Guyver aka The Guyver (1991)

A while back you may remember I reviewed Midnight Ride with Michael Dudikoff and Mark Hamill. As I was tagging Hamill, I noticed he only had one other film on here, Time Runner. That didn't sound right. I knew I had to have covered The Guyver at some point. Turns out I hadn't. Man, do I have egg on my face.

The Guyver (listed as just Guyver on imdb) is a sci-fi comedy based on Japanese comic books. The idea is that aliens made humans to be the ultimate killing machines. Then they upgraded them so they could turn into large beast like things. Anyway, an ancient alien created a fail safe called The Guyver, which is a suit of armor that bonds itself to a person. Long story short, a college kid gets the armor before the bad aliens that are making people into beasts, and they want it from him. Mark Hamill plays a CIA agent with a moustache.



This movie is great. Tons of fun. It's not very serious, but even as a comedy it's kinda bad, which makes it entertaining both in itself, and to make fun of. I always love guys in monster suits fighting, so you've got that. Mark Hamill in the 'stache is great too. Contrary to what the DVD cover says, he isn't the Guyver. This also has Jimmie Walker. The lines are great, the action is both good and campy, and you've got guys in monster suits-- what more could you want?

When I first saw this, probably fifteen years ago, I didn't get that for the most part it was intentionally silly. To my mind it was utter crap and should be dealt with as such. I think later, when I was five or six years older, I saw it again and got the purposeful humor and liked it more. Now, at thirty, I see where the comedy works, and I see where it's crap, and I'm able to appreciate both. I've always said the hardest bad films to make fun of are comedies, because they're not taking themselves that seriously either. That gives this film an added level of interest, because it's not only an icon of early 90s bad sci-fi, but it's also a comedy, so you know you're a master of the art if you can tackle it.



I have to assume that many of my readers are Star Wars fans. Personally, my favorite alumnus from the series that makes his way onto the DTVC is Billy Dee Williams, but I understand liking Mark Hamill as well. I kinda think he sounds silly, and here with him rocking a 'stache and trying to sound like a tough cop... err CIA agent, it was even funnier. I'm not going to tell you what happens to him in The Guyver if you haven't seen it, but it's pretty funny.



Dy-no-mite! Ain't we lucky we got 'em... Good Times! How can you not love Jimmie Walker? That alone makes this great. Then you got the conehead-like guy, Michael Berryman; scream queen Linnea Quigley; and hottie Asian actress Vivian Wu, who guest starred in a Highlander episode. I wonder if I tagged every movie that had someone who had been in a Highlander episode, how many I'd have. Of course, every Christopher Lambert, Brion James, and Adrian Paul film, so there's a bunch right there.

If you haven't already, you need to see this. This is one of those staples for bad movie fans. Also, if you haven't seen it in a while, see it again. It gets better with age. Probably something that should be in all bad movie collections.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101988/



I saw District 9 last night (yes, I do actually see films in the theater). I was told by some people that it was "awesome". I don't know if that's the word I'd use. Great, intense, thought provoking, yes; but awesome, no. It would be like saying Schindler's List is awesome. If you think visceral metaphors to Apartheid, the Holocaust, Blackwater atrocities in Iraq, or African rebels cutting off arms is awesome, more power to you. Don't get me wrong, the movie was the best I've seen all year, and if you're totally ignorant to the metaphors I mentioned above, you may even think it's awesome. My advice: expect an in your face intro to cultural anthropology delivered in the medium of a sci-fi action film. If you want just a sci-fi action film, go see Transformers instead.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1136608/

Midnight Ride (1990)

This movie was suggested to me by my friend at Movies in the Attic. I liked the idea of a Hitcher remake with Mark Hamill as the baddie and Dudikoff as the hero. It's not available on DVD, so I had to scoop it used on Amazon.

Midnight Ride has Dudikoff as a cop in California whose wife needs a break from him because she thinks he loves his job more than her. While running from him, she picks up Mark Hamill. Funny thing is, Hamill's a psychotic killer, and he's taken a shine to her. His plan, after the killing spree, is to take her to his shrink, played by Robert Mitchum, so she can get some electroshock therapy. Now Dudikoff's not only chasing his wife to get her back, but to save her from Hamill.



This isn't that bad. I'm kind of a cat who, when I'm looking for a Dudikoff flick, I want him beating the crap out of a lot of people, and I didn't get that here. This definitely isn't American Ninja meets The Hitcher, even though it should've been. Hamill was surprisingly good as a deranged killer, but Dudikoff was extremely poor as the average Joe cop that takes heroic risks, but can't kick mad ass the way he could in some of his other films. That was a huge issue for me, because Hamill holds Duds at gunpoint early on, and then ties him to the hood of a car and drives him around. What? Dudikoff can't let that happen, I don't care what kind of character he's playing, and certainly not to a Mark Hamill.

I think what made this worse was the back of the box, which told me "Michael Dudikoff's at the wheel. And all roads lead to action!" Forget the grammatical issues with separating "wheel" and "and" with a period instead of a comma, the line signifies to me Dudikoff kicking some ass. In one scene he's in a diner, and bikers are making fun of him. One of them needed to throw a punch, leading to him taking out like five of them. Instead, he just walked out and nothing happened. Hey, I'm all for a good suspense thriller, just don't tell me I'm getting a Dudikoff beatdownfest when I'm not.



Michael Dudikoff is an interesting figure in the DTVC Hall of Fame. He's not the star Dolph, Van Damme, Seagal, and Lambert are. But for a lot of us, especially the cats who really cut their teeth in bad movies by watching action films of the late 80s early 90s, Dudikoff almost eclipses those other four. They were making mainstream films at that time (I guess not Dolph, but definitely the other three), while Dudikoff was earning a living in DTV. I think that's a good thing, in that when I review his films, the old guard feel like I'm meeting their bad movie needs; but also the new comers to bad movies can be given a road map to explore a real king in the industry that they may not know about.

Mark Hamill was pretty solid as the psycho. I mean, he was pretty creepy and scary, which is what you want. I'm not sure I get the new wave of horror films that go for gore over fear, yet at the same time think they're delivering fear, but this is the kind of movie they should look at when making the Saw 316 or whatever. There's one scene where Hamill offers a girl whose abusive boyfriend he just scared off a ride home. Dudikoff's wife already knows Hamill's a psycho killer, and she's trying to warn the girl. It was just really freaky knowing on that whole ride home that that girl was going to die, and a big part of it was how realistic they made it. I'm generally not a Mark Hamill guy, and I was really hoping for a Dudikoff beatdown of him that didn't happen; but he was good in this film.



As I mentioned above, Robert Mitchum's in this picture. One of my all time favorite actors. Of all the genres he excelled in, I'd say his best were his Film Noirs. If you haven't seen Out of the Past with he and Kirk Douglas, you should. He's only in this at the very end, but he's perfect as Hamill's psychiatrist. He just spoke in this cool, monotone, and it brought me back to some of his older films.

If you're looking for a Dudikoff beatdownfest, like I was, you'll be sorely disappointed. But if you want a decent Hitcher remake, this works. Hamill's no Rutger Hauer, but he doesn't try to be, and he comes off pretty creepy in his own way. Dudikoff, though, was hard to watch considering he didn't deliver the bone-crushing action I'm used to from him, so on that end I can't give it a full recommendation. I'd say if you see it in a VHS bargain bin for a buck or two, go for it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100148/

Time Runner (1993)

This film seems to pop up from time to time on Sci-Fi at 3AM. I saw it a while ago at that time, and it's been on twice since in that same slot. I would imagine a cheesy sci-fi movie with Mark Hamill would do best at that time when World of Warcrafters are burning the midnight oil and need a little background noise. Or, when morons like me scan my program guide for potential horrible movies.

Time Runner starts in 2022, when aliens are invading the Earth, and things look grim. Mark Hamill goes back in time thirty years to find then senator Brion James to stop him from killing funding for a space station that would've prevented the alien ships from attacking. In 30 years, Brion is "World President". Anyway, he meets Rae Dawn Chong, who just happens to be a rogue alien of the same ilk that plans the invasion. Surprising no one, Brion actually is an alien too, and he gets elected for the sole purpose of stopping the space station so his alien boys can invade. Now the question is can Marky Mark and his funky bunch get to the church on time and stop ol' Brion so he doesn't do bad things thirty years later?



This movie is right where it belongs at 3AM. It made zero sense. Hamill lands thirty years in the past, and he suddenly gets these visions of the future. Then, for the convenience of the plot, Rae Dawn can see them too if she touches him. Also, there was nothing particularly alienly about the aliens. It wasn't like they pretended to be humans but looked like aliens with the disguise off. As far as I could tell, they were humans. The only thing that made them less human was they displayed no emotion; but Brion, running for public office, was an exception to that rule. He was very charismatic. I would say, though, that this is a pretty solid cheesy film, and the addition of Mark Hamill makes it pretty fun to watch.

Mark Hamill. What else can you say? The entire movie he seemed to speak in that voice that said: "But I wanna go to Tashi (sp?) station and get some power converters!" It amazes me that the kid who played the young Darth Vader in the new ones hasn't been relegated to the same bad movie fate, because he sucks even more than Hamill. Hamill's at least silly. That other kid was a sulking moron. If Lucas didn't take his new bad Star Wars movies so seriously, he should've just cast Hamill as the young Vader. I like that better.



The late Brion James is so amazing as the World President. I never thought anyone could be cooler than the Jerry Spring pres in Defender with Dolph Lundgren. Even if he is a sinister alien masquerading as a politician, I'd still vote for him. As in many films that feature Brion James, though, he's not in this too much. That's too bad, because he really outdoes himself in this role as a man running for, and eventually winning, public office.

Rae Dawn Chong is in this, and she doesn't sport her classic poofy hair. Instead she has a kind of bob cut that just goes past her ears. On the one hand, it looks better, but on the other, it doesn't feel like it's Rae Dawn Chong. People watching this will be like: "That's not the same chick from Commando!" Or Soul Man. Cut it out with the Saleisha from America's Top Model hair-do, Rae Dawn, we expect it big and poofy. (I have a roommate that watches that show, honest!)



In order to amp up the geek factor here, I'm going to mention some Highlander: The Series connections this film has. Rae Dawn Chong, you may remember, played a young immortal who was a savant musician. Brion, of course, played the ogre-ish fur trapper who made good a century later after a local school teacher in the 1800's taught him to read. Also, Gordon Tipple, who plays the local airplane mechanic that helps Hamill and Chong get to James was the hangman in the episode where the businessman blackmails Duncan. It's not like it's all that uncommon to see people who guest starred on Highlander: The Series in one movie, considering how many people were on that show at one time or another; but I just thought it would be cool to add to the Star Wars mentions. Unfortunately, no one in this that I could tell had an appearence on Star Trek, otherwise I could really put this blog into geek overdrive.

This movie is good for the insomniac or person up late writing a paper or something. There's much worse to watch at 3AM in the morning. I'd also go as far as saying give this a look if you see it at the local video store. It's pretty funny in its cheese, and you can't go wrong with Mark Hamill and Brion James.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108342/