Fast Getaway II (1994)

I've been wanting to get to this one for a long time, at least since I reviewed Fast Getaway. The thing with a lot of these early 90s DTV movies is, if they haven't been transferred and distributed onto DVD, they're very tough to find, because they really weren't made to be bought at retail stores so much as to be sold to video rental stores throughout the country, meaning the copies of them available are from those video rental stores selling off their stock.

Fast Getaway II picks up about a year or so after part 1 leaves off. Corey Haim is no longer robbing banks, but rather, working with his business partner, Sarah Buxton, as a consultant to an insurance company, advising banks on how to make their security better. A scary pattern emerges in the wake of their consultations though-- suspicious robberies where nothing is stolen. Haim takes the info to his father, Leo Rossi, serving time in a minimum security facility, and Rossi determines that their old partner, Cynthia Rothrock, is back. But why, and what is she up to? Things only get worse when Haim's pocket knife is stolen and placed at the scene of one of their crimes, leading to him being wanted, and forcing Rossi out of jail and back into action.



This one definitely worked better than part 1, which was all over the place with Rossi having kidnapped Haim when he was young, and then finding his mother-- all kinds of mess. The only odd spot in part 2 came when the FBI agent hunting Haim sexually assaults Sarah Buxton, because it hurt a lot of the levity the rest of the film was going for, and that was really working. Haim was excellent-- one of his better works actually-- and Rothrock and Rossi were very solid as well. This was just a lot of fun.

It's an interesting call as far as Rothrock goes, because she's definitely only a supporting part, but, even more so than in part 1, I like the way her character is presented. Often, Rothrock is shown as undersized and underestimated, having to prove her way and kicking guys' asses who don't take her skills seriously. This was totally different. She's dangerous, not undersized or underestimated, and none of the guys want anything to do with her for fear of what she'll do. It's a very different kind of bad ass from what she is when she's the hero.



Anyone who wants to make the argument in favor of Haim over Feldman in the two Coreys debate would have a strong case right here, because Haim brings it. He's funny, charming, quick, and always hits his mark. This is vintage stuff. According to imdb, he has a lot of out there in the DTV world that I have left to do, so we'll see if I can't get to some of those in the future. This movie has definitely made me hungry for more Haim.

I think I've said in a few other posts that I don't get Leo Rossi. Well, after Fast Getaway II, it looks like I finally do, because he makes plenty of sense here. It feels like, because this is a sequel, and hence the role was now written with him in mind, the part was tailor made for him, which allowed him to shine. I know Mr. Kenner at Movies in the Attic has wanted me to get to more of his Relentless movies, especially part 1, which features Judd Nelson. Hopefully sometime soon, but I know how I am with things like that-- two years from now I'll be doing another Leo Rossi film and saying the same thing. (As it stands, I've done Dead On: Relentless 2, which stars DTVC Hall of Famer Miles O'Keefe.)



Fast Getaway II was shot entirely on location in Tucson, AZ, which isn't the same as Utah and Colorado, but still another Four Corners state. I've noticed that a lot of states lately have been pulling out the welcome wagons for movies to be shot there-- Louisiana, Michigan, and Massachusetts come to mind-- but back in the 90s when this was made, Canada was the ideal location, so to see one shot here in the States, and in a State like Arizona, or Utah and Colorado before it, is really cool. There is a lot more to the US than just New York and LA.

This is a tad expensive used from Amazon, but if you can find it for $5-- including shipping-- I'd pull the trigger. Other than that one weird moment with the FBI agent and Sarah Buxton, this is a great action comedy that really works with all of the actors delivering great performances.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109773/

Lost Boys: The Thirst (2010)

I went back to the archive, to over two years ago, to read my review of Lost Boys: The Tribe. I liked it, but not too much, and I was stuck with a feeling of "why was this made?", similar to the feeling I had after seeing Star Wars Episode I. Anyway, I had forgotten all about that review when I saw Lost Boys: The Thirst pop up on my Netflix queue, and was just excited to see what Feldman had in store for us this time.

Lost boys: The Thirst had Corey Feldman as Edgar Frog, living in a trailer that's being foreclosed on, and he needs some cash. When a hot stranger with a British accent comes to him hoping she can save her brother from vampires, at first he declines, but then he thinks about it, and decides it might be worth a go. Word on the street is, he can get a shot at the head vampire, the Alpha, the oldest of all time. He wants his brother Alan's help, but Alan's a vampire, so he can't count on that. He turns to a coquettish comic book store owner who has a thing for him instead. Can they take down this ultimate baddie?



Wow, this was the bomb. Totally got it right. As good as we can expect. Tongue-in-cheek in the right parts, bloody in the right parts, and awesomely Feldman in the right parts. This just got it, and because it got it, I loved it. There were great jokes about the Twilight series, reality TV, bloggers, and comic book buyers. The story and acting did a great service to the original, and I think fans of the original will like this one much more than Lost Boys: The Tribe. It also hits a perfect 81 minutes long. This was just a lot of fun, what you're looking for from a DTV Lost Boys movie.

This is one of those hybrid action/horror/comedy films, so I'm not sure I can classify it as strictly horror for the sake of this paragraph, but I'll try anyway. When I first started this site, I was drawing from a much larger scope of films than simply 1980s-90s bad action. My friends and I growing up loved all genres of low-budget DTV movies, from Sci-Fi like Cyberjack, to action like Showdown in Little Tokyo, to comedy like Ski School, to horror like Bad Taste and Street Trash. In fact, the horror was perhaps a bigger part of the picture than action films were. What happened along the way, though, as the blog grew in popularity, a lot of the energy in the comment threads came for the action films, and it was on the basis of that momentum that I started picking movies. Particularly big are those comments I get where someone comes in and is like "I loved this or that part, this is one of my all time faves, I love this or that actor", which is great, and I just don't get those in the horror films. I do know that I have a lot of horror followers, only they're not as vocal, and that's fine; it's just hard to ignore that energy, and because it mostly comes from the action films, that's why a huge percentage of my reviews are of action movies.



Corey Feldman really brings it here. He doesn't take himself too seriously, but he knows when to be funny, and when to play it straight and let the atmosphere do the humor for him. This is a huge change from his early days in comedic films like Busted and National Lampoon's Last Resort. There's still a lot he did in the 90s that I could go to for future posts, but I'm not sure how much I should, considering the odds are good it won't be as good as this. I think we're all rooting for Feldman and dig that he's made good now, and I can't wait to see what's next.

This film introduces an interesting dichotomy between two types of woman: the absolute hottie that's probably unattainable, and when she comes calling, a guy like Edgar Frog should be suspicious; and the cute comic book chick, who may not be as gorgeous as the hottie, but doesn't do so bad in the looks department herself, and also happens to know tons about comic books and other nerdy stuff. The idea, of course, is that the hottie is dangerous, while the cute comic book chick is innocuous, and the safer bet. This film follows that logic up until the end, when they show that even the comic book chick has an edge-- that she may not be that innocuous after all. I like that, when DTV movies do a decent job depicting their female characters in more rounded ways. It's an easy way to add depth that takes very little time, yet is seldom done.



Finally, we all watch this film with a heavy heart, knowing Corey Haim no longer with us. He actually turned down a role in this with a plan to appear in a fourth installment. We see him in flashback shots from the very first film, and it's eerie to think Feldman as Edgar Frog is mourning the loss of his friend, when soon after the real Feldman would be mourning the loss of his real friend. This film, for as much fun as it is, does bring home the fact that Haim didn't make it with us, and didn't get to enjoy this too.

This is an excellent movie. I'm upset that I had to wait over a month for Netflix to get it, but they have it now, so if you have Netflix, have at it. It's been since Titanic II that I've seen a new movie that got it as much as this one did, and I'm glad I had an opportunity to review it and tell everyone about it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1400526/

Fast Getaway (1991)

I first saw this who knows how long ago when I rented it. Corey Haim, why not, right? I didn't like it, but when I started the DTVC three years ago, it was one I really wanted to review. The only problem: it's not available on DVD. I guess I can kind of see why, considering it was rather unremarkable, but it was still quite an impediment. Anyway, just recently, I found it used on VHS at a local record store (along with Lady Dragon), so that wasn't a bad deal.

Fast Getaway is about a father and son bank robbing team (played by Leo Rossi and the late Corey Haim) plying their trade in the pristine mountains of Colorado and Utah. When they have an acrimonious split with their partners Cynthia Rothrock and Ken Lerner, they strike out on their own, only to be set up when Rossi agrees to go along with a heist Haim insists on doing. While in jail and waiting for Haim to break him out, a mysterious woman played by Welcome Back Kotter's Marcia Strassman comes to take Haim in. At the same time, Rothrock and Lerner, with Rossi out of the way, want to get their hands on Haim to force him to help them with their next heist.



Before I get into whether or not I liked this, let me take a moment to discuss the recently departed Corey Haim. I think I speak for everyone in our generation in saying that Haim and his friend and oft co-star Corey Feldmen were true staples of the 80s. We grew up watching these guys, and at least for me, they played a big part in my eventual love of movies. What's saddest about Haim's passing was that it didn't come when he and Feldmen were has-beens or poster children for Hollywood youth gone wrong; it came when he was making his way back to some form of relevance. I just remember watching License to Drive twenty years ago (it's crazy to say that!) and thinking how cool and amazing LA was, and how we here in Maine, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts had nothing like that-- and I associated that world with Haim, with no clue that that world he inhabited on screen was killing him off-screen.

All right, as far as Fast Getaway goes, I guess I was left with this feeling, both now, and all those years ago when I first watched it, of what was that? First off, was I rooting for Rossi, who kidnapped his son when he's an infant and made his living by sticking a gun in people's faces and scaring and humiliating them? I can see that maybe this was some kind of comedy, but again, it was just too weird and depraved for me to laugh at it too much. A lot of these things could've been mitigated had Haim not been Strassman's son, or had Strassman abandoned her son, instead of Rossi running off with him. And she seemed pretty fine with that after all was said and done, which was even weirder for me.



Rothrock wasn't bad. She's not in it much, and a lot of her martial arts work is done for show. I got this more for Haim than I did for Rothrock, but as the only DTVC Hall of Famer in the film, she needs a mention. I'm looking to get after it a little more with some of her better work that's only available on VHS, starting with Tiger Claws. One thing I often try to do is strike the balance between new DTV films, and catching up on a lot of the old favorites that got me into this, and I'm sure got a lot of you, the readers, into checking me out. What often happens, though, is those new ones are much more readily available, and as such, the great older classics get lost in the shuffle. It's definitely something I'll be working on in the future.

I've never got the whole concept of Leo Rossi. (I could see him potentially reading this saying "oh my God, I'm a concept now?") I don't know, he's just never worked. It's like he's Robert Z'Dar with a smaller face, which in my mind, defeats the point. It probably also doesn't help that his character in this film was wholly unsympathetic. I know Mr. Kenner at Movies in the Attic has been trying to get after me to review the Relentless series, so maybe I'll grow to understand just what Rossi is all about through those, but I doubt it. (By the way, I did review Relentless 2: Dead On because it has DTVC Hall of Famer Miles O'Keefe.)



One thing I loved about this was the Colorado landscape in the background. I'm actually going out there in September to hit some mountains with a friend, so this just got me even more pumped. I understand that financially, filming in Sofia or Vancouver is probably a better bet, and don't get me wrong, those places have great natural landmarks as well, but there's just something about a movie taking the best America has to give and really showcasing it. It's not about a rah-rah jingoism or Toby Keith put a boot in your ass kind of thing, it's just about taking advantage of the great backdrop we have right in out enormous backyard, and letting the world in on a US that's more than just New York, LA, Chicago, or Texas.

I have to admit, I can kind of understand why this isn't available on DVD yet. I can see where it wanted to be charming, quirky, and funny, but in the end it gave us a very unsympathetic figure in Leo Rossi's character, did a bad job of making him someone to root for, and from there the rest of the film fell flat.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101857/

Prayer of the Rollerboys (1990)

When RepoGenetic sent me the Universal Soldier: Regeneration screener and a copy of Drive, he also included this bad boy. I had been looking for an opportunity to review it for some time, and with Sutekh's Space Chase last night, I figured this was as good a week as any to make it happen.

Prayer of the Rollerboys takes place in the future after the US economy has collapsed, turning it into a Third World country. In LA, gangs have emerged amid the chaos, and one of them, the Rollerboys, has become very powerful. Led by the be-mulleted Gary Lee, they preach hate and a pure white America owned by Americans. Corey Haim is another Rollerblader trying to make ends meet and keep he and his younger brother out of the dreaded homeless camps, when he saves a Rollerboy's life. Turns out he grew up with Gary Lee, they're old pals, and he wants Haim to join. First Haim says no, but when his younger brother joins up, he instead takes the police up on their offer to join undercover for them.

This was a very interesting movie. How interesting? At moments I forgot I was watching Corey Haim. I'm serious. The idea of the US becoming a Third World country with the rest of the world picking our bones of course is unrealistic--as we go, so does the rest of the world--and some of the things, like Harvard being transported to Japan, were pretty silly; but as a what if concept, it was pretty interesting. My favorite scene was the one where the Rollerboys are feeding starving kids out of their van while inundating them with propaganda through their comic books. It's a common occurrence in the world to see anti-government groups provide all kinds of social needs programs that the government in power should be providing but can't or doesn't, from food and schooling, all the way to public transportation. It was a cool touch of realism. There were some bad parts, like Haim's kid brother was annoying, and some of the acting and dialog was off, but overall it was interesting enough for me to get past that.

This is our first Corey Haim film sans his partner in crime, Corey Feldman, that we've reviewed here at the DTVC. I've got some other ones in the queue that I could go to, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. On IMDb he was listed as having 9 films in various stages of production, meaning the Two Coreys show did its job and got Haim back in the business somewhat. This 1990 version of him, twenty years younger, is kind of the vintage Haim we're used to, and it's hard for me to imagine him cast in more age appropriate roles today. At 39, he could play a very believable dad to a 15-year-old in a film. Can you imagine that? Not when he's 19 in Prayer of the Rollerboys I can't.

Speaking of playing parent to older children, Medium's Patricia Arquette is in this as a fellow undercover cop/Haim's love interest. Prayer of the Rollerboys was three years before True Romance, which is probably the film we most know her for prior to her role on Medium. There's no doubt, she's pretty hot. I wonder if she was star struck working with Haim at that time. I wonder if anyone would be starstruck working with Haim now. I know Arquette wouldn't be, but like an actress just starting out. I wonder if I'd be starstruck if I met Haim. I'd have to be, I grew up in the 80s.

Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like a Hole" played in the background of one of the party scenes. You often don't get mainstream music used in indie films like this, so it was really cool. I was trying to remember how mainstream the song was in 1990 though. I couldn't remember if it was on MTV during the day, or only during 120 Minutes. I love NIN, especially that song.

New England is Dunkin' Donuts country, which is kind of too bad, because we miss out on some other greats, like Krispy Kremes. As such, the Dunkin' Donuts product placement made me a little uneasy. You can't go two miles in any direction without seeing a Dunkin Donuts somewhere, which is somewhat disconcerting, so at the very least, I hope my DTV movie watching will at least allow me to escape, and it's there too... God I need some Krispy Kremes...

This is an interesting movie. At 90 minutes, it's not much of an investment in time, it's got Haim, which is always good. Sure, there were some bad parts, but as a concept it was cool enough to work--at least for me. There is some suspension of belief necessary, though. If you're expecting a film based in legitimate macroeconomics, you may want to look else where.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102703/

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Busted (1997)

I was looking up movies with the two Coreys on Netflix, and found this potential gem. We're talking Corey Feldman's directorial debut. Not only that, but according to imdb, this is his only job as director, until 2008's Bloke Goes to Hollywood, which is in post-production right now. I figured this had to be good.

Busted is about a small beach side town in California that has no crime and a bored police staff. In order to clean up prostitution, they have decided to run a brothel inside their jail. Feldman is the second in command, and when his boss is suspended so the department can be audited, it's up to him to keep the sex-for-money under wraps so they can all keep their jobs. Corey Haim is barely in it.



This is like a Skin-a-max style comedy, with lots of sex and nudity, and some really bad jokes. We're talking jokes on the level of National Lampoons Last Resort, also starring the Coreys. The music was awesome, especially the title song that plays at the beginning. Really bad rock with a guy who sings like someone making fun of Bob Seger. The issue I tend to have is that making fun of comedies can be a challenge, like the guys at MST3K said when they took on Catalina Caper. While at moments it's fun to mock the bad humor, at other times it just hurts.

I liked Feldman as a director, though I'm not sure how much effort goes into directing a de facto Skin-a-max flick. I'm curious to see what the next one's like. I like Feldman in general, and I try not to get too down on him for the bad movies he did during the nineties. He was still trying to eke out his living as an actor after the industry had labeled him a pariah. But as a comedic actor, he was still trying to find his instrument, and the growing pains showed, as we felt them too in every bad joke we had to endure.



Corey Haim, on the other hand, is second billed, and barely in the film. His drug issues were probably the culprit, but it's interesting how Feldman mitigates the problem of having someone who was supposed to have a major role suddenly appear in only a couple scenes. When Haim pops up, all the characters interact with him like he's been there the whole time, and we as an audience are supposed to buy that, I guess. Either that, or should we care, especially if we're watching a Corey Feldman directed Skin-a-max comedy.

One person I wouldn't expect in a Corey Feldman directed Skin-a-max comedy is Elliott Gould (spelled with one "T" in the credits). I wonder if he sat in his trailer thinking "I was in M*A*S*H damn it! I've been nominated for an Oscar!" I wonder if he even had a trailer. He plays a game show host for a dreamlike game show called Would You Believe? that pops up whenever Feldman has to lie to someone. Not only does he mail it in, but he doesn't even use first class postage.



I was wondering how I'd use my last paragraph before the final conclusion. Todd Bridges is in this, spending most of the movie in a jail cell, and I thought that would be funny to comment on, but also maybe too easy. Then there's Feldman's simplistic view of prostitution being something that's not so bad because it's not hurting anyone, but I felt commenting on that would be too soapboxy, and who wants to read that. I decided on discussing Feldman's partner, who looks like Jacoby Ellsbury, star five-tool outfielder for the Boston Red Sox. If you're someone who hates the fact that all the Boston teams have been winning lately, this Ellsbury lookalike might be too much for you. Me, having grown up an hour away from Boston, obviously like that the teams are winning, but I am a little guilty and a little embarrassed about the way some of the bandwagoners in New England have suddenly become huge sports fans. Just know that not all Boston fans are obnoxious, and some of us understand why everyone else was rooting for the Giants in last year's Super Bowl.

Unless you're a hardcore Two Coreys fan, stay away from this one. Maybe if you really like to make fun of bad movies, and you want the challenge of a bad comedy, you might put this on your Netflix queue. I will say it is a different ball game than making fun of bad horror and bad action, so if you've got some experienece under your belt and think you're ready for the next challenge, this would might be the way to go.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115791/

Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

I was definitely curious to catch this the moment I got wind of it. I was all the more interested after the episode on The Two Coreys dealt with it. Then, when it showed up on Netflix, and it listed Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, I was stoked. This is like a Direct to Video Connoisseur's dream-- potentially.

Lost Boys: The Tribe takes place in the current, where a disgraced surfer and his sister move out to Cali to start a new life. They meet up with some vampires and Corey Feldman, reprising his role as Edgar Frog. The sister drank some blood from the head vampire, and the only way to keep her from being a vampire is to kill the head vamp before she feeds. Not an easy task, but the surfer dude wants to save his sister, and Feldman can't stand vampires, so they get down to business to take care of things. Haim is only in it in a short scene during the credits, and two deleted scenes.



You know, this wasn't half bad. Okay, the first thirty minutes kind of sucked. Then Feldman shows up, talking in a fake, tongue-in-cheek, gruff voice, and the movie changes from there. Tons of blood, which I loved. A fair amount of Feldman, which was good. And the film seemed to have a sense of humor, which worked. If you can make it through the first thirty, then next hour's not bad.

Feldman was good in this. It takes a second to realize the gruff voice is a put-on. I can understand, though, if someone is annoyed by it, so proceed at your own peril. On The Two Coreys, he made it sound like he was only offered a cameo, but he's in it a fair amount. Haim, on the other hand, is pretty much not in it, and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. In the two deleted scenes that have him, his acting is pretty bad. He's like an athlete hosting Saturday Night Live. That's kind of disappointing. Hopefully he'll be better in the future.



The head bad guy was Angus Sutherland, Donald's son, and Kiefer's half brother. I'm not sure if they used him because of the connection with the earlier film, but he was horrible. When he talked, I thought maybe he was French or something, and English was his second language. I read nothing on imdb to suggest that, though, so that just means he sounded like a moron. His speech was kind of slurred and the words all ran together, like he might have been a glue sniffer at one time. What kind of a head bad guy is that?

The hero was played by some dude that was Stiffler's brother in one of the American Pie direct to video sequels. His little sister is played by the girl that replaced the main girl on The OC. One thing that's interesting is that she's like a year older than him, but is supposed to be younger and needing his protection. As a main protagonist, he wasn't that great, and it begs the question: why was he cast at all? It didn't seem like Haim and Feldman were that busy.



And that brings me to my final point. Sure, this movie was fun after it got going at the 30 minute mark, but after it was all over, I found myself wondering why it was ever made. This was the same feeling I had after leaving the theater when Star Wars I came out. I mean, I understand wanting to trade on the Lost Boys name to make some cash in the DTV market, but you had Feldman and Haim right there, why not make a real sequel? I guess there's supposed to be a third one that rectifies that issue, so I don't know.

You can rent this. It's really not that bad. Feldman's good in it, so if you like him like I do, that's a decent reason. If you were really into the first one, you may not like this at all, though. It tries to tie things in, like the Sisters of Mercy song, which seems kind of forced to me, and might piss off a die-hard. I know this review sounds kind of wishy-washy, and I apologize for that. I guess I liked it, but I'm not sure I recommend it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1031254/

Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995)

Back in high school, this was one of those, it's on Cinemax all the time, and every time we're at so-and-so's place, and he's got Cinemax, we're watching it. I'd probably seen this like 5 times total if you add up all the times I'd seen half of it, or the first fifteen minutes, or whatever, and put them all together. I decided, through the magic of Netflix, to watch it all the way from the beginning to the end in one sitting.

Dream a Little Dream 2 picks up where the first one left off, with our heroes, the Two Coreys, living in LA, with Haim's sister, played by Robyn Lively. Coleman has sent them a pair of magical sunglasses that, when worn, allow the wearer of one pair to control the wearer of the other pair with his or her mind. Naturally, some baddies want the glasses, and Haim is somehow caught between them and framed for the theft of some other sunglasses at the sunglasses store he works at. Now Feldman and Lively must find the magical sunglasses, find the stolen unmagical ones, and clear Haim's good name. In the process, they fall in love.

This is classic Two Coreys post the big fame. It's awesome. There's a hint of Lost Boys and License to Drive, mixed in with a dash of the boys have grown up. This is much better than the too silly National Lampoon's Last Resort, and the too silly thriller Blown Away. This is vintage 80s Two Coreys for the mid-nineties.

In the Two Coreys debate, I've always been a little more partial to Feldman. This has only been reinforced by watching The Two Coreys reality show on A&E. As such, the fact that this film has way more Feldman than Haim is a total plus for me. Even funnier is the way Haim and Feldman seem to mimic their real life selves with Haim as the irresponsible one and Feldman as the one with his shit together. Even though Lively plays Haim's sister, making her not available to Haim, it makes sense that Feldman gets the girl.

Like Meatballs 4, this film also mocks Feldman's one time obsession with the King of Pop. Here, Haim gets Feldman to put on the pair of glasses that gives the other person control, and Haim has him dress and dance like Michael Jackson. I'm not sure if Feldman takes himself too seriously now to pull this off, but I think any future filmmakers should consider having Feldman do this in their movies. I'd love it.

There is one drawback to this film, though: if you're not a huge fan of the Two Coreys, this isn't much fun. In terms of plot and action and humor, it's like watching the Bloodhound Gang without the charm and the fact that it was the Bloodhound Gang. I'm such a huge Two Coreys fan, so I could get past how dumb this was. Make sure your audience is a fan too, or you'll have some bored people on your hands.

If you haven't seen this, and you dig the Two Coreys, it's gotta be on the top of your list. This also fits well in a Two Coreys film fest at the end of the first night, right after Lost Boys and Dream a Little Dream one. If you don't dig the Two Coreys, avoid this, it won't do you any good.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109666/

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Blown Away (1992)

There are a few Blown Aways out there. I was drawn to this one specifically because it was rockin' the two Coreys. How can you not want to see a film that has them in it? Did you not like License to Drive? I didn't think so.

Blown Away is about two brothers, Haim and Feldman, who work at a ski resort somewhere in Canada. Haim falls for Nicole Eggert, and a romance ensues. She convinces him to help kill her dad. At the same time he's dumped the chick who played Claire on 90210. Feldman scoops her up, but she dies too, after a horse accident. Now Haim's in trouble. All the while, people in the film have expert knowledge of bomb making, and they put these sophisticated devices everywhere. Haim barely survives one, and goes to the cops. Turns out Eggert's hooking up with Feldman. The whole thing ends in a hail of gunfire, with Haim the lone man standing.



This movie has a ton of Corey Haim's buttcheeks. Sure, it has a bit of Nicole Eggert's boobs, pre-implants, and it has some Feldman butt too, if you're into that. But it has more Haim cheeks than I'm sure anyone ever wanted to see. It was way more than I wanted, I know that.

This is your classic suspense thriller schlock, with it's twists and turns and who-do-you-trusts. We get everything from the Haim standpoint, so I guess he's the protagonist. By the end of the movie, I'm not sure any of us care. Also, the film makers seem to think sophisticated bomb making is so easy anyone can do it. People are planting these devices with digital timers and whatnot everywhere. It's ridiculous.

Like many movies with the two Coreys, this one has more Haim than Feldman. I've always been more of a Feldman guy, so I've never understood why this is the case. One of them was in Goonies and Stand By Me, and one wasn't. Just Feldman's Meatballs 4 work alone makes him head and shoulders above Haim. On the other hand, I've met many that disagree with me and say Haim is better. I guess it's open for debate.



Nicole Eggert isn't the hottest chick in this film, it's the girl who played Claire on 90210. I was upset they dumped her so quickly. It's never clear whether she's murdered or not, but the cops in the film think Haim did it. It's never resolved. I imagine she took the role as an actress just starting out, trying to get whatever work she can. She was probably star struck too. Now she probably doesn't even put this film on her resume. At best, she wishes imdb would strike it from the record.

This movie should be on Lifetime Movie Network. That's it. Maybe rent it for the Coreys factor, but that's a big maybe. This is worse than National Lampoon's Last Resort. If you really want a movie with Feldman and Haim, just watch License to Drive again. On the other hand, if you're a veteran bad movie watcher, and you're looking for a challenge, the novelty of the two Coreys might be enough to do it for you. I guess looking back it was for my friends and me; but again, rent it at your own peril.



For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103843/

National Lampoon's Last Resort (1994)

Growing up in the 80s, the Coreys were a pop culture staple. I try my best to get my hands on anything that features one and/or both of them. If I had to chose, I guess I'm more of a Feldman guy, but that's just me.

National Lampoon's Last Resort is about the Coreys, working in Detroit, who are called down to Feldman's uncle's resort island. They have to help it make money fast, because the uncle's evil rival from back when the two made pirate movies together is trying to foreclose on them... or whatever. That's pretty much it.

This is supposed to be a comedy in the vein of Airplane and The Naked Gun. It's not. It's a train wreck from start to finish. The Coreys are the only saving grace, and it's hilarious to watch them make sense of the unfunny script.



As a viewer, we fully understand how bad this is going to be when Feldman reads the letter from his uncle while the two are sitting on a bench in Detroit. Haim asks him how they'll get to the Caribbean island, and Feldman picks up some pellet or something and says "oh, it's one of these", and he slams it on the ground. In a flash they're on the island. Wow.

There were some cool parts. Former First Brother Roger Clinton is in the film for about five minutes as a mob enforcer. I totally dug that. When Corey Haim is first kissed by the chick he's after, he looks at the camera and goes "BOOM!", and they loop it three times in quick succession, go to a shot of Feldman and his uncle, and then give us a fourth one. There's a fish that's supposed to be in a bunch of scenes, and one time it's protruding from Feldman's pants, and he's stroking it. I forgot to mention the uncle is the dude who raises one of the Van Dammes in Double Impact.



There's a lot of bad, though. It's like a big Jay Leno monologue in terms of humor, or maybe the stand-up on Last Comic Standing: it's not as anger inducing as say Kathy Griffin, but at the same time, I'm laughing at, not with, any of the jokes, and after five minutes I'm wondering why I'm watching it all. In this case, the answer is the Coreys, of course.

I'd only get this if you're a Corey completist, like me, even though I'm kind of regretting it. If USA still aired Up All Night with either Rhonda Shear or Gilbert Godfrey, you'd be able to see something like this without the monetary risk. I guess now it takes people like me with blogs to warn you off, and unfortunately, that's what I must do: don't buy this, don't rent this, don't do anything with it that involves spending money. I was disappointed.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110629/