An Inverted Reality - Misc.

The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe, 

because the axe was clever and convinced them that, because
its handle was made of wood it was one of them...

Turkish Proverb

~

We've been pulled into an inverted reality,
an alternate fantasy world
by a powerful narcissistic cult leader.
Up is down, and down is up.

author unknown

~

.....Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

Excerpt from the song"Vincent" by
Don McLean
about Vincent Van Gogh

~

Photo taken by my husband 

 

The Story of Akhilandeshwari - Laura Amazzone

Art: Peter Weltevrede

Akhilandeshwari is a South Asian Goddess figure in the Shakta
Tantric Tradition. According to that tradition She is a vast field of
 Consciousness - a force of Ultimate Reality - the Great Mother
Herself. 
 Her name means "Never not broken."

It is hard not to feel the brokenness of the world with all the
man-made crises, conflict, disasters and devastation happening in
the world; not to mention the personal dramas that play out in
 our lives.  We are all impacted by the global crises of these times.

What is needed to help find our way through?  How can our
breakdowns lead to breakthroughs? How do we approach the
challenges, pain and difficulty that overwhelm some of us? 
How do we transform our  own fears and personal  sense of
 impotence into something meaningful,
empowering and liberating?

[It is believed that] Akhilandeshwari can help us move through
the very challenges and difficulties in life.  She helps us to find
that  light of our Essence  through the cracks of the chaos.  She is
the power of the Sri Yantra, an ancient Hindu symbol of Union
 [with] Divine  Consciousness.

Brokenness seems to suggest separation, but if we look closely
 we can see  the felt sense of what is ever-present beneath the
cracks that  can lead to our own sense of internal balance and
union within.

One of Her many gifts is to remind us of the power to be
found in our brokenness.  From the Shakta Tantric perspective
 Akhilandeshwari brings and removes the pain and suffering that
 break  us down. She guards over all those experiences in life that
can knock  the wind out of us and send us reeling, crashing down,
 wondering how we will ever get up.  She brings and removes the
 deep sense  of brokenness, the crushing pressure on one's heart,
the endless mental anguish, to  remember what's Real.  Our
"Never not broken" experience  can be a fierce and painful
 process.  However, She gives us courage to face the many little
 deaths that happen repeatedly in  our life.  If we surrender and allow
 ourselves to go to the heart of our pain, we can find refuge in our
 vulnerability  and in our imperfections.

Spiritual growth and freedom can be gained through difficult
experiences and in the invaluable lessons they provide there is
always a gift in the pain we experience.

Akhilandeshwari is depicted as riding a crocodile, which represents
 our primal instincts, especially fear, and our false pretenses and roles
 we play to appear "perfect" and "whole."  She destroys all illusions
 and delusions, so we can come back to our Essence. The intensity
of our experience is to disorient our egos so that we drop our
attachments  and come into our authentic nature.

When we remember the unlimited Space behind our brokenness we
form new patterns and ways of being.  The journey that unfolds is
deep, mysterious, soul affirming and often intensely creative.

Akhilandeshwari breaks us down and from the depths of despair,
we come back to fullness and wholeness - our Essence.

Laura Amazzone

Excerpt from an article
Published Dec 2015 in the Sutra Journal

 

A Solemn Journey...

Photo by Martin Stranka

I feel deeply for a world in pain...
I know others of you do too...
A world bound by insanity and ignorance,
hatred and greed;
holding onto racist ideologies,
beliefs of empires of the past,
tattered by time and flamed by delusion.
Volatile violence erupting from darkened minds;
the new "prophets" of a civilization in denial
- uncivil -

burdening others with their detritus; like
robots blindly playing their part in the universal
tick-tock - already dead - lost to false beliefs -
blinded by their own nightmare,
wanting to inflict their pain on others...
Children killing children...
Survivors traumatized for life...

And we - the collective "we" - carry on-
business as usual...

Nothing changes...
And yet - Everything changes...

Life is a solemn journey for many...

Prayers for a broken world...

Mystic Meandering
May 15, 2022
revised May 24, 2022

~

Photo from No Mind's Land

 

 

A Different World - Harlan Hubbard

... I myself, I require a more direct revelation,
not one that must come through so many minds
before it reaches mine.

I must have faith that I can see and hear,
that I can feel without thinking, or even trying to put into words.
It's not for anyone else, it's personal...

The interval of solitude is precious.
It is a different world and I am a different self.
I feel relieved of a responsibility that cannot be defined.
I am released from pressure, my mind is free.

Yet, would I not feel a lack of balance if I lived alone all the time?

Harlan Hubbard
1900-1988
from his journal, 1959

Harlan Hubbard was an American painter, writer and poet
who lived a very simple life riding the Missouri and Ohio
Rivers with his wife Anna in a shantyboat, eventually
settling down in Kentucky.

With thanks to The Beauty We Love

~

When you find that your long cherished beliefs
do not agree with your direct experience,
trust your experience.  Prefer the truth of your
experience to your dearest delusions...

Mystic Meandering

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

The Deep 'F'...

Winter is definitely upon us.  All the other snowfalls so far this season were only teasing us with their beauty.  We are now in the clutches of winter’s cold fingers - the deep freeze...

We’ve been in the deep freeze since Tuesday night when the temps suddenly dropped 45 degrees escorted by a 4” snowfall.  We’ve been below zero every night.  Day-time highs in the single digits mostly, so nothing is melting. And Mr. Sun has only made a few short-lived appearances.

Anxiety seems to have me in its clutches as well – the deep fear - constantly worried and vigilant.  Will the pipes freeze?  Will the furnace keep running?  And – it’s running constantly!  Ka-ching$, Ka-ching.$  Will the garage door open?  Will the car start?  It’s been an interesting lesson on how easily the mind and surface self with its fears and worries can take over and veil the beauty that is here, getting entangled in hyper-vigilance, as if that would stop something from “going wrong.”  And of course the mind is convinced that something will go wrong…  What a set up that is!   I became aware of how easily the mind and fear can inhabit the moment – the day – the body… And it’s not a pretty picture! The mind needed to be refocused and reoriented to what is ultimately Real.  I told myself: Refocus on the breath, don’t follow the mind, instead, give the mind something to do – journal, write, read, create - and turn your awareness to the deeper space of Silence within – the ultimate reality.  Not happenin.’ J  It surprised me to find that the voice of the Infinite was drowned out by the sirens of fear…

My husband swears I *look* for things to go wrong – maybe so.  I was conditioned well.  They are very old and deep fears, from childhood I think – being given responsibility too soon, needing to be a “grown up” too soon, and now I feel *responsible* for *everything* anticipating what *might* happen, leading to a need to control what cannot be controlled.  I’ve been in denial about all this, although my husband reminds me of it all the time. J  I’m surprised actually at how quickly this old conditioning arose.  To my chagrin, I am apparently still a product of my DNA, both physically and emotionally.  The body easily re-addicted itself to the feeling of fear/anxiety.  It remembers it all too well.  In moments of awareness I thought to myself – well, isn’t this interesting - if you think you’re enlightened spend a week in the deep freeze! – worrying.  I think I’ve given up that illusive “enlightened” self-image!  And realized there’s a child inside who’s still afraid of the big bad wolf that’s huffing and puffing – even though I know it is pure fantasy…  It’s interesting to me that we can be aware of how the mind functions on fear and still follow it down that rabbit hole of delusion.

Maybe the gift of the deep freeze is to see all this about myself, to actually *see* these places within myself where I am still frozen with fear, and where I am still deluded…  It certainly has done its job! J  I’m *aware*!  But awareness is only the beginning of real change…

I managed to lose my-self (and the grip of anxiety), for a few moments, in a few photo shots this week so far.  They say we won’t thaw out til Tuesday when temps go above freezing *in the afternoon* - hopefully a “warming trend” – outside AND within… J LOL

“We are constantly ‘waking up’ in every moment that confronts us,
to remember *what* we really are:
Consciousness before form.
Otherwise our ‘spirituality’ can become just another layer
in our armour.”

Dear Hubby J

Dukkha with Revelations Please...

No, this is not the name of a new Cappuccino that I whipped up.  Dukkha is a Buddhist word that basically means suffering.  I am not a Buddhist, but the word best describes my recent experience.

It was December 29^th, our 34^th wedding anniversary.  It unexpectedly came with a load of *unconscious* expectations of how I *thought* it should be.  I had a lapse in consciousness and was operating in an old paradigm mode, wanting the day, and Dear Hubby, to be the way I wanted them to be, because after all it was a “special” day.  You know, like “The Holidays.”  It said so on the calendar, and in my mind.  We both *intended* for it to be a “special” day, so we orchestrated the day, trying to make it happen the way we envisioned it – or should I say the way *I* had it pictured in my mind.  DH was just fine with the way it was – of course. J  But disappointment was lurking on the horizon for me…

It started out fine.  We exchanged cards and expressions of our love for each other.  We drove to one of our favorite places about 40 mins outside the city-burbs to get away from the erratic, knotted, stuck city energy and be in the fluidity of open space and nature.  The shift in energy was dramatic.  We both felt the flow of energy change to a sweet, comforting embrace that surrounded us.  It was cold and blustery out, so there would be no walk in nature.  But we sat in the car in sweet silence at the trailhead, enjoying each other’s presence, basking in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the idyllic view of the surrounding foothills with a small town nestled in its curves, and trains slowly winding through the valley.  Picture perfect – so far… J  We were both content to just BE with each other…

Later that evening we went to dinner.  Darkness set in as I sat across the table from DH who stared at his plate not saying anything.  There it was – the familiar view: detachment, disengagement, non-participation.   And me feeling like I wasn’t on the radar screen, or at least a tiny blip that he could choose to see or not see.  It was a mirror of how I have often felt in this relationship.  (I know some of you must know what I’m talking about. :)  And the defensive responses when I raised the issue - with him saying that conversation can’t be forced, must be spontaneous, that I could not orchestrate *how* he was.  Well, okay, true, yes… But…

But I started feeling old emotions again - feeling invisible, unimportant, disappointed that the evening was not living up to my expectations.  There was that word again…  I wanted that wonderful feeling of resonance, of partnership, and an in depth spiritual/philosophical conversation that was also a hallmark of our relationship – which admittedly was usually spontaneous.    And I wanted to feel – important – the gaze across the table that says I will love you forever – even though he already said as much in his card.  But I wanted more…  I wanted Romance, attention, acknowledgement.  I wanted to *feel* special!   I-I-I…

Aye-yi-yi…  Enough already…

I couldn’t see then what I see now because the darkness of silent anger veiled the truth.  It was the anger of deep hurt – which came from believing that DH, and our relationship, should be other than what he/it is.  The feelings spilled over into the next day.  Ego was having its way with me - seducing me - and suffering ensued: Dukkha…  So it was time for a little authentic, heart to heart conversation with – myself - journaling…

Through writing it was revealed that I had been holding onto the thought/belief/expectation of the way the relationship/marriage was supposed to be, to feel; the expectation that it would provide *me*/ego-self with something concrete to hold onto – like a sense of security, of safety, a sense of being loved, or special…  I wondered how many of us live this way, thinking that “contentment” in life depends on feeling loved and secure by a partner.  And yet – I also realized that even in relationship, we are really still emotionally on our own journey in many ways.  No one person can meet our needs – I know this…  But I am not completely empty of “self” yet – the fabricated, conditioned self with its expectations of how relationships are “supposed” to be.  Just call me Eeyore…

I was faced with the truth, I must let go of my illusions/delusions *about* the relationship or suffer.  I needed to, once again, let go of the myth of marriage that I obviously have unconsciously still held in my mind all these years, as well as the myth of myself – the myth of the fabricated self.  The myth would no longer do, no longer satisfy.  I realized that the myth I held to was only a fantasy I had *believed* to be true.  The myth had cowled me, leaving me in darkness.  But I don’t want to remain a prisoner of the myth, or the darkness…

So – maybe this is the place in the story of “us” where I finally step off the edge, letting go of attachments, expectations, and old images - seeing things as they really are, allowing the relationship to be what it is and unfold as it does – appreciating the truth of it and loving the parts that work…

btw – DH has been looking up from his plate… J

Photo:

This is the original image of the above photo

Which just goes to show
there is always light in the darkness
if we are willing to adjust our perspective
and *see* it…