Gobble Trouble - A Turkey Story

Only wanting to save myself time,
and not have to cook a turkey for hours,
I went on-line...

I thought I had planned well ahead...

ordering a"pre-cooked" turkey instead...
from a local grocery -
to be picked up
Thanksgiving mid-day
ready to serve...

But I guess I Googled the wrong key word
assuming "pre-cooked" meant the bird
was cooked in the store and placed under
a warming hood...

But no!

The story did not go the way I saw it in *my* mind...

Sent my husband to pick up the "cooked" turkey
at the appointed time...
Arriving home -- I saw the look in his eye -
that said something had gone awry...

The "cooked" turkey was frozen - he said...
We were both dismayed at how this had played...

I called the store, there must have been a mistake!
But it had closed, so their employees
could enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner plate...

I sputtered and agitated
wondering what I should do...

Instructions said thaw in refrigerator
2-4 days!  But that wouldn't do...

You'd a thought when I talked to
customer service pre-ordering the thing
she would have warned me it would be fro-zen
 but I didn't understand her Mandarin...

So it sat in the sink - only an 8 pounder,
but hard as a rock -
while I dealt with the shock...

I turned on the faucet following the sink thawing
instructions, which would take 4 hours! - or longer...
Still doable - I thought - but the pressure turned up
my self-imposed holiday expectations,
for a Thanksgiving feast
that was turning into a fait accompli...

Two hours into thawing I began to stress
about the mess I had gotten into,
making assumptions,
trying to live up to "tradition" - in my own
Thanksgiving rendition -
sitting in the sink hard as a rock,
the Turkey that is :)

A command decision had to be made.
Thanksgiving dinner would be delayed.
All 3 of us agreed without much sorrow,
after all it's just another day, my sister
reminded, and there's always tomorrow.

So now what to do bout - dinner...

Home made bunless hamburgers and 
roasted red potatoes
would have to make do...

While the Turkey gobble sat in the sink
waiting to thaw through...

I finally remembered, as I lay down my head,
that it's not about the meal
on "Turkey day" - 
but real gratitude instead...

Mystic Meandering
Nov. 28, 2024

Photo - the Turkey

 

Follow Your Own Map - Mark Nepo

Every time we talk to someone, there comes back to us a map
of expectation as to how we should respond...

We share a confusion:
we are often given direction.

We share a pain;
we are often given instruction.

We share a desire;
we are often given a plan.

The power of these unspoken maps should not be
underestimated.  For the endless gravities of expectation
we move in and out of govern most of our thinking and
summons most of our energy in denying them or complying
with them.  In actuality, underneath all the plans, pressures,
and expectations, underneath all the subtle guidance and nudging,
the next step is truly unknown...

Thus, our spiritual charge is to maintain the wonder of the
singular explorer that each of us is...

The freshest step has always come when we are brave 
enough to land at the end of what little we know,
breathing in new air, in reaction to no one...

Mark Nepo
From: The Book of Awakening

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
(Scrapbooking paper) 

 

The Way to The Woods - Wendell Berry

Sabbath 1985. V

[.....]

What is the way to the woods, how do you get there?
By climbing through the 6 day's field,
kept in all the body's years, the body's
sorrow, weariness, and joy.
By passing through the narrow gate
on the far side of that field
where the pasture grass
of the body's life
gives way
to
the high, original
standing of the trees.
By coming into the shadow,
the shadow of the grace of the strait
way's ending, the shadow of the mercy
of light...

Why must the gate be narrow?
Because you cannot pass beyond it burdened.
To come in among these trees you must leave behind
the six day's world,
all of it,
all of its plans
and hopes.
You must come without weapon or tool,
alone,
expecting nothing,
remembering nothing...

Wendell Berry
Excerpt from: A Timbered Choir

with thanks to Love Is A Place

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Hope - Frank Ostaseski

Hope is a subtle, sometimes unconscious attitude of the heart
and mind that is essential in this human life.  Experts differ
on whether hope is an emotion, a belief, a conscious choice,
or all three.  I think of hope as an innate quality of being, as
open, active trust in life that refuses to quit.

When hope is misunderstood, it can plunge us into delusion
and become a hindrance to facing the facts of life.  To discern
the real value of hope, we must draw a line between hope and
expectation.  Hope is an optimizing force and moves us and all
of life toward harmony.  It is an abiding state of being, a hidden
wellspring within us.  This version of hope is a basic human
need.

Yet our usual kind of hope is little more than wishful thinking.
It's frequently tied to an an almost childlike belief, sometimes
even blind faith, that an external agency or authority will bring
about what we desire.  Driven by our preference for a different
 set of conditions, this conventional view of hope is a rejection
of what is present for us in the here and now.

Ordinary hope disguised as expectation is fixated on specific
outcomes.  This hope gets conflated with the desire for a
certain future result.  Attaching our happiness to a specific
future result causes us all sorts of suffering..... attachment to
outcome posing as hope interferes with our ability to be present
to our experience of life as it is unfolding.

Mature hope takes us inside ourselves and toward finding the 
good in the experience.  Mature hope requires both a clear
intention and a simultaneous letting go.  This hope is not
dependent on outcome.  The hope is in the potential for our
awakened [or skillful] response, not in things turning out
a particular way - and we are no longer trapped by our
conventional view of hope.  We leave room for surprise.
The energizing quality of mature hope helps us to remain
open to the possibility that while life may not turn out the 
way we first thought, opportunities we never imagined may
also arise.

Frank Ostaseski
Buddhist Teacher

from: The Five Invitations

 

A Time of "Dying"...

 Photo - David Peters

A time of "dying",

dying to the entanglements of this world;
to the demands of this world;
dis-mantling the attachments;
untangling the knots...

A time of "dying".
to self-image;
the loss of the structure of identity;
of expectations of how I hoped life would be,
how I would be -
Yet grateful for the way it is...

A metaphorical "death",
an internal "death";
the death of perceptions,
perspectives, beliefs and preoccupations -
only shadowy characters in the play.

Feeling the loss of my own "death" already,
my self-made identity - loosening its grip;
the decline in faculties of mind and body -
losing their functions...

Something in us knows
when we hear the haunting echo of birds
singing at dawn - "waking" you up -
that something inside is "dying"...

Yet, I welcome this "death",
this "release";
the release of physical tension,
the mind's mentations,
and the ache of the heart.

And possibly an opening
into a Great Transition;
a Rebirth into
the Rhythm of
the Grand Mystery
of the Universe...

Mystic Meandering
April 23, 2021

Remaining Empty - Thomas Merton

Art by Ann Poucher

The true "contemplative" is not one who prepares his mind
for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but
is one who remains empty because he knows that he can never
 anticipate the words that will transform his darkness into light. 
He does not even anticipate a special kind of transformation.
He does not demand light instead of darkness.  He waits in
silence, and, when he is "answered," it is not so much by a
word that bursts into his silence.  It is by his silence itself,
suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a word of
great power, full of the voice of [the Silence].

Thomas Merton
from: The Climate of Monastic Prayer

(one of the last books he prepared for publication)

~

Personal Note: Although I do not consider myself a
"contemplative", as a "Mystic", I have had similar
experience with silence/Silence.  The labels don't
really matter.  It is the "remaining empty" in silence,
listening without agenda, that allows for the "direct
experience" of the Ineffable - aka - the Voice of
The Silence...

The Open Door - Danna Faulds

A door opens.  Maybe I've been standing here shuffling my weight
from foot to foot for decades, or maybe I only knocked once.
In truth, it doesn't matter.

A door opens and I walk through without a backward glance.
This is it,then, one moment of truth in a lifetime of truth; a
choice made, a path taken, the gravitational pull of Spirit
too compelling to ignore any longer.

I am received by something far too vast to see.  It has roots in
antiquity but speaks clearly in the present tense. "Be," the
vastness says.  "Be without adverbs, descriptors, or qualities.

Be so alive that Awareness bares itself uncloaked and unadorned.
Then go forth to give what you alone can give, awaken to love
and suffering, unburdened by the weight of expectations.

Go forth to see and be seen, blossoming, always blossoming
into your magnificence."

Danna Faulds

~

Art - craypas oils
?date

Let it go - Danna Faulds

Let go of the ways you thought life
would unfold; the holding of plans
or dreams or expectations - Let it
all go.  Save your strength to swim
with the tide.  The choice to fight
what is here before you now will
only result in struggle, fear, and
desperate attempts to flee from the
very energy you long for.  Let go.
Let it all go and flow with the grace
that washes through your day whether
you receive it gently or with all your
quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith: the mind may never
find the explanations that it seeks, but
you will move forward nonetheless.
Let go, and the wave's crest will carry
you to unknown shores, beyond your
wildest dreams or destinations.  Let it
all go and find the place of rest and
peace, and certain transformation.

Danna Faulds
From: Go In and In
2002

Follow Your Own Footsteps - Nepo & Machado

Every time we talk to someone,
there comes back to us a map of expectation
as to how we should respond.

We share a confusion;
we are often given direction.

We share a pain;
we are often given an instruction.

We share a desire:
we are often given a plan.

The power of these unspoken maps
should not be underestimated.
For the endless gravities of expectation
we move in and out of govern most of our
thinking and summon most of our energy
in denying them or complying with them.

In actuality, underneath all the plans,
pressures, and expectations,
underneath all the subtle guidance and nudging,
the next step is truly unknown... [and our own].

Thus, our spiritual charge is
to maintain the wonder of the singular explorer
that each of us is...

The freshest step has always come when
we are brave enough to land at the end
of what little we know,
breathing in new air,
in reaction to no one,
in wonder at
  what is...

Mark Nepo
From: The Book of Awakening

(Mark's words, my format)

~*~

Wanderer, your footsteps are the road,
and nothing more...

Wanderer, there is no road,
the road is made by walking...

Antonio Machado

~

Photo - taken by my father
c. 1952/53
his own footsteps

A Dream of Wholeness - Matt Licata

As you fall asleep at night,
and look up into the moon -
It's just there waiting for you -
that vague sense that something is missing;
of disappointment in the way things are unfolding...

Perhaps at a much earlier time, with a star or a tree or water
as your witness, you made a prayer of wholeness.
The response to that prayer has come,
but not in the way you expected.
It has arrived by way of the shattering of an old dream,
the dream of how you thought it would all turn out.
While this dream is painful, it is alive, sacred and holy.

Heartbreak and disappointment are not easy.
They will pull the rug out from under you and remind you
of how [raw] it really is here, of how anything could happen,
and of how unresolvable life truly is.

These ancient feelings and emotions are not your enemies
working against you.  They are not evidence of your failure,
or that you have fallen off the path.
They are the path.
But they are not the path you thought.
They are of the unknown and seeded with creativity.

They are relentless in a way, these forms of love,
but will never give up,
they will never stop looking for you
and calling you home.

Matt Licata

The Way to the Woods - Wendell Berry & Ivan Granger

Sabbaths 1985, V

[…..]

“What is the way to the woods, how do you go there?

By climbing through the six days’ field,
kept in all the body’s years, the body’s
sorrow, weariness, and joy.
By passing through the narrow gate
on the far side of that field
where the pasture grass
of the body’s life
gives way
to
the high, original
standing of the trees.
By coming into the shadow,
the shadow of the grace of the strait
way’s ending, the shadow of the mercy
of light…

Why must the gate be narrow?
Because you cannot pass beyond it burdened.
To come in among these trees you must leave behind
the six days’ world,
all of it,
all of its plans
and hopes.
You must come without weapon or tool,
alone,
expecting nothing,
remembering nothing…”

Wendell Berry
Excerpt from: A Timbered Choir

Something so healing, so earthly — in the most sanctified sense — in this Sabbath meditation by Wendell Berry.

His phrases of the “six days’ world” and the “six day’s field” are references to how we see the world and interact with the world on all the other days of the week, the non-Sabbath days. In the “six days’ world” we work, we do, we accomplish, we acquire. Often it is a world of control and burdens, “plans and hopes.” It is a world of objects and tools to manipulate those objects. Too often it is a world of domination and separation.

An essential reason for the Sabbath is to remind us that that “six days’ world” is not the real world nor is it the whole world, it is only one way of interacting with the world. When we take a true day of rest, and enter a majestic space not made by men — like the ancient, silent woods — we remember that we participate in a larger life, eternal, eternally recycling itself. We are reminded that there is a wholeness to the world we live in, something we can’t segment and sell without harm to ourselves. The Sabbath, the woods, the wilds, these remind us of the sacred, whole, eternal spaces within the human spirit. In true rest and quiet awe, we return to ourselves.

Ivan Granger at Poetry Chaikhana


http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/

"Canyon Spirits" - The Evolution of a Painting...

I started this painting nearly a year ago in a moment of frustration, thus the red color and hash marks all over the place, painting in circles.  I am an intuitive painter, so I do not have an “intention” for the painting when I start.  I like to just see what evolves and what emerges out of it… Painting this way is a “practice” in letting go, of not having expectations – hopefully J - in not being “in control” of where it goes; like life actually – not being “in control” of life, but allowing oneself to be open and vulnerable to how it unfolds.  It’s very challenging actually to live that way – as well as to paint that way…  There can be lots of frustration…  It originaly looked like this (below) and sat like this on the easel for 7-8 months.

Every time I looked at it I kept seeing the face of a Tiger, and wondered how I could make it *look* like a Tiger, not having the trained artistic experience or skill to do that.  (The Tiger is no longer apparent, as other things emerged.)  When I started painting again in May/June I was still trying to figure out how to make it look like the Tiger that I saw, thus the single painted in eye, as that is what my mind saw. 

And then a “voice” said: keep looking, look deeper.  I wasn’t hearing things, it was the voice of my husband actually, as I discussed my frustration with not being able to create what I saw in my head.  He said – don’t stay fixated on your idea of what it is supposed to look like, but keep looking and see what else is there.  Something we need to do in life as well – look deeper, beyond the surface, and see what is really there.  So I kept looking.  And suddenly *many* different faces started emerging!  (see close-up below). Initially I saw what looked like the outline of a man’s face in a window with closed eyes, and nose, (near the middle), blended into another partial face slightly under the first one.  A woman’s silhouette in a window appeared on the right, up against what appeared to be two back to back “caricature” profiles, with a flat hat.  And then an owl appeared on the far left, and blended into what looked like a coyote face with mouth open, which blended in with the man’s face, and so on…  There’s even a little fox face tucked in there somewhere… And some teepees too :)

 The whole painting took on a different look, a different feel.  It had transformed itself.  It became a terracotta desert canyon against a night sky – and another realm beyond.  Totally unintentional…  Amazing. 

In the lower right hand corner there appeared to be a grouping of hash marks standing around what appeared to be the glow of a hidden fire…  To me they were Native peoples standing around a fire as smoke rose into the canyon and beyond, where a Raven glides through firey skies…

In the lower left hand corner there was the clear outline of yet another fire, with two “figures” nearby.

And so goes the story and evolution of a painting that took on a life of its own, inviting me to look more deeply… Like life…

A Pause for Momentary Insanity...

What a week!

We have been anticipating that DH would be hired permanently by the company he has been working for as a contract-to-hire for the last year.  Instead, DH was given notice on Tuesday that he will NOT be hired, although there was every indication in December that he would be.  So this came as quite a shock.  It was a moment of insanity – the expectation of a certain outcome and then given another. We had unconsciously become attached to this outcome, *believing* life was going to go a certain way.   Instead we are at the edge of the unknown again…

Word has it that the “Fiscal Cliff” scared the higher up mucky-mucks at corporate.  So they pulled in the reigns on the budget and let go of managers and purged the contract-to-hire people - the reality of the corporate world.  What a landslide we have found ourselves in, scrambling – putting us in survival mode once again.

DH was very philosophical about it, saying that he saw this as an invitation to a new adventure.  That’s just who he is, how he sees life, even though he was riding the wave of anxiety and fear as well.  But this was not the “adventure” I had in mind!  - I reacted.  I was just beginning to relax and breathe again, believing we might actually have some financial security and stability again after many years of living without it. And I was surprised at how quickly I was pulled under by the waves of shock, disbelief, numbness, depression, anxiety and anger…  And I also felt a very deep sadness for DH, who has gone through this so many times in the last 10 years as the economy continues to fail.

The next morning I awoke and felt the grip of fear in my gut, and a deep crushing void in the middle of my chest where my Heart was supposed to be. A heart wounding cry rose from deep within, from a depth I have not known before, as if a death had occurred  - a death of a constructed life that we thought was real - collapsing  - again; the death of the ‘self’ with its idea of the way life should be - collapsing…  Waves of emotion passed through… And I learned how much depth there are to these waves and how easily it is to get caught in their undertow.

And then there was the call to Silence – a deep inner Silence of Being – a collapsing into just Being…  And in that Silence of Being a realization that everything happens to collapse what you have identified with, the deconstruction of self-identifications of who you think you are, the beliefs, the ideas, the opinions, the mental constructs of the way you think  life should be… And the insight came that everything is based on interpretation, how we interpret our circumstances.  The awareness arose that every experience is an opportunity to awaken to That which lives deeply within us – our True Beingness that just IS – beyond the emotions, beyond the pain, beyond the chaos of life’s circumstances, beyond our self-centeredness.   LIFE unfolds on its own terms, not how I wish it to…  So we unfold with it…   How easy it is to forget this…

As I awoke this morning I turned inward to the awareness of that familiar feeling of inner Beingness – the deeper Reality that life takes place *in.*  I slipped out of momentary insanity, out of the ego’s grip, into the awareness of the Greater Reality of Being that is always here – that just IS - that silently lives every experience in every moment.  When I keep turning inward to Beingness, trusting and resting in THIS, I am at peace with what is…

“There is a force which gives you life – seek That.

If you want to find the greatest treasure
don’t look outside,
look inside and seek That…”

Rumi

Photo: Eeyore
Sorry for the graininess

It’s kinda like life is at the moment J

Dukkha with Revelations Please...

No, this is not the name of a new Cappuccino that I whipped up.  Dukkha is a Buddhist word that basically means suffering.  I am not a Buddhist, but the word best describes my recent experience.

It was December 29^th, our 34^th wedding anniversary.  It unexpectedly came with a load of *unconscious* expectations of how I *thought* it should be.  I had a lapse in consciousness and was operating in an old paradigm mode, wanting the day, and Dear Hubby, to be the way I wanted them to be, because after all it was a “special” day.  You know, like “The Holidays.”  It said so on the calendar, and in my mind.  We both *intended* for it to be a “special” day, so we orchestrated the day, trying to make it happen the way we envisioned it – or should I say the way *I* had it pictured in my mind.  DH was just fine with the way it was – of course. J  But disappointment was lurking on the horizon for me…

It started out fine.  We exchanged cards and expressions of our love for each other.  We drove to one of our favorite places about 40 mins outside the city-burbs to get away from the erratic, knotted, stuck city energy and be in the fluidity of open space and nature.  The shift in energy was dramatic.  We both felt the flow of energy change to a sweet, comforting embrace that surrounded us.  It was cold and blustery out, so there would be no walk in nature.  But we sat in the car in sweet silence at the trailhead, enjoying each other’s presence, basking in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the idyllic view of the surrounding foothills with a small town nestled in its curves, and trains slowly winding through the valley.  Picture perfect – so far… J  We were both content to just BE with each other…

Later that evening we went to dinner.  Darkness set in as I sat across the table from DH who stared at his plate not saying anything.  There it was – the familiar view: detachment, disengagement, non-participation.   And me feeling like I wasn’t on the radar screen, or at least a tiny blip that he could choose to see or not see.  It was a mirror of how I have often felt in this relationship.  (I know some of you must know what I’m talking about. :)  And the defensive responses when I raised the issue - with him saying that conversation can’t be forced, must be spontaneous, that I could not orchestrate *how* he was.  Well, okay, true, yes… But…

But I started feeling old emotions again - feeling invisible, unimportant, disappointed that the evening was not living up to my expectations.  There was that word again…  I wanted that wonderful feeling of resonance, of partnership, and an in depth spiritual/philosophical conversation that was also a hallmark of our relationship – which admittedly was usually spontaneous.    And I wanted to feel – important – the gaze across the table that says I will love you forever – even though he already said as much in his card.  But I wanted more…  I wanted Romance, attention, acknowledgement.  I wanted to *feel* special!   I-I-I…

Aye-yi-yi…  Enough already…

I couldn’t see then what I see now because the darkness of silent anger veiled the truth.  It was the anger of deep hurt – which came from believing that DH, and our relationship, should be other than what he/it is.  The feelings spilled over into the next day.  Ego was having its way with me - seducing me - and suffering ensued: Dukkha…  So it was time for a little authentic, heart to heart conversation with – myself - journaling…

Through writing it was revealed that I had been holding onto the thought/belief/expectation of the way the relationship/marriage was supposed to be, to feel; the expectation that it would provide *me*/ego-self with something concrete to hold onto – like a sense of security, of safety, a sense of being loved, or special…  I wondered how many of us live this way, thinking that “contentment” in life depends on feeling loved and secure by a partner.  And yet – I also realized that even in relationship, we are really still emotionally on our own journey in many ways.  No one person can meet our needs – I know this…  But I am not completely empty of “self” yet – the fabricated, conditioned self with its expectations of how relationships are “supposed” to be.  Just call me Eeyore…

I was faced with the truth, I must let go of my illusions/delusions *about* the relationship or suffer.  I needed to, once again, let go of the myth of marriage that I obviously have unconsciously still held in my mind all these years, as well as the myth of myself – the myth of the fabricated self.  The myth would no longer do, no longer satisfy.  I realized that the myth I held to was only a fantasy I had *believed* to be true.  The myth had cowled me, leaving me in darkness.  But I don’t want to remain a prisoner of the myth, or the darkness…

So – maybe this is the place in the story of “us” where I finally step off the edge, letting go of attachments, expectations, and old images - seeing things as they really are, allowing the relationship to be what it is and unfold as it does – appreciating the truth of it and loving the parts that work…

btw – DH has been looking up from his plate… J

Photo:

This is the original image of the above photo

Which just goes to show
there is always light in the darkness
if we are willing to adjust our perspective
and *see* it…

Entitlement

Before I looked into the Reflecting Pool on Sunday I have to confess I took a dive into the Sea of Unconsciousness and mud-wrestled with suffering. It was not a pretty sight: lots of venting, whining, arguing in my head about my current life circumstances – bemoaning that *I* didn’t sign up for *this.* “This” meaning the need to “take care of” my sister for the past 6 weeks (and probably 6 more) - which I have written about before, so I won't reiterate the story... :)

My husband patiently listened and allowed me to vent and whine, and then as usual offered up the wisdom that stopped me in my tracks – that stopped the mind from its self-centered indulgence of suffering. He said:

“What makes you think that you’re entitled to have life different than it is?”

Whoa horsey – now that’s the perspective that stopped the gravitational pull back into the subconscious *belief* in a life of being victimized by life’s circumstances – creating suffering and misery. Excuse me while I wipe the mud off my face, straighten my clothes and get back up from the mud hole. It does happen you know, when we least expect it – we are blindsided by our own emotional investment in suffering – as if we were entitled to it.

Ah s0 – yes, I ask – what *does* make me think that I’m entitled? What makes me *expect* that life will go as I had envisioned… And isn’t it this sense of entitlement that causes this mud wrestling – this suffering? Seems so looking back on it.

Hours later I got another view of this sense of entitlement when the phone rang and it was my husband’s sister who literally takes care of their mother who has Alzheimer’s. My sister-in-law is struggling with having to care for her mother, as well as her mother’s loss of cognizance and awareness, AND with her mother not being who *she* wants her to be. I could empathize to a certain degree, although not totally. She is obviously resistant, struggling and suffering. That I could relate to. So I offered my empathy and understanding – knowing how life can take us in unexpected directions. And then I offered my husband’s words of wisdom *thinking* it would help. They were met with indignation and a declaration of disagreement because her *belief* is that we are *entitled* to be happy, to have life the way we want it, as if it was an expectation that life should fulfill. Oops.

And that’s when I heard it again – the *root* of suffering: entitlement and expectation.

As we shared our mutual experiences my sister-in-law then said: “But you *chose* to take care of your sister” as if that somehow lessened what I was experiencing. That pushed a few buttons. :)

My experience is – the “choice” was made already by life circumstances. There was no one else to “take care of my sister.” It was actually not a “choice.” There was really no choice to be made. I just stepped up to the plate to do what needed to be done. No heroics. Life presented the circumstances and I showed up. Not willingly at first. How could I *not* show up!? How could I turn my back and *choose* not to do this? That would have been the choice it seems – to resist where life was going, how life was unfolding – to say no.

My real choice, as I see it now, is in not creating suffering and struggle around what I am being asked by life to do at the moment.

Admittedly that’s been challenging - accepting life as it is, without getting down in the mud and bemoaning my experience…

But even in the mud experience a jewel is offered– a discovery is made: I realized this week that when I am with my sister there is no *thinking* that life should be different, that *I* shouldn’t have to do this, that *this* should not be happening… etc. None of that happens. I am just there, doing what needs to be done – present… And I don’t mean to sound magnanimous here. It’s really not about me at all. It’s about the experience. It all unfolds the way it does, on its own. And I actually find myself *enjoying* being with my sister, *engaging* differently. Wonder of wonders…

The new “awareness moment” now is that when I say “yes” to life as it is, and meet people where they are, there *is* a sense of equanimity that arises internally – despite my moments of mud-wrestling. Eventually the need to oppose, wrestle, resist, and fight with life dissipates – as well as the sense of entitlement. A different rapport with life emerges, one that is more embracing and accepting. This feels much better than mud-wrestling… sigh…

The adventure continues! And more discoveries I’m sure…

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