The Losers: The Ultimate Review.
Every once in a while a group of people, several countries apart, will all band together in online conversation and debate. The topic of choice today is the 2010 film The Losers. I want you all to sit back, strap in and prepare yourself for not just one but FOUR reviews of a film you had probably forgotten about long, long ago.
Opening the show we have the lovely Cindy Prascik. Cindy and I have been discussing movies since Myspace (google it children). The debate does branch out from film and there has been many a philosophical discussion about the attractiveness of the male and various female forms.
"Dearest Blog, with this entry I shall claim
membership in one of the world's most exclusive clubs: People Who Love the
Losers.
Spoiler level here will be off the
charts, because you've had four years to catch up with this. If you haven’t
seen it yet, read no more until you have! (But, seriously, what are you waiting
for??)
After being framed for mass murder in
Bolivia, an elite Special Forces team hooks up with a seductive con artist to
clear their names and get back home to the U.S.
Dear reader(s), you know me well, do
you not? I like testosterone-fueled action flicks. Bonus points if they're
based on comic books. Double bonus points if they make me laugh, too. The
Losers ticks all the boxes for me.
Let's start with this gifted and
gorgeous cast, shall we? The leader of our merry band of misfits is Clay
(Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Haunted by betrayal and the resulting loss of young
life, he is single-mindedly bent on revenge against Max, the mysterious man who
set up his team. Roque (the dashing Idris Elba) is a headstrong demolitions
expert who often questions Clay's leadership. Communications specialist Jensen
(Chris Evans) and transportation coordinator Pooch (Columbus Short) trade
insults and provide the movie's best comic relief. Finally, there's Cougar (Ơscar
Jaenada), a sniper whose silent charm nearly steals the whole show. Aisha (the
glorious and perfect Zoe Saldana) is a local woman who offers her assistance to
the team...but with her own agenda, of course. The cast is rounded out by an
amusingly deadpan Jason Patrick as Max, and Holt McCallany as Max' clueless right-hand
man, Wade.
The Losers features non-stop action
from the outset. There's a fair bit of carnage, but the tone is mostly
light...quite an achievement considering the movie opens with 25 kids getting
blown up. An early hotel-room fight between Morgan and Saldana is hotter than
most sex scenes. There's a nice comic feel to the film, with beginning and
ending credits done in comic book-style art, and changes of venue announced in
big, sweeping lettering. The movie keeps viewers on the edge of their seats
with plenty of twists, turns, and double-crosses, and, at a quick 97 minutes,
it's smart enough not to wear out its welcome. Three specifics I feel are
noteworthy in the annals of movie history: Wade's spectacular death by airplane
engine, Zoe Saldana wielding a bazooka (*swoon*), and Chris Evans showboating
his way through an a capella version of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'.
Finally, The Losers reiterates the age-old movie message that nothing--and I
mean NOTHING--good ever happens around those dockside container yards.
The Losers clocks in at 97 minutes,
and is rated PG13 for "sequences of intense action and violence, a scene
of sensuality, and language."
I took a peek at my original Losers
review after writing this one. While I hadn't yet adopted the Weasley rating
system at that time, I hit pretty much all the same notes as this one, minus
the spoilers. In 2014, of a possible nine Weasleys, I'm pleased to give The
Losers eight. It's a wild ride with an eminently likable cast and plenty of
laughs along the way, and I remain so, so sorry there isn't a Losers 2 on the
horizon.
Until next time...GO
PETUNIAS!
Ready
for Black Friday at Wal-Mart!!
Next up we have our resident Random Mexican Daniel Hernandez. Daniel is another Myspace alum and together with Cindy we safely made the pilgrimage onto facebook . As a general rule our cinema rotation is similar so whenever our opinions on a film are at opposite ends of the scale it always makes me doubt what I have written in my own review.
"My original review of
The Losers gave it a B- which should probably have been closer to a C or
C+. I honestly can’t contest any of the
myriad of issues the film, Jason Patric, has or it’s unfortunate release date
that placed it near a better film with roughly the same concept. Still, there’s something about this silly
movie that makes it utterly watchable.
Easiest answer is the cast.
Jeffery Dean Morgan and Zoe Saldana have some great chemistry together
each bringing the right amount of cool to the characters. I’m still a tad bit perplexed that Jeffery
Dean Morgan isn’t more of a star, he’s got a gruff kind of charm to him that
translates well on screen. Saldana
meanwhile seems to have just resigned herself to working behind makeup or via
motion capture. Personally I think with
the right material she could be an incredible action star which is kind of
impressive since she probably weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet. Chris Evans may not be believable as a
computer hacker but the guy has always had some great comedic timing. I always kind of thought Evans was destined
for superstardom ever since Not Another Teen Movie so it’s fun to look back
before he hit it big with the Captain America role. Round out the cast with Idris Elba, who
probably should have been the actual villain instead of Patrick, and you have a
film filled with lots of solid actors making a subpar film watchable in spite
of itself.
C+"
It is now Maynard's time to shine. Despite being a post-Myspace friend Maynard has become my go to horror movie guy and is a deservedly prolific blogger. He does slum it from time to time and takes one for the team as we are about to find out with his less than positive review of our subject film.
"At minute
36, this is what two of the main characters say to each other:
"This is a classic." - "Yeah, this is a classic piece of shit."
Okay, they're actually talking about a car, and no, I don't think that "The Losers" is a classic piece of shit, but... *sigh* IMHO it's definitely a classic piece of lame, lousy, loserish cookie-cutter action rubbish.
Based on the DC comic book series of the same name (that I obviously have never heard of before), "The Losers" follows a group of black-ops mercenaries who plan their revenge on their former employers who betrayed them and set them up for death. Sounds like a lot like "The A-Team", huh? Well, actually it's more like "Ronin" meets "The Expendables", and of course, the original 1970s "Losers" comics were created long before the "A-Team" TV series.
Nevertheless, the box office failure of "The Losers" (Ha Ha!) can definitely be blamed on a) Joe Carnahan's 2010 feature adaptation of "The A-Team" which was released shortly after, as well as to b) the still-massive popularity of the "A-Team" brand. Even though it performed below expectations, "The A-Team" (which was released in June 2010) earned about 180 millions world wide (Domestic: 77 millions), while "The Losers" earned only about 29 millions worldwide (Domestic: 23 millions).
I unexpectedly enjoyed the hell out of "The A-Team" and I consider it one of the better action-related films of the last few years - but "The Losers" annoyed the crap outta me. My goodness, now this was really poor. I already gave up after the opening: oh-so-tough-and-cool guys playing silly card games and dropping mom jokes, Ram Jam's "Black Betty" (what an original song choice... yawn), a helicopter full of kids explodes (I don't like kids), a burning Teddy bear (boo hoo), cock-fighting etc. Director Sylvain White ("I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer") just can't decide between fun popcorn movie, grim revenge thriller, over-the-top comic-book insanity or action-drama . Tone and script are all over the place. The characters aren't likable at all...
...and that's just the first 15 minutes.
I have no idea how I made it through the goddamn rest. No idea how I survived Jason Patric ("The Lost Boys") as one of the worst and most unbearable movie villains in history, or Chris Evans ("Captain America") as unbelievably unfunny prankster, saying lines like "These Hot Dogs are delicious!" in a way as if he has never eaten a Hot Dog before. There's tiring amounts of oh-so-cool slow-motion sequences, oh-so-comic-book-like overlaid text and other annoying, unnecessary gimmicks that seem to be in the film only to distract the viewer, so that he doesn't realize how stupid the whole thing it is. There's also hardly any tension, hardly any atmosphere, way too many super-dull dialogue scenes, some really bad choices of music (I fucking hate Journey), the action scenes are rather uninspired and the screenplay is a fucking mess. There is no flow, no coherence. Just a succession of scenes strung together in a... let's say, quite haphazard manner.
"This is a classic." - "Yeah, this is a classic piece of shit."
Okay, they're actually talking about a car, and no, I don't think that "The Losers" is a classic piece of shit, but... *sigh* IMHO it's definitely a classic piece of lame, lousy, loserish cookie-cutter action rubbish.
Based on the DC comic book series of the same name (that I obviously have never heard of before), "The Losers" follows a group of black-ops mercenaries who plan their revenge on their former employers who betrayed them and set them up for death. Sounds like a lot like "The A-Team", huh? Well, actually it's more like "Ronin" meets "The Expendables", and of course, the original 1970s "Losers" comics were created long before the "A-Team" TV series.
Nevertheless, the box office failure of "The Losers" (Ha Ha!) can definitely be blamed on a) Joe Carnahan's 2010 feature adaptation of "The A-Team" which was released shortly after, as well as to b) the still-massive popularity of the "A-Team" brand. Even though it performed below expectations, "The A-Team" (which was released in June 2010) earned about 180 millions world wide (Domestic: 77 millions), while "The Losers" earned only about 29 millions worldwide (Domestic: 23 millions).
I unexpectedly enjoyed the hell out of "The A-Team" and I consider it one of the better action-related films of the last few years - but "The Losers" annoyed the crap outta me. My goodness, now this was really poor. I already gave up after the opening: oh-so-tough-and-cool guys playing silly card games and dropping mom jokes, Ram Jam's "Black Betty" (what an original song choice... yawn), a helicopter full of kids explodes (I don't like kids), a burning Teddy bear (boo hoo), cock-fighting etc. Director Sylvain White ("I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer") just can't decide between fun popcorn movie, grim revenge thriller, over-the-top comic-book insanity or action-drama . Tone and script are all over the place. The characters aren't likable at all...
...and that's just the first 15 minutes.
I have no idea how I made it through the goddamn rest. No idea how I survived Jason Patric ("The Lost Boys") as one of the worst and most unbearable movie villains in history, or Chris Evans ("Captain America") as unbelievably unfunny prankster, saying lines like "These Hot Dogs are delicious!" in a way as if he has never eaten a Hot Dog before. There's tiring amounts of oh-so-cool slow-motion sequences, oh-so-comic-book-like overlaid text and other annoying, unnecessary gimmicks that seem to be in the film only to distract the viewer, so that he doesn't realize how stupid the whole thing it is. There's also hardly any tension, hardly any atmosphere, way too many super-dull dialogue scenes, some really bad choices of music (I fucking hate Journey), the action scenes are rather uninspired and the screenplay is a fucking mess. There is no flow, no coherence. Just a succession of scenes strung together in a... let's say, quite haphazard manner.
Hottie
Zoë Saldana and the cool-as-always Idris Elba deliver solid performances, same
for Jeffrey Dean Morgan, though I think he's miscast and not exactly the best
choice for this role. A few of the more action-packed scenes were quite
enjoyable (like the one with the
helicopter or the rather diverting finale) and although I hated Jason
Patric's character, I chuckled at him saying "It's like giving a handgun
to a six-year-old - you don't know how it's gonna end, but you're pretty sure
it's gonna make the papers."
Yet, overall, this was sooo not my cup of tea. "The Losers" lost me early on and I spent the majority of its run time in a state of annoyment."
Yet, overall, this was sooo not my cup of tea. "The Losers" lost me early on and I spent the majority of its run time in a state of annoyment."
On another day I would be tempted to say that Maynard doth protest too much but alas I do appreciate where he is coming from. This is one of those ridiculous situations were I agree with Maynard but then go on ahead and pretend otherwise. If you have lasted this long then well done you. Last and most certainly least are my own musings on The Losers:
Me:
"The
Losers appeared on our screens in the summer of 2010 and although it did not
set the Box Office on fire it has been regular in my 90min DVD rotation. This is probably a backhanded comment when
you learn what else is in the rotation.
I
have been called out as a lazy blogger in the past and it is a fair
statement. The depth of my laziness runs
much deeper than that as I am also a ridiculously lazy film viewer too. This is
why a film like The Losers gets so much attention from me.
PLOT:
After a helicopter full of children are killed during a covert mission
in Bolivia “The Losers” led by Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s Clay try to find the Max,
(Jason Patric) the man who is responsible for their deaths. Their mission is funded by the mysterious
Aisha (Zoe Saldana) who also wants to kill Max.
The group tracks Max down in LA as he is about to buy four snukes from a
group of terrorists. END PLOT
The
Losers is based on a set of graphic novels written by Andy Diggle which I read prior
to seeing the film. The novels are
thoroughly entertaining and should have easily made the jump from book to
screen especially when Peter Berg, a favourite of mine, is involved. Alas, something didn’t quite work out.
The
original novels were for adults. There
was bad language, blood, humour, death and sex.
The films were watered down to a 12A and lost most of the key
ingredients which would have set it apart from The A Team which was also
released that summer. The 12A rating
does the film no favours and the attempts to make the characters rating
friendly make them almost unrecognisable – there is a throwaway line about
Aisha’s childhood ear collection but this ear collection is actually a big part
of Aisha’s dangerous and let’s face it, slightly deranged, character.
All
of the characters are underdeveloped but do tick off the list of stereotypes
required to make an ensemble action flick – we have the leader (Jeffrey Dean
Morgan), the love interest (Zoe Saldana), the computer geek (Chris Evans), the
driver/MacGyver (Columbus Short), the silent sniper (Oscar Jaenada) and the
betrayer (Idris Elba). The characters
may be weak but the cast do have chemistry which helps to cover over the
flaws.
Any
film with Chris Evans will draw me in but in 2010 there was interest in Jeffrey
Dean Morgan who was still on a high after his brilliant performance as The
Comedian in Watchmen and we must not forget his tenure as “parent of the year”
John Winchester. It has not gone
unnoticed that Morgan’s career has stalled and some of the supporting cast have
gone on to become major A-List success.
Unfortunately
one thing the chemistry of the cast could not hide was the awful Max (Jason
Patric). Max’s danger came from
his calculating intelligence but Jason Patric overacted like crazy and turned
Max into a cartoon character. Patric
appeared to be aiming for confident business villain but it was all a bit
handbags at dawn.
Max’s
evil deeds include shooting an umbrella lady in the head and laughing at a
really short man but his main plot thread involves buying four snukes from
terrorists for a shitload of money and a Ducati. I could be staring down the barrel of a snuke
or “giant vibrating Easter Egg from hell” and I still couldn’t take my
impending death seriously. On paper
snukes may seem more original than nuclear or chemical weapons but on the big
screen it simply doesn’t work. It
doesn’t help that “Four Snukes and a Ducati” sounds more threatening as the
latest hipster band than the terms of an illegal arms deal.
The
action is standard fare but appropriate for the rating. Instead of seeing the burning bodies of
twenty kidnapped children we see a singed bear.
This pretty much sums up the film.
It was a wasted opportunity.
I
know The Losers is an average film, and worse than that, it is a poor
adaptation of a legitimately good set of graphic novels. There will be those who see the film as a
mess that more often than not misses the mark and I won’t be able to launch
into a staunch defence of The Losers as I agree with them. On its own merits The Losers gets 5/10.
BUT
As
mentioned above I can be a very lazy film viewer especially when it comes to
choosing a DVD. I don’t apologise for
picking generic 90min films when I have had a hard day. We all do it.
The Losers fits that bill perfectly which is why I thank it for being
familiar, comforting and for not requiring too much attention or effort. On the basis of me having a bad Tuesday The
Losers gets 8/10."
To sum up; The Losers can either be loved, hated or viewed with a sense of nostalgia for a cast that have gone on to experience huge levels of success (unless your name is Jeffrey Dean Morgan). It can also be viewed by a permanently single female who is likely to be rapped up in a blanket gnawing away at a bar of chocolate the size of a brick.
We are the Four Horsemen of Occasional Collaboration.......Until next time..............