My Top Ten Savage Sword of Conan covers.

Not that I'm a violent man but there are times in this life when all I want to do is pick up my broadsword and hack a monster to death.

The only problem is I can't because I've already killed them all.

Happily, I can at least seek solace in the adventures of Conan, a man who's clearly determined to follow in my footsteps.

And that leads me to fling together another of those Top Tens that always push up the site's visitor numbers. This time, I'm looking at the covers of Marvel/Curtis's Savage Sword of Conan. How impressed by their covers I remember being when I was a mere lad.

As so often with these things, I've not given them any sort of ranking, as doing such a thing tends to hurt my brain, and so they're posted here in a purely random order.

What does strike me is how many of them are from the title's early days. There are some covers I like from later on in the mag's run but I don't like them enough to put them in the Top Ten. Plus, a fair number of them are badly marred by what, to me, seems to be a highly unsympathetic typography that destroys their chances of feeling suitably Howardian no matter how hard the artist tries.

It's issue #1 and I've only just discovered that this cover's by Boris Vallejo. It doesn't look as photographic to me as his usual efforts. It also feels a lot livelier and more comic-booky than I'm used to from him.

Neal Adams shows what he can do when let loose on our favourite swordsman.

And what he can do is give us a bold image with an elegant background.

Mike Kaluta gives us a dynamic scene where the strongly-lit characters contrast starkly with their black background.

That might not sound like a big deal but an awful lot of the covers that I rejected failed to make it because their total lack of colour variation between background and foreground made them fail to grab the attention.

This was the first issue of the mag I ever had and probably my first ever exposure to the work of Boris Vallejo. It had a huge impact on me.

Nowadays, I do feel that, accomplished as he was, his practise of painting from photos means his work does lack the energy and character of Frank Frazetta who he was clearly influenced by. Still, it's all lovely stuff to look at and he was clearly the king of the Savage Sword of Conan cover artists.

It's Vallejo again. I know I said I wasn't going to put the covers into any sort of order but I must confess this is easily my favourite. It has Conan being crucified. It has a giant skull. It has a vulture. How could I not love it?

Alex Nino and Frank Magsino give us a subterranean battle to the death.

Boris Vallejo again.

I'd say this is the least impressive of the Vallejo covers, with it all looking too much like models posing but it would definitely have made me want to buy it when I was a kid, so it makes the list.

Vallejo again.

My main memory of this issue is me throwing up halfway through reading it.

Fortunately, it was because I had a bug, not because I didn't approve of its cover.

Bob Larkin. I don't like the painting style on this cover as much as on the others I've chosen - because it all looks far too clean and modern for my liking - but what matters is the sheer strikingness of its imagery, with our hero about to be swallowed by a well-known movie star.

Random comics I have owned. Part Five.

A far wiser man than me once said, "Shut up!" But I don't listen to wise men. That's what's made me the man I am today. Therefore, here's the latest instalment in the stunning new feature that's inducing catatonia on a scale never before seen in the history of the World Wide Web, as I take another random look at the covers of comics I once owned.

A crack team of hunters demonstrate the exact qualities you need if you're to catch your prey. Stealth, intelligence and razor-sharp alertness.

I acquired this comic on a Sunday morning. No comic acquired on a Sunday morning can ever be bad.

It's the third of the Black Orchid's original three appearances in Adventure Comics.  Sadly, it's another tale I can't remember that much about.

For those who've never read any of her original tales; blessed with invulnerability, super-strength and the ability to fly, she was basically like Supergirl but, for some reason, kept using a mastery of disguise to defeat her foes, when you would've thought she could have saved herself the trouble and just given them a punch in the bracket.

The Justice League come up against an alien called Nekron. I don't recall exactly what he was about but I do recall he was up to no good.

I'm not totally convinced Wonder Woman actually died in this tale.

If I remember right, this was the last issue before the X-Men all got dragged off into outer space for the trial of the Phoenix.

Needless to say, it was all cracking stuff and a highlight of its era.

The last issue of Conan I ever had.

From what I recall, Conan wanders into a village and it's not long before he's up against a deadly menace from the sea.

Poor old Conan, even a trip to the seaside turns into a life or death battle for him. I bet he couldn't even attempt to eat a toffee apple without it trying to kill him.

I always remember this issue as having great artwork but I can't remember who it was by.

Our third cover that involves a man carrying an insensate female.

One of my childhood faves, as our, "hero," finds himself up against a skeleton on a mission of revenge.

If you don't love that cover, there's probably no hope for you.

Then again, if you don't want to be a skeleton on a mission of revenge, there's probably no hope for you.

I really don't remember anything about this issue at all. I have no doubt though that it was all very strange.

Having blown up half of London, Iron Fist is still having trouble with his nuclear-powered foe.

Is this the issue where Misty Knight gets her bionic arm, or did she already have it by this point?

Random comics I have owned. Part Three.

Suffering shads! It's the return of the feature that's left the internet in tatters, as I once more drone on randomly about comics I've owned.

Just what'll be turned up by this veritable Pick and Mix?

Only a rifle through Steve's Lucky Bag of Confusion can tell us...

Superman's definitely in need of a good slap on this cover.

Inside, Hawkman quits the Justice League, and Eclipso might be involved.

Other than that I can recall little of the contents.

It's always nice to see a Nick Cardy cover though.

It's one of the few Original X-Men stories I ever liked, as the merry Marvel mutants find themselves on trial in the court of Factor 3.

I seem to remember that Ross Andru drew this issue, which could explain why it appealed to me more than their tales usually did.

Some bloke builds a big gun to commit crimes with and Thor has to stop him, in a tale of squabbling siblings.

The issue that introduced me to DC's man of mystery.

From what I can recall of this tale, the Phantom Stranger's called in to try and help establish whether a defendant's plea of insanity is genuine or not. Needless to say, there's a twist at the end.

It's the story we all wanted to see, as Conan takes on Kull.

Red Sonja and Belit, meanwhile, continue their bickering.

It's one of my fave Marvel monster tales, as Grogg causes no end of bother.

Sadly, we still get no answer to the enduring mystery of where Marvel's giant monsters buy those underpants from.

It's the only issue of Swamp-Thing I ever owned. It's from after Bernie Wrightson left the strip but that doesn't mean it lets us down on the pictorial front, thanks to some lovely interior work by Nestor Redondo.

It had stylish artwork by Howard Chaykin but I always remember this as being one of the few American comics I had as a child that I could never get on with.

Random comics I have owned. Part Two.

Quiver, mortals! It's time to cower once more before the raging power of nostalgia - because it's time for Part Two of my random look back at various comics I used to own when I was barely more than knee-high to a Kurrgo.

It's one of my childhood faves, as Superboy re-encounters a child genius with a knack for landing him in trouble.

I recall nothing of this book's contents. I do however still dig that cover.

But just what is the way in which the Flash dies?

Purchased from an indoor market in Blackpool, in the summer of 1972, this was one of the first American comics I ever owned.

As you can guess, it has the Angel vs Red Raven, as they meet in the latter's city in the clouds.

Yet another of my very earliest American comics, as Cap and Falc come up against a scientist who turns himself into a talking gorilla.

The gorilla was fine but I remember being most taken at the time by the colour scheme of Cap's costume.

A comic strip artist inadvertently creates a winged bad guy who I seem to recollect has plans to conquer the world.

Exactly how it all plays out, I don't remember. Did the artist foil the villain's mighty plans by erasing him/redrawing him/spilling ink over the paper he'd originally been drawn on?

The Phantom Stranger meets Frankenstein's monster.

Despite my lack of enthusiasm for DC's take on the monster, I do remember enjoying this one.

I seem to recall there being some sort of demonic possession thing going on and some typically rugged artwork by Jim Aparo inside.

I believe the cover to be by Mike Kaluta.

I'm pretty sure this is the first colour Conan comic I ever owned, as our hero comes up against a gold statue of a scorpion that inconveniently comes to life.

The cover's always driven me up the wall. I'm convinced John Buscema borrowed Conan's pose from a Jack Kirby panel but I've never been able to work out in which comic that panel first appeared.

Hooray! Marvel's reprint mag gives us Kraa, who I seem to recall being surprisingly helpful in a crisis and coming to a sad end.

Poor old Kraa.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 14: Savage Sword of Conan #1.

In its latest gift to the internet, mere days ago Steve Does Comics somehow managed to demonstrate that Conan the Barbarian is Scottish.

No doubt he comes from Cumbernauld and began his descent into barbaric fury whilst trying to navigate that town's legendarily inconvenient centre. The glorious perverseness of that place means Cumbernauld has always featured high in my affections even though I've never been there.

Likewise high in my affections even though I've never experienced it is Marvel UK's Savage Sword of Conan #1.

In their time, Marvel UK launched at least two comics called Savage Sword of Conan, one of which was a later, magazine-sized, monthly of which I had one issue.

The earlier, weekly, comic was launched in 1975 and, in a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare himself, I never had a single copy.

I did however see it advertised on TV and saw Stan Lee plugging it - possibly on ITV's classic kids' show Magpie.

It was thanks to that very interview that I discovered that Conan is pronounced Coe-nan and not Connan. It was as big a shock to the system as discovering that, "Sub-Mariner," isn't pronounced Sub-Mareener. Who says television can't be educational?

Sadly, despite my desire to own it. I never had issue #1 and had to wait many a moon before finally reading its fateful featured tale, in The Essential Conan which I then threw away to make room for other objects.

Happily, that book is now selling for over £90 on Amazon. And so the business genius that has made me the man I am today, once more showed its fearful face.

Steve Fights Crime! Danger down under!

Over the last few days, the world's thrilled to my exploits as I've set about acquiring the parts needed to create the ultimate super-hero costume.

I'm already fully catered for up-top - but now comes the most important item of them all.

What to wear to cover my lower-half modesty?

Sadly, when it comes to such areas, super-heroes have a terrible reputation, being ridiculed as they often are for wearing their underpants over their trousers.

As though that weren't bad enough, there're also such lapses in taste as Wonder Woman's star-spangled abominations and Supergirl's bright red hot pants.

Therefore, given such a paucity of items to choose from, I'm going to have to go for one thing, and one thing alone.

Conan the Barbarian's loin cloth.

Not the furry one, obviously. If ever I've seen a garment asking to be overrun by fleas, it has to be the furry one.

No. I shall go for the proper loin cloth, as seen to the top-left of this very post. With Conan's loin cloth, I shall look like a man capable of rescuing any maiden from any wizard and defeating every man-ape this side of Zingara, by Crom.

So, that task now sorted, I have Ant-Man's helmet, Batman's cape, Captain America's shirt and Conan's loin cloth. Already I can sense super-villains trembling at the thought of me approaching them in a darkened alleyway.

But that's not enough. After all, roaming the night-time streets as I shall be, I may stand on a nail and - as Superman often told us in those 1970s public information ads - even a non-rusty nail can cause a nasty infection. Therefore I'm going to need footwear.

Long-standing readers'll know that nothing excites me more when it comes to super-hero costumes than the subject of footwear. I am sure therefore that the topic of my next post shall thrill me greatly.

In the meantime, feel free to discuss your own personal favourite examples of clothing designed to cover a super-hero's loinal extremities.

Your favourite Conan-related warrior woman of all time - Poll Results!

Reader, has this anonymous layabout been voted
greatest warrior woman of all time? Only Steve
Does Comics can tell you.

"Crom!" have I declared many times, in the heat of battle, "It ofttimes seems there are none the world loves more than a warrior woman."

And it seems I was right because the results are in from our poll to find your favourite Conan-related battling bombshell of all time and, with a massive twenty nine votes, it may well be the most popular poll we've ever run.

So, with no further ado, let's get on with it.

Joint fifth, with one vote each, are Zenobia and Zuma. Clearly if you want to ride high in the Warrior Woman Stakes, it doesn't pay to have a name beginning with Z.

In joint third, with four votes, are Valeria and Generic Cover Girl #1. It's a great triumph for Generic Cover Girl #1 - putting, as she has, all other generic cover girls well and truly in their place. But no doubt Robert E Howard's very own Valeria will be disappointed to do no better than a woman who doesn't even have a name.

In second place, with nine votes, was Red Sonja. Frankly, I wouldn't want to be around her when she finds out she didn't win.

But at Number One, to the surprise of no one but me, it's Bêlit who just pipped Sonja at the post by gaining a massive ten votes. I suspect that Bêlit probably can't count, so, in all likelihood, she'll probably never be aware of her achievement. On top of that, she's been dead for 10,000 years and probably doesn't even have an Internet Service Provider.

Regardless, well done to Bêlit, commiserations to all other fighting females, and thank you, loyal reader, for voting.

Warrior Women - who's your favourite?

First of all I'd like to say thanks to Pat of Silver Age Comics and Paul D Brazil of You Would Say That, Wouldn't You? for giving this site a plug on their own blogs - although Pat has libelled Booksteve terribly by making out he's to blame for this site. Paul currently has a short story crime anthology out, that he's edited, in aid of the Children 1st charity.

But that's the present. And, because I hang around with intellectuals, I know that any history professor'll tell you the past is a far more exciting place to be.

That professor'll no doubt reveal that the past was a world of muscle-men in loin cloths, monsters, demons and sorcerers. It was a land of helpless wenches, duplicitous princesses and narked-off witches.

It's also a world of warrior women.

That leads me onto today's topic of debate. I think we all love a good warrior woman but that raises the issue of just who was the best of Conan's various fighting females?

I was going to launch a poll straight off but quickly realised there'd no doubt be someone I'd missed off. And so I'll do my usual thing of throwing it out to you the reader to give your opinions before I launch that poll.

Off the top of my head, I can think of three main warrior women from the Conan-verse: Bêlit, Red Sonja and Valeria. Speaking personally, I was never a fan of Bêlit, finding her a bit annoying, especially in her insistence on being in issue after issue after issue. I also worried that all that fur had to itch. Plus she ended up dead in the original Robert E Howard tales, which was the kind of downer you don't really need from your heroines.

But when it comes to Valeria and Red Sonja I've always been genuinely torn. I encountered Red Sonja first but I've always suspected that, whatever the origins of her name, Roy Thomas based Red Sonja very strongly on Valeria. Valeria also gets brownie points for having been in Barry Smith's masterpiece Red Nails. Then again, The Sonj was in Bazzer's last story in the monthly Conan the Barbarian mag, which was pretty classic-tastic too. Valeria always seemed a bit more mentally stable to me than Sonja but, then again, I suspect Sonja'd flatten her in a fight.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter. But what about you? Conan's warrior women - who's your favourite?

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 3: Savage Sword of Conan #5.

Outside, the wind might be blowing up a storm but in the sheltered recesses of the Internet, the world practically stops on its axis as yet again I highlight a comic I always wanted as a kid but never managed to acquire.

This time it's The Savage Sword of Conan #5; upon whose cover we find the Hyborian Hero nailed to a cross, as a vulture gets ready to tuck in. If this was The Beano, that vulture would of course be holding a knife and fork while wearing a napkin tied around its neck. Oddly enough, artist Boris Vallejo didn't think to add that detail.

Apparently laid out by John Buscema, the pic has crucifixion, it has vultures and it has a big skull. As DC's regular Weird War Tales cover man Luis Dominguez could tell you, a comic book cover can never go wrong with a good skull on it.

Not only does Savage Sword of Conan #5 have a great cover but it also appears to feature an adaptation of A Witch Shall Be Born, one of my favourite Robert E Howard Conan tales.

Not that I knew back then that it was one of my favourite Robert E Howard Conan tales as, at that point, I'd never read any of them. Since then I've read them all - and have come to the conclusion that I agree with myself on the matter.

Conan the Barbarian #5.

I'm pretty down with the street gangs, winning them over instantly with my mammoth break-dancing skills. "Gordon Bennett!" they declare, "We've never seen anyone spin on his head like you do! Please become the leader of our crew and teach us your skillz so we can save our local youth club from closure, with the winnings from next week's National Street-Dance Disco Dancing Competition!"

Sadly, not everyone's as popular as me; and the evil sorcerer Zukala's among them. He keeps sending his daughter Zephra into the nearest town to demand taxes from the locals.

This might not sound like much of a problem for the said locals. Can they not just show her pictures of sad kittens until she cries?

But Zephra's no ordinary gal. Like 1960s pop legend Lulu, she can turn herself into a tiger.

Unfortunately for Zukala, on this particular occasion, Conan the Barbarian just happens to be in town, and one look at his horny helmet sends her so horny she decides to side with him against her father.

After being promised lots of money by the locals, Conan sets off to Zukala's castle and takes on the wizard - but not before Zukala summons the demon Jaggta-Noga to collect the taxes his daughter so miserably neglected to gather.

It all ends with Zephra fighting Jaggta-Noga before, to protect her, Zukala sends the demon back to where it came from, and he and his daughter vanish off to some mystic dimension, leaving Conan to help himself to the collected taxes they've left behind.

This was the first Conan story I ever read - in the pages of Fleetway's Marvel Annual 1972/3 - and it was love at first sight. How could I not love a story with a sorcerer, a tiger and a demon in it? How could I not love a story with a castle?

Granted, I didn't at that point have a clue who Conan was and, because Thor got mentioned in an article elsewhere in the annual, I somehow convinced myself the star of this tale was Thor - even though everyone kept calling him Conan.

It's from the strip's early months and thus features Barry Smith's art when it was still partway between his days of badly imitating Jack Kirby and his more ornate later style. But even here there's a class about it - an appreciation of "camera-angles", perspective and poses - that hints at the true potential behind the pencil. Smith's renditions of the tiger, and Jaggta-Noga are especially appealing. Frank Giacoia's inking doesn't best suit Smith's pencils, being too crisp and harsh, but it's not enough to spoil the enjoyment.

The more observant may notice the colouring in the images I'm posting here isn't quite the same as in the original comic. Those devoid of marbles might think it's because I have a priceless and rare edition re-coloured by the great man Bazza himself.

They'd be wrong.

It's because at some point as child I decided it'd be a good idea to colour-in the otherwise black and white reprint with felt-tip pens. Comic book colouring? Break-dancing? Truly I am the Renaissance Man.

Marvel Treasury Editions.

Mars Bars might like to tell us that small size is fun size but we all know better. Fun size is giant size.

And they didn't come any gianterer than Marvel Treasury Editions, those magnificently impractical comics that reprinted classic Marvel tales at a scale that would've made Black Goliath feel small. I'm pretty sure that Bronze Age Babies, in the not too distant past, invited us to nominate our favourite Marvel Treasury Editions and, as there's no idea too firmly nailed down for me to steal, I'm going to do the same.

I only ever had four Marvel Treasury Editions. In fact I only had three but, as I'm a Marvellite rather than a DC fan, I always count Superman vs the Amazing Spider-Man as belonging to the House of Ideas. My least favourite of the four was The Hulk on the Rampage. While it had such classic tales as Jade Jaws having  to fight all his greatest foes in one afternoon, Doc Samson's debut and the Hulk teaming up with the Thing to fight Kurrgo and the Leader, it also had a not very inspired meeting of the Hulk and Hercules that could only be called crude even by early Hulk standards. Superman vs Spider-Man is reviewed here and The Mighty Avengers was packed with a raft of Avengers debuts; from the Panther, to the Vision, to Yellowjacket and even the Valkyrie.

But of all these books, my most loved had to be the single Conan Treasury Edition that I had, which featured Barry Smith and Roy Thomas' adaptations of Robert E Howard's Rogues in the House and Red Nails. With its epic length, Red Nails really was something special, as Conan and sword-swinging piratess Valeria teamed up to take on a house that could only be described as divided. Packed with detail, style, drama, atmosphere, gloomy corridors, monsters and occasional nudity, if ever there was a tale that seemed designed to be reproduced on a giant scale it was Red Nails.

But, while those are my thoughts on the matter, a blog is no blog without feedback. It's merely one of those awful static websites that belong in the dustbin of history. So, that in mind, which were your favourite Treasury Editions?

Conan and Red Sonja smite the one thousand.

Congratulations to my snappily titled post Neal Adams, John Buscema and Red Sonja makes three. Conan the Barbarian #44, which has just become the the first ever post on Steve Does Comics to reach the 1,000 page-views mark.

Admittedly, some people might say that congratulating blog-posts for getting page views is a bit sad and a bit like congratulating a balloon for inflating but I feel one should celebrate every triumph in life, no matter how petty. So, congratulations to it regardless.

Those who wish to congratulate the post on its awesome achievement may do so in the Comments Box below.

Savage Sword of Conan #4: Iron Shadows in the Moon.

Tarim's blood, has there ever been a more lusciously illustrated picture-story than The Savage Sword of Conan #4's adaptation of Robert E Howard's Iron Shadows in the Moon?

I was always going to like this story because it arrived in my life on a Sunday and, as I've remarked elsewhere, I'm psychologically incapable of disliking any comic that does so.

I also remember reading it while listening to Pilot's January on the Radio 1 Top 20 show. At the age of eleven, a combination of Pilot and Conan was always going to be a heady brew.

But there's more to the thing's appeal than the coincidence of timing. Savage Sword of Conan #4 was the first comic I ever had that possessed an oil-painted cover, and that alone was enough to knock my socks off. But to then see the interior was to seal the deal as Alfredo Alcala laid down an extraordinary set of inks over John Buscema's pencils.

Finding the obligatory slave girl - Olivia - while roaming the marshes, Conan slays her pursuer and, together, he and she flee to an island in the middle of the Vilayet Sea. There they soon realise they're not alone, as an unseen assailant flings a huge block of stone at them.

They then stumble upon a temple filled with sinister iron statues that, according to a nightmare that afflicts Olivia, come to life when moonlight hits them.

As though that weren't enough, they're then joined by a bunch of pirates who capture Conan after he kills their leader in his attempt to become their new captain. Still, not to fear, Conan and Olivia escape the pirates (who find themselves attacked by the statues) but only to run into a giant man-ape.

According to an interview I once read, John Buscema was not a fan of Alfredo Alcala's inking. At first glance that seems perverse, bearing in mind how much it brings to his work but it seems Big John wasn't happy that Alcala was at heart obliterating all trace of his style, and it's at this part of the story that you can most see Buscema's beef hung up in the shop window. I've seen a fair few giant man-apes that were drawn by John Buscema, and the man-ape in this tale bears no resemblance to any of them. You do get the feeling Alcala may have simply ignored Buscema's pencils and drawn his own man-ape over them. You can see why this might annoy an artist.

Fortunately, we the readers don't have to worry about such things. Having put no effort at all into the production of the tale, we can take it purely as we find it, and the truth is that, whatever Buscema's reservations, the combination of his story-telling prowess with Alcala's evocative inks produces a masterclass in how to bring Robert E Howard to life.

For me, Iron Shadows in the Moon has, along with Red Nails, always been Howard's finest Conan outing and it's as it should be that both Buscema and scripter Roy Thomas stick so closely to the original. There's none of that Hollywood, "This'd be so much better if we changed this, that and the other," about it. They have the sense to give us the tale as Howard intended it.

This faithfulness to both the words and spirit of Howard produces a tale that manages to achieve a sense of eeriness and vaguely surreal dread that the strip didn't always achieve when it came to newly-written stories. Highlight of it has to be Olivia's nightmare in the temple when the events of thousands of years earlier are revealed to her. In it we really do get a sense of dark times before man walked the Earth, and our world was a thing unrecognisable, plaything to incomprehensible forces from other realms.

But wouldn't that be... ...illegal?