loose 'em.. but they found me..

triggered.. the best word for what i feel now.. a single gesture.. a single thought that i positively presume.. made my mouth dried.. heart thumping like mad.. if my hands were cut off.. the blood will spurt 100m away.. that shows how my blood pressure is rising in maniac manners..

actually.. i face it with single simple smile on surface.. but only i know.. how hard to cover the excitements i felt.. my mind urge me to jump.. scream nisa.. scream.. let it all out.. laugh.. and laugh! its worth to look n sound idiotic cuz what just happened this morning is something that i never imagine.. i mean.. i did imagine about it.. but.. duh? imagination is typically hard to come true.. but when it did become reality it is something that we should jump n hurray for.. am i right?

but.. i kept it inside.. smile is all i can do.. and hope.. and hope.. and hope again..

last night.. i mean.. 2-3 nights before.. i cant have my usual 40 winks.. which is imagining im lying on my beach mat.. with my GUCCI shades.. tanned epidermis.. with glasses of very soothing lemonade.. me and Mr Right (his face blurred) we watch the sun down and the waves crushed the shores.. (of course i have great body.. 6 baby soft packs.. tight buns.. thats what imagination for..) then i fell asleep.. but no.. past few nights i just cant have the same 40 winks feelings..

i kept on thinking.. when i close my eye lids.. i saw flashes.. flashes that give me a jump in my heart.. shivered in my spine.. a weird longing feelings.. a feeling that i hardly flanged and suddenly it come back? what is this? a boomerang? what a waste of my imaginary energy? huh! and now.. its obviously want to stay.. urgh.. lets bet.. how long i need to get rid of these feelings..

i dont know.. whether i should say 'yeay! hurray!' or ' darn! not again!?' huhu.. haha..

when we back in Kelantan (a month ago) chips told me something.. about a guy (kinda cute) keep on approaching her.. although that guy already know chips already in a serious relationships.. then she said.. maybe all this is a test from Allah.. on her loyalty toward her boyfriend.. but i had different perspective of what happened.. i said.. maybe this is a sign from Allah that the one that will be urs and truly urs is that guy.. not her current bf.. she made a very loud shriek! hahaha.. i just confused her.. sorry gal.. hheehe.. but i know.. how hard that guy will try.. she never let her bf down.. she's so damn in love with her bf.. even very far apart.. malaysia - germany.. huh.. i never survive that kind of relationships..

so.. what the point here? haha.. things come with their own meanings.. and own direction.. we dont know what will happen if we choose path #1.. or what will happen if we choose path #2 or what will happen if we do nothing bout it.. it is us to make the meaningless things to become clear.. it is us to make the best decision.. by using both brain and heart.. dont do something that will add up ur misery.. do something like u feel to do it.. not because u have to do it.. i sometimes get messed up with all these.. but thats the beauty of regrets.. i can feel stupid and swear not to do it again.. although i will do it again.. but hey.. no one said that i can only regret once in a lifetime right? but.. im avoiding it.. those regrets felt like shite..

hurm.. its getting late.. 12.37am already.. last time i saw my bed like a very cozy and sexy spot to crawl in was 2 weeks ago.. now.. it looks like a 'false hope' imaginary ship that will take u to a 'false hope' journey.. to meet a 'false hope' prince.. that have samurai hairdo.. haha.. NOT! so my beddy bed.. play nice tonight ok.. i need to wake up early tomorrow..

nite..

and ooh.. listen to this.. maybe it helps..



somebody gave this song to me.. and i sighed with pleasure.. hahaha..

nite again folkz..