Simon Sez (1999)

One night, when I was playing with a Ouija board with some people, we asked it who I was going to marry. I ever so slightly tugged the cursor so it would spell the name Dennis Rodman. No one knew I cheated, but it gained the desired hilarious effect.

I rented this film solely for the Rodman factor. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it had John Pinette and the brunette from Saved by the Bell: The New Class. On the other hand, there was a high pitched, kind of chubby guy by the name of Dane Cook, who was playing his part as the annoying sidekick to the hilt. Seeing him now in ads for Employee of the Month, I don't even recognize him as he was working opposite Rodman. I have to believe he was so annoying in this film because he had no clout in the industry at the time, and felt he couldn't make the character his own. 

Simon Sez is about Dennis Rodman as a secret agent, looking to recover a stolen disc that controls some secret weapon. Cook is the rookie assigned to work with Rodman. The Saved by the Bell chick is the guy who invented the weapon's daughter, I think. There's an unconfirmed gay bad guy trying to gain access to the weapon so he can take over the world. Finally, Pinette along with some other guy play monks, a la the ones in Double Team, who are experts in computers. Luckily for the world, Rodman is on the case, and he saves the day.

This film is amazing. Beyond the Cook character, Rodman shines and Pinette is Pinette. Why Rodman hasn't done more than just his few action roles is beyond me. According to IMDb, he's been doing other projects since Cutaway like the Lingerie Bowl and The Strippers Ball, which I can't help getting behind. On the other hand, he's made for bad action. IMDb says he has three projects finishing up this year, and I hope one of them is as solid as his other three films.

I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but the bad guy is gay. I think it's great, and it definitely fits Rodman's open-minded persona. It's about time gay characters do more than just sing show tunes or act as the female lead's shoulder to cry on in a romantic comedy. They can be bad guys and kick ass just as much as Jeremy Irons or Sir Anthony Hopkins. I wonder if this film influenced the casting directors of the X-Men films to sign on Sir Ian McKellen to play Magneto. It makes sense, no?

If you're a Dane Cook fan, I'd stay away from this. It's nothing like his stand-up or his role in Employee of the Month. This is the kind of part he describes in his memoirs as "paying his dues." Pinette's closer to the Pinette we know in it, though, so if you dig his work, and I know I do, it's worth it for him. I saw him once at Disney World, but I couldn't convince my mom to train the video camera on him for a second, because she was taping my younger siblings getting Mary Poppins' autograph. It was really too bad.

I've seen some bad reviews of this on the Internet, and I just don't get it. Rodman is the coolest thing since sliced bread, what can be better than an action film with him as the lead? I'd buy this at all costs, rent it if you see it at the video store, whatever you gotta do, see this. You can't be disappointed.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0168172/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Cutaway (2000)

When my buddy and I saw this in the video store we knew we had to have it. On the cover we saw Stephen Baldwin, Tom Berenger, and potential first ballot DTVC Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman, which made it a no brainer pick (note: there's a new cover with just Dennis Rodman's face, but all three names on it). We found out later Casper Van Dien is in it too. That makes four kinds of hot right there.

Early in the movie, we get the idea that Cutaway is a rip off of Point Break, replacing surfing with skydiving. We get over that, though, when we see Steven Baldwin's character undercover with this great beard. Unfortunately he dumps it, much to the viewer's chagrin.

If you understand the Point Break paradigm (used also in the hit Fast and the Furious), then you already know what's going to happen, and I won't waste my time telling you. The chick that Baldwin falls for is hot in a not-so-in-your-face kinda way, which is refreshing for a film like this. It also has Ron Silver as Baldwin's superior, the guy you hire when you can't decide on Al Pacino or Andy Garcia, and can't afford either anyway; and the kid from American Pie who did Tara Reid after the prom.

Of course, I dug the star power in this movie. Stephen Baldwin and Tom Berenger definitely don't mail it in. Neither do Casper Van Dien and Dennis Rodman, they're just not in it enough. I got what I expected from a direct to video rip-off of Point Break. Having the stars gives me, the viewer, a solid starting point from where I can launch jokes.

That being said, I was very disappointed with the lack of Dennis. He's billed as a top star, but he's not in it enough--no where near as much as his other two hits Simon Sez and Double Team. I own the film, of course, because it has Rodman, but only as a completest. If you're a Rodman guy, see it just so you've seen them all, but know the other two are better. I'd also be advised that this film is very montage heavy. I know you really can't show people preparing for a skydiving competition without montages, I just think it's important to note that they're there.

Overall, the star power makes this a worthy choice if you see it at the video store. My buddy and I spent new release money on it, and I eventually bought it for the same price three years later. It's probably worth a dollar or two to rent, or at the most $5 to buy. Definitely TiVo it if it's on a movie channel. You're looking at 100 solid minutes of making fun of Stephen Baldwin, which I think is a pretty good deal. I wouldn't include it in a Rodmanfest, though, unless you stick it in last, after the other two.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0211792/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/