World's Finest #218. Part Two. Element Man: The Haunted Millionaire.

Mere weeks ago on this blog, I took a look at World's Finest #218 which gave us Batman and Superman vs Capricorn. I have no doubt at all that the makers of the Batman vs Superman movie have based their script closely on that epic tale and it will therefore be a box office and critical triumph.

But it's not the only tale in that issue - because it also features a back-up strip starring Element Man.

I must confess that this tale is the only exposure to Element Man I've ever had, unless you count Facade in Sandman #20, which clearly wasn't about Element Man but was about his near-identical female equivalent - Element Girl - who had matching powers, origin and appearance but clearly possessed a far less robust disposition in life.

Fortunately for us all, the tale in this issue has a first page that tells us just who Element Man is, who the people around him are and how he got his Periodical Powers.

It seems that he's Rex Mason and his girlfriend's dad - Simon Stagg - also happens to be his antagonist, meaning he spends great chunks of his free time hanging around with his arch-enemy.

Thus it is that they all set off to the seaside together.

But Simon Stagg is not a happy camper. This is thanks to him being targeted by the ghost of his evil ancestor who's out to get him.

Except it turns out that that's not what's going on at all.

Why?

Because it's all gone Scooby-Doo. The so-called ghost is actually not a ghost at all. It is in fact a robot that was created by Stagg who then tried to destroy it. Needless to say this has sent the robot somewhat revengey.

Fortunately, Element Man is soon on the scene to rescue Stagg and deal with the robot.

Quite why the robot was disguising itself as a ghost is anyone's guess and not explained at any point but it's a Bob Haney script, so it's probably best not to expect too much logic from it.

The thing's drawn by John Calnan, an artist I'm not otherwise familiar with but who draws it in that DC house style that I am familiar with.

All in all, comprising just seven and a half pages, it's an appealing and quirky tale featuring a hero who feels like he should be in a Charlton mag, which is no bad thing at all - and this story's existence did at least mean that, when I read that Sandman tale all those years ago, I sort of felt like I knew who Element Girl was, even if I didn't really.

World's Finest #218, Capricorn gets Batman and Superman's goat.

There are some extremely unlikely combinations in this life.

And I can't think of any of them.

Fortunately, I don't have to because one of the most unlikely of them is staring me straight in the face right now.

And that's Superman and Batman.

Given that one of them has all the super-powers in the world and the other doesn't have any, it always seemed a bit odd to me that they'd bother to team up.

Just what would Superman gain from teaming up with DC's equivalent of Daredevil?

And just what help would Batman think he'd be to the world's most omnipotent man? Basically, he'd be there just to stand around saying, "Ooh yes, you're doing very well, Superman."

I only ever got one chance to discover the answer to this question when I was a youth.

And that's because I only ever had one issue of World's Finest.

That issue was issue #218 and it made it clear to me in just thirteen pages what that answer was.

The answer is that they team up because they're useless.

It all kicks off when Batman discovers a mystery extortionist called Capricorn is on the loose in Gotham City. He's blackmailing Commissioner Gordon. He's blackmailing the mayor. He even ends up trying to blackmail Bruce Wayne.

As it turns out, he's not much of an extortionist because he's demanding nothing from them. He just seems to want them to know that he knows what they know.

This lack of actual criminality doesn't stop Batman being determined to bring him to justice.

And so it is that, for no noticeable reason that I can see, he calls in Superman who seems to have nothing better to do with his time than chase around after people who've not actually broken the law.

Then again, as far as Batman's concerned, the law seems to be whatever Batman says it is. As he and Superman break into the house of their only suspect, a man called Fabio, Bats makes it clear he can break into houses whenever he deems fit to, as long as the suspect has a criminal record and Batman wants to get into his house. When Fabio tries to defend himself from such literally unwarranted intrusion, Batman gives him a punch in the face and arrests him for trying to prevent intruders getting in.

Needless to say, it turns out Fabio isn't the wrongdoer (even though Capricorn's not, at this point, legally a wrongdoer either) and they've invaded completely the wrong house and smacked a man in the jaw for nothing. And now, thanks to that, they're starting to look a bit stupid in front of everyone.

It's at this point that Capricorn finally decides to commit a crime and kills Fabio, in order to make our heroes look even stupider.

You can't help feeling sorry for Fabio. There he is, minding his own business when, suddenly, Batman and Superman are blowing up his house and someone he's never met is out to kill him.

Suitably buttressed by this dramatic turn of events, Batman and Superman fling themselves into the hunt with renewed vigour.

And get absolutely nowhere with it.

They end up finding him entirely by accident, as Bruce Wayne inadvertently bumps into him in a health shop and eventually works out that the man who looks like a goat and buys goats' milk and then sends him a letter to let him know who he is, might be Capricorn.

Having now found his house, they swoop, only for him to escape with no difficulty at all by hiding in a water main whose lead walls Superman's X-Ray vision can't penetrate.

Thus, Batman and Superman's latest case ends in total failure.

I can honestly say that I could conduct a criminal investigation more effectively than this pair of wallies.

Do they fingerprint the blackmail letters?

No they don't.

Do they try to find out where the letters were posted?

No they don't.

When Capricorn escapes them, do they check out his known contacts?

No they don't.

Do they look into his history for any possible clues to his whereabouts?

No they don't.

Knowing he has an illness, do they check his medical records?

No they don't.

Do they arrange for, "Wanted," posters to be printed?

No they don't.

They just give up on it all and literally sit there feeling sorry for themselves.

And don't even get me started on the fact that the pair of them happily turn a blind eye to the various criminal misdemeanours they now know have been committed by various members of the Gotham City elite.

So there you have it. Basically, if you're having trouble with criminals, don't call in Batman and Superman. You'd be better off investigating it yourself.

In fact, you'd be better off calling me in. I've seen Father Dowling. I know how these things are done. All I need do is find a nun who's a mistress of disguise, expert lock picker, safe cracker, pick pocket, poker player, pole dancer and cocktail maker - and talks like Flo Steinberg (always bring it back to comics) - and I've got it cracked.

Still, on the upside, the adventure was drawn by Dick Dillin and Dave Cockrum, so at least our heroes look better while failing than I would.

I'm sorry but how on Earth can that possibly be Alfred in disguise?

Batman comics I have owned.

Holy smoke, Batman! In recent days, we've looked at the Superman comics I owned as a child. But, as we all know, Superman without Batman is like cow heel without tripe.

And that can only mean one thing.

It's time to look at the caped crusader's comics I once owned as a child.

Batman meets Man-Bat, again.

As a child, I was very taken with the fact that each tale in this collection represented a different decade - especially that one could represent the future, which hadn't even happened yet.

It was my one childhood taste of Neal Adams' Batman, as Bruce takes on a werewolf.

And you can read my review of that story, right here.

It's the first one hundred page comic I ever owned.

While investigating a murder at a circus, Batman and Robin find themselves up against the Catwoman and her tigers.

But the highlight of the issue for me was the dynamic duo finding themselves up against an island populated by robot dinosaurs. It was silly, it was corny and it was old but it had super-heroes and dinosaurs. What more could you want from a piece of fiction when you're ten?

I got this one in Blackpool and have fond memories of it.

At least, I have fond memories of the second tale in the issue, as it introduced me to the concept of fixative, the phrase, "Round Robin," and it mentioned the Battle of Hastings.

Sadly, I recall nothing of the tale that features the Scarecrow.

There's mayhem on a film set and, as the bodies pile up, Batman seems to be losing his touch. He even gets told off by Commissioner Gordon for not catching the perpetrator fast enough.

That's Commissioner Gordon who's never caught a criminal in his entire life.

It's the only issue of The Brave and the Bold I ever owned, as Batman and the de-powered Wonder Woman team up to do something or other.

To be honest, I don't recall much about the tale other than that it had some fairly spiffing Jim Aparo art that I remember taking the time to copy with my pencil and sketchbook. I learned much about drawing torsos from it.

This is the Tomb of the Unknown Batman.

The first Batman comic I ever owned was bought from an indoor market in Blackpool in 1972. Sadly, I have no idea what issue it was or what title it was.

I recall Batman climbing a tree and using bolas on some bad guys.

It also introduced me to his utility belt.

I remember being very taken with the bendy spikes on his gloves.

Straight after buying this one, I went into Timsons shoe shop.

Thankfully, the comic was more exciting than Timsons.

Well, I say that but, for all I know, Timsons was selling Clarks Wayfinders, which - with their built-in compass and animal-track recognition system - were the most exciting shoes ever made.

This was the mag that introduced me to Manhunter, a man who I have no doubt had a compass and animal-track recognition aids in his very own footwear, as he seemed to have everything else in the world concealed somewhere about his person.

You can read my review of this issue's main tale, right here.

One of my all-time favourite comic book covers, as Jim Aparo gives us a life or death struggle in the wilderness.

As in the issue above, there's a monster on the loose and it turns out not to be a monster. Clearly the spirit of Scooby-Doo was strong with the caped crusader at this point in history.

This comic introduced me to the Golden Age Manhunter.

Speaking of the Manhunter, Walt Simonson, the artist who revived that very strip, gives us a tale of a waxworks and a rich man who'll stop at nothing to own Batman's cape.

You can read my review of this issue, right here.

There's a killer tattooist on the loose and only Batman can stop him.

You can read my review of this issue, right here.

It's that issue of World's Finest again, as our intrepid heroes still fail to capture Capricorn.

I'm pretty sure there's a scene in this where Superman declares he can't break into a house because it's illegal and Superman can't do things that are illegal.

So, what does he do?

He gets Batman to do it for him.

Erm, isn't that illegal too?

Superman comics I have owned. Part Three: The Miscellaneous Years.

At last the world can rejoice, as I reach the pulse-pounding climax of my latest feature where I ramble on cluelessly about the Superman comics I had as a child.

We've already had a look at Superman's own mag and Action Comics - but what about all those other comics I had that starred the Big Blue Cheese?

Superman gets his own 100 page spectacular, in possibly the hardest to find comic on the entire Grand Comics Database. Seriously, try to find it. See how long it takes you.

As for the comic, it's one of my faves, as we see Superman help America win The War, not by smashing up the Nazis but by typing fast and fixing an engine. Hitler must have been wetting himself.

Meanwhile, we also meet TNT - who fights crooks by throwing a child at them till he explodes - and The Golden Age Atom who's in the habit of using his observatory to look in through women's windows.

Highlight of the comic is of course the epic tale of Superman Red and Superman Blue.

You can read my review of this magnificently insane comic right here.

Straight after Jimmy Olsen's mag folded, DC launched Superman Family which, logically, started with issue #164.

None of the stories are masterpieces but we do do get to see Jim Mooney's Supergirl fight Brainiac.

You can read my review of this comic right here.

It was the battle that had to happen!

Well, it wasn't really, as it made no sense at all for Marvel and DC's top heroes to meet each other.

Inevitably, Spider-Man got overshadowed by his partner.

More annoyingly, so did Doc Ock who was treated as little more than a dim-witted flunky to Lex Luthor.

You can read my review of this epic right here.

Jimmy Olsen finds himself in a castle full of harpies and sets out to sort them out without Superman's aid.

Needless to say, the self-declared, "Mr Action," ends up needing Superman's aid.

You can read my review of this issue right here.

I don't remember too much about this one. I'm pretty sure Jimmy finds himself in the court of Kublai Khan who thinks Jimmy's Marco Polo or something. There may have been a rhino involved. There might not have been.

This was the last issue of Jimmy Olsen before it transmogrified into the aforementioned Superman Family.

To be honest, I didn't own any issues of Lois Lane.

But my sister did - and that's good enough for me.

Although, the truth is I don't remember too much about them and found the Rose and the Thorn back-up strips far more compelling. This may have been purely because the Thorn wore thigh-length leather boots and Lois Lane didn't.

I think this is the issue where I discovered that Superman shaves by deflecting his super-heat vision off a mirror and back at his own face. I have shaved by using the same method ever since.

I recall nothing of what happens within but who could forget the sight of Superman turning into a tree?

Nice to see Lois on the cover thinking only of herself and not of the actual victim of the catastrophe.

My main memory of this is the tale where a pink monster falls in love with Lois.

Wait till it sees how she reacts when it starts to turn into a tree. Then it'll see the error of its ways. Thigh-length boots! It needs a woman with thigh-length boots!

I seem to remember a  Supergirl story with the same premise as this one. I wonder if it was the same monster?

After all those years, Wonder Woman and Superman finally show some sense and get round to doing some super-canoodling with each other.

Sadly, it all turns out to be a trick to snare some villains.

This is the Tomb of the Unknown Superman.

I'm pretty sure the first Superman comic I ever owned was one I got from a jumble sale at my local community centre. It had no cover and all I can recall of it is that, at one point, Lois Lane hides in a piano. It was also the comic where I first encountered the word, "Invulnerable."

At the same jumble sale, I stuck my hand in a sawdust filled Lucky Dip and came out of it with an Ancient Briton style plastic brooch. I'm sure Tony Robinson's Time Team are green with envy.

But, Reader, if you know what that comic was, please let me know.

Batman and Superman team up to deal with would-be arch-criminal Capricorn, who ultimately escapes them by hiding in the sewers. Because they're made of lead, Superman can't spot him down there.

You'd have thought it might occur to him to think, "I can't see into those sewers, what with them being made of lead. As I can't see Capricorn anywhere else in the city, perhaps I should check inside them."

But it doesn't.

Nor does it occur to Batman either.

Nor the police.