Mantis vs Moondragon.

Those of us who were fans of harrowing World War Two drama series Allo Allo will remember the vital life-or-death storyline that involved The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies. How we gasped as Herr Flick of the Gestapo tried to track down that painting.

But, of course, for comics fans there was a far more important Madonna than even her.

And that was the Celestial Madonna.

In yet another feat of masochistic madness, within the next few days Steve Does Comics is to launch a project that dwarfs even its review of the Kree/Skrull War, and begin the demanding process of reviewing every instalment of the Avengers epic that gave us the origin of the Vision, Agatha Harkness being abducted as possible breeding stock (!!!), and a woman with antennae marrying a talking tree.

In the meantime there's a bigger issue to be addressed.

All devoted Avengers readers'll know that at one point it was touch-and-go as to whether it'd be Mantis or Moondragon who'd nab the Celestial Madonna gig.

That's hardly surprising as they had much in common, most specifically a level of self-regard that'd make Brian Clough blush and a determination to cause ructions at every opportunity. So, the subject of our latest poll - to be found in the sidebar on this blog's starboard side - is; "If you were a talking tree, who would you rather marry; Mantis or Moondragon?"

Don't forget to vote. Remember, somewhere out there a randy tree may be depending on your answer.

Who's the sexiest comic book character of all time? Poll results!

Did Mary Jane hit the jackpot?

Get that tiara ready, break out that sash, because the results of our hottest poll ever are in. At last, the Internet's revealed who it deems to be the sexiest comic book character of all time. In the grand old tradition, I'll be giving a quick verse of Isn't She Lovely? before doing the results in reverse order.

With no votes we have Stalin, The Daughters of the Dragon, Gullivera and Druuna. The failure of Gullivera and Druuna was especially surprising to me, mostly because I've never heard of them and am therefore surprised to discover they even exist. Still, whoever they are, they can console themselves that they are at least as sexy as Stalin, who I have heard of.

With a mighty single vote each it's Hellina, and Val from SHIELD. Sadly, the only comic book Val I'd have voted for wasn't among the nominations.

On two votes apiece it's Gwen Stacy and Phoenix. Cyclops will be so disappointed.

On three votes it's the Black Canary and Sue Storm.

Steve Does Comics favourite Mary Jane Watson shows Gwen Stacy what it's all about by coming second with a healthy five votes.

The Black Widow contemplates how she's going
to use her Steve Does Comics "Sexiest Character
in Comics" Award.

But the supreme champion, with a walloping nine votes, crushing all opposition like bugs, is Madame Natasha Romanoff, AKA the Black Widow. I must confess that, despite my liking for Mary Jane, I too voted for the Black Widow. It just goes to show the lasting appeal of skin-tight leather. Or was it rubber? I was never too sure.

Anyway, thanks to all who voted, and congratulations to the Black Widow, even though she doesn't exist and therefore such congratulations are wasted.

Now I have to go away and think about it; now that we know what the Internet thinks, should I draw up my own personal Top Ten sexiest characters list? After all, we all know how the Internet loves a Top Ten.

Phwoar! Steve Goes Sexy.

As expected, the nominations have come flooding in from all corners of the globe, and we have our list of contenders for the title of the sexiest character in the history of comic books. Thanks to everyone who replied. It's quite a list and the nominees are: 

Stalin
Hellina
The Black Canary
Mary Jane Watson
Gwen Stacy
Sue Storm
The Black Widow
Phoenix (the X-Men one, not the Atlas Comics' one)
The Daughters Of The Dragon
Val from SHIELD
Gullivera
Druuna

If your favourite isn't on there - and mine isn't because I forgot to nominate anyone - I'm afraid it's too late. But don't forget to vote in the poll. Remember, entire civilisations could stand or fall on the results of it. All correspondence on the matter can of course be posted in the box below.

SDC goes LCD.

Whenever people visit my house and see my crank-starting television, they say to me, "Steve, what're you doing with that thing in your house? An LCD - that's what you need. An LCD."

Why they think I need a lowest common denominator I've no idea but other people are usually right and I'm usually wrong, so, here it is, Steve Does Comics' Lowest Common Denominator. And that means it's time for our greatest ever poll.

As we all know, comic book characters look better than the rest of us. When I say, "Us," I of course don't mean me. Despite being repeatedly smashed in the face in my years of fighting evil, I'm still pretty. But comic book characters look better than other people - you know, the ordinary people. So, of the various comic book characters we grew up reading in the 1960s and 70s, who, in your opinion, has been the sexiest?

Needless to say, this is open to all genders. Male and female characters alike are welcome. This isn't Sky Sports and there's no place for all that discrimination on this blog. Why, even now I'm fighting a constant battle for women in Sweden to get the vote. Granted, women in Sweden have had the vote since 1921 but, as a fighter of evil, I was always taught that complacency is the greatest enemy of freedom and so, ninety years after Swedish women got the vote, I'm still fighting for them to get it. I like to think the Swedish Embassy lives in fear of me.

So, let's think for a moment, to contemplate the subject and to cram my post with the keywords needed for valuable Search Engine Optimization, what sort of contenders are there?

At DC, there were the likes of Supergirl, Wonder Woman, the Black Orchid, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl and the Black Canary.

Marvel gave us a whole heap more. The Defenders gave us the Valkyrie, the female Red Guardian and Hellcat. The Avengers gave us the Wondrous Wasp, the Scarlet Witch, Mantis, and Moondragon. From the Fantastic Four, there were The Invisible Girl, Crystal, Medusa and Thundra. The X-Men gave us Jean Grey, Polaris and Storm. Then there were the solo acts like She-Hulk, Spider-Woman, Shanna the She-Devil and Red Sonja. In terms of the non-super-heroic, there was Lois Lane, Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson. Who could forget Sif and Hela? And what of Millie the Model? When it came to the men, there was, erm, Thor, Ka-Zar, the Abomination and, erm, Annihilus.

Regardless, I shall leave the window for nominations open for a week, hope no burglars get in and, at the end of that week aim to have a full and varied non-sexist list of the sexy to go in my planned poll, although I have no doubt I'll probably have a list of two characters, one of which will be Krypto the Super-Dog.

LCD. You have to have an LCD.

PS. Did I mention I want your nominations?