia (which means it's too hot to be outside doing anything) I find myself with some unexpected free time - enough to whip up a reminder for:

the House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2023

 

* About 11:30ish at the time of writing.

** Summer landed in most of Blighty last week.  Apparently, temperatures in the mid-to-high 20s abounded, but not here.  The cold North Wind (from the North Sea, funnily enough) kept the clouds in place and the temperatures at least 10 degrees cooler than practically everywhere else.

Until today.  It might get as warm as 20°C!

 Ooh, before I forget, in book news, I have finished The Thursday Murder Club, and have started the second book in the series by Richard Osman: The Man Who Died Twice.  While reading a few more pages last night, I found myself thinking that Elizabeth and Joyce are very much like Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg respectively, from Sir Pterry Pratchett's Discworld.  This is obviously a good thing.

 Now, back to the GPE reminder and some photographs of subjects you have (mostly) seen before a thousand times:

 

Love-in-a-mist (Nigella damascenais) flower bud

 As you should all be aware by now, the annual Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is held here, rather than at The Very Mistress's hallowed cesspit knitting blog, The Infomaniac.  (For the forgetful, easily confused, and any newcomers, further information can be found by clicking on the Garden Photos Event page at the top of this blog).

 

 This year, just as in years past, the Event will be held in November, so please set to with your cameras and photograph the luxurient growth of your garden, courtyard, terrace, conservatory, windowbox, house plant (delete as applicable) so you have something to send in nearer the time.

 If you don't have a garden or pot plant but would like to take part, just take a photo/s of a favourite plant (or twelve) from a local park or wild area that you frequent (and I do mean frequent - somewhere you visit reasonably regularly to enjoy the greenery) and send them in, but please make sure you let me know where the photos were taken.

 

 I will publish further haranguing nagging reminders throughout the Summer and Autumn, as well as instructions and deadlines etc. (which are usually along the lines of: email me your photos and captions by the end of October - email address, if you don't already have it, is in my blog profile on right).

 

 As you may recall from April's GPE primer, this year's sub-theme is:

Honeybee swarm inspecting my compost heap

Flora and Fauna

 So, if you can take a photo or two of non-human, non-domesticated animal visitors - birds, butterflies, bees, bugs, and/or bears - to your unkempt undergrowth or manicured green patch, please do.  They can be sent in along with your main chlorophyll-based lifeform photos.

Breaking the Circle

 Enough moping around and using "all" (see previous post for barely any explanation whatsoever) as an excuse for not blogging.  I am determined to, if not make a grand return, then at least dip our toes back in and go from there.  I must admit, we have almost returned several times, but something always cropped up that was an easy target to use as an excuse for not returning.  And if we leave it much longer, everything that we've missed will become too overwhelming, and we'll never come back.

 

 Anyway, yesterday evening while having tea (the late afternoon meal, not the hot drink) I took to my bookmarks and selected a blog I hadn't looked at in ages: Love in the Time of Chasmosaurs, "a blog about the science, art, and pop culture of Mesozoic life" that I find to be witty and educational, plus it contains dinosaurs!  After reading a couple of the recent posts, I slowly scrolled down to see if something would catch my eye, and something did.  I recognised a photo of a family of Triceratops ambling past Dippy's Pizza & Fries and clicked the 'continue reading' thingy.  

Nieces about to be gobbled up like Children McNuggets

 My suspicion was confirmed: The photo was taken at ROARR! the dinosaur park right here in Norfolk that I ended up at for my nephew's birthday back in August 2019, so I read - and very much enjoyed - the article.  So much so, in fact, that I was moved to leave a comment.  And it was then that I remembered I had featured some photos of the park right here on this very blog that I could link to!  So, I found the requisite post - and very quickly became subsumed in our back catalogue of adventures Over the Cusp...

"... the gossip, and a Bertie update!"

 As Jon asked so nicely demanded, here is the gossip, and a Bitey Bertie update.

 

 Bertie first: He is willful, stubborn, hates being told off, bitey (still, but he's started to lose his baby teeth, so hopefully he'll be less bitey soon), and a right little aggravator.  However, he's lovely when he's asleep!

 I took him down to the beach earlier, and here are some photos that document his mischieviousness:

Here he is looking guilty after causing a mud slide with an enormous fart - you can see how the force of the trump has blown all those reeds over behind him.

(Really though, this cliff slump happened as we were walking by, although Bertie was oblivious.  A larger version from 2019 can be seen here.)

Who 8 All the Ferrero Rocher?

Continued from . . .  Part 7 of the Epic Collaboration – A Revelation of Sorts

 

 I hastily stuffed the half-unwrapped Ferrero Rocher, the syringe, and the small bottle marked with complicated sigils under a couple of cushions as the door to the study opened - without having been knocked on first!

 

 "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

 "Hmm?  Yes, but this isn't your house" Dinah said, barging into the room, bottle glass of wine in hand, and taking an unwanted interest in the cushions - admittedly I was doing a crap job of trying to look nonchalant whilst concealing the evidence of my diabolical deed.  "What have you got there?" she asked.

 "Nothing.  I'm, um, just taking a break from all the noise and partying downstairs?"

 "Right" Dinah didn't look or sound convinced, but fortunately, she didn't press the issue as she had something else on her mind.  "Anyway, Mago's looking for you." 

 "What?!  Mago?  Don't you mean Aidan Turner?"  

 "No.  Mago.  He's broken character and says something about being an archaeologist and wanting to put some clothes on.  Oh, and Ms Scarlet's vanished."

 "Blast!  I'll never get my hands on that Bottle of Greed!"

 "What?"

 "Oh, er, nothing.  Listen..." I said, wondering just how many Ferrero Rochers Ms Scarlet had troughed down as I got up off the cushioned settee and headed to an ancient, whirring PC on the desk (a vintage MacBook Air, if I wasn't very much mistaken!), "I happened to find this open on a pair of peculiar websites that seem to be tracking our movements, making insulting generalisations, and exaggerating certain aspects of our personalities and habits, if not making them up entirely!  Do you know anything about this?"

 Dinah shrugged and took a gulp of her wine.

 "And people are leaving comments about us!" I continued.  "Although, the comments are tailing off the longer this has been going on.  We've got to do something!"

 "You mean like reporting it to the authorities?"

 "No!  We're losing the audience!  We've got to engage them again - if they ever were really engaged in the first place?"

 "Probably not" Dinah muttered.  "I know I'm fed up with it all..."

 "I know just the thing!" I said, ignoring Dinah.  "Follow me."

 From the study I headed out across the landing, down the sweeping staircase - avoiding what looked like a mouse wrapped in a red napkin on the way - and made my way towards the rear of Mogwash Manor.

 

 But Dinah wasn't the only one following me to the orangery...

To be continued in...

 

 T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

❦

[For anyone yet to send me their photos for this year's Terrifying Triffidery you only have another couple of days to do so - I need your Triffids by the end of the day on Saturday 29th October.  Because I'm such a soft touch, I'll allow a few more days for your Infomaniac Garden Photos Event pics - Just in case anyone happens to find any lost photos of the marigold persuasion, for example...]

 

[P.S. While we're on the subject, the deadline for Melanie's 'Leaves' Photo Submissions is the 31st, so get snapping/sending!]

TEC vol. VI: The Uncovered Somethingorother...

Continued from . . . PART 5 of The Epic Collaboration

Because our last effort made some people very confused/cross/consider legal action,

Ms Scarlet had to turn part five into a very short recap of what's happened so far.

And there are still threats of legal action!

So, in an effort to make things clearer-

A futile effort, methinks.

Well, yes, but let's give it a try okay?

Oh, okay.  Carry on, then.

Right.  Where was I?  Oh, yes: In an effort to make things clearer, think of this part as

volume six in an ongoing book series.  A volume that only has four quite short chapters.

And they look longer than they are because of the pictures and the music video.

'Music video'?  Christ.  You sound like you're a hundred million years old!

Well, what would you call it, then?

Um...

I knew it was a mistake to involve the SubCs in this!  Let's just get on with it.

Fine.  Are you putting the chapters in, or am I?

You are.

C H A P T E R   O N E

 "Oof!" said Mago as he extricated himself from a collection of now crushed and broken lily stems.

 "What happened, Mr Device?!" said an annoyed sounding clump of Eucomis zambesiaca with a Dinah in it.  Miraculously, all flower spikes were still fully erect.

 "Ow" I replied, trying to unpick myself from a very thorny 'Gertrude Jeckyll'.  Again.  Albeit in someone else's garden.  "Sorry, Dinah.  Sorry, Mago.  That story change wave-front came out of nowhere, and that reinitialisation so soon afterwards was totally unexpected."

 "Wo sind wir?"

 "Up someone's back passage, by the look of it" Dinah said hauling herself out of the Eucomis.

Someone's back passage.  German and Australasian not pictured

 "My back passage!" a stern voice announced.  Yikes!

 "Our back passage, dear" a second voice corrected.  "Why is there a witch in our rose bush?  And why are there Tupperware boxes strewn around the garden, a muddy welly in the fuchsias, and a bath mat in me Wine Time Corner™?"

 "And a German in the lilies, and an Australasian of sorts in the Eucomis, hmm?  Why, indeed?" 

 It was Jon and Madam Arcati, of course.  Not the German and Australasian, the new, and rather ticked off voices.

 "Ah.  Hello.  Um..." I said addressing our unwitting hosts.  "Sorry.  We hit rather a lot of story change turbulence when Ms Scarlet fast-forwarded the story somewhat unexpectedly.  The poor bath mat wasn't designed to cope with such stresses.  As you can see..." I gestured at the partially flattened garden.  "Sorry."

 "Diese Lilien smell of urine" Mago muttered.  "I smell of urine."

 "We'll see about that" Jon said, reaching for the hose again. 

Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.

 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.

 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."

 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"

 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.

 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"

 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."

 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.

 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.

 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?

 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."

 "What?  Why not?"

 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."

 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"

Over the Cusp and Addressing the List

Continued from A Realm Beyond Comprehension and a Shortish List...

 

 "Oof!"  I struggled to extricate myself from the surprisingly prickly rose bush I'd fallen into following a - some would say unnecessarily dramatic - flinch due to a passing sparrow (which had since alighted on the fence and was looking at me with an expression of curiosity).  "Oh, it wasn't Beaky after all.  Where has that dratted bird got to?!"

 

 It had been unnervingly quiet here recently.  Beaky, my terrifying - and extremely annoying - blackbird familiar, had seemingly vanished from the expansive grounds of Hexenhäusli Device, but my survival instinct had yet to dial itself down.  Brushing the muck and bits of rose bush off myself, and sucking on a couple of thorn-inflicted scratches, I headed across the paysho and into my gingerbread mansion to see if the postman postwoman had been.

 "Oh, it's just another cease-and-desist letter from RHS Rosemoor.  They've obviously got the wrong person as I've never even been to-  Hang on..."  But this one contained something that the other three hadn't: a still image seemingly taken from a security camera video - and it didn't paint a pretty picture.  Lurking amongst the azaleas was a witch.  Or, more accurately, someone dressed as a witch.  And rather craply, too, with a parsnip for a nose, and an old measuring funnel for a hat.  "That's not me!  My nose doesn't look like that!"

Well, depending on the light...

Oh, shut up!

 I squinted at the photo for some time until, eventually, I relented with a 'hummmph!' and grudgingly went to fetch my reading glasses in order to make out the details.

 "Aha!" (No, not that one) "Got you!"

I get up at four in the morning so you don't have to!

 Yes, the longest day is here, and didn't it come around quickly!?  Where is the year going? 

 Anyway, as I'm working today, rather than miss out on the extra few seconds of daytime because I'm stuck in front of a laptop, I thought I'd capture the day so I can experience it tomorrow instead (I have the day off!).  Of course, if any of you, the delightful Blogorati, wish to make use of this day after it's occurred too, then help yourselves!

 This is part one.  I'll post part two tonight, soon after it happens.

Late!  (And it's not because Camera's clock is six minutes fast...)

Ah. There you are!

White Cliffs of Over(strand)

Uh, oh...  This doesn't seem right?

 On Thursday, knowing that the temperatures on Friday were going to hit at least 30° and therefore any outside venturing then would result in heatstroke, and crisping of skin followed by complete desiccation, I slapped on some sunscreen, stepped outside and sloped off down to the beach to get some fresh air and have a paddle.

 

 

 Only it didn't quite go according to plan...

A sudden embiggening of the landscape alerted me to the fact that I had inadvertantly happened upon the Lilliputian Cusp interface again, promptly becoming debigulated.

Creatures From the Black Lagoon* - And a Load of Tits

 

 While having a little break by the pond, I thought I'd try and take a few photos of some of the creatures that dwell within.  The frog tadpoles are quite big now, and have started to grow legs as you can see above. 

 They'll come in handy for certain spells... 

 We'll see about that!  And most of the young water boatmen (Greater waterboatman {Notonecta glauca} above and below) will leave the pond and fly to other bodies of water later in the summer.

This dragonfly nymph seemed to be attempting to get out of the pond...

To Hoe, Or Not To Hoe?

 Not to hoe, obviously.  I don't ride hoes as I don't want to be mistaken for a warlock (although I do wear hoodies).  Warlocks tend to be vain and self-aggrandising, and a little bit dim fortunately, otherwise - if they stopped thinking about themselves for a mere micromip - they could cause a lot more bother than they already do.

 Anyway, enough about those hoes, let's have a look at how the allotment is doing, shall we?  If you make it all the way to the end, I'll treat you to a couple of hoes, and there may even be a bit of a rake!

14th May

In the fruit cage are some horrible redcurrants.  They're so sour and pointless - I hate them!  Despite pretty much ignoring them, they just keep growing and cropping, growing and cropping.  Bah!

Behind the currants is a cherry tree and a row of raspberries

Young greengages

Damselflies Doing It!

 Aaaaarrrrgh!  I'm having the devil of a time trying to comment both here and on any other Blogger blog.  Blogger tells me I'm either not signed in (clearly I am as I've managed to post this!), or 'There has been an error.  Please try later."  Oh, shit off!

 I wonder if this is the same problem that Melanie was having last month?

 Wordpress blogs don't seem to be affected though, as I've just commented successfully at Ms Scarlet's...

 As I can't be arsed to deal with this nonsense right now (too hot!), here are some photos from my earlier escapades around the pond:

Common Blue Damselfly (Enellagma Cyathigerum) on a Primula leaf

Damselflies Doing It!!!  And right in front of me too...

If you don't sort yourself out, Google/Blogger, this could be you...

::

EDIT: 23.05.2022 19:09 - I thought it Blogger had sorted itself out, but after four comments, I got the dreaded "Failed to publish comment.  Please try again later" message.  [sad face]

 I'm not ignoring you, I promise!

EDIT: 23.05.2022 19:14 - It worked once more then decided that was enough.  Grrrrrrr....

The tinsel is a dead giveaway...

 Oof!  I'm back!  Well, briefly, at any rate.

 I've had some things to deal with which is why I've been, well, not here...  And despair at the state of the world is only part of it.  Signs of an impending infestation of unicorns, and that little shit Beaky skulking around the garden have been of more concern...

.  .  .

 But first, to accompany your scrolling, here's another almost certainly miserable* song from my favourite glum, beardy miseryguts, White Lies: "Time To Give"

* I try not to listen to the lyrics, remember?

.  .  .

 Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Beaky.

This was the view from my kitchen window this morning.  Looks okay, doesn't it?

Until you notice the blurs of black on the bench and birdtable...

A Pink Prelude...

Continued from... The I.T. Wizard of Oz and

The Calamities of the Carmine Quill (part 4)

 

Vworp  Vworp  Vworp

 As the Great Glass Elevator containing Norma-D2 and C3-Peenee faded from view, Mistress Maddie and IDV surfaced from the frothing gincuzzi.

 "Did you hear something?"

 "No.  And neither did you, so come on" Maddie said dragging IDV down again, the two of them disappearing beneath the spume-laden surface.

R E I N I T I A L I S I N G . . .

 "Oh, no" I muttered resurfacing, spitting a bow-tie from between my teeth - where did that come from?  "Not again.  Not now!" 

 

R E I N I T I A L I S A T I O N   C O M P L E T E.

S T O R Y   C H A N G E   I N   T H R E E . . .

 "What?  What's going on?" Maddie spluttered. 

 "The story's reinitialising!"

 

T W O . . .

 

 "So?"

 "So?!  So, I haven't quite got around to writing the next bit, yet!  If it doesn't have a new story to latch onto, the reinitialisation will flail around picking up any old bits of narrative that've been left laying around!"

 

O N E . . .

 

 "Well, I don't see that it'll be any different from any of your other efforts then, Tootes?"

 "Hmmph!"

 

M A R K.

 

A thrilled IDV

(not in shot, Maddie & Asriel)

 Like Venus rising from the waves - albeit it with more stubble - Asriel emerged from the foaming gincuzzi, a look of confusion on his face.  "Where...?  Where am I?"  The confusion turned to mild panic.  "Where are my clothes?!  And my bow-tie?!?!"

 "Oh!" I exclaimed.  "Maybe this won't turn out so badly after all?"

 Maddie clearly agreed as she assisted in pulling Asriel under, the faint grin of realisation that appeared on his lips was followed into the foam by his trademark raised eyebrow...

GPE #12 : Mind-Your-Own-Business, IDV!

Disappointments and Delights

at

H E X E N H Ä U S L I   D E V I C E

 

Delightful as always were our Pineapple lilies

 I'm not overly thrilled with how our garden has grown this year.  The prolonged cold from winter, through spring and into summer, plus the lack of sunshine and more rain than we're used to in England's driest county, meant that some of the more tender plants haven't done so well, or just didn't even make any effort to grow at all!

 That was directed at the Starfish Iris (Ferraria crispa) and Batflower (Tacca integrifolia) tubers I planted - nothing!  The Starfish Iris may grow next year as the tubers are still firm, but the Batflower rhizomes were attacked from the top by mould, and from the bottom by fungus gnat (sciarid fly) larvae and eventually carked it.  Bah!

 I did get some Tacca chantieri seeds from Madam A & Jon at the beginning of the year, but they haven't come up either (although they can take several months, apparently...).  My Gloriosa seeds did sprout however, managed a handful of leaves each, then were either demolished by slugs or succumbed to the cold - although I did get a couple of small tubers out of them for next year, though.  And the Iris Burgemeister was doing quite well until a week of exceptionally cold, wet weather caused all the flower buds to fall off (plus I planted it in completely the wrong place - not enough sun).

Top left: the hideous batflower stump which taunted me with that small patch of green for months on end.  Bah!  Top right: Gloriosa superba seedlings giving false hope.

Bottom  left: The strappy leaves of Iris Burgemeister can just about be made out to the left of the birdtable.  And bottom right: Starfish Iris tubers doing nothing.  Nothing!

And this is how they should have looked.  From left to right: Close-up of Tacca flower buds (looking for all the world like a couple of hanging bats) chez Dinahmow, (I probably should have taken note of her 2008 post);  Gloriosa superbum superba also courtesy of Dinah;  Irises found at Maddie's (I was going to snatch one of Ms Nations' examples, but the colours of Maddie's were a better match);  and Ferraria crispa (no one has grown these as far as I'm aware, so this photo came from the internet and forms the basis of the packaging featured in my Happy post), the Starfish Iris.

❦

 

GPE #3 : Top-Dressing with Hound

H O U N D

at the

 Gymkhana of Gardening

 Hound is not a gardener - he lives in Birmingham, for Christsakes! - but has seen fit to take part in this "gymkhana of gardening" (his own words) in his own inimitable way.  Let's see what he has to show us:

"Against my better judgement, a picture of me gardening"

 Now, Hound only sent me two images displaying his gardening 'skills' - the one above, and another that beggars description, quite frankly.  But, before we get to that one, I scoured his 2021 blog posts in an effort to find some greenery to pad this out a bit.  The results were... lacking, let's just say.  I found two pictures only very tangentially related to gardening - both from April:

Sunshine, Seal Snouts, and Sigils

 Well, my week off work is rapidly coming to an end and I've got shit-all to show for it, really.  So, it's a good job I've got another week off in October to do all the things I didn't get around to this week!  

 One thing I managed to do on Thursday was to chalk my eye device sigil on the sea wall so I can see what's going on should I not make it down to the seafront.

 Oh, I do have a handful of photos from various early mornings and countryside wanderings though, so sit back and prepare to feast your eyes on almost nothing that you haven't seen before!

Monday

The branches of this giant oak tree reach down into a disused Northrepps gravel pit

Blue, No.3 (Ms Scarlet's original can be seen here.  I don't know where my No.2 went?)