I have this problem that I'm hoping you can help me with. You see, although I may look like an average thirty-something mother-of-two, in reality I am someone that people just can't contain their jealousy around.
Take my freckled arms for example. Some people have a few cute little freckles and they call them angel kisses. But me? I have exactly four gazillion....on each arm. It goes WAY beyond cute and into the realm of other-worldliness. Of course with arms that boast of this much heavenly love, people just can't stop themselves from ogling in jealousy.
Then there's my forehead. Most people don't think much of their foreheads, but mine is so special that it has a name. It's called a Crain forehead and pretty much those of us lucky enough to have inherited it, consider it a sign of our royal pedigree. See below for example:
Prince William has a Crain forehead too.
So now that I've bragged about how I'm practically a super model, I thought I'd show off my latest fashion accessory. It's super expensive and I have to boast a little that this little bling is so exclusive that I'm pretty much the only person I've ever met that has anything even half this cool. Check out this awesomeness....

How awesome is it? Let's just say that it's so awesome that my "fashion" doctor says that I can only wear it for exactly 24 hours or people around me may just start fainting in jealousy. It's not the most comfortable piece of jewelry I've ever worn, in fact I practically gag with every swallow, but you all know what a slave to fashion I am, so I know it's worth every second. In my ever-admirable humility and thoughtfulness to others, I've opted to stay indoors to prevent jealousy fits in any unsuspecting friends and acquaintances. However, I know that you, my dear blog friends, would understand my need to share it here with you. You know since I'm so awesome and nice like that.
Alright, alright....since you're all dying to know how you, too, can bedeck yourself in tubing, wiring, and electronics as attractive as mine, I'll share my source with you. Shhh, don't tell anyone though.
1-800-BEING-SICK-SUCKS (be sure to ask for the 'haven't eaten a real meal in a whole year' version)